Username: Ghost-Quartet

Album: Like A Prayer: It’s no secret that I’m not the hugest Madonna fan, I’ve listened to several of her albums now for rates and I still feel like I don’t *get* it. This album basically sums up my feelings towards her, a few great hits and then a lot of dated filler. It’s not bad but next to the other two albums in this rate I just don’t see why anyone would pick to listen to this one.

Like A Prayer: 8.5 Madonna stans tend to attack their rate scores with veracity so I predict that this will win but that’s not an awful outcome all things considered. I saw a live version of this which featured a gospel choir (I mean this one has one but it’s kinda weak) and it kinda ruined the original for me but this has aged very well!

Express Yourself: 6.5 I hate these painfully ‘80s Madonna songs but this is probably one of the best.

Love Song: 9 This sounds so ugly and weird but like, in a good way! I love music that makes me feel like a swamp creature. Also I noticed that this has some of the same lyrics as “Hung Up” so I looked that up and I stumbled across [this message board from 2005](https://prince.org/msg/8/164033) and it was so quaint to read this. Hope all of these people are doing well.

Till Death Do Us Part: 5 This instrumental sounds like a royalty free beat I’d hear in the background of a crafting video, and omg why is this so long???

Promise to Try: 4 smh Madonna wants to be Adele so bad 🙄 But seriously this is dinky. I appreciate that she went for some pathos but when the song ends I can physically feel her just give up, she wanted this song to be done.

Cherish: 10 This slaps! I gave this a ten after the first ninety seconds and for once Madonna actually kept my attention until the end of the track.

Dear Jessie: 7 I know I listen to Meghan Trainor and watch direct to video Barbie films but this is too much even for me. Points for her *going for it* though, this really got stranger and stranger as it went on. Predicting this going out early, possibly first.

Oh Father: 3 imagine making a song that sounds like this and still releasing it. she sounds like she smoked six packs while recording this. where is the melody?

Keep It Together: 5 love that we did a rate with three black women <3

Pray for Spanish Eyes: 3 Gotta love those pre-*Evita* vocals! This is trying to be Asian Mall Music but it doesn’t quite get there so it’s just kinda boring rather than kitschy.

Act of Contrition: 8 Is this the original “Roman Holiday” meme?

Album: Rhythm Nation 1814: Glad I got the chance to revisit this one! It’s a Janet album that I usually gloss over because the harsh production and dark themes make it a bit daunting to listen to but the songs on it are great and I rediscovered some gems. One of Janet’s biggest weaknesses as an artist is that she creates these huge, ambitious concepts for her albums and then ends up abandoning them in favor of just being a hoe halfway through, almost comically so on this one, but she sounds so damn good doing it that I don’t really mind.

Rhythm Nation: 10 On paper a jingoistic social justice anthem with almost industrial production sounds like something that would be so off-putting and yet it’s a total bop, I don’t know how she did it!

State of the World: 7.5 Look this song just makes me sad, the message is powerful (and tragically still resonant over two decades later) but it’s not something I want to be reminded of while listening to music.

The Knowledge: 7.5 when Janet Jackson sees something problematic: no <3

Miss You Much: 11 One of my absolute favorite Janet songs! The chorus is so much fun to scream along to. I love how subtly complex this one is, if you really listen closely to it there’s so much going on but it all works together flawlessly. Like the way the background voices spelling the words creates essentially a second beat for the song… genius.

Love Will Never Do (Without You): 8.5 This was the only album in the rate I’d listened to before but it’s been a while so I didn’t remember a lot of it and this was such a nice treat to rediscover! Janet’s voice has always been on the smaller side but she writes songs like this that really allow her to work around that. And I love the synth work here, the juxtaposition of hard and soft.

Livin In a World (They Didnt Make): 5 Forgot that this was on while it was playing until I heard children screaming.

Alright: 3 That screaming in the background is so annoying, is this the original “you wouldn’t let anybody speak and instead?” Janet is usually better at making her songs justify their runtime but this one fails to.

Escapade: 7 The melody of this kinda reminds me of “Someone To Call My Lover” at points, and I think that song refines it into something way better. This is okay but I wouldn’t have made it a single, but it was a hit though so what do I know?

Black Cat: 7.5 yeah, I listen to rock music

Lonely: 7.5 I mixed this up with “I Get So Lonely” from *The Velvet Rope* and I think I like that better. This is nice though, I love me a smooth and sexy r&b jam

Come Back to Me: 9.5 my spiritual pussy blossomed when the intro ended and Janet whispered “come,” this is so sexy Janet!

Someday Is Tonight: 9 Gonna have to add this one to my sexy times playlist, this is such a vibe! Love that Janet has multiple songs in her discography where she simulates an orgasm, glad she’s being taken care of.

Album: Whitney: Wow so Whitney is… not quite an album artist, is she? She’s one of the most iconic voices in pop and has tons of hits to her name but I’m consistently thoroughly *whelmed* by her deep cuts. Ordinarily I’d say this was just a product of the time she was releasing in but Janet being in this rate kinda demolishes that excuse, I think Whitney and her team knew what she was here for and just kinda phoned in the rest. Not a bad album but if anyone asks me about it I’ll just tell them to listen to the singles.

I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me): 10 ^^heat

Just the Lonely Talking Again: 6 I was really into this at the start but by the halfway mark I felt like I’d already gotten everything I needed out of it and I was just kinda waiting for it to end.

Love Will Save the Day: 4 glad we left this in the ‘80s

Didn't We Almost Have It All: 5 This is very transparently filler but her voice on the second half saved it.

So Emotional: 9 I was lying down when I listened to this and when she went ^^”hee” I stuck my leg in the air and it’s probably the best thing I’ve done all month.

Where You Are: 6 Is it just me or is this the wimpiest saxophone solo I’ve ever heard in a song? It’s like they didn’t tell him beforehand that it was gonna happen, they just pointed at him while they were recording and he was like “uhhh”

Love Is a Contact Sport: 8 These lyrics are… eccentric? But I like this, it’s wacky. It feels like it would be playing over the credits of some family movie about kids playing baseball or something.

Youre Still My Man: 8 Probably my favorite of the ballads in the rate? Maybe I’m just lonely.

For the Love of You: 7 finally, some Asian Mall music

Where Do Broken Hearts Go: 7.5 This is so weird for me because the guy who wrote this song, Frank Wildhorn, is a pretty famous theatre composer? His shows are all pretty bad but the music in them is always actually pretty good so I was like “he should have just been a pop writer” and it turns out he was? The songs in his shows still sound just like this but they tend to be better, stream “All This Time” instead.

I Know Him So Well: 7.5 For the uninitiated this is a song from the musical *Chess*, which was written by ABBA! Between that and the last track being written by Frank Wildhorn this album ends on a weirdly theatrical note? Anyways, I’ve heard many takes on this song and this one is just okay, it’s not bad but kinda unspectacular. At the time it was probably a huge deal but all these years removed from the hype, it’s just okay.

BONUS TRACKS

Express Yourself 1989 VMAs:

Vogue 1990 VMAs:

Express Yourself Blonde Ambition Tour:

Black Cat 1990 VMAs:

Rhythm Nation Peters Pop Show 89:

Miss You Much 1989 Diamond Pop Awards:

Dance With Somebody Top of the Pops 87:

Where Do Broken Hearts Go 1988 AMAs:

National Anthem 1991 Superbowl:

END