Advertisement
Guest User

RT-After

a guest
Dec 2nd, 2020
316
0
Never
Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!
text 6.32 KB | None | 0 0
  1. Intro 0:13
  2. RiffTrax, we don't make movies. We make fun of them. And now the riff-master himself, Michael J. Nelson.
  3.  
  4. Mike 0:31
  5. Hello everyone and welcome to RiffTrax. This is Michael J. Nelson along with Kevin Murphy.
  6.  
  7. Kevin 0:36
  8. Hey there folks!
  9.  
  10. Mike 0:37
  11. And Bill Corbett? hmm?
  12.  
  13. Bill 0:39
  14. I'm sorry guys. Sorry. Just stopped to buy some snacks for our recording session today. And given our movie Starship Troopers, I thought it'd be cool to go to that new specialty store around the corner. Here. Take a look.
  15.  
  16. Mike 0:52
  17. Jeff Probst Snack Shack. Cute. There's a little picture on the bag, a crude shack and an oddly pathetic one really, built by obvious-idiots.
  18.  
  19. Bill 1:01
  20. Yeah, Jeff's the longtime host of Survivor where the idiot contestants often have to eat weird things to survive notably...
  21.  
  22. Kevin 1:08
  23. Bugs! Oh god! No, it's a bag of bugs! A bag! Of bugs!
  24.  
  25. Bill 1:12
  26. Mostly dead bugs. Calm down! At least 50%.
  27.  
  28. Mike 1:16
  29. Bill, you know Kevin's squeamish about insects and our movie today is already full of them. So...
  30.  
  31. Bill 1:21
  32. But Starship Troopers has giant attacking bugs! These are mostly reasonably-sized delicious-bugs. Here, Mike's try the pumpkin-spiced tree-crickets
  33.  
  34. Mike 1:31
  35. Mm hmm. Oh! That is good. Satisfying crunch. Nice hit of protein too.
  36.  
  37. Kevin 1:36
  38. Guys.
  39.  
  40. Bill 1:37
  41. Try the long-nosed weevil with cayenne too. Really clears out your sinuses
  42.  
  43. Kevin 1:41
  44. Guys.
  45.  
  46. Mike 1:44
  47. Oh, hey, these cocoa-dusted assassin-bugs look scrumptious for dessert.
  48.  
  49. Kevin 1:48
  50. I am about to start throwing up and I will never, ever stop!
  51.  
  52. Mike 1:52
  53. Sorry, Kevin. I guess we could have been more sensitive.
  54.  
  55. Kevin 1:55
  56. Gah, I hate bugs almost as much as I hate Jeff Probst and his stupid consonant weird name! No more!
  57.  
  58. Bill 2:01
  59. Sorry, Kevin. Really.
  60.  
  61. Disembaudio 2:02
  62. Hey, guys.
  63.  
  64. Mike 2:03
  65. Hey, Dis.
  66.  
  67. Disembaudio 2:04
  68. Brought us some snacks!
  69.  
  70. Mike 2:06
  71. Dis, no!
  72.  
  73. Kevin 2:07
  74. Oh, God! Oh, there's a trademark. That little shack built by idiots!
  75.  
  76. Bill 2:10
  77. Put it away Dis.
  78.  
  79. Disembaudio 2:12
  80. Yeah, I think Jeff Probst is a snack visionary, but I went for a very basic menu item first straight cockroach, nothing on it, live and squirming. De-lic.
  81.  
  82. Mike 2:26
  83. Go Away! Do your job!
  84.  
  85. Disembaudio 2:29
  86. Okay, okay. Now, folks, I'm here to help keep your rift tracks running smoothly. Every so often I'll chime in with a line of dialogue at the exact same moment that a character says it. That way you'll be able to tell if they're all synched up.
  87.  
  88. Disembaudio 2:42
  89. And if not, you can pause either the movie or the riff tracks for the appropriate amount of time, usually just a second or less.
  90.  
  91. Mike 2:49
  92. Great. Now folks in a moment I'm going to cue you to pause this track after you pause, start your Starship Troopers DVD, you'll soon see the TriStar horse logo and the second that's off the screen. Press play again on this Rifftrax.
  93.  
  94. Mike 3:05
  95. You guys ready to go?
  96.  
  97. Bill 3:06
  98. Yep.
  99.  
  100. Kevin 3:07
  101. Stop. Eating. Bugs!
  102.  
  103. Bill 3:09
  104. Oh, sorry. I thought I could sneak in a butter popcorn flavored stick insect without you noticing.
  105.  
  106. Mike 3:15
  107. All right, get ready to pause this track and 1...2...3... pause.
  108.  
  109. Kevin 3:22
  110. And we're back. TriStar Pictures. Oh, please be weekend at Bernie's 2 please be weekend at Bernie's 2! Ah, dangit.
  111.  
  112. Mike 3:29
  113. No, no.
  114.  
  115. Bill 3:34
  116. PBS finally got too much power.
  117.  
  118. Disembaudio 3:39
  119. Young people from all over the globe.
  120.  
  121. Kevin 3:49
  122. Haha, good one general.
  123.  
  124. Mike 3:58
  125. Which guarantees a free citizen tote bag!
  126.  
  127. Bill 4:10
  128. We've completely eliminated the need for the movie Armageddon.
  129.  
  130. Mike 4:24
  131. And yes, that was totally scientific.
  132.  
  133. Bill 4:32
  134. But where are we?
  135.  
  136. Kevin 4:39
  137. As our big screaming caption just proved.
  138.  
  139. Mike 4:47
  140. And yes, I borrowed my helmet from Michael Dukakis.
  141.  
  142. Disembaudio 4:52
  143. A bug planet.
  144.  
  145. Bill 4:56
  146. Not true. My planet is lovely. Here. Let me lift you up. Get a good one. Look around. There you go.
  147.  
  148. Bill 5:05
  149. Hey, hey. Hey, why are you shooting? I'm the ambassador here! Stop squirming. Oh, I am so sorry...I just...totally my fault.
  150.  
  151. Kevin 5:16
  152. Or I'll make you look up my nose again!
  153.  
  154. Bill 5:23
  155. Calm down! Maybe look at my planets stark beauty and hold still. We're cool. Everything's cool. Oh God! I did it again! I'm so sorry!
  156.  
  157. Mike 5:34
  158. Wolverines? Oh, maybe not.
  159.  
  160. Kevin 5:37
  161. No.
  162.  
  163. Kevin 5:41
  164. Huh, I don't much care for the "this guy dying" show.
  165.  
  166. Bill 5:48
  167. So like 1926, 3590? Does it matter?
  168.  
  169. Mike 5:52
  170. No, it really does not.
  171.  
  172. Kevin 5:53
  173. No.
  174.  
  175. Kevin 6:00
  176. Polo...Polo...Polo!
  177.  
  178. Bill 6:11
  179. Some jerk stole my forearm!
  180.  
  181. Disembaudio 6:18
  182. We talked about the veterans.
  183.  
  184. Mike 6:25
  185. Because Twilight fan-art is beloved.
  186.  
  187. Kevin 6:29
  188. I can pretend smile.
  189.  
  190. Bill 6:39
  191. That'll cost you an arm.
  192.  
  193. Mike 6:49
  194. Plus you get a neat 'I Voted' sticker.
  195.  
  196. Kevin 7:00
  197. That's not what she said when she tore my arm off!
  198.  
  199. Bill 7:09
  200. Nuclear annihilation is hot.
  201.  
  202. Mike 7:23
  203. And they're trying to eat each other.
  204.  
  205. Kevin 7:31
  206. Civilians be dancing like that. But citizens be dancing like this.
  207.  
  208. Bill 7:45
  209. Though I'm handsome, I don't have to.
  210.  
  211. Mike 7:53
  212. She vomited on me!
  213.  
  214. Kevin 7:58
  215. Gotta run! Hosting the Tony's in fifth period.
  216.  
  217. Mike 8:05
  218. And... she vomits on him.
  219.  
  220. Bill 8:19
  221. The future! It has tall buildings and airplanes! Unlike our primitive time.
  222.  
  223. Kevin 8:27
  224. Oh, I love it when she talks fleet academy evaluation methods.
  225.  
  226. Mike 8:35
  227. I am good in math-rithmetics.
  228.  
  229. Kevin 8:44
  230. Polo! You see that's how it goes.
  231.  
  232. Bill 8:50
  233. I got more than zero! Hooray.
  234.  
  235. Mike 8:56
  236. You think you're gonna meet your kids mother with those scores?
  237.  
  238. Kevin 9:03
  239. Wow, Neil Patrick Harris-ment.
  240.  
  241. Bill 9:14
  242. I know I'll butt-chug someday.
  243.  
  244. Mike 9:23
  245. She wants the D... list actor.
  246.  
  247. Kevin 9:32
  248. Uses nightcrawlers as bait is gross.
  249.  
  250. Mike 9:41
  251. And saying things like fire.
  252.  
  253. Bill 9:44
  254. Hey George.
  255.  
  256. Bill 9:48
  257. Folks, just so you know. The weird instructor with the sunglasses is the late Rue McClanahan of Golden Girls.
  258.  
  259. Kevin 9:54
  260. And the giant beetle on the table is the late Bea Arthur.
  261.  
  262. Mike 9:57
  263. Oh now. come on Kevin.
  264.  
  265. Kevin 9:59
  266. What?
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement