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Insults Are Magic

WoodLore Mar 10th, 2015 (edited) 9,707 Never
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  1. "Come on, Twi. I comply with your social customs all the time."
  2. >She's still a little teary-eyed from you calling her a stupid bitch
  3. >She sniffles and tries to pull herself together
  4. >"I'm not sure I entirely understand the concept."
  5. "It's simple. We're such good friends that we would never be mean to each other, right?"
  6. >"Well, yeah."
  7. "So the idea of insulting one another is so crazy, that it's kind of funny. Get it?"
  8. >She cocks her head and knits her brow
  9. >"I... um... no. Not exactly."
  10. "Twilight, just call me a faggot."
  11. >"What?? No! Why would I do that?"
  12. "Twilight. As a friend. I need you to call me a dumb testie-tickling faggot. Please."
  13. >She is visibly conflicted
  14. >Everything she's learned about friendship is telling her not to call you a faggot
  15. >But she also wants you to be happy
  16. "Please, Twilight. I need this."
  17. >"Okay Anon. I'll do it."
  18. "Go ahead."
  19. >She takes a deep, exaggerated breath
  20. >"Anon..."
  21. >"You are a faa-..."
  22. >She's holding back more tears
  23. "What was that, Twi?"
  24. >"You are a fff-..."
  25. >Her voice is wavering
  26. "Are you trying to say I'm a faggot, Twilight?"
  27. >Hearing the word 'faggot' makes the tears come pouring out
  28. >"BUT YOU'RE NOT, ANON! YOU'RE MY FRIEND! I'M SO SORRY!"
  29. >She breaks down and buries her sobbing face into your shoulder, wrapping her front hooves around you
  30. "We'll work on it, you incapable bitch."
  31.  
  32. >She's slowly calming down
  33. >It's probably not helping that you're gently whispering insults into her ear while she sobs
  34. "Hey. You're extra ugly when you cry."
  35. "Why do you smell like vomit today?"
  36. "Purple is a fucking gay color."
  37. >She sniffles and heavily exhales
  38. >"Anon, as a student of friendship, I promise that I will call you a fa-... you know."
  39. "Sure you will, Twi."
  40. >The two of you go about your daily business
  41. >That night, you enter Twilight's place to see her cleaning up her bookshelves and snacking on some hay fries
  42. "You'd better be careful with those fries, Twilight. Don't want your cutie mark to turn into a supernova."
  43. >Her jaw drops as she whips her head towards you
  44. >As she begins losing her composure, you give her a gentle smile
  45. >"Ohhhhh. I get it."
  46. "Do you have a response for me? Is there anything you want to call me, perhaps?"
  47. >She turns to you confidently
  48. >"Why yes, Anon. There is something I want to call you."
  49. "I'm listening"
  50. >"Anon, you are a big fagg-..."
  51. >Her confidence fades
  52. >"WHY DO I HAVE TO DO THIS?"
  53. "Twilight, I'm starting to think that you're not even my friend."
  54. >"ANON."
  55. "Say it."
  56. >"I don't..."
  57. "Say it."
  58. >"ANON YOU'RE A HUGE FAGGOT."
  59. >As soon as the words left her mouth, she collapses in misery
  60. >"I'M SO SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN IT."
  61. >You kneel down to Twilight and hold her
  62. "It's okay Twilight. I'm not mad. Because there's one thing - one thing that will never ever change."
  63. >She looks up at you innocently
  64. >"What's that, Anon?"
  65. >You hug her tightly
  66. "It's that you're an insufferable faggot, Twilight"
  67.  
  68. >She locks the closet door behind her
  69. "Why are you locking us in a closet again?"
  70. >"Anon, I'm your friend. And as your friend, I vow that I will not leave this room until I'm comfortable calling you a faa-..."
  71. >You interrupt her to avoid an imminent breakdown
  72. "I mean... I appreciate that and all, but why do we need to be in here to do it?"
  73. >"It's self-discipline, Anon. I read about it all last night!"
  74. >"Now, insult me."
  75. "What?"
  76. >"INSULT ME AND DON'T STOP UNTIL I SAY THE 'F' WORD."
  77. "This is fucked, Twilight. This isn't a normal way to go about it. A NORMAL pony would be able to say the word 'faggot' without breaking down like a retard. A NORMAL pony wouldn't have to isolate herself from the rest of the world just to force a lesson into their dense fucking skull. And it's not just now. That's just how you are. The only reason you know so much shit is because you're afraid of the world. Somewhere along the line, somepony hurt you, or insulted you, or something, and that caused you to hide away like a childish fucking coward. And you read books all day because a book has never hurt you. Well let me tell you something, bitch. Books DID hurt you. They made you a socially inept hermit who has to lock herself in a closet just to learn how to say a fucking word. You little freak."
  78. >As you were saying this, you saw her face go from confident, to scared, to sad, and then finally, to enraged
  79. >"YEAH WELL AT LEAST I'M NOT A FUCKING FAGGOT."
  80. >You immediately smile in disbelief
  81. >After she realizes what just happened, she smiles too
  82. >The two of you stare at each other silently, slightly winded and still smiling, for about twenty seconds
  83. "Nuh uh. You are. Fucking faggot."
  84.  
  85. >Soon after the two of you left the closet, you realize that you just opened some kind of floodgate
  86. >For the rest of the afternoon, Twilight pranced around the house with a big goofy smile on her face dishing out insult after insult after insult
  87. >"Hey Spike, why don't you get your claws off your tiny dick and make yourself useful?"
  88. >"Anon, thanks for helping me today. It's nice to know that you'll always be a way bigger faggot than I'll ever be."
  89. >She was so disgustingly pleased with herself
  90. >You loved it
  91. >When she wasn't insulting you or Spike, she was just melodically murmuring the word 'faggot' under her breath
  92. >You've created a monster
  93. >You convince her to spread her new expressions of friendship all across Ponyville
  94. >She gallops along, giving everypony she sees a chipper "faggot"
  95. >She saves her most friendly expressions for her dearest pals
  96. >"Pinkie! You always brighten my day. Nothing like seeing a fat chick to boost your self image! Keep being a faggot!"
  97. >"Oh, hi Fluttershy! Is that a new brand of animal piss I smell? Yeah, keep crying faggot!"
  98. >"What was that, Rarity? I couldn't hear what you were saying over the disgusting sticky-sounding flapping of your desperate and abused loose-ass vagina!"
  99. >Where did she even learn this stuff?
  100. >You've never been more proud in your life
  101. >After a long and prolific day of new-age friendship, you and Twilight return to her house
  102. >"I can't wait to share what I've learned about friendship with Princess Celestia!"
  103. >No way
  104. >"Faggot, take a letter."
  105. >Should you stop her?
  106. >"Dear Princess Celestia. You're a faggot. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."
  107.  
  108. >"Twilight, we need to talk."
  109. >Rainbow Dash assertively enters Twilight's house with a serious look on her face
  110. >"What's the matter, you little faggot?"
  111. >Twilight proudly smiles at you while Dash is clearly taken aback
  112. >"Well, uh... I went to Fluttershy's place earlier, and she was crying and wouldn't stop washing her mane. She told me you said she smelled like animal pee. Do you know anything about that?"
  113. >"Sure I do! I was being friendly!"
  114. >You already know this is going to be a breathtaking discussion, so you take a front row seat and look on attentively
  115. >Dash cocks her head in confusion
  116. >"Uh... friendly?"
  117. >"And by the smell of things, Dash, it might have done you some good give your crusty old vagina a scrub or two while you were visiting her."
  118. >As Dash bashfully closes her hind legs, Twilight giggles playfully
  119. >Dash angrily grimaces at Twilight
  120. >"Is there a reason you've been such an asshole today?"
  121. >You take a moment to appreciate the majesty that you're about to behold
  122. >You're about to witness an argument wherein Rainbow Dash is serious, but Twilight thinks is a joke
  123. >Dis gon' be good
  124. >Twilight squeals in delight at Dash's insult
  125. >"At least I don't SMELL like an asshole. For fuck's sake, Dash, you control rain clouds. How hard would it be to get a quick shower?"
  126. >"Listen, egghead. I know Fluttershy and Pinkie will deal with your shit, but you're barking up the wrong tree if you start fucking with me."
  127. >"Rainbow Dash, calm down. I can explain."
  128. >"You better start explaining, then."
  129. >Twilight gives you a quick glance, and you nod to her expectantly
  130. >"The truth is... the reason I've been being so mean to you..."
  131. >Rainbow Dash stands down a bit
  132. >"Is because you're a massive fucking faggot."
  133.  
  134. >Twilight gives Dash a big, sweet smile
  135. >Dash zooms across the room and tackles Twilight into a bookshelf
  136. >You laugh and clap your hands like a monkey
  137. >Rainbow Dash aggressively pins Twilight against the bookshelf
  138. >"What the FUCK is your problem, Twilight?!"
  139. >Twilight is now terrified and on the verge of tears because of Dash's tackle
  140. >As Dash violently shook her, she looked to you and desperately yells to you
  141. >"ANON!!!!"
  142. "Don't worry Twilight! This just means she really really likes you! You're doing great!"
  143. >Dash is too enraged to hear you
  144. >Twilight is now seemingly extremely touched by Dash's aggressive expression of friendship, despite her possible concussion
  145. >As Dash is trying to bash Twilight's head against a shelf, Twilight is lovingly fighting back by trying to give Dash a big, best-friendy hug
  146. >"What are you... get off of me! You're such a fucking weirdo!"
  147. >Twilight squeezes Dash in a tight embrace while a very confused Rainbow Dash struggles to escape it
  148. >"And you're the biggest faggot I've ever met!"
  149. >As you start to see some blood slowly come from Twilight's nose, you realize that she is literally beginning to cry from being emotionally overwhelmed by Dash's aggressively friendly actions
  150. >At this point, Dash is done trying to hurt Twilight, and instead just wants to escape from her hug
  151. >"You... are such... a freak!"
  152. >Finally, Dash breaks free and shoots out of the room as fast as she can
  153. >You kneel down and hand Twilight a tissue for her nosebleed as she smiles heartily
  154. "Your friends sure do love you, Twilight."
  155. >"Yeah..."
  156. >She sighs and gently hugs you, her head resting on your chest
  157. >"Too bad you're still a faggot, though."
  158.  
  159. >"Anon, thank you so much for helping me with this. You really are a great faggot."
  160. "Well what are faggots for, Twilight? I'm glad to help."
  161. >You and Twilight lounge on the couch after a long day of friendship
  162. >"I just feel so RELIEVED. I mean, not only am I being a better friend than I've ever been before, but I'm just getting so much off my chest, too."
  163. "We all appreciate it, Twilight. I know Rainbow Dash sure did. What a cunt, am I right?"
  164. >"Well you are what you eat. The dyke."
  165. >As the two of you chuckle, Spike belches up a letter
  166. >"Twilight, it's a letter from the princess!"
  167. >Oh dear lord
  168. >"No shit, Sherlock. Has it ever not been?"
  169. >Spike bashfully looks at his feet
  170. >"Well-"
  171. >"You know what? Don't answer that. You sound like an old lady trying to pretend to be a little boy. It's fucking annoying. Just give me the letter."
  172. >Twilight opens the letter and reads it out loud
  173. >"Dear Twilight Sparkle, in light of your most recent report, as well as reports from several of your friends, I feel it is in my best interest to pay you a visit. I will arrive at noon tomorrow. Your friend, Princess Celestia."
  174. >Oh dear lord
  175. >Twilight squees in delight
  176. >"Ooohhhhh! The princess must be so proud of me! And I can't wait to tell her that I learned it all from you! The biggest faggot I know! She's going to love you!"
  177. >Oh dear lord
  178. "Twi... maybe you should just tell her that you figured it out on your own, right? You value Celestia's affection way more than I do anyway."
  179. >"Oh, nonsense, Anon! You deserve all the credit! Why, you've helped all of Ponyville transcend to a whole new level of friendship!"
  180. "Really, Twilight. I-"
  181. >"Now, Anon. I insist. Now let's get some shut-eye. You could use some beauty sleep, you ugly faggot."
  182.  
  183. >"Ooh! The princess is here! Eeeee! I'm so excited!"
  184. >As Twilight gallops to the door, you feel your pulse skyrocket
  185. >You cannot for the life of you even imagine a scenario here in which you're not totally fucked
  186. >You're totally fucked
  187. >"Welcome, princess! Come on in, your faggotness!"
  188. >Twilight turns to you and winks
  189. >You force out a supportive smile and take a seat
  190. >If Celestia's going to kill you, you might as well be in a comfy chair for it
  191. >"Twilight, take a seat. There's something we need to address."
  192. >"Sure, princess. And here, you can have the whole sofa for yourself and your big, fat, cellulite-ridden ass."
  193. >Oh dear lord
  194. >"Twilight Sparkle, just what has gotten into you? Last we spoke, you-"
  195. >"I'm going to stop you right there, Princess Sucklestia."
  196. >Wow, good one, Twi
  197. >"I want you to know right now that the reason I would have never learned to act this way if it weren't for this faggot right here."
  198. >Twilight walks to you and drapes a hoof around your shoulders
  199. >Celestia looks you dead in the eyes
  200. >"Is that so?"
  201. >This is it
  202. >You don't respond
  203. >You don't even panic
  204. >You just sit still and await death
  205. >"That's right, Princess Cum-Coat. It's all because of Anon."
  206. >"I see."
  207. >Your only wish is that it is a swift and painless death
  208. >"Twilight, it truly hurts me to say this. But I'm afraid I can no longer allow you to study friendship under my mentorship any longer. Until I hear a genuine apology for your actions, both you and your friend are hereby banned from entering Canterlot. I do not wish to see you or hear from you until I see a real change in behavior. Do I make myself clear?"
  209. >Doe-eyed, Twilight very gently nods
  210. >"Good."
  211. >The princess poofs away
  212. >Ohhh fuck
  213. >Although you managed to escape any sort of consequential punishment from Celestia, you have a feeling Twilight may not be so merciful
  214. >"Wow."
  215. "Twilight, I-"
  216. >"That was the most hurtful thing I've ever heard."
  217. "I'm so sorry. I-"
  218. >"Celestia must value me as a friend even more than I thought."
  219.  
  220. "I'm sorry... what?"
  221. >"Princess Celestia has NEVER been that mean to me before. What a monumental expression of friendship!"
  222. >You have learned today that Twilight is a dumbass
  223. >You're not exactly sure how to move forward from here
  224. >You could cut your losses and confess now, or you could ride it out
  225. >In other words, Twilight will either kill you now or kill you later
  226. >Let the ride continue
  227. "Yeah, totally. I was practically tearing up over here."
  228. >Twilight hugs you
  229. >"This is the best day of my life Anon. Thank you for being such a faggot."
  230. >You hesitantly hug back
  231. "Um... right back at you, fuckbucket."
  232. >"Anyway, it's almost two so I have to head over to the school."
  233. "Wha- what? Why?"
  234. >"I told you about this, didn't I? I'm giving a presentation about the library."
  235. >Oh dear lord
  236. "To... to the children?"
  237. >"Of course!"
  238. >You should put a stop to this
  239. >You should put a stop to this right now
  240. >Think of the children
  241. >"The auditorium is open to the public for the presentation. You're welcome to come."
  242. >The children, Anon
  243. >The children
  244. >Nah, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity
  245. >The ride continues
  246. >"Well, I'm off. The presentation is at two thirty if you're interested. I'm pretty sure Applejack will be there!"
  247. >It's a good day to die
  248. "I'll be there, Twi. Good luck!"
  249. >"See ya, faggot!"
  250.  
  251. >You spot a familiar cowboy hat as a small crown files into the auditorium
  252. >You're not sure if you should try to sit with her
  253. >"Oh, howdy Anon!"
  254. >Never mind
  255. "Hey there A.J. What brings you here?"
  256. >"Oh, I try to be at all of Applebloom's school events."
  257. "Well it's good to see you. I have a feeling Twilight's got a good presentation in store."
  258. >The two of you take your seats just behind the schoolchildren
  259. >Twilight peeks her head from backstage and excitedly waves at you
  260. >"By the way, Anon. Do you know what happened with Rainbow Dash yesterday? She was yelling something about Twilight, but she was too upset to really understand."
  261. "Oh, you know Rainbow Dash. She gets worked up over anything."
  262. >"Yeah, you're right. I'm sure it was nothing."
  263. >Cheerilee walks on stage and does that stupid 'clap, clap, clap clap clap' thing that magically makes children shut the fuck up
  264. >"Alright, children. I'm... excited to announce a very special guest for this afternoon."
  265. >Cheerilee seems a bit off
  266. >As if a certain purple pony just called her a cunt
  267. >"Please give a warm Ponyville Schoolhouse welcome to everypony's favorite town librarian - Twilight Sparkle!"
  268. >Twilight approaches the podium through the half-hearted applause
  269. >"Thank you, children. I'm so happy to be here! Let's get started, shall we?"
  270. >She leaves the stage for a second and then returns with a big pad of easel paper for her presentation
  271. >Twilight gives you a quick wink
  272. >Applejack might have just heard you sphincter clench
  273. >Oh dear lord
  274.  
  275. >"You alright Anon? Ya'll are squirmin' more than an eel in a gearbox."
  276. >What the fuck does that even mean, Applejack?
  277. "Yeah, yeah. Just... a little warm."
  278. >Twilight very slowly opens the easel pad to the first page
  279. >Here we go
  280. >It has a picture of a stack of books and it says "The Library"
  281. >Oh, okay, that's not bad at all
  282. >Maybe Twilight knows her limits after all
  283. >"My little faggots!"
  284. >Oh dear lord
  285. >You look around the room to see everypony's jaws dropped in disbelief
  286. >But no one stops her
  287. >Everyone just stares, dumbfounded as she swears at children
  288. >It's as if you're inside a cartoon or something
  289. >"The fact is that you are all fucking stupid. You're children. That's just the way you cunts are. You walk around breaking shit and hurting yourselves all the time. No one likes you jizz dwarves, and frankly the only reason you all exist is because fucking kicks ass."
  290. >She turns the page to a picture of a brain with a bunch of mathematical formulas floating around it
  291. >"Luckily, there's still hope for you little faggots. Hell, if a cunt like Cheerilee can land a steady job, you'll all be fine. Anyway, the idea is that if you twatwaffles actually pick up a book every once in a while, you might be able to go from a useless sack of shit to a sack of shit that at least has one use. For example, you."
  292. >Twilight points to one of the fillies in the front row
  293. >"What's your name? Yeah, you. The one who looks like a living embodiment of her parents' regret."
  294. >"I'm Twitht."
  295. >"Alright, TwiTTTHTHTHTHTHt. What are you interested in? Other than actively boycotting hygiene products."
  296. >"Well, I really like candy."
  297. >"Candy? You like CANDY? What, is your THuper THpecial talent having type 2 diabetes?"
  298. >"What'th dia-"
  299. >"Okay, she's a bad example. Literally unsalvageable. Who else we got?"
  300. >Twilight scans the crowd while everyone continues staring in disbelief
  301. >"Ah, okay. You three. The Cutie Mark Cumguzzlers or whatever the fuck you're called. Get up here."
  302.  
  303. >The three fillies slowly head onto the stage while there's FINALLY some shuffling and murmuring in the crowd
  304. >Twilight's still sporting the same friendly smile as always
  305. >"So I look at the three of you, and I see two normal, healthy fillies."
  306. >The whole room then falls silent for about ten seconds
  307. >"What happened to you, cheese puff? Parents drop you into a blender when you were born?"
  308. >Silence
  309. >Silence and sphincter clenching
  310. >"But really, Crippaloo. What do you want to do when you grow up?"
  311. >The sound of Scootaloo's gentle whimpering echoes through the auditorium
  312. >"For fuck's sake... Cheerilee! Aren't you supposed to be teaching these faggots how to TALK? Ugh! What about you, whitey?"
  313. >"I... like... singing..."
  314. >"Are you fucking kidding me, Sweetie Belle? Are you fucking kidding me? Look at me. Look at me. This entire town sings a song every other fucking day. If you can name ONE good reason why you think anyone would ever be interested in hearing a little wank sniffer like you scream into a microphone, then I swear to Celestia I'll buy everyone in this room tickets to your first big concert. No? That's what I thought. You're going to die a worthless faggot just like your worthless cripple friend."
  315. >Cheerilee breaks into tears as the rest of the crowd grows restless
  316. >"And that leaves us with you. Last and objectively least, the earth pony. I want to start off by saying that you smell like you slept in a cow's asshole last night. I mean, I know you live on a-"
  317. >"THAT'S IT."
  318. >Applejack tramples your testicles on her way to the aisle before she sprints directly towards Twilight
  319. >Literally each child in the room is crying
  320. >Twilight gazes into the crowd with joy as she hears dozens of ponies yelling at her the most genuine insults and threats that have ever graced her ears
  321. >The audience is very clearly forming an angry mob
  322. >You watch in a state of numb apathy as Applejack swiftly tackles Twilight and stomps her out of consciousness
  323. >Oh dear lord
  324.  
  325. >"Alright Twilight. Keep that wound covered and get plenty of rest!"
  326. >"Oh gee, thanks, doctor faggot. Couldn't have figured that one out myself."
  327. >You check Twilight out of the hospital and start walking home
  328. >"I think it's safe to say that I am officially the most well-liked pony in Ponyville."
  329. "Twilight, you could have died."
  330. >"I know! I'm starting to think that ponies might like me SO much, that they might kill me! You know, out of friendship!"
  331. >How can Princess Celestia's ex-prodigy be this dumb?
  332. >Maybe she bases her choices 100% off of learned information and 0% off of social cues, and she trusts you so much, she takes what you tell her at face value
  333. "You should... I mean... try to avoid that. Right?"
  334. >"Probably, yeah."
  335. >As you turn the last corner towards Twilight's place, you see something you honestly should have expected at this point
  336. >About fifty ponies were waiting for the two of you holding pitchforks and other blunt objects, standing in front of Twilight's house
  337. >Which was on fire
  338. >You wonder to yourself if this has perhaps gotten a tiny bit out of hand
  339. >Applejack stands in front, just as pissed off as when she decked Twilight
  340. >"Twi, you're not welcome here no more. Either leave town right now, or we're making you. I guarantee."
  341. >Twilight falls to the ground in tears, staring at her razed house
  342. >"Applejack... I had no idea you felt this way."
  343. >"I'm dead serious, Twi."
  344. >Twilight very timidly approaches Applejack, while the mob stays on guard but doesn't react
  345. >Applejack's face turns from anger to confusion as Twilight throws her front hooves around her in embrace
  346. >"Thank you, Applejack."
  347. >No fucking way
  348. >"It must have taken you all day to learn the word 'guarantee'. The fact that you'd put yourself through that for our friendsh-"
  349. >"FUCKING GET HER."
  350. >The ride continues
  351.  
  352. >Holy fuck ponies are fast
  353. >You put all your effort into sprinting along with Twilight away from the bloodthirsty mob
  354. >"DO YOU BITCHES... EXPECT US... TO BE AFRAID... OF A BUNCH OF... PASTEL COLORED..."
  355. >Twilight please stop
  356. >"... FART SUCKING..."
  357. >Twilight
  358. >"... FILLY FONDLING..."
  359. >pls
  360. >"... PUS POUCHES?!"
  361. "TWILIGHT WHY ARE YOU TRYING... TO MAKE THEM ANGRIER?"
  362. >"Why would they be getting angry?"
  363. "HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU?!"
  364. >Twilight blushes
  365. >"Aw, Anon. Is now really the time for flattery?"
  366. "JUST... FUCKING... TELEPORT US AWAY FROM HERE."
  367. >Poof
  368. >The two of you end up in some treeline outside of Ponyville
  369. >You slump down against a tree
  370. "Twilight. I need to tell you something. Something I should have told you a long time ago."
  371. >"Yeah? What's that, faggot?"
  372. >You unbuckle your figurative seatbelt and prepare to get off the ride
  373. "Twi... oh man. How should I put this? Um... insults and threats... aren't ALWAYS friendly. Sometimes ponies really do think you're just being mean."
  374. >"Yeah, no shit, Anon."
  375. >What
  376. >The
  377. >Fuck
  378. >"How dumb do you think I actually am? Do you honestly think I've been oblivious to all the ponies I've been pissing off? I know what I'm doing."
  379. >You calmly and cautiously rebuckle your figurative seatbelt
  380.  
  381. >"You should see your face right now."
  382. "I firmly believe that I have every right to be confused right now."
  383. >"Yeah, I guess so."
  384. "How... just... what?! You knew?"
  385. >"Of course!"
  386. >You didn't know whether to hate her or be proud of her
  387. >"It felt SO GOOD to get some of those things off my chest. Seriously, I've wanted to call Rarity a whore since I met her."
  388. "Okay, sure. Rarity's a whore. But you mocked a filly's physical disability directly to her face. You can't tell me that felt 'SO GOOD'."
  389. >"Well, no. It didn't. But I knew the only way for me to get off the hook for all this was to get you to confess. But I guess I expected too much from you by thinking that you'd stop me from bullying children to tears. Jackass."
  390. "Wha- ME?"
  391. >"Listen. I think we can agree that we're both in the wrong here. But unless we want to go start a new life in a new kingdom, we need to find a way out of this."
  392. >Twilight is disturbingly calm considering everything that just went down
  393. "Sure. Okay. But how the FUCK are we gonna do that?"
  394. >"I have a plan. But before I tell you, just keep in mind that you are not at all morally qualified to be upset at me for this."
  395. >Oh dear lord
  396. "Fine. Okay. Just tell me."
  397. >"I'm going to play dumb, and you have to take the hit."
  398. "What?! No! Why would I ever agree to that?"
  399. >"It's the only way, Anon. If ponies actually believe that that's how you treat their friends, then they can't be mad at us. They don't know anything about your social customs, so they'll have to believe you. So if you can lie better than you can sprint, neither of us will get into any trouble."
  400. >Fuck, she's right
  401.  
  402.  
  403. "Okay. So what exactly are you suggesting I do?"
  404. >"Exactly what I did."
  405. "Fuck. No."
  406. >"Just listen. You need to go insult everybody in Ponyville with a big friendly smile on your face. Eventually, word of it will have to get back to Celestia. You tell her you didn't know any better and that you were just trying to be nice, and she'll forgive both of us."
  407. >Why does she have to be so right?
  408. "And what if they kill me, Twilight? They're all faster than I am. You saw it yourself."
  409. >"Just don't piss off anyone holding a weapon. Or any angry mobs. Try to target small and defenseless ponies."
  410. >Jesus christ
  411. >"And we both know you deserve this, so don't even try getting out of it."
  412. >Can't argue with that
  413. "What are you planning on doing?"
  414. >"I don't know. I guess I'll go stay with Zecora or something. I'm sure she hasn't heard about all this. Nobody ever talks to her. Just come get me once you think you've pissed everypony off enough."
  415. "That's it? You're going to go hang out with Zecora while I walk around verbally terrorizing every defenseless pony I can find?"
  416. >"Uh huh. Any issues with that?"
  417. >Yes
  418. "No."
  419. >"Good. I'll see you when you're done."
  420. >Round 2: START
  421.  
  422. >This is going to be really really hard unless you just embrace it
  423. >No mercy
  424. >No guilt
  425. >Only insults
  426. >You decide to start easy
  427. >Who will get upset the easiest?
  428. "Hey Fluttershy."
  429. >You put on a big friendly smile
  430. >"Oh, hi Anon. Do you know a-"
  431. "...cunt."
  432. >Fluttershy immediately releases a fountain of tears, wailing all the way back to her house
  433. >That was easy
  434. >You take a deep breath
  435. >You try to look at this as more of a game and not so much real life
  436. >It's only going to get harder from here
  437. >You decide to go try to make Pinkie's hair deflate
  438. >You find her in Sugarcube Corner, actually not eating for once
  439. >"NONNY!"
  440. >Pinkie energetically bounces over to you and gives you hug
  441. >Fuck this is going to be hard
  442. >"You want a cupcake? Ooh! What about a donut! Or, we just made the most delicious looking fudge!!!"
  443. "Christ, Pinkie. Lay off the bouncing huh? These floorboards can only take so much. Don't wanna cause a seismic event, do you?"
  444. >"Woah, no way! Twilight, like, JUST brought that up the other day! So I've been trying to eat better, and I already lost four pounds! Isn't that great, Nonny?"
  445. >Oh my god this hurts to do
  446. "Yeah? Hard to tell. You still just look kinda like a big chewed up wad of bubblegum."
  447. >Pinkie giggles
  448. >"Oh, Nonny. You're the silliest Nonny I know."
  449. >Oh my god she's too cute
  450. "Well you're the fattest cunt I know."
  451. >OH MY GOD I'M SORRY
  452. >"Well... you're the saltiest OYSTER I know!"
  453. >What?
  454. "What?"
  455. >"What? I thought we were playing a game! Weren't we?"
  456. >Pinkie starts bouncing in a circle around you
  457. "No, you dumb bitch. We weren't playing a game."
  458. >"Then whyyyyy are you smiling?"
  459. >Fuuuuck, what should you say?
  460. "Because we're just... such good friends!"
  461. >Was that part of the plan?
  462. "And... you're a huge faggot!"
  463. >FUCK
  464. >WAS THAT PART OF THE PLAN
  465. >You just smile and wait as Pinkie gleefully laughs
  466. >"Well... then you're a huger faggot!"
  467. >This was not part of the plan
  468.  
  469. >Just keep insulting
  470. >Twilight just told you to keep insulting
  471. "Pinkie. Just by volume, you are without a doubt the biggest faggot in this room."
  472. >"Nonny. Just by the amount of time we've each spent staring at Big Mac's jumblies, I would beg to differ."
  473. >THIS ISN'T WORKING
  474. >S.O.S
  475. >FALL BACK
  476. "I'd love to stay and chat, Piggy Pie, but I honestly think calories are being transferred from your body to mine just through osmosis, so..."
  477. >"What? No! We were having fun!"
  478. >What the fuck is happening
  479. >"Nonny, call me a faggot!"
  480. "No."
  481. >"Come on Nonny! Just call me a dumb testie-tickling faggot!"
  482. "WHY DO YOU WANT THAT?"
  483. >"Because it's fun!"
  484. "PINKIE. I'M NOT GOING TO CALL YOU A DUMB TESTIE-TICKLING-"
  485. >You're interrupted by Rainbow Dash barging through the front door
  486. >"Oh, look, Nonny! You're not the biggest faggot in the room anymore!"
  487. >Dash knits her brow
  488. >"What the hell, Pinkie?"
  489. >"What's'a matter Dashie? No one ever called you a faggot before?"
  490. >Dash growls and grimaces at Pinkie
  491. >"Oh, calm down, Dashie. We're having fun!"
  492. >Dash cocks her head
  493. >"Huh?"
  494. >"Just call me a faggot."
  495. >"Alright... faggot."
  496. >Pinkie giggles as Dash cracks a smile
  497. >"See? Didn't that feel good, faggot?"
  498. >Dash gently giggles
  499. >"Yeah, I guess it did, you little faggot!"
  500. >This could not be going any worse
  501. >Pinkie presses her head against your arm
  502. >"Have anything to add, Nonny?"
  503. >You look at the two ponies excitedly waiting for you to call them faggots
  504. >Honestly, their ride looks a whole lot more fun the the ride Twilight dragged you on
  505. >You're jumping ship
  506. "Only that you two are a couple of massive fucking cunts."
  507.  
  508. >Pinkie lights up
  509. >"Come on!"
  510. >She bolts out the door and Dash quickly follows her
  511. >You strap into the new ride and head out with them
  512. >Pinkie turns to you and whispers
  513. >"Watch this!"
  514. >She turns back forward and takes a deep breath
  515. >"HEY DAISY! HEY! WE ALL KNOW WHY YOU BUY A CUCUMBER EVERY NIGHT, YOU SICK BITCH!"
  516. >Daisy wasn't even outside
  517. >Pinkie just literally yelled it towards her house as loud as she could
  518. >You, Pinkie, and Dash all break into laughter as Daisy peeks her head out of a window, appalled
  519. >"Pinkie Pie! How dare you!"
  520. >"Oh come on, Daisy! Say what's on your mind! It'll make you feel better!"
  521. >Pinkie gives an encouraging smile to egg her on
  522. >Daisy catches on and smirks
  523. >"Well... at least I can FIND my hoo-ha, you... you big whale!"
  524. >You all fall to the ground in laughter
  525. >Amethyst Star is giggling down the road having overheard you
  526. >"Hey Daisy! Next time you're buying your cucumber, maybe you could pick up for clams for Rainbow Dash to use!"
  527. >Oh my god this ride is so much better
  528. >Everyone who's out around town starts insulting one another and laughing
  529. >"Golden Harvest! Stop laughing so much, I can smell your breath from here!"
  530. >"Oh, I'd better write that one down. Oh wait, Davenport sucks at his job and is out of quills again!"
  531. >"MAYOR MARE REMINDS ME OF AN OL' SCAB."
  532. >What a beautiful sight
  533. >The three of you are rolling on the ground in laughter
  534. >This is the same town that just ran Twilight out of town for saying shit like this
  535. >Granted, she did say that shit to children
  536. >Dash rolls over towards you
  537. >"Hey, you know who'd love this? Applejack."
  538. >You flash back to Applejack knocking out Twilight
  539. "Fuck yeah, let's go."
  540.  
  541. >The three of you walk through a laughter-ridden Ponyville towards Sweet Apple Acres
  542. >Applejack is outside bucking apples as always
  543. >Dash flies ahead of you and Pinkie to greet her
  544. >"Gosh, AJ. Don't you ever wish you had a fulfilling life that WASN'T totally repetitive?"
  545. >Applejack raised an eyebrow
  546. >"Uh... no. Not really."
  547. >Pinkie yelled to her from back next to you, still about fifty feet away
  548. >"WELL DON'T YOU EVER AT LEAST WISH YOU WEREN'T A FAGGOT?"
  549. >Pinkie snorts in laughter as Applejack shifts her eyes in aggravated confusion
  550. >"Are ya'll here for a reason, or are ya'll just looking to bother me?"
  551. >Dash flies right up to her face
  552. >"I don't know. What do you think, you stupid redneck cunt?"
  553. >Right after saying it, Rainbow Dash lets out one of those obnoxious 'pbfbpbfbb' sounds through her lips for five full seconds, literally soaking Applejack's face in her lousy saliva, before breaking into laughter along with you and Pinkie
  554. >Applejack eventually lets out a goofy chuckle
  555. >"Well, Rainbow, you're just lucky my papa's not around no more. If he ever found a homosexual on his property, he'd skin her alive faster'n you can say 'it just ain't natural'."
  556. >Dash falls out the sky laughing
  557. >Holy fuck this is fun
  558. >You want in
  559. "Apples are fucking disgusting."
  560. >The laughter halts
  561. >"Don't push it, sugarcube."
  562. "Oh. Um..."
  563. >"HEYY!! Let's go get Rarity and Fluttershy and have some more FUN!"
  564. >The four of you prance off to keep spreading joy and laughter
  565.  
  566. >You find them both in the Carousel Boutique
  567. >Fluttershy starts tearing up at the sight of you, and Rarity defensively hugs her
  568. >"Anonymous! You have got some explaining to do!"
  569. >Pinkie looks at you and cocks her head
  570. >"What happened?
  571. >Oh yeahhhhh, you called Fluttershy a cunt earlier
  572. "I called Fluttershy a cunt earlier."
  573. >Fluttershy whimpers helplessly
  574. >Rarity scowls
  575. >"Now why would you say something like that to poor old Fluttershy?"
  576. "It's kinda true sometimes."
  577. >Rainbow Dash joins in
  578. >"And news flash, Fluttershy. Maybe if you cut your tail shorter like the rest of us so it didn't drag on the shit-covered ground all day, you wouldn't smell like Applejack's asshole."
  579. >That one irked Rarity
  580. >"That is quite enough! If you brutes MUST go around picking on ponies, I ask that you KINDLY keep it away from dear Fluttershy."
  581. >Oh come on, you're practically asking for it
  582.  
  583. >Pinkie tags in
  584. >"Mm-kay. Hey Rarity. Is your name supposed to be ironic? Because I think that like... half the stallions in town have had you."
  585. >Rarity's jaw drops
  586. >"...and like a quarter of the mares."
  587. >"WELL. At least I can GET... that kind of attention! I bet nopony could even FIND your poussoir! Not that they'd WANT to."
  588. >"Sorry, Rarity. Try again. Daisy already did that one."
  589. >Rarity jerked in confusion
  590. >"Wh- Daisy? Why in Equestria were you arguing with Daisy?"
  591. >"Everyone's insulting each other! It's fun!"
  592. >Rarity turns up her nose
  593. >"That doesn't sound like any kind of fun I'VE ever heard of."
  594. >"Um... Anon? You're a faggot."
  595. >You, Pinkie, Dash, and Applejack all turn to Fluttershy with massive smiles
  596. >Rarity gasps in disgust
  597. >"Fluttershy! Darling! What did you just say?"
  598. >"He's a faggot. Anon is a faggot."
  599. >Fluttershy wasn't even laughing
  600. >She was just confidently looking at everyone in the room
  601. >This is the best ride ever
  602. "Why am I a faggot Fluttershy? I really want to know."
  603. >Even Rarity was interested at this point
  604. >"Yes, dear... please. Do elaborate."
  605. >"Um... okay..."
  606. >Fluttershy takes a deep breath as you prepare for what may possibly end up being the best thirty seconds of your life.
  607.  
  608. >"Well for starters, Anon, it's really uncomfortable how insecure you are. You always just follow Twilight around with your hands in your pockets and watch everypony else interact. I mean, I know it might be a little hypocritical coming from me, but at least I stay in my house most of the time. You pretty much force everypony to see how awkward you are. And the only reason Twilight doesn't mind is because she's kind of awkward too and doesn't understand it. And what makes it even worse is how obvious it is when you look at everypony's rear ends all the time. I know you're probably lonely, and I'm sorry, but just because you're attracted to us doesn't mean that we're ever going to be attracted to you. We won't. So you should just come to terms with that now. We shouldn't be made to feel guilty over your sexual frustration. And the only reason no one's brought it up in the past is because you're a guest, and no one wants to make you feel unwelcome or look like they're discriminating against you. But the fact is Anon, it kind of feels like you're overstaying your welcome a little bit. You've been mooching off of Twilight for a while now, and unless you start actually contributing to the community, ponies are going to start getting more and more bothered by you. I mean, were you this lazy before you got here? Did you just sit around and do nothing every day? Well if you did, then that has to change if you plan on staying here. We're not just here so you can lurk around and stare at us all day. We're not just here for your entertainment, okay? So... that's why I think you're a faggot, Anon. It's because you're lazy, useless, and perverted."
  609. >Everyone silently stares at you
  610. >You've never felt such a powerful combination of pain and excitement
  611. >After ten seconds of quiet, Rarity runs up and gets right in your face
  612. >"DO YOU HEAR THAT, ANONYMOUS?! YOU!! ARE A FAGGOT!!!"
  613. >The tension vanishes as everyone, even Rarity and Fluttershy, break into a hearty laugh
  614.  
  615. "See? Told you she was a cunt."
  616. >Pinkie nudges your leg
  617. >"Speaking of Twilight... where'd she go?"
  618. >You promptly look at Applejack and raise your eyebrows
  619. >"Oh, we ran her outta town"
  620. >Pinkie gasps
  621. >"What?! Why?!"
  622. >"She called Scootaloo a worthless cripple in front of half the ponies in town. Among other things."
  623. >"Oh. Okie-dokie-lokie!"
  624. >You feel a teensy bit guilty about Twilight's situation in all this
  625. >You could just abandon her, but you feel slightly obligated to help her out
  626. >You figure the best thing to do is to try to bring this new ride to her and see how it pans out
  627. "Wanna go call her a cunt? She's at Zecora's."
  628. >As good a plan as any
  629. >Applejack looks you right in the eye
  630. >"More then anything in the world, Anon."
  631. >The six of you head out towards the Everfree, and Fluttershy walks besides you
  632. >"Um... do you hate me now?"
  633. "Hate you? No. Do I think you're a dirty cunt? You better fucking believe it."
  634. >She shyly grins
  635. >As if you just called her pretty or something
  636. >What the fuck is happening to Ponyville
  637. >Applejack looks back towards you
  638. >"By the way, sugarcube. Do ya'll know what got into Twilight making her say all that?"
  639. >lol maybe
  640. "No, I'm not really sure. It kind of came out of the blue."
  641. >Would you look at that, you're a huge jackass
  642. >Dash began flying backwards in front of you, now facing you
  643. >"Whatever it was, hopefully she's over it now. It was like every word out of her mouth was an insult! What a fucking bitch, am I right?"
  644. >The girls casually laughed, seemingly missing the irony
  645. >When you get to Zecora's house, Twilight must have heard you coming
  646. >She slowly emerges from the front door wearing a menacing smile
  647. >Somepony's a little upset
  648. >Zecora urgently slams the door behind Twilight, suggesting that Twilight just put her through hell
  649. >"Anon! Why are- you brought guests!"
  650. >Well, life was fun while it lasted
  651. "Twilight. I can explain."
  652. >"TWILIGHT. YOU'RE A MASSIVE CUNT."
  653. >God damn it, Applejack
  654.  
  655. >"Anon. You didn't follow the plan."
  656. "Twilight..."
  657. >"YOU DIDN'T FOLLOW THE PLAN, ANON. WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?"
  658. >Apparently she's been realizing the magnitude of the situation
  659. "Do you want the truth?"
  660. >"No, Anon. I want you to lie to me. OF COURSE I WANT THE TRUTH"
  661. "We're here because Applejack wanted to call you a cunt."
  662. >Everyone but Twilight laughs
  663. >Twilight's eye twitches
  664. >Apparently she's in no mood to joke
  665. >"You're laughing. WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?"
  666. >Applejack chuckles
  667. >"'Cause you're a cunt."
  668. >Twilight growls
  669. >Pinkie bounces over to Twilight and drapes a hoof over her shoulder
  670. >"Come onnnnn Twilight. It's funny!"
  671. >"Funny?! It's FUNNY now?! When I insult Rainbow Dash, she physically assaults me, but when you do it, it's FUNNY?!"
  672. >Dash recoils defensively, then starts looking a little guilty
  673. >"Well... we changed our minds!"
  674. >Any traces of laughter subside as everyone starts understanding how pissed Twilight must be
  675. "Just calm down, Twilight. Why don't we don't just put all this behind us and try to make amends?"
  676. >"That would be great for you, wouldn't it Anon? Try to trick me into becoming 'public enemy #1', let me get run out of town, and then just call it even?"
  677. >Oh, yeah
  678. >You forgot this was all your fault
  679. >Pinkie looks at you an cocks her head
  680. >"I'm confused."
  681. >Oh yeah
  682. >No one knows this was all your fault
  683. >Well fuck
  684. >How are you going to get out of this one?
  685. "Twilight, I get that you're mad, but I have a solution."
  686. >She raises an eyebrow
  687. "I know you have a lot of bottled up aggression. So how about we all let you tear us a new asshole? Just say all the shit to us that you've wanted to say for years, and then we go back to how everything was before this started. We'll help you fix your house and everything."
  688. >There's no way she'll settle for that
  689. >You can see Twilight's gears grinding her face slowly turns to an evil smile
  690. >"Fine."
  691.  
  692. "R- really?"
  693. >"Yes, really."
  694. >You turn to the other five
  695. "Is... that cool with everyone?"
  696. >They all gently shrug and nod compliantly
  697. >Wow
  698. >You can't believe that worked
  699. >"And why don't we start with you, Anon? Why don't we start by talking about how fucking useless you are? Why don't we talk about how your little tiny human penis gets hard every time one of us is nice to you? Well guess what, Anon. We're not interested. And I think that, deep down, you know that. You know that none of us would ever be interested in the town creep. And before you start making excuses for yourself - no. It has nothing to do with the fact that you're a different species. You could be the most handsome stallion in Equestria, but if you still walked around breathing through your mouth staring at our vaginas all day like you do now, we'd be just as repulsed as we are right now. Except maybe Rarity, but we can talk about that later, can't we?"
  700. >Rarity nervously gulps as Twilight glares at her
  701. >"I'm sure none of this is news to you, Anon. But the problem is, you're SO desperate, that you manage to delude yourself about it. Whenever one of us says anything nice to you, or, Celestia forbid, touches you, you get it into your head that maybe we did it because we're interested in you. You think that, maybe, something magically changed that suddenly made you attractive. And you spend the rest of the day fantasizing, holding onto this little shred of hope that you synthesized, spinning stories in your mind about how great you'd treat us. Like an immature little boy. And then you play with your pathetic little penis, go to bed, and do it all over again the next day. What do you think, Anon? Sound pretty spot-on?"
  702. "Uh..."
  703. >"Shut up. I'm not done."
  704.  
  705. >"Because there's something else you need to know. Your sad little life? It's not a secret. EVERYONE talks about it. We talk about how you're never going to find love. We talk about how fucking ugly your hairless skin is. We talk about that, even though you know you have nothing to offer, you absolutely never make any attempts to improve yourself. And that's really the biggest problem, isn't it, Anon? That even though you know that you're an irredeemable loser, you're never going to change. You're just going to keep blaming the world for your shitty life. Instead of taking control of your own fate, you're just going to continue to complain that the universe didn't just hand you happiness for free. Never mind that I'm giving you a free place to live and free food to eat - you want more. So next time you're moping around wondering why nopony wants anything to do with you, remember this conversation. And then, maybe, if the stars align, you'll actually blame yourself. You won't blame anypony else, you won't blame fate, you'll blame YOURSELF. And then, JUST MAYBE, you'll grow the fuck up and start acting like a man. But, considering your track record Anon, I'm not holding my breath."
  706. >You're frozen
  707. >Twilight grinned at your defeat
  708. >The tense silence was at last broken by a nervous giggle from Pinkie
  709. >Wrong move
  710. >"Oh, what a surprise. Pinkie Pie is trying to make a bad situation go away by laughing. Let's find out if it worked, shall we?"
  711. >Twilight menacingly strolls over to Pinkie, not breaking eye contact
  712. >"Hmm... well you're still fat. And you're still totally dead inside. So it looks like laughing didn't help all that, did it? As much as you wish it would. Oh, and before you ask, no - overeating won't help either."
  713.  
  714. >Pinkie's ears flop down
  715. >"Living inside a shell sounds great, doesn't it Pinkie? If you smile and laugh at everything, then it all becomes a joke. Nothing can get inside. None of the suffering and death in the world. None of the hate and aggression. None of the injustice. None of it seems real if you laugh at it, does it Pinkie? Well, there's two problems with living like that. The first problem - the obvious problem - is that those things ARE real. The world can be an awful place. But I know you know that. The SECOND problem, Pinkie, is that if you don't let anything get in, nothing can get out either. Your psyche becomes an isolated wasteland, and the monsters in your head just become stronger, because you won't let anything in to fight them. Get it? Let me put in a way you might actually understand. Your pantry is full of pastries and candy, right? Of course it is. Now let's say I nailed it shut, and we didn't open it for ten years. What do you think would happen? Everything inside would rot. If there was ever anything worthwhile in that pantry, it would be left to just idly fester there in the dark. Then it starts to mold. The bugs will start to get to it. Everything will be destroyed from the inside out. But all the while, the door to the pantry looks just as inviting as ever. And, inevitably, somebody will come along and open that pantry, regardless of how difficult it is, expecting delicious treats. And then they'll see everything. They'll see the awful secrets that pantry has been holding for all these years. The decay. The disease. The disaster. And no matter how much they try to clean it out, it's no use. That pantry will always be tainted. You'll never be able to rid that place of traces of the disrepair that you let happen. It's ruined. Forever."
  716. >Pinkie's face had become emotionless
  717. >She stares off into the depths of the forest as Twilight watches her with pride
  718.  
  719. >"But it gets harder every day, doesn't it Pinkie? The demons are getting bigger and stronger, and the walls of your mind are getting thinner and weaker. Which means you have to work harder to keep everything inside. You have to make jokes more often, and laugh more loudly. Don't think we haven't noticed, Pinkie. You've been acting out more and more over the past couple of years, because you have to scream louder than your demons. And I understand that. You wouldn't want your friends to see inside your head, would you? So you go ahead and keep making more and more obnoxious jokes. But know that it won't last forever, Pinkie. Because soon, we're going to get sick of it, and it'll chase us all away. And when you have no one left to tell jokes to, your defense is gone. And your demons will have no one to attack but you. And they'll win. I promise you that, they will win."
  720. >Pinkie remains emotionless while her breathing becomes heavier
  721. >Twilight grins and begins pacing in front of the rest of the group
  722. >"And while we're on the topic of ponies hiding behind masks..."
  723. >She stops in front of Rainbow Dash
  724. >"Just how much DO you hate yourself, Rainbow Dash?"
  725. >Dash grimaces
  726. >"I... I don't."
  727. >"You're lying."
  728. >Dash is clearly shaken, but tries to remain looking confident
  729. >Twilight locks eyes with her
  730. >"What do you think you'd do, Rainbow Dash, if no one complimented you for an entire week? Do you think you'd survive, Dash? Seven days?"
  731. >Dash began to try to answer, but nothing came out of her mouth
  732. >She clenched her jaw, trying to fight back emotion
  733. >Twilight snickered
  734. >"What would you be forced to think about, Dash? Your faults? Your insecurities? All the ways in which you might not be good enough?"
  735. >Dash looked towards the ground angrily
  736. >"Stop..."
  737. >"No."
  738.  
  739. >"Day one. You go show off in front of your friends like you always do. When no one compliments you, you turn to your backup plan. Scootaloo. That's all she is to you anyway, right Dash? An easy way to get compliments? But you have no luck with her either. Who knows, maybe she's gotten tired of you doing the same old shit all the time. You try to shrug it off and sleep. Day two. You start forcing ponies to pay attention to you. You fly in front of Mayor Mare making a speech, or crash a party. But no one wants to watch you, do they? You're boring. They don't care about you. So you go work out all night to distract yourself, and go to sleep. Day three. You start making excuses for yourself. Maybe ponies are just too intimidated by you to compliment you. Maybe they're complimenting you, but you just haven't heard them. So you feed off of your pathetic denial for the day, and spend the night having nightmares. Day four. You're desperate and tormented. You confront everypony you see, interrupting everything they're doing to get them to pay attention to you. You show off, and try to lead them into praising you. But, naturally, everyone gets sick of your childish attempts at getting affirmation. The harder you try, the less attention you get."
  740. >Dash's eyes are tightly closed as tears sneak between her eyelids
  741. >"Stop."
  742. >"No. Day five. You spend the morning curled up on a cloud feeling sorry for yourself. In a last desperate attempt, you tell everyone you can find that you're going to do a sonic rainboom. After you finally find a few ponies to watch, you fail. You fail because you weren't good enough. You watch your audience laugh at you as they walk away."
  743. >"Please stop."
  744. >"Day six. You remember all the times you disappointed your parents. You remember all the things your classmates said about you. 'Cause this isn't the first time you've failed, is it Rainbow Crash? You don't sleep that night."
  745. >"Twilight..."
  746. >"Day seven. You try to hurt yourself again."
  747.  
  748. >Rainbow Dash's entire body shakes as you all listen to the eerie sounds of the Everfree
  749. >It's interrupted by Twilight mercilessly pacing towards her next victim
  750. >"Why don't we continue with our theme of insecurity?"
  751. >Rarity quickly jerks her head to look at Twilight, knowing she's next
  752. >"There is nothing you can say that could hurt me, Twilight."
  753. >"You're wrong. You just think I'm going to call you a slut. And you are a slut, but that's not what I hate about you."
  754. >"Then what, pray tell, DO you hate about me, love?"
  755. >"I hate how fucking fake you are. You are just so ashamed of the mare who lives underneath all that makeup, aren't you?"
  756. >"Not at all, dear."
  757. >"Okay. Then go wash off the make up. Let's see who you really are."
  758. >Without waiting for a response, Twilight walks to Zecora's door and knocks
  759. >Zecora hesitantly answers
  760. >"Sorry for bothering you, Zecora. Can Rarity use your bathroom? It's an emergency."
  761. >Zecora nods and gestures for Rarity to enter
  762. >Rarity gives Twilight a threatening glare before slowly entering Zecora's house
  763. >As the door closes, all that can be heard is whimpering coming from Fluttershy
  764. >"What's the matter, loser? Having flashbacks?"
  765. >Fluttershy makes no attempt to stifle her tears
  766. >"Fluttershy, you've been getting made fun of by everypony for your entire life. Have you ever considered that, just maybe, the problem is YOU? NOT everypony else?"
  767. >As Fluttershy turns her head away from Twilight and sobs, Rainbow Dash steps towards them
  768. >"Back off, Twilight."
  769. >"Calm down, Rainbow Dash. I don't have much to say to poor Fluttershy."
  770. >Twilight uses her front hoof to turn Fluttershy's head towards her and locks eyes with her
  771. >"She already knows she's a weak, socially retarded outcast who has been pitied by everyone she's ever met. And nothing I can say will ever change that."
  772. >Twilight maintained eye contact until Fluttershy closed her eyes and helplessly whimpered
  773.  
  774. >Everyone's eyes turn to Zecora's door as Rarity emerges
  775. >She didn't make eye contact with any of you
  776. >The only differences in her makeup are the streams of eyeliner running down her face from her tears
  777. >She gently sits down beside Fluttershy, defeated
  778. >Applejack steps forward
  779. >"Well, Twilight? I'm waiting."
  780. >Twilight smiles
  781. >"Oh, Applejack. The golden mare. You've got it all figured out, don't you?"
  782. >Applejack squints
  783. >"You'd be making your parents so proud. Little miss responsible."
  784. >Everyone recoiled at Twilight's cheap shot
  785. >"Then again... what can go wrong? In a life without risks, there's not a whole lot at stake, is there? It's not that hard to wake up and do the same thing every day, is it?"
  786. >"You couldn't do what I do, Twilight. None of you could."
  787. >"And that's the only thing that keeps you going, isn't it Applejack? It's just this bloated sense of pride that gets you out of bed in the morning. Now, I'm not saying you've had it easy. I'm really not. All I'm saying is... is it REALLY all that hard to kick trees all day? Do you REALLY think that makes you STRONG? Do you REALLY think that if your mother could see you right now, that she'd be proud of you?"
  788. >Applejack maintains her composure
  789. >"Yes. I do."
  790. >"I don't. You know what I think, Applejack? I think that when your parents died, you died with them. When your parents died, you committed your entire life to that farm, because that's what you think they'd want. But what's happened to you? You've become a machine. You've become a pony who has completely lost her sense of wonder for the world, and you've become content with reliving the same chapter of your life over and over. And that's not living. That's existing. There's a difference. You're wasting the one life you get on a bunch of trees. And if I was your mother, it would break my heart to see what a soulless robot you've become."
  791.  
  792. >The silence that followed that sentence was indescribable
  793. >Everyone was left to reflect on what they'd just been through
  794. >Pinkie sat in fear, imagining the demons that lived within her mind
  795. >Rainbow Dash's thoughts were flooded by memories of self loathing as she lies shaking on the ground
  796. >Rarity sat in tears, ashamed of both the mask of makeup she wore as well as the mare beneath it
  797. >Fluttershy looked on, desperate for the courage to rescue both herself, and her friends
  798. >Applejack looked to the stars, questioning every choice she's made that brought her to where she is now
  799. >And Twilight, left watching it all
  800. >Watching the misery she brought to all of her best friends
  801. >In seconds, Twilight becomes just as agonized as the rest of you
  802. >She becomes filled with regret and disgust at the monster she'd just become
  803. >The terrible silence lasts for probably about twenty minutes as the sun begins to set above the forest
  804. >No one has said a word
  805. >No one has even moved
  806. >The tears have for the most part passed, and eyes begin to wander
  807. >Twilight shyly looks at her friends in guilt
  808. >The six of them, for perhaps the first time, are seeing one another in an entirely decomposed and vulnerable state
  809. >Before long, their sadness turns to empathy
  810. >The grief fades from their faces, and all that's left is the silent appreciation that they're still surrounded by their best friends
  811. >Perhaps due to an oversaturation of emotion, Pinkie can't help but begin to softly giggle
  812. >As with all groups of friends, the laughter grows contagious, as the seven of you revel in a bout of amusement that seems very out of place
  813. >As painful as it was, a very heavy weight has seemingly been lifted from all of your shoulders through all this
  814. >Through teary-eyed laughter, Twilight finally spoke up
  815. >"I'm... so sorry girls."
  816.  
  817. >This triggered the release of even more laughter as everyone joined into a group embrace
  818. >As the hug continued, Dash was the first to sarcastically speak up
  819. >"We really are a bunch of faggots, aren't we?"
  820. >All of you instinctively laugh
  821. >The seven of you eventually make your way back to Ponyville
  822. >You all spent the night at Rarity's place
  823. >Not a lot of talking happened
  824. >But the surprising part was that there was absolutely no animosity
  825. >It was understood that everyone was sorry for what happened, and the whole group seemed to put the whole situation behind them
  826. >The next day, everyone worked on fixing up Twilight's house
  827. >It wasn't perfect, but it would do
  828. >Everything pretty much returned to normal
  829. >The only thing that changed was that everyone was a whole lot more comfortable using the words 'faggot' and 'cunt' jokingly
  830. >If anything, this whole situation improved the social dynamics around town
  831. >And eventually, word of the amends got back to Celestia
  832. >Celestia ended up writing a letter of apology and accepting Twilight as her student once again
  833. >Twilight never got to read it though, because Spike actually died in that house fire
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