Emi - Sacrifice

She pressed her ear as hard as she could to the rough wall next to her bed. Did she hear something? Was it a whisper, a stifled moan, a creak of the bed? Emi moved slightly, assuming a more comfortable position. Silence. Just rustling of wallpaper against her ear. Just that.

However, her resolve was still adamant. On the other side of this wall, Hisao and Rin were having sex.

Emi knew the drill by now – couple of times every week Hisao would go to the female dorm to “help Rin study” – seemingly, nobody cared about a goody-two-shoes student tutoring a local weirdo. Emi was happy to be relieved of some of her duties helping Rin, and Rin herself was looking brighter than ever before. And Hisao also looked refreshed – not like a shadow of a man he was when he first stepped into this school. A win for everybody – except maybe Hisao’s class teacher, who was losing a capable student to carnal lust.

Emi never asked either of them what they were doing – out of respect, of course. She was certainly interested – first of all, as a friend. A friend to both, but primarily Rin. Hopefully, Hisao never made her do anything she didn’t want to, was never rough or too demanding. Sometimes, terrible people hide behind a calm visage… But it wasn’t the case this time. It certainly wasn’t? Emi fell on her pillow, and squinted her eyes as hard as she could. No. Hisao was a great guy – polite, funny, smart. Sometimes awkward, but you can’t ask for everything. Rin was happy. And Emi was, too.

Hisao also seemed to enjoy the company. Rin could be too straightforward, sometimes even manipulative – but she was never deliberately evil, just also awkward. A match made in heaven – although Hisao hated looking like a fool, and sometimes would look like he could explode from shame, and Rin never minded herself. What a pair. Inadvertently, Emi tried to imagine some mishap they could get during sex. Like Rin yawing loudly, for example. She snickered – her friend could definitely do that. Or she could… Emi! Nah, that’s disgusting! She slapped herself on a cheek lightly, laughing.

Another portion of it was, of course, a physical interest. To put it bluntly, Rin had no hands. How was she acting during sex? Did she ever try and initiate it herself? What positions did they try? Emi couldn’t help herself, no matter how hard she tried. That’s the curse of this place. Someone could have had the same thoughts about her, too.

There was the last component. A shameful one. Emi dreaded those thought, but could never run away from them. Sometimes, after going to bed, she couldn’t shoo them away – they kept plaguing her mind, keeping her away from Morpheus’ domain, sometimes driving her to tears.

“Why Rin? Why not you?”

Hisao met them both on the same day. She showed him around on the racetrack, even though he pathetically gave up and limped away that day, choosing that dumb art club. They’ve been together as a trio for a month before she noticed his eyes looking constantly at Rin, and not her. Emi was a leader, she organized their picnics, always decided what they would get at lunch, even invited them both to her house once, to the delight of her mom…

And he chose Rin.

Why?

Emi took a deep breath. Not like she had any particular hots for Hisao, anyway. He was just a guy – an unfortunate soul like her, sent to this damned place because he had to. But still… for some reason, it hurt her. She should’ve been happy for her best friend – and yet, jealousy gnawed on her soul like a parasite.

Emi forced herself to smile. Chin up, girl. There’s gonna be a sunny day for you, too. And it will be unlike that previous bastard!

*

Hisao walked down the stairs into the cafeteria, and almost immediately was greeted by a shout.

“Nakai!” – he heard a high-pitched voice. “Over here!”

He smiled, and turned to the source. Emi was waving a piece of bread at him.

“Come here, we saved you a seat!”

Hisao hastily walked to the table, and extended his hand to high-five Emi. Then, he dropped on a seat, wrapping his hand around her companion.

“Hello to you too, Rin.”

“Hi” – Rin mumbled with her mouth full.

“You ladies look great today.” – Hisao said, unpacking his lunch.

Emi giggled loudly in response. Hisao smiled – he hated eating in cafeteria, it was too loud, but a nice company would light up any place.

“You always sound so fake with those compliments” – Rin finally replied after chewing out her food.

Hisao immediately sulked – his mojo was gone. “You know how to encourage your man, you know that?” – he said to the girl next to him.
Emi giggled again, this time a bit quieter.

“And you know how to sound like you just read a “how to get girls” manual.” – Rin riposted.

“Well, I already got my girl.” – Hisao smiled.

“So how’s Mutou treating you?” – Emi interrupted, hoping not to be left out.

“Terrible.” Hisao waited couple of seconds to look at Emi’s shocked face, and finally laughed. “Nah, all is well. Tells me to pick up some slack, but it looks like he has big plans for me.”

“Living his unfulfilled dreams through his students?” – Rin asked, before taking a sip of her drink through a straw.

“Rin, what are you saying!” – Hisao laughed it off. “He’s a high-profiled specialist teaching in a great school. He’s well paid and…”

“Yeah, I got it. You fell in love” – Rin taunted him.

“Uh-oh” – Emi snickered.

“Yeah, I did. Sorry, your charms weren’t strong enough. I’m moving out this evening”

“Fine with me.”

Joke kinda ran its course, so all three laughed – more out of politeness, not because it was particularly funny. Still, Emi felt a little ostracized. This fake lover’s quarrel had no place for her, and she desperately looked for a new topic. Something other than the weather. Think, girl, think!

“Well, I gotta go.” – Hisao hastily got up.

“What’s with the hurry?” – Emi asked.

“Forgot the English textbook in my room. I could ask someone to share with me, but, you know…”

“We know.” – Rin replied. “You’re shy.”

“Right.” – Hisao once again high-fived Emi, then planted a little kiss on Rin’s cheek. “Lovely seeing you two. Until later then.”

“Later!” – Emi smiled.

“Later.” – Rin smiled as well.

Hisao ran out of the room, leaving girls one-on-one. Food was chomped down, and there was still good ten minutes before the next class started. Emi looked around, and leant toward Rin.

“Pshhh.”

“What?” – Rin replied, unsure what it all meant.

“Rin, can I ask you a personal question?”

“Uhh, you can try.”

Emi mustered her resolve. Did she really want to do it? It’s just a chitchat between girlfriends, nothing else.

“What did you two do last evening in your room?”

Rin did something Emi didn’t think was possible. She blushed.

“I… I’d prefer not to answer.”

“Come on! I won’t tell nobody, you know me!”

Rin averted her eyes. “We studied, okay?”

“Studied what?” Emi grinned. “Anatomy?”

Rin suddenly turned back, her face unusually stern. “Math. Math, okay? So unlike you to pry on people.”

Emi was taken aback. “Uh, sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

Rin got up and left, not saying a word. Emi was used to her outbursts, but this one was so… unreasonable. Was the question so out of line? Couple of times in the locker room Emi discussed boys with Miki, even swapped stories about previous relationships – but that was Miki, of course. You couldn’t compare her to Rin – she had one more arm, and, by the looks of it, a lot less shame. Emi shrugged her shoulders. Okay, she had to apologize.

In the classroom, Rin was sitting at her desk, head down. Emi patted her on the back.

“Sorry.” – was all she said.

Rin raised her red face to her. “No, it’s me who should say that.”

Emi hugged her friend over the shoulder. Rin’s back quickly lost tension.

“I’m just… not comfortable talking about it, okay? I don’t know why. Feels like betraying someone.”

“I understand.” Emi brushed Rin’s hair. “Friends?”

Rin giggled. “Should’ve asked you for a bento or something before accepting your apology.”

Emi sighed. “Why do I even bother with you?”

*

The day was nearing its end. Emi was halfway through her last lap when she noticed a waving silhouette near the finish line. One unmistakable unruly piece of brown hair standing up on the head. Hisao.

Emi accelerated, and crossed the line like she was beating the Olympic record. Panting and wheezing, she turned to the boy, who was seemingly in awe.

“That was… amazing.” – Hisao said. “You flew right past me.”

“Th-thanks.” – Emi smiled, and grabbed a bottle of water. “What brings you here, Nakai?”

“Um…” – Hisao clearly didn’t know how to start. “I mean… I wanted to apologize.”

Emi was surprised. “For what?”

“For Rin.”

“Oh.”

They stood there in awkward silence for good fifteen seconds.

“Well, we already made peace, you know.” – Emi finally said.

“I know.”

Another silence. Hisao wanted to be an agent of de-escalation, but at this point he was feeling like he was making the situation worse. In his head, he had several things he wanted to say while walking here, but he seemingly forgot all of them.

“I, uhh… Just wanted to check on you also. Rin is fine already, she went back to the dorm. I wanted to make sure you were also good.”

“Well, I am. – Emi smiled.

“That’s great. We can all go back to being a family know, right?” – Hisao laughed.

“Why her?”

Emi’s tongue was faster than her brain. Hisao was stunned for a second.

“What?”

The ship has sailed. Emi mustered her courage one last time.

“Why her and not me?”

Hisao bit his fist, looking away. He looked like he would rather fall through the ground than answer.

“I can live like a third wheel for the rest of my life, or I can ask you right now. Why her and not me?!” – Emi almost yelled.

“I, uhh… I prefer green eyes?” – Hisao mumbled.

“Very funny joke, Nakai.” – Emi replied, this time quietly.

Hisao took a deep breath – probably the longest in his life. He finally raised his eyes to meet Emi’s.

“You know, when I met you two… You both are wonderful girls. But Rin looked like the one who needed someone. A guidance, if you will. You are much more independent, mature, if you will. It’s just… Call it a Messiah complex, whatever. Call it choosing an easier target. There.”

Emi smiled again, this time through tears. “Thank you”.

Hisao had nothing to say.

Emi turned around, and started walking towards the dorm. She heard footsteps behind her.

“Something else?” – she asked, turning her head.

“Well, I was going to see Rin, so…”

Emi charged away, sprinting towards the dorm. Away, as far as possible, as soon as possible.

*
She was once again in her bed. After taking a show, she gathered herself for five minutes to get out and walk by the damned door.

Not a sound from behind it.

Hopefully, dumbass got the message and didn’t come today.

Emi punched the wall. Hard. Then again, bruising her knuckles.

Idiot. What a fucking idiot.

She couldn’t be in this room anymore. Not today, at least. She will probably ask Miura to swap tomorrow. A weird request, sure, but Miki would probably agree – she mentioned how she liked the view out of the window.

Knocking on the door dragged Emi out of her somber thoughts. A particular one – with a knee, not fist.

“Come in” – Emi mumbled, trying to sound as usual as possible.

Rin strolled it, closing the door behind her. Not saying a word, she laid on the bed next to Emi.

“Hi” – she finally said.

“Hi” – Emi replied, before bursting into tears.

They just laid there in silence. Emi wrapped her hands around Rin, unsure she knew anything about the exchange at the track, unsure she understood the situation at all. This didn’t matter. Rin was just a friend today. Her best friend.

She’s going to persevere. She’s going to act like nothing has ever happened. Tomorrow, they will once again all be friends.

If not for herself, then for Rin, at least.