Plaid portals and soap breathmints

>You are Anonymous, Knight of the Ebon Blade
>You have fought on more battle fields then most
>In life you were a Trafficker of demons
>In death you are an undead engine of war
>Right now, you`re a Guniea Pig
>"Troll, I know I owe you a favor bt does it have to be experimental spell creation?"
>The damned Troll gave you a grin, and you knew there was no way out.
>"Don'cha be worryin' I be takin' care of ya'." You didn`t feel anybetter.
>You`d already been turned into a lizard, an apple, and several other objects but know he wanted to try instant long-range teleportation
>"Fine, let's get this over." You really just want to head to the Inn and get some peace and quiet.
>"Alrighty Mon, ya' Jus' be holdin' still!" He was too excited.
>The Troll muttred something and touched your head and everything went plaid.
>You should've known not to trust a Troll, them and those damned faces.
>You felt a blinked and heard a loud pop and you were suddenly several stories high in the air above a small town
>"Fuck me sideways..." You start falling.

>You flail your arms as you descned torwards a large building
>Why is there icing on it?
>No time, think of something before you go splat...got it!
>You`re now 15 feet above the building and getting closer
>10
>You flush energy through your body and every fluid in you freezes
>5
>You hope this works
>You slam into the roof and travel through, slmming into another floor
>Is this what a Cannonball feels like?
>You slam into a third floor and the tiber finally stops you, leaving you in a wooden crater
>You shake your head clear of debris, you`re pretty sure a few of your rbs are cracked or broken
>You hear sounds coming from around your little hole and your a bit worried you ended up in Alliance territory
>Oh Titans, the clopping, it`s the Space goats
>You hear a little chirp from a bag on your stomach and a small penguin crawls out
>He just had to survive, didn`t he?
>You hear hushed whispers and you`re dizzy
>"Hello? Are you going to help me out of the hole or not?"
>A face peaks over the hole's edge
>It`s a Pink Horse with a pink frizzy mane
>"I've finally hit the mindless stage haven't I?"

>You try and sit up, but you`re pretty well stuck in the floor
>"Chilly, go get help! someone has to own this barn."
>The Penguin dusts off his little hat and raises his flipper at you
>Great, you`re only hope of surviving is a pissed of little penguin that just flipped you off
>"Barn? This is no Barn! How dare you insult Sugercube corner in such a way!"
>A voice! May speak Common but that didn`t matter, it was a voice! Prissy, but a voice!
>"Hey, get me out of this hole I`m stuck and i swear i saw a pink horse!
>Another gasp and more whispering
>You finally hear a excited bubbly voice right outside of your area of sight
>"Don`t worry Mister creepy thingy, we'll get you out!" A loud clop sound and the pink pony is on your chest
>"Bloody Fel! Don`t throw the Horses at me!"
>The voice gives a sadsound, it was coming from the horse...the fuck?
>"Mister, I`m a Pony not a Horsy, now let`s get you unstuck from his floory!"
>She starts baging her hoof against the wood of the floor as you hear more clopping sounds leading away from the hole
>A door shutting
>"Jus' leave it in tha hole till Twilight gets back Sugahcube." It`s that journey to Westfall all over again
>While you lay there having flashbacks of angry farmers chasing after you with torches and pitchforks, the pony keeps working

You hear several clops and suddenly a blob of orange pony is staring at you.
>"What in tarnation are ya'? I ain't never seen somethin' like ya'."
>"Uhhh, I`m a Sin'dorei, most human refer to us by the common translation 'Blood Elves'."
>She simply blinks.
>"Azeroth? Northrend? The Outlands?"
>More staring.
>"Lovely, I`m stuck somewhere with talking horses."
>"Stop, callin' us horses, we're ponies!"
>"Uh huh...." You feel the last of the planks give way and you haul yourself up as quick as you can, dropping Chilly on his ass
>"Finally, i think my ass fell asleep." Suddenly, Pink, pink everywhere and something crammed down your throat
>You gag as the taste of soap barely registers on your dead taste buds
>"Bad creepy-thingy, no more bad words!" She was cluthing onto your face.
>"Mhmmmm,mhmmm!" You pul her off your face and spit out the soap
>"What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you smoking Blood thistle or something?" A piece of soap to the face is your only reply.
>"She's right, ya' best start watchin' that language or I'll buck it right outta ya'."
>"Look out girls!" Something slams into your back and you could've sworn you just got bitch-slapped by a tauren on potions.
>Once again, you`re plastered into a wooden crater, this time face first
>You hear that damn penguin laughing

>You pull your head out of the whole in the wall, you`re pretty sure you have splinters in your teeth
>"Ok, what the fuck was that?" More soap smacks you in the back of the head
>"Don`t worry Pinkie, AJ, you guys run and I'll hold it off!"
>"You peel yourself out of the wall and only smell cinnamon, was this house made of candy?
>You turn around and see a blue hors-pony with a rainbow mane.
>"Why in the Titan's name did you hit me, and why do you remind me of half the population of Silvermoon after the invasion?"
>The insult flies over her head and she charges you. Sword or hand? Hand or Sword? Meh, Hand will do.
>You brace yourself and take the charging pony to the gut, wrapping your arms around her.
>She struggles in your grip and smacks her head against your chestplate while you get a grip on her midsection
>you grunt and slam the pony down on the ground, she felt pretty damn heavy despite her size
>She smacks the ground and rolls a few feet away, her limbs flailing about.
>"Alright, enough outta ya' both! Dash, He ain't a moster or nothin', we jus' knows he's a sin-de-rye."
>"Sin'dorei, actually." You add, unfortunatly, the Orange-westfall-esque pony des seem to happy about it.
"And why did ya' do that to Rainbow Dash, she could've gotten hurt!"
>You glare at the smug looking mare and give your best whiny voice. "But-but she started it!"
>The Orange one seems angry, maybe you should shut up?....Nah.
>You hear that damn laughing again, where did that little fucker get to? You turn to it`s source and-BLAM!
>Frosting covers your face, cake coats your hair and a candle is sticking out of your nose.
>You hate that little fucker sometimes...

You wipe the former-cake out of your eyes and scrape the largest amount from your hair
>The pink one and the Blue one are laughing, urge to plague them with sweet disease rising.
>You blow air through your nose and the candle flies out, clattering against the floor
>"I`m going to wring your neck, you little pest..."
>You take a step torwards Dash and the penguin, your hands rasied in a neck grasping motion
>Suddenly guards, guards everywhere! Is it free doughnut day here or something?
>"Halt criminal scum! Do not put a hoof on the Carrier of Loyalty!"
>You turn your head and look at the assortmant of guards and one purple unicorn standing behind them
>"You`re kidding, right?" You`ve slain eldritch abominations, dragons, zombies and other horrors
>You rest your hand on your sword and look at them.
>"I`ve fought things that make you look like a plushie, screw off." Wrong thing to say.
>You see the Purple one glare at you and the horn on her head glows
>Your head meets the ceiling again, and you`ve had it, enough with the god-damned falls
>A shell of swirling green runes covers you and you drop to the floor
>You make a grasping motion torward the purple one, the current biggest threat and a large shadow hand sends her flying straight into your hand
>You`ve got your hand around said ponies throat and you hear the three ponies shouting at you
>The door to the building flies open and two huge ponies with wings AND horns walk in.
>You feel annoyed by the white ones presnce, but enjoy the blacks ones...strange.
>"Put my student down NOW!" You geta strange burning feeling on your rotted skin
>You know this feel, a feel you`ve felt before.
>Great, a Horse blessed by the Light
>You`re holding her student by the throat.
>She`s angry
>Fuck your Un-life