Broken Wings, Chapter 8 - By Starlight (light clop)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um89ylS0PMM
>It’s a warm summer morning when the Apples bury Big Macintosh.
>As with any Apple family event, the entire family comes in, along with half of P0nyville.
>You glance up at Applejack as the ceremony drags on.
>She glances up at you for just the slightest of moments before averting her gaze, the mix of emotions unreadable to you.
>She hasn’t spoken to you since it happened.
>That’s what hurts most of all.
>You expected her to not spend time with you, she needed to be there for her family.
>But the silence only exacerbates your grief.
>She never said it, but you knew.
>Not a matter of paranoia, you just knew.
>Because part of you knows that she is right.
>It is your fault.
>In school, every instructor lectured you on the grim realities of your craft.
>You cannot save every life, and to think you could was to invite madness.
>It was a lesson you callously disregarded. What do you care?
>Your patients would be simple, dumb animals.
>Sure, an owner may be grief stricken, but you could empathize for a little while and move on to the next appointment.
>The first time you lost a patient here, it hit you that life would not be that easy any more.
>But now, you watch as Big Mac’s casket is lowered into the earth, AJ placing her own sorrow on hold to console her grandmother and sister.
>This was something wholly different.
>You wanted to help her with her pain, and perhaps soothe your own pain in the process.
>At least Rainbow is with you, but she looks more sad for you than for Mac’s passing.
>After the ceremony, you adjust your suit and approach Applejack.
“AJ…can we talk? Please?”
>She pauses, not turning to face you.
“Anon, not right now…just…not now.”
>You grimace and step in front of her before she can walk away.
>You’ve had about enough of this. You can’t handle it anymore.
>She looks up at you, a mixture of grief, pain and anger in her face.
“No, Applejack. I need you to talk to me. You’re my special somep0ny…I know you’re hurting, but I’m hurting too…”
>Anger begins to win out on her face as you fall to a knee to bring yourself more to eye-level.
>”HURT? Anon, y’have no idea what ahm’ feelin’, much less mah family…so please, can we just do this later?”
>Your voice cracks as you fight to contain your pent-up emotions just long enough so you could finish what you wanted to say.
“No. Applejack…I loved your brother like family, and all I want to do is help you and your family. Please, just talk to me…”
>Applejack is getting visibly overcome as she looks away in disgust.
>”You act like it ain’t yer fau…”
>She goes wide eyed and stops herself.
>Your nerves go ice cold.
“…finish that sentence.”
>She can’t even look at you, much less finish as her eyes close.
“…like it ain’t my fault?”
>She keeps her eyes shut as you stand.
>”Anon, I’m so….”
>You’re already gone.
>You don’t even notice Rainbow walking up next to you as you walk away from the funeral, lost in your own thoughts.
>Rainbow Dash.
>You managed to save her, a p0ny you barely knew.
>Yet you couldn’t save one of your best friends, and the brother of the mare you were in love with.
>The one who hated you because he died.
>The one who blamed you.
>She was right. It was your fault.
>Your failure.
>”Anon…do you…you know?”
>Rainbow shakes her head and snorts.
>She wasn’t good at this kind of stuff.
>Besides, she must be irritated. You promised her yesterday that you would help her take her first flight.
>She’s healthy, why doesn’t she just fly now?
>Finally, she just blurts it out.
>”Anon, you want to talk about it or what?”
>You can’t muster the energy to sigh or comment on her exasperation.
“Rainbow…just go back without me, okay? I want to be alone for a while…”
>She stops in her tracks, allowing her concern to shine through plain as day as you walk on.
>”Okay, just…don’t do anything stupid. Come home in one piece, okay?”
>You don’t answer.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSJbYWPEaxw
>You literally spend the day just walking around town.
>The streets usually feel so warm, so alive.
>Now they just feel empty, even though they are full of p0nies.
>Some stop and smile, say hi.
>You just slog on.
>You thought visiting the lake would make you feel better.
>It always helps in the movies to visit a lake when you’re sad.
>You are left disillusioned to just how fake Hollywood is.
>You walk past P0nyville General.
>You look up at it. If you still worked there, you’d go and sulk in your office.
>No dice, though.
>Life here seems to be going on as it always does.
>Like Big Mac was never here…
>Fuck, you need supplies.
>By supplies, you mean a bottle of rum.
>Not much of a stomach for Applejack Daniels.
>That bottle is your sweetest friend as you meander about, chasing away your thoughts and guilt, if only for a moment’s peace within your own thoughts.
>The bottle is empty by the time you get home at sunset.
>As you open the door, Rainbow looks up from where she was reading, on the sofa patients wait on.
>She smiles, happy you came back.
>”Welcome home, Anon…”
>Welcome home, Anon…said by someone who means it.
>You like that feel.
>Rainbow’s expression turns to disdain as you stagger in, reeking of booze.
>”…Damnit Anon, I thought I said not to do anything stupid…”
>She closes the door with a kick as she takes you under your arm, acting as your support as she helps you to your bed.
>You aren’t sure what you mutter, but it causes Rainbow to blush a little.
>Something about a plot.
>”Jeez Anon, did you even eat anything today?
>You think you shake your head no as you’re rolled into bed.
>More than likely you shook your left foot yes.
>Dashie grunts as she gets your jacket and shoes off. You lost your tie somewhere.
>She stops and stares at you a little as she tucks you in.
>”Anon…just…do me a favor and don’t do that again, ok?”
>You slur out a “’kay” as you black out.
>You aren’t sure how long you were out, but the first thing to come back is your sense of touch.
>You can’t remember the last time this bed was so cold…
>Because Applejack wasn’t here.
>She was too busy blaming you for her brother’s death.
>What right did she have to lay that on you anyway?
>You can’t win them all, even if you are a great surgeon.
>Even if the one you lost was Big Macintosh…
>Couldn’t even be fucked to ask you about your own torment…
>You open your eyes. It’s dark, with the moon shining brightly into your room.
>The moonlight splashes off of moist pink eyes, locked firmly on you.
“Rainbow…”
>You forget what you were going to say as she kisses you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEOo-hc7bUQ
>There are no words spoken as Rainbow climbs on top of you.
>You don’t think you could even form them right now.
>The moonlight dances through feathers and fur in your mind, your vision filled with a multicolored brilliance that smells like persimmon on a wild, untamed wind.
>In the back of your mind, you suppose you always knew.
>Knew what Rainbow had been searching for the words to say.
>What she almost said the night Big Macintosh died.
>But there is a simple reality.
>You were hollow and cold, and you needed the comfort of someone who loved you today.
>Applejack was not there. She did not want to be there.
>As selfish as that sounds, she simply wasn’t.
>Rainbow Dash was.
>Tongues dance as the cyan pegasus presses up close against you as your mind goes blank.
>Rainbow was here, taking care of the needs you needed addressed the most.
>Here to salve your pain and to hold you close in your grief.
>To heal your hurting heart, as you healed her.
>And all she was asking in return was your love.
>Something you don’t think Applejack wants right now.
>If at all, anymore.
>You give Rainbow what she wants as the moon continues its nightly journey.
>Right now…you don’t want to think about Applejack, or Big Mac, or the pain you felt from blaming yourself.
>You just want to feel this, a primal connection with this mare on every level.
>By the time you two finish, and Rainbow sleeps contentedly on your chest in her glowing satisfaction…
>You smile for the first time in days.
>And you fall asleep.