Mayoral Duties, League of Evil & Flutterrape

Sometime in January 2013

Anonymous; Anon works in the office of Mayor Mare and a little office romance ensues. Bonus points if they are doing it just for the thrill and have no real intention of dating.

>Day Misfile in Equestria
>*Cha-chunk*
>It’s a hard job, being an aide to the Mayor of Ponyville.
>*Cha-chunk*
>Spending all day seated behind a desk.
>*Cha-chunk*
>Meeting with concerned citizens.
>*Cha-chunk*
>Sending said concerned citizens away without a meeting.
>*Cha-chunk*
>Ahh, bureaucracy.
>*Cha-chink*
>You scowl a little at your stapler and give it a firm shake before pressing it back to the paper.
>*Chink-chink-chink*
“Great.”
>You slouch back in your chair, glaring at the instrument of your displeasure as your fingers grope blindly for your drawer.
>Just as you find the handle, Mayor Mare storms out of her office.
>“Anonymous!”
>Now, you’re not a fan of working hard.
>But you understand that when the boss is around, it’s time to be on your best behavior.
>Even more so now that she’s up for reelection.
>Jolting upright, you swivel in your chair and give her your best smile.
“Yes Mayor!”
>The grey pony eyes you, a folder hanging from her mouth.
>She seems, aggravated.
>Correction.
>She looks PISSED.
>Slapping the manila folder on your table, she glares and bares her teeth.
>“Tell me, what sort of files should go in there?”
“…Files, starting with the letter V?”
>The Mayor nods and leans over, rummaging through several of the papers.
>At last, she stops and looks up at you, her hoof tapping one of the pages twice.
>“And, what is this?”
“That’s…”
>You glance down and check the paperwork.
>A grimace slides across your face.
“That’s a permit.”



>“For?”
“A druggist to work in the square.”
>“And who put it there?”
>Gritting your teeth, you avert your eyes and mumble
“I did.”
>“Why?”
>Oh christ can’t she let this go already?
“I, guess I was thinking she would be more of a vendor, since she wouldn’t have a permanent fixture.  So, I filed it under V?”
>The Mayor slams her hoof down on the table.
>The wooden structure trembles under her terrible might.
>“It’s not that difficult, we try to keep things simple around here. If it were a vendor permit it would go under ‘v’.  But it’s not. It’s a Druggist Vendor Permit, so it should go under ‘d’.  The system is in place for a reason, Anonymous!”
“I really don’t think it’s that big a deal…”
>“Not… Not a big deal?”
>The Mayor screeches as she all but crawls up on top of your desk.
>“Anonymous, you put a ‘d’ file into a ‘v’ folder.  What if everyone started putting their ‘d’s in ‘v’s?  We’d have chaos!  Complete and utter chaos!”
>Her words hang in the air for a moment, as if she’s waiting for you to respond.
>You do, after a long while.
>With a giggle.
“You… you’re right.  We can’t have ponies putting their… their…”
>Another burst of laughter overtakes you.
>You’re trembling as you rock back and forth in your seat, trying to reign yourself in.
>“Putting ‘d’s in ‘v’s!”
>The Mayor repeats.
>A few of the other ponies join in your laughter, though far more muted than the incessant cackling you’re now laboring under.
>The grey mare’s face goes red with frustration as she stomps her hoof against the table.
>“This is not funny, this is serious!”



“Oh, yes.  ‘D’s in ‘v’s are very serious, almost as much as ‘p’s in ‘v’s.”
>You rock back too far in your chair, cracking your head against the floor as it collapses under your weight.
>To be honest, you could care less.
>As you roll from side to side, clutching your stomach, the Mayor storms over to your side.
>“In my office, IMMEDIATELY!”
“Ye”
>You giggle again, struggling to keep your breathing under control
“Yes ma’am.”
>It’s a good minute and a half before you can stand again.
>Righting your chair, you dust yourself off and follow the Mayor into her central chambers.
>The door closes behind the two of you with an ominous thud.
>“Now, I’d like some answers.”
>Clearing your throat, you take a moment to brush off the front of your shirt again.
>“Starting with what was so funny about misfiling.”
>The grey mare stalks towards you, lifting her hoof and pushing it into your chest.
>“You think it’s funny, putting a ‘d’ file in a ‘v’ folder?  That it’s cute?”
>A quick shake of your head doesn’t seem to be enough to take the heat off of you.
>The mayor prowls around you, looking up at your face with each pass.
>“This is very, serious, Anonymous.”
“Y-yes, Mayor.”
>“The whole thing, if you please.”
>Gulping, you steel yourself against the rising laughter in your gut.
“F-filing files beginning with the letter d, in folders labeled v, is very serious.”
>The mayor stops and stares at you for a moment.
>Then she removes her glasses and takes several steps towards you.
>“Indeed, it is.  When you make mistakes like that…”



>Her forehooves land on your shoulders as she pulls herself into a standing position.
>She reaches your chest, but it’s close enough to see her eyes.
>How they’re twinkling mischievously.
>“Things can get very… messy.”
“Mhmm…”
>You hum a little as your lips meet hers in a warm kiss, your hands sliding down to her sides, holding her in place.
>The Mayor gladly takes the opportunity to let her hooves wander across your chest as you support her weight.
>Separating with a loud smack, she winks at you.
>“I bet you thought you were so clever.  D in the V.  Did you really think I wouldn’t know what you meant?”
“I’ve been misfiling quite a bit lately.”
>You murmur back, chuckling.
“P in V, D in C, I’ve been trying to get your attention all week.”
>“Really?  I must be under more pressure than I thought.”
>Another grunt and the two of you kiss again.
>After an age, she breaks away and squirms out of your grip.
>Shooting a glance back at you, she places her hooves on her desk and presents herself to you.
>“Perhaps you could help me, unwind a little?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”

>It’s a good twenty minutes before you pull your pants back up.
>The Mayor is lying face down in a puddle of her own drool, her hair in disarray.
>With a small laugh, you glance to the door, and plan to make good on your escape.
>“A-Anonymous?”
>Still smiling, you don’t break your pace for the door.
“Yes, Mayor?”
>“I expect all those misfiles to be corrected by tomorrow.”
>Well, there goes your evening.
“…Yes Mayor.”
>Totally worth it.




Malous; A gathering of Equestrian villains for a sinister purpose.
Anon; Bonus points if Discord fucks around not taking any of it seriously

>Today is a glorious day.
>After months of attempts, you have gathered the most vicious
>most heinous
>most wretched members of the Equestrian community under one roof.
>You have created a super-villain community.
>A small sense of pride swells in your black heart as you watch them mingle, enjoying pre-meeting snacks.
>Everyone’s here.
>There’s the mighty centaur Tirek and necromancer Grogar, choosing to stick to themselves on opposite sides of the room.
>Nightmare Moon stands with the other shadowy villains, King Sombra and the amorphous Arabus, the three enjoying a good laugh at a story the cloud-creature was telling.
>The Diamond Dogs have made fast friends with your ‘muscle’, Crunch, an enormous dog-like beast, hewn from stone.
>Seems the four have bonded over a love of gems and a distaste for the squishy ponies.
>Good, good.
>At the table, Discord, lord of chaos, chats amicably with a rather strained looking Queen Chrysalis.
>If her pained expression is any indication, it’s time to begin.
“Order, order!”
>You pound your gavel on the stand.
>The evil creatures continue to chatter away.
>Just as you’re about to bring down the instrument again, there is a brilliant flash of blue light.
>All conversation ceases as shouts explode across the room.
>The light fades and a proud blue unicorn poses in the center of the ring of tables.
>Her head is held high, cape billowing in a non-existent wind as her hat shudders on top of her head.
>“Our meeting may begin, fellow evil-doers!  The Great and Powerful Trixie has arrived at last!”



>Well, aren’t we off to a great start?
>Despite the interruption, your council members do seem to be moving to their seats.
>Still, best to get this out of the way, immediately.
>Leaning down, you tap Trixie on the shoulder.
“I’m pretty sure I told you that you couldn’t come.”
>Flashing a smug smile, Trixie turns to you and raises an eyebrow.
>“Oh, Trixie knows what you said.  You said that Trixie wasn’t ‘evil’ or ‘powerful’ enough to be part of your little club.”
>With a roll of her eyes, the unicorn mare smirks.
“Honestly, it’s in the name.  The ‘Great’ and ‘Powerful’”
>she takes a pause, shooting you a glare at the last word
“Trixie.  But, Trixie thought she would abide by your rules.  That’s why Trixie went and found the Alicorn Amulet.  Now Trixie is Greater and more Powerful than before!”
>And apparently warping space time was a part of that power.
>Great.
“You still need to go.”
>“But, but you let Snips and Snails in.  SNIPS AND SNAILS!”
>“Trixie.”
>The taller one drones, staggering over towards her.
>“We love you….”
>With silly little laughs they close in.
>You’re not even sure how they found this place, but they’re certainly not evil.
>With a snap of your fingers, you transport the two buffoons outside of Ponyville.
>Now for Trixie.
“Tell you what.  You’re powerful, but you’re not evil.  If you can beat Twilight Sparkle, I’ll let you in.”
>“While Trixie disagrees with your assessment, you do make a valid point.  Twilight Sparkle has defeated Trixie once, and shamed her.  Trixie shall not be defeated again!”



>With an ominous puff, you are once again left with a room full of evildoers.
“Well… let’s hear it for the pre-meeting entertainment, huh?  Ha…ha…”
>No one joins in with you as you clap.
>After a few awkward seconds, you clear your throat and begin the meeting.
“All right, as all of you know, my name is Anonymous.  I’m a human from another planet and was pulled here against my will.  And most of all, I.  Hate.  Ponies.”
>The gathered masses grumble and nod in agreement.
>As the noise settles, Tirek lifts one massive hand and speaks.
>“Grogar and I are familiar with your kind.”
>The black-furred goat nods and stomps his hoof against the ground, giving a loud snort.
>“The humans defeated us both!”
>Raising an incorporeal limb, Arabus waves for attention.
>“Me too, and they took my shadows!”
>“Grar!  I don’t mean to brag or boast, but humans Crunch hates the most!”
>Slamming your gavel again, you silence the visitors from another world.
>Again, getting out of hand.
“Well, that’s why I’ve brought you here.  There are no humans to foil your plans, only me, who wants to help you.”
>Another rumble of discussion from the visitor’s side.
>Eventually they all nod and you continue.
“I’m sure that you’ve met your companions from this side.  Discord.”
>“Hellooooo.”
“Nightmare Moon.”
>“GREETINGS.”
“Queen Chrysalis”
>“LOVEly to be here.”
“King Sombra.”
>“CRYSTALS!”
“And”
>“Crystals?  GIVE THEM TO US!”
>You sigh as one of the three dogs begin to claw at Sombra’s shadowy form.
“And the Diamond Dogs.”
>“HRRRMMM, SLAVES!”
>“Crystals!”



>The two go at it a while longer until the dark unicorn pushes the dog back into his seat with a powerful blast of magic.
“Can we please just get on with this?”
>A quiet whisper of agreement ripples through the group.
“All right, I think there’s one thing that all of us can agree on here.”
>One clawed talon goes up and you sigh.
“Discord?”
>Steepling his fingers, the draconequs glances around the room.
>“Dress code.”
“What?”
>“What, is our dress code?  I was thinking we could all get matching jackets made.”
“No, that’s st”
>Leaning forward, Grogar grins.
>“I am partial to the feel of leather.”
>“Black would be best.”
“Tirek, don’t encour”
>“And I’d LOVE a pair of boots.  You have no idea how difficult it is to work with these legs.”
>“To whoever is placed in charge, make sure Crunch gets an extra large!”
“Enough!  We are not getting jackets.”
>“But, how will they know that we’re together?  If we’re all charging around causing mischief, it will just look like a series of random, chaotic events.”
“Discord, you’re the LORD of chaos, I thought you’d be all about that.”
>“Oh certainly, it’s just if we’re working together, it would be best if the ponies knew that.  You wanted to start this group, so I’m saying that if you want to be taken seriously, you need a defining piece of clothing.  At the very least, something to show us as a united front.”
“No, first a plan, then uniforms.”
>Discord scowls and crosses his arms over his chest.
>Then he grins.
>“Let’s put it to a vote.”
“What?  This isn’t a democracy, it’s a dictatorship!”
>“Ah.  Then I say that we put your position as leader to a vote.”



>Now you’re strong.
>Really fucking strong.
>You pulled four villains across a dozen universes just so that you could fight beside them.
>And you’re charming as hell.
>You convinced every last one of them to sit down and come up with a plan to defeat the ponies.
>But staring down nearly a dozen
>“THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE HAS RETURNED VICTORIOUS!”
>A full dozen hungry eyes, you’re not so confident in yourself.
“…Fair enough.  Who wants to discuss plans for defeating the ponies?”
>You see Trixie in the back, waving her hoof excitedly.
“And, who wants to discuss uniforms?”
>Eleven limbs shoot up.
>They are quickly joined by Trixie’s.
“…Motion passes.”
>The room descends into chaos as the villains begin shouting ideas back and forth at one another.
>All except Discord, who’s sitting back with a smug, toothy grin.
>Sighing, you let your head drop forward and clatter against the table.
>It’s going to be a long, long night.



And a silly little thing from one of the chats:

>Another bright day in Ponyville.
>No yellowquiet today, but you can feel her watching.
>Waiting.
>Head into the Everfree Forest to evade her.
>Anything’s better than facing Fluttershy.
>Spend most of your morning outrunning manticores.
>Stop for lunch.
>“H-hey Anon.”
>Sigh
>You turn and face Fluttershy.
>She looks exhausted and her eyes are bloodshot.
>She’s got her hooves behind her back.
“What’s up, butterball?”
>“Um, Anonymous, is, getting stoned, your fetish?”
>You want to correct her that getting stoned isn’t a fetish.
>But it’s been a fucking age since you’ve had that good kush.
“Yes, Fluttershy, getting stoned in my fetish.”
>Her face brightens as she reveals what’s in her hooves.
>It’s a fucking Cockatrice.
>You scream as it glares at you.
>Your muscles stiffen and you fall onto your back.
>Fluttershy stalks over you and grins
>“Oh, we’re going to have so much fun.”
>Unfortunately, your pants turned to stone with you.
>She makes several attempts to pull them off, but ultimately gives up and walks off.
>Leaving you alone in the wilderness.
>You’re still rock hard, but at least you’re not
>Fucking Fluttershy