warning for sexual assault, sexual abuse, trans fetishization

I had first met Kevin because I followed most top players on twitter and he had made some really depressed tweets. I tend to reach out when I see that so I left a reply saying I'd listen if he wanted someone to talk to. He took me up on that and started talking to me, venting about his ex (who was a trans woman at a time) that had cheated on him and his struggle to get over it and I was understanding and friendly. However he'd repeatedly talk about me being trans and admitted he had a fetish for trans women, although I was young and didn't think much of it. We flirted a bit because I did like the attention- back then although I had a gf it was partially open and flirting online wasn't a problem.

We'd known each other for about a year and a half and met once at Smashcon, when KPAN said he wanted to go to Genesis 5 but didn't have the money for a hotel. I offered he could stay with me and he took me up on that, however, he knew it was platonic. We got along well and that night we shared my large bed. Which was definitely a stupid idea on my part but I was a dumb 20 year old who genuinely believed he wouldn't do anything and was just excited to be close friends with a top player who was older than me and I sorta looked up to even if I gave him lots of emotional support.

He started to caress me very soon after the lights went out and I froze up in surprise and wasn't sure what to do, but when his hands started getting near my breasts and panties I told him he can't do that. He backed off and said sorry a bunch but then after a bit started doing it again, and at that point I just let him because he hadn't listened to no the first time and I was sorta freaking out. He kept praising my body and going on about me being trans until eventually I was buttered up enough that although I was scared, I gave him a blowjob. It should be mentioned that something he knew about me is I had been sexually abused a LOT by older men and I had a complex that made me struggle when older men praised me. The way he was talking to me I feel he was taking advantage of that intentionally but it's hard to be sure.

After a bit he got on top of me and started trying to have anal sex with me but I didn't want to. He asked me if I had lube and although I did I said no because I was terrified of outright saying I didn't want it. He then started trying to force it in raw but when I started to cry he backed off.

After the heat of it all and I had calmed down I felt mortified and depressed. In my mind I was entirely to blame for what had happened and I had just cheated on my girlfriend, but Kevin insisted that it was different and it was okay, but quickly realized that I was super fucked up by all that had just happened.

In the morning we drove to genesis and it was an awkward drive. Both of us were really stiff and I pretty much said that I just want to make last night have never happened and he agreed that we'd just pretend it didn't exist. I was kinda out of it at Genesis and left early and  only came back to pick up Kevin.


That night I thought he understood how much he'd hurt me and wouldn't do it again, but it was almost immediate that he started touching me. I burst into tears and when he saw how hurt I was he lay on the ground for the rest of the night. In the morning he got his stuff and left by Uber, idk where he stayed the rest of the tournament. I didn't go back the rest of the tournament and since then have struggled to get myself to tournaments because of the trauma.

For the longest time I blamed myself and felt like an awful cheater, but I was diagnosed with PTSD and started to realize even if I made mistakes, I was a victim that he had manipulated and was treating as a replacement for his trans ex. We talked a few times over twitter and although he gave a few apologies then tended to insincere and when I got mad at him he got rude and defensive, and seemed to fundamentally believe he hadn't done anything that bad no matter what I said.

After about a year of sitting on it, not wanting to tell anyone, he made comments that really made me feel he hadn't changed. The first night was bad enough, but I was willing to believe that he had just gotten the wrong signals and wouldn't be a problem again. But the second night, him touching me evven see how distraught I was and KNOWING that it would fuck me up still did so. It showed me that he CANNOT control himself, especially around trans girls, and he wouldnt understand what he did wrong. So I went to the smash sexual harassment committee to tell them what happened.

It took months for them to really do anything. Although him getting banned would be nice, what I wanted was just to have what he'd done be publicly known in a way that wouldn't just get me outed and attacked. I'd seen plenty of girls on twitter interacting with him and thinking he's a rly nice guy when he pulled his same manipulative sadstack shtick and I didnt want him to hurt anyone else. But I never really got that. According to some members of the committee, Kevin fought tooth and nail against the accusations, insisting that it wasn't true and even threatening a libel lawsuit if any of what was said was made public. Although he was unanimously found guilty and banned from tournaments for like, 5 years, the committee didn't ever announce this or tell anyone beyond TO's because of the threat of getting sued. Kevin still attends some tournaments which I'm pretty sure he's not supposed to but at this point I'm just so exhausted and pained by everything that I just wanna be done with it.

This by far isn't the worst story to come from the Smash scene and I'm not going to try to act like it is. I've been really worried that a lot of people will pretty much just say that I willingly cheated and then accused him of assault to hide my guilt but it really isn't like that. For the longest time I DID think it's my fault and that's why I didn't say a word, but now I realize how horrible he treated me and I've managed to recover and am still in a very good relationship with my gf. Thank you for reading