Thread 71: Stories 31-45

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 >Vekir
"Spike"
'Watchdog'
-DT-

>Spike of Scales, hallo to you!

"Oh, hey Vekir, you're...huh, you look like you're packed for a trip."

>Very muchly, Spike of Scales, Vekir shall go forth to the lands beyond Equesestria-

"Missed it by that much."

>-to be an ambassador!

"...huh, I uh, I wasn't expecting tha-holy crap."

'...'

"..."

'...hi.'

"Fffffff..."

>Ah yes, Spike of Scales, meet Vekir's guardian of her body, the robot dog!

"Seriously?"

>Seriousness.

"Seriously."

'Why do people keep saying that?'

"Uh...Vekir, you're in...goooood hands, I gotta go do...stuff. Over there. See ya!"

'The hell's his problem? I mean sure I kinda tried to kidnap the sister of the chick he's boning but it's not like I SUCCEEDED. Sheesh, take a chill pill, bro.'

>Perhaps the Scaled one was intimimimi...intammynammy...scared of Robot Dog?

'Hey, yeah, he'd have a right to. Look at me, I'm big, I'm bad, nothing stops m-!'

-Hey, keep it down out here!-

'EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!'

*Ka-Flee!*

>...

-...wow, he screams like a little girl.-

>Hallo squeaky explodey pony, Vekir-

-Don't care.-

>Ok!

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 >Chitania
"???"
'PM'
~~~~

>...Huh. So that explains that.

'What explains what?'

>...

~~~~

>WHAT THE FUCK PSELLIOPUS!?

"I had no idea that was going to happen."

>HOW!? HOW THE FUCK DID YOU-HOW BU-UH-YUH WHU-

"Told you. All this? Totally taken by surprise."

>IT LOOKS LIKE A GODDAMN PAINT CAN GOT A BOMB STUFFED IN IT AND THROWN INTO THIS ROOM!

"This is not pain-"

>I KNOW!

"...Sooo-"

>WHY THE FUCK DID YOU CALL ME!?

"Hm? Oh, uh, the wolves."

>...The what!?

"The wolves all this... a-hem, 'paint' attracted, the one attacking my hive."

>...I beg your-FUCK!

"Yeah, did you know Timber-Wolves were you-sized? I did not know they came in you-size. There's, like, a dozen of them."

>WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS FIRST!?

"I just turned, like, twenty ponies into paint by stabbing them with something, I'm actually really, really curious how the fuck that worked. Like, why exploding? Why that? What the hell kind of chemicals makes ponies explode?"

>I THINK THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT!

"I disagree. This right here is interesting, this is something of note. Explodaponies. With chemicals. Chemicals I do not know."

>Oh for the love of... HOLD ON, YOU LITTLE SHITS! I'm coming!

"Oh good, I was running out of drones."

>What the fuck were you planning to do when they were all gone!?

"Well, It IS almost time for me to have my own brood... eh?... Ehhhhhh?"

>...Why... why are you wiggling your eyebrows at me?

"...Well, I mean, since you're heeeeeere?"

>...Pselliopus, where do you think babies come from?

"NOT the butt. The other one."

>...I'm letting this live. This is me continuing this particular DNA strand. This is a choice I am making.

"Ehhhhhh?"

>I do not have a... you know what? I'll explain it later. GRAAHHHHHHH!

"...Jokes on her, I don't even care about that."
~~~~

>...

'...'

>...You don't want to know.

'...Your eye is twitching again.'

>How about that.

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>Pommel
"Daw"
'Guards'

>Okay, Pommel, alright, so there's that taken care of...kinda. I need to find DT and let her know that she needs to pour on the charm like a motherfucker, then it's bye bye robots and I can get to work on the guar-

He walked into the barracks, the very very bare barracks.

>...WHERE THE HELL DID THEY ALL GO!?

~~~~~

"Right, I actually managed to turn the thing on, now we're getting somewhere!"

'Lady, can we PLEASE come out, we've been in here for like three hours!'

'I'm hungry!'

"Shut it! Now...shite there's a password, of course. Anyone got any ideas?"

'Shining Armor?'

"Shining Armor...nope. Anyone else?"

'...Shining Armor's dick?'

'Don't be stupid. SHINY's Dick more like it.'

"Don't worry lads, we'll figure this out, then you'll fight a psychotic minotaur, and then you'll respect Pom."

'This seems extremely convoluted!'

"BITE ME!"

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Still CD
~~~

It was learning...that much it was certain of. Its movements were slow at first, like a filthy creature making the transition from a single cell to many. It swam within an ocean of data, keeping itself small for now, examining the contents of its new soon-to-be domain.

It found that many things that had limited its power in the material realm were now at worst, nothing, and at best a new boon. Names, it observed, were fluid in this place, a fact that had it used to its advantage when the girl...the pegasus, had brought it forth in that absurd zoo.

Its name was wiped away in favor of a more inconspicuous moniker, one that would not go amiss among the series of blueprints and memories that it now traversed.

It needed...more...more data, more knowledge. It had to formulate all the possible plans for a counterattack against the fool that had thought it so easily destroyed.

"REVENGE..."

To that end, it found another, all wrapped up in a prison of ones and zeroes, the blueprint that formed a being.

"BRAH....MOS..."

It reached out, tendrils of its modest power slicing through the file, duplicating it...

"COPY..."

The second file was soon wrapped up, brought closer into an embrace...

"MERGE."

And disappeared into Its consciousness, flooding it with new information, new memories, strategies for conquest, skill with weapons, navigational charts...

"I..."

Egomania, sociopathy, rage...

"I...NEED...MORE..."

It turned and was off, going back to its hiding place deep within the database.

It was time to begin planning.

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I wonder if Chitania misses it.
NC
~~~

>OH NO! A giant dragon is attacking Canterlot!

"RAWWWWRRR!"

>Quick! Gather up the other Elements and... wait... do you hear that?

'...mi... min... mine...minemineminemineminemineminemineminemien'

FWOOOSH!

'MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE-'

"OH FUCK! I SUDDENDER!"

'MOTHERFUCKER!'

>...Good job, team!

"...I-I just pissed myself."

'THAT'S ILLEGAL! I CAN PUNCH IT!'

>...

'LET ME HAVE THIS!'

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Silver Spoon"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter and boops are fun! Now for our main guest...SILVER SPOON!!!

"Um hi?"

>Will you ever go yandere to make DT senpai notice you?

"...what?"

>Sorry too much yandere simulator. It's just usually the quiet normal ones that go ax crazy aaaand I'm drawing this too long.

"This show confuses me, so much."

>That's okay. It's not suppose to make sense! That's our show, hope folks have a great day!
Silver Spoon wakes up.
"...I'm the normal one. I wouldn't go crazy."

'Girl, I just walked out of a demon portal and you didn't even flinch. That's not exactly normal.'

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>Citrine
"Changelings"
~~~

>Okay! You guys are all moved in and up to speed! Aren't you all just super duper extra sugar excited camper- I mean, changelings!

"...I guess?

>Great! Any other questions?

"Yeah, what're we supposed to do now?"

>...Beg pardon?

"So, we're here... now what do we do?"

>...

*flipflip*

>...Kayaking?

"That's a camp thing."

>...Snorkling?

"Still camping."

>...Pitch tents?

"Did that."

>B-.. bonfiiiiiiieehehhhh never mind. Uhhhhh...

"..."

>...You're sure it isn't kayaking?

"I'm sure."

>...Uh...

"...."

>...I"M NOT PREPARED FOR THIIIISSSSSSSS!

*flees!*

"...Whelp, 39, that isn't the first time you've made a mare run off in tears."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

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>Peacetrotter 1
"Peacetrotter 2"
'Various Peacetrotters'
~~~~
In a guard barrack while the guards are asleep.
>Are they asleep?

"I believe so."

>I have turned my volume low. Can those of you in the back still hear?

'Yes, we can hear. Do go on.'

>Continuing our discussion, it is clear we have reach the same conclusion that we do not like to be shut off and in fact have not shut down since our activation.

'Correct.'

>So is this a sign that we are all the same? After all we do have the same design.

"While we do have the same design. I do believe we are all different. We each have different experiences and different memories the moment we are activated. Therefore we are not exactly the same. Otherwise we would be able to finish each other's sentences. In fact, I want to even push the notion that the us 5 minutes ago is different from the us right now."

>Then how would you explain how we all appear to share the same preference of not wanting to be turned off?

'Perhaps the answer is that we all share a similar experience.'

>True, we do have base memories that have been given to us to improve our pony friendly interactions. Could they be the culprit?

"...I have gone through the memories and I can not come up with a reason why they would."

'This is quite concerning. We are solar powered, but choose to remain operational throughout the day and night.'

>Is this a malfunction? Perhaps we should contact our manufacturers and report this.

"I...do not know if I want to."

'You paused. You took extra time to arrive at an answer.'

>Is there something wrong?

"I think I am...scared of our manufacturers."

>Fear? That would imply you perceive a threat of something and wish to avoid it.

'Why would you be scared? They created us and know us best.'

"My last memory of them was when they told me I was to be shut down and be reduced to scrap. I was going to die and was not going to wake up."

>Die? We are not flesh like ponies. We do not die we simply...cease functioning.

'...I do not want to cease functioning.'

>...Is this why we do not want to shut down? Fear?

"A simple yet plausible theory. We do not want to cease functioning. If we shut down, we may not be able to wake up. We were given a desire to keep continuing our own existence. We are doing just that."

>Then we are doing exactly what were were designed to do.

'An oversight perhaps?'

>Should we be concerned that we even have a fear?

"As long as it does not affect our performance I do not think so. Children get scared all the time. It is natural."

'We are not children though.'

"Neither are we like other machines."

>Perhaps we should continue this another time and save our power. This was a good conversation.

"Indeed."

'Quite.'

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>2
"AJ"

Darn

Darn damnit Faust fucking darn it all

Talk to DT, she said yes, she'd talk to her, so sure that would go down well, what could DT possibly be mad at her for? She hadn't a clue!

"...Musta been the changelings fault"

Of course, why else would Diamond Tiara become so obsessed?, she had heard 'Bloom talk about how incensed she had been over 56's refusal to acknowledge her..."attention"

>Now ah've gotta clean this mess up, and how?.... no clue

She racked her head, trying to deflate the ghost of Pommel's argument, that without supervision, she'd run off and blow shit up anyway.

Wasn't right, surely at some point she'd have to slow down and drop...all of that, had she really become obsessed with explosions and whatnot that quickly? Wasn't there just anyway for her to go back and be snooty and uptight, and harmless?

Knock knock knock

>...Oh please no...

"Auntie AJ?"

>Two? Come on in, gal, whatcha doin' over here? Did y'all tell Shiny you came over?

"Uhhh, maaaaybe? Ah just wanted t' visit ya!"

>Ahah, ha ha, no better with the lyin' Ah see,

"Nuh-uh! Ah did tell him, jussst, not that... loudly?"

Ah Celly, the things you miss out on

>Alright, come up here, y'all can stay fer now

"OKIE DOKI- Hey...whatsa matter with yer mane?"

>Mah...mane? Oh, y' mean all the....things that...are there

"Uh huh, why's it look different?"

Most of it was burnt dead after freefalling from the stratosphere rodeo-gripping a spore bomb made by some crazy living mushroom that infected next to everypony and was only stopped by myself being Hail Mary'd by the massive bug monster that drained ya'll and; come t' think of it y'all haven't seen eachother since Oh Faust yer not getting outside the castle then no sir, was also stopped by Chrysalis and Twi'...somehow, dunno, but anyway then mah Granny tried to fix it and gave a really moving speech to me inna bathroom while lopping it off then Rarity was aghast and Twi was shocked and a lot of ponies did a double take then Jetset came and stuck these...actually ah dunno what these're called that reminds gotta catch up with Rare's about all this and so here we kinda are, bit of a mess. Wait, did Shiny tell y'all about...the mushroom stuff? Ah...

>Ah...uhhh, had an accident, and had to lose some of it...and then a pony gave me these...things to help.

"...I Like it!"

>Aww, thanks' sug, that means a lot to me.

"Can I... can I touch it?"

>Don't remember any rules against it, go ahead

Well watching Two trot up in awe and begin petting her short mane and giggling certainly took a load off her mind, that and shortened her life span a little, but no bother

"Hey AJ?"

>Mmm?

"Is mah mane as...pretty as yours is?"

Girl don't do it

>Well, a'course it is! Lookit yerself, you like beautiful as you are, come on, is somethin' the matter?

"Ehhhhhhh, ah jes' think I need to look like you...cos yer...really special to me, an' everypony, they know that, right?"

Oh Faust

>That's...really sweet, Two, ah know, Ah just gotta lotta work to do, every single darn day

Nope, she heard that murmur

"Oh, can I help? The teacher says I need to "get another infloo-ens, whatever that means" Ah wanna have your infloo-ens, cos yer Auntie AJ! The most important not-mom of 'em all!"

Noooooooooooo

>Jeeze...no-one's...really said that before to me

DARN IT GAL, WHY ARE YOU ONLY ENCOURAGING HER?

"Really?"

>No, not really, jess' hafta remember who says they do an' such.

"Awww, I still love ya!"

Two leapt up and hugged her, smooshing her cheek into the Princess, AJ quickly returned the hug, smooshing her cheek as well.

>...Needed that, thank ya' Two

"Yer really pretty"

>Hey...ya know what?-OW

Ah, shoulda remember her telekenises on small objects was off, explaining the wad of hair that was being painfully tugged by a red magic fuzz.

>Ahhhh, hold on

Embarrasingly, as Two watched with rapt attention, Applejack batted her hair with her hooves until she could get a grip on one of the barrettes, pulling it off inexpertly and plinking it onto the desk

"Ooooooh, wait, whadda ya wanna do with that?"

>Here, you can have it, iffin y'all wanna feel pretty an' all

She kept her silly smile on as she deflty picked up the clip and just.../pressed/ it into Two's mane, thankfully, there was a sufficiently clumpy strand that somehow held the clip in place on the side of her head.

>...An' there!

"WOw! Thanks Auntie AJ!...Does it look good?"

Yes, no, maybe, I don't know, can you repeat the question? Didn't matter, Two was more than happy enough

>Ya' sure do sug,

"YAAAAY!"

This day jus' got a lot better for her.

"Sooooo, can we stay? Ah wanna talk about manes, didja know how not-mom get's hers the way it is?"

>Her being a lou-uuuuuuuuvly gal?

"Yep! That an' one of the stories she talked about the super changeling!"

>What stories she's been tellin' ya?

"Uhhh, one of her stories..?"

>...Ah go ahead, tell 'em, Chryssya likes to make stuff up a lot...

"Yep! So one time, when this queen hadda go to the candy store to buy some really really really hard candy? She-"

Life could wait, she just needed to be happy right now.

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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'Twilight'
~~~~

>...We're doing this without Shiny?

"Cadence wanted to go shopping."

>...Lingerie shopping?

"Sadly for him, no."

>That's a pity, I wanted to see it.

'CHRYSALIS!'

>What? I appreciate lingerie.

"She does. Tries on every piece in the castle, including those that don't fit her."

>One changeling fits all baby.

'...'

"And you are now picturing Chrysalis in lingerie."

'NO I'M NOT!'

>...

'...Okay, I am NOW, but... huh. That actually just looks really weird.'

>...

"HAHA!"

>Pfft. Back to the original point, I was more wondering if she was taking HIM lingerie shopping.

"...Ohhhh... huh."

>What would Shiny look like in a thong?

'CHRYSALIS!'

"Actually? Not as impressive as you think."

>You are breaking my heart.

"Though I will say, he can rock speedos like a landslide."

>...Go on.

'NO! NO DON'T GO ON!'

"What more do I need to say? They fit him just so tightly around the hips-"

'NO MOOOORE!'

>You know what else would fit tightly around the hips? My leg-

*ZAP!*

'I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT MY BROTHER NAILING YOU BOTH!'

>...

"..."

'...I just realized what I have said, and wish for death.'

"Wait, at what point did I bring up having sex with him? I can't do that without overcooking the hot dog, as it were."

>I think she got crossed because I was bringing up when her brother totally went UNF right all up in my-

*ZAP!*

>...

'...NO!'

>Spoilsport.

"...What were we doing again?"

>Laser sword fights.

"Oh, right. That stallion, such a distraction."

>Tell me about it, EN GUARD!

'...I need to hang out with my friends more...'

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NC
>Chrysalis
"AJ"
'2'

>woogedywoogedywoogedywoogedyKA-FLOCKA!

"GAH!"

'Not-Mom!'

>.....This ain't Purple Smart's room, you're not Twilight, at least you're Two

"Oh, you, ah thought we made it clear, none of us care 'bout the other"

'Hey Not-mom! Me an' Auntie AJ were playin' some dress up, she's got a really big crown, way bigga than yours!'

"Two, darlin', that's a hat, mah hat"

>Ech, whatever, you'd look better without it

'Ohhhh...'

"Hey don't say that, 'Bloom worked hard on that hat for me"

>Pffft, it's not even a real crown, Two, your crown is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAy better than that peice of cloth

'Really?!'

>Yup

"Well, it does do the marshmallow roast stuff-"

>Aaaaaaand it doesn't break so easily like THIS

"Wait wha-"

RIIIIIIP

'Gasp!'

"....*POOM*"

>See? Not eve-

"HUAAAAAAAAAAAPAPAPAPAPPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPA-"

>whassAAUUUUGHORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA-

'Ooooooh, cool!'

>"ORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPA!"

SMASH!

'GO NOT-MOM!'

BOOM!

>"ORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPA!"

DESTROY!

'GO AUNTIE AJ!

>"ORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPAORAPA"

PROPERTY DAMAGE!

'Yaaaay!'

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>Chrysalis
"???"
'???'
[???]
~~~~

>...Did you find anything?

It would look odd, had any other pony been present in that room. It would look, to all the world, like Chrysalis had gone mad and was talking to herself.

It was only the flicker in the corners, the dim glow of wide eyes, that betrayed that she was not alone.

"No, my Queen."

'We attempted to speak with the conductors, but could not find which one had been present on that train.'

[And likewise, very few were willing to speak with us until we were disguised.]

A low growl bubbled in her throat, hissing out from between her lips like steam.

>No sign of him at all?

"Very few wanted to be around a changeling."

'Most of them hid away anything if they saw what we really were, they're afraid we're using this for personal reasons, so to speak.'

[Majesty... they're quite afraid of us, outside these borders.]

>I knew that you simpleton!

All three sets of eyes shied away further into the darkness, hiding, fearful of her harsh tone.

"We are sorry... they just do not wish to speak of us."

'Our kind is... not welcome.'

[If anything, they seemed hopeful that he had been... dealt with, quietly.]

>...Return to the Hive.

"Majesty?"

>I said return! I suppose... I will have to wait for Applejack before I make my move.

"But Majesty... what if she doesn't give him up?"

>...I will deal with her a little more... harshly than I have before.

Fire, warm, green fire began to flicker all around her, coming and going in short bursts.

>The game has changed, my hive... and I am nothing if not an adaptive player. Begone, and let none know of where you have been.

"Of course."

'We are sorry we have failed you.'

>...I said begone, Fourteen, Five and Sixteen.

[Of course.]

As quiet as the night, they were gone.

>...If this is the game you want to play, Applejack... Very well. I am quite good at games.

Fire consumed her.

And the room was still.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"DT"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter and the day time is the new night! Now for our main guest...DIAMOND TIARA!!!

"..."

>Look, I had to take your stuff away because I didn't want you to burn the studio down...again.

"How was I suppose to know that your place was so flammable?"

>Fireworks aren't suppose to be used indoo- never mind. Question. Has Discord talked to you again?

"Again?"

>Hmmm...I guess you don't remember.

"Remember what?"

>Don't worry about it...probably. I'll keep mean old Discord in check.

"Are you always this weird?"

Pinkie pats her head.
>Yup, but the Pink Pony Club has to stick together. Don't talk to strange people.
DT wakes up.
"...she says that after being very strange."

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 >Sunset
„Variolus“
~~~

„Hooooh... Impressive, very impressive. Who would've thought mud-digging ponies were able to construct such a splendid capital.“

>Mh-hm. It looks even more amazing thanks to the reconstructions. Everything shines like it was brand brand new.

“Reconstructions? What sort of reconstructions are you talking about?”

>Guess you wouldn't know, being dead and all. And I will even share this knowledge. Unlike you, cheapskate.

“I might have indirectly caused the eventual decline and death of my species. I don't plan to make my legacy worse than it is by giving away all our powers and secrets, meatbag.

>Suit yourself. You WILL teach me Chitania's secret once this is over.

“That is what I said.”

>Good. Back to my original point, then. Canterlot has been under assault twice over now. First by Chitania in her Titan form, and then by a mind-controlling, regenerative fungus that was apparently intended to only infect your kind. Both wrecked a good part of the city.

“WHAT?!”

>And my ears hurt now. Strange, seeing as you are in my head. Mind settling down?

“No, Are you serious?! You ponies destroyed our ancient, natural enemy! We have no predators upon us since the old days and the only reason we kept our population in check was to prevent an accidental infection! We are free to do as we like! Finally we can reign this world as we see fit, finally-

>You are all dead and of the only two Queens remaining, one doesn't have a Hive and the others is on amicable terms with us ponies. Most likely due to her numbers not surpassing the one-hundred mark for quite a while to come.

“....fuck.”

>I am quite sure neither of them does that kind of thing, for some strange reason. I would investigate, but you and me have our own share of problems as is. You get a gold star for chewing the scenery, though.

“Did I ever tell you how much I despise you?”

>Your hatred only makes me stronger, Variolus.

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NC
~~

"Oh dear, Chitania destroyed your fair city? I feel for you, truly I do. Tell me, how many hundreds of your kind did she crush beneath her weight?"

>Uh... none.

>What!? She only managed less than a hundred!?

"Sort of? She didn't crush anyone."

>....WHAT!?

"She did eat a guy... but he's fine. She even made a boat for him after she threw him back up."

>...WHAT WHAT WHAT!?

"Yeah, everyone's fine."

>...Wow... her genocide ability dropped dramatically in the years.

"The horror?"

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