Day 355 - (A Paladin is Never Alone)

Day 355 - (A Paladin is Never Alone)

This isn't the city I knew.

That might not be right.  Perhaps it's exactly the city I knew, but I've changed so much that I can't recognize it anymore.  The comfort I once felt is gone now.  I can't say why.  The smiling faces of passers-by cause me only disquiet.
Did I grow accustomed to the constant presence of monsters?  Is it their utter absence here that makes this place feel so strange?

I left in the summer, and have returned in the summer.  I've been here a little over every month since.  It's everything that I valued and respected for my entire life, as a single, massive sprawl.
Why doesn't it feel that way?
Everything here is so clean.  I like that.  I like the clear lines and smooth marble.  I like the sense of weight to every stone, each repaired by mages when they crack so as to avoid having to repave roads as old as human civilization itself.

The more I think about it, the more certain I am that I do love the city itself.

It finally strikes me.
It's the people.
Everywhere I go, there's a smile and a nod.  I have the immediate respect of everyone I pass.  Everyone is comforted by my presence.  I don't need to bother to think why.  Of course they would be.  I'm a thing that kills monsters in their eyes.
If they're comfortable around me it's because of the shield of Rylan about my neck.  I'm a means of killing monsters, and that gives them peace.
Do I resent them for that?  The monsters threatened their very existence within my lifetime.  Do I begrudge them the sense of safety that I actively sought to provide?

Ember appreciates that, and I don't hate her for that.
Did Rodrick despise me for it?
What did professor Moore think of me as he handed me this collar?

I don't have any answers.  No matter how long I've thought about any of this – monsters and Min and Megalos and humanity – I never end up with an answer.

But I know that this isn't what I want to be my defining trait.  If I'm loved or hated or ignored altogether I don't want it to be because I am a weapon.  I don't want death to define me.

I think that even as I wonder if I am seeking out my own grave.

I suppose I'll make peace with being a hypocrite before I go.

---

“You know, it was actually Emperor Metellus the fourth who ordered the current city wall to be constructed.  It was five miles out from the previous wall – some parts of which you can still see if you walk Coroneus Street.  He claimed, at the time, that 'No structure should ever need be built outside its protection for the rest of time.'  Of course, that was before the meteoric rise in growth that would mark the ninth century-”
“Is this how you're still a virgin?”
I stare at it.  Her.  It.  “Pardon?”
“Do you just bore other monsters to death before they can suck your dick?”

I give the hellhound my flattest look.  “Okay, well, just for that I won't tell you about Menelaus Keep.”
“Good!  I don't want to hear about it!  Who would ever care?”  It leans forward over its own conspicuously empty plate – left there by a waiter who did not bother at all to hide that he didn't want non-paying customers bothering him or me.  “I'm here.  In this city.  What does that tell you?”

“I hadn't bothered to wonder.  Honestly, at this point I'd forgotten that you'd been exported.”
“And now?”
“And now what?”
“Now what does it tell you,” it asks, growing progressively more frustrated.
“Oh, sorry – I think I wasn't clear,” I say, taking another bite of the bizarrely but pleasantly fatty fish from my plate. “I still haven't thought about it or cared.”

Its voice is quiet and slow as it asks “You're trying to get me to rape you.  That's it, isn't it?”
“No.  I'm just not trying to prevent it.”
“I took that damn test for you,” it explodes, earning stares from the surrounding tables.
I actually lift my brow at that.  “Wow.  That's,” I think about it for a moment.  “Flattering?  I guess it would be flattering, right?  No one else has gone to that much effort to murder me before.”

“Well, I'm here, now, if you feel lucky.  Otherwise you can grab a dagger and come to the Silver Leaf Inn, though I haven't actually slept in a while.  Tell you what – if I'm still alive in a couple weeks then I'll definitely do some catching up on that front, and you can murder me then.”

Its eyes grow slowly wider as it listens.  “How is your species still alive?”
“Hey, I don't want to hear that from you... you.”
“Ylva!  For the fifth time, my name is Ylva, you- you damned,” it begins growling before all but launching itself from the table.  “I can't believe- why would I ever,” it starts again.
“Deep breaths – proper assassins need to learn to be quiet.”

“You're a monster,” it shouts at me, before stomping off.

That's definitely another first.  Were it not for what's coming today, I think I'd be smiling.

---

“The soldiers of Megalos are the only ones on the field.  I've seen a dozen officers traveling among the ranks and none seem to be sure of what's happening.  The only orders are to hold position.”

I stand with a dozen others – humans all gathered around an old radio that is struggling with the volume it's being asked to produce.  Down the street I can see at least three other groups of people similarly waiting for the report from the front.  The shopkeeper seems to've forgotten that the crowd is huddle at her stall, too focused on the report.  Too concerned with what may come in the future to worry over coin.

“Wait, there's been a change – orders are being given.”
Grim silence falls, save for the elderly fellow next to me who sharply inhales.  His face tells me that he is remembering his own battles of old.
“They're – the soldiers are making camp.  It seems as though some new intelligence has come in – the soldiers of Caithness were recalled before they could come to the field.  The border is to be reinforced, but no combat is expected at this time.”
“We've just received a report here at the station as well.  It seems that movement has been noted at the borders of Caithness and the surrounding territories – Al Haz, the Great Desert, and the Harkwood – I don't wish to speculate on what this means until we know more, but what else could be moving in from those lands except inma?”

I separate from the crowd, who're relaxing inasmuch as they're able while wondering about monstrous incursion.  Their fears won't change, not until they learn more, but for now there is peace in Megalos, so they will slip back into the quiet patterns of their lives.

I smile to myself.  Caithness opened their borders to do transport enough troops, and the monsters slipped inside when they did.  They can fight back to an extent, but to do so effectively they'll need paladin support.  And where are the paladins based out of?
Megalos.

The monsters knew this.  They must know that their own battles won't give them victory.  It would only ever force the hands of Caithness.

They just wanted peace as much as the rest of us.
I turn from the radio and resume my rounds.
I won't die in a war after this is done.
So be it.  I'll die somewhere else.

Mayhap here.