"...what about Rainbow?"
"She's a bro. I mean, a sis. I mean...you know...yeah, can be a bit brash and teasing, sometimes, but she's good at heart."
"Hm-hm...well then...Applejack?"
"Oh, she's simply great. She's kinda like Rainbow Dash, but a bit more friendly. Don't take me wrong, man: they're both good friends, and I would definitely choose one over another. It's just that...she's the motherly sis, compared to RD's cool sis".
"gotcha...now...Rarity"
"..."
"...come on, dude..."
"...s-she's wonderful. Gorgeous. Simply...divine. Sometimes it's like I've always loved her...and yet I can't stop...Oh, I still remember the first day we met..."
"...ok, ok, Spike, calm down. I just wanted a quick sketch-out, not a full fledged profile...".
Anon and Spike were strolling down the path that takes to Sweet Apple Acres. It was late evening, the sky painted in pastel colors while sun was slowly setting behindh the tree-tops. That afternoon, Applejack had 'lent' Anon to Twilight , for some works that needed to be done at the library (on the lines of "no, move that book over here...no, over there...lift that bookshelf..." "Got it, I lift th- I B-BEG YOUR PARDON!?!?" ), and now Spike was accompaning the pony back to the Apple Orchard. Ten days have passed since that fateful foggy morning when Anon had crossed the Apples property for the first time. He and Spike had become quite friends ("Childish minds think alike" had jokingly muttered AJ to Twilight, once "no matter the age difference") after the initial incomprehension at Carousel Boutique (see Chapter 1).
"Ok, man. Now it's your turn, tho" said Spike, after snapping out of his lovestruck mode.

"Hm? Ok...fair enough...Your choice"
"Pinkie"
"Lively. A bit too much. But nice."
"...well then, Fluttershy"
"Aw, she's adorable. I mean, it would better if she wasn't afraid of ANYTHING, but once you've managed to get near her without setting off her 'proximity alarm', she's definitely lovely"
"Twilight".
Anon had never told anyone about his small secret regarding Twilight. He was still feeling a shiver whenever somebody asked him an opinion on the purple alicorn: the fear of being exiled on the moon for having called the new princess 'fat dolt', once, was still there. Thank Celestia, the mare didn't seem to remember their previous encounter, 11 months before.
"...nice, c-clever, best princess ever. And slim. VERY SLIM"
"oooook...? Now Rainbow Dash".
"...ugh...the girl is...well yeah she's nice...kinda...Maybe a bit, as you said, 'brash'...*coughandimeanafuckinglotcouch*"
"Rarity."
"Ah..." Anon held his tongue for a moment, before replying. He coudn't just say to Spike "Well, I don't know the girl enough, but I would definitely love to 'fix her cable' if you get my drift..."
"...she...well gotta give to you she's quite a looker. And also very nice too."
Meanwhile, the two had finally reached the entrance of Sweet Apple Acres.
"Good answer there, man. I liked it. Now, for the final test...your blond boss: Applejack."

Without hesitation, Anon said: "Nice girl, a bit obsessed with work. Bucks like nobody else, despite being so 'petite'. She could use some holidays. To me, she looks like she has a hidden side, kinda like she was trying to repress her 'less-work-compliant' impulses. Sometimes I wish she was a bit less focused on farming work...not that this is bad, mind you. It's just th-"
"Whoa, ok...now it's your turn to calm down" interrupted him Spike. "Dude, you do seem to have learned quite a bit on your host, huh? Huuuuuh?"
Anon glared at the little dragon, unfazed. He was looking at him with a patronizing grin, like he was saying "oh, I got you more than you could think..."
"...Spike, what exactly are you trying to imply, here?"
"Implying, me?" replied theatrically Spike "Nothing! Just pointing out that you were literally declaiming an essay on her, while you had spent far less words on every mare else...call it random..."
The green pony had a smirk and then friendly poked the dragon on the head
"You silly head...of course I was saying more things about her than anyone else...we spend together 8 hours per day!"
"So what? I spend more even more time per day with Twi, but you don't see me rambling about her 24/7!"
"...Spike, you do realize we spent half of the journey from the library to here talking about how funny it is to see her learing to fly?"
"Well, it IS funny!"
"...oh, I'm sure of it. I was just pointing out that it's always like that, with the people you live with: they aren't just 'background noise', they're an important part of our lives. Even tho sometimes we fail to notice it."
Spike looked at him, halfway serious and entertained, like he was trying to process if Anon was having a pratical joke on him, or if that pep talk was real.
"...so...big words, there, dude. Next time, tho, just answer me 'no, I'm not in love with her'. Cause you aren't, hmmmmmm?"
Anon rolled his eyes.
"Oh for the love of...you're a persistent little fella, ain't it? No, Spike, I'm not in love with my workaholic blond boss. But, if it's saucy things you want to know, well I DO think she has a very good and solid rump and I think you can't deny it. To be short, yes, there's a thing I 'love' of AJ: her plot." and by saying this he giggled.
Spike, whose back was facing the entrance of Sweet Apple Acres, had began to giggle too, but all of a sudden he stopped. Anon, still giggling, asked
"Hey, what's up man? What did y-"
Before he could finish the sentence, an apple rolled beside him.
"...aaand she's behind me, isn't it?"
The dragon, visibly embarassed, nodded silently. Behind Anon, AJ was looking at him with a stern look on her face, a bucket full of apples on her back, still sweaty and covered in dirt from the applebucking.

Spike had it easy, kind of: Applejack simply glared at him and he went back home, begging her not to tell Twilight anything. For Anon, well, it was a completely different kind of ordeal; after the little dragon had disappeared down the small hill, the orange mare got near him, looking visibly angry. She tried to say something, but the words simply didn't come out. Then, after a bit, she took the fallen apple from the ground, put it into the basket and simply went her way. That, tho, was just the beginning.
She kept frowning during dinner, the rest of the evening and even before going to sleep. Her relatives were looking at her, astonished; they were used to sporadic fits, but this was quite out-of-character. They managed to understand, tho, that the majority of her cold rage was directed to Anon, whose muzzle seemed to express a weird mixture of moping and embarassment.
"Ah dunno what's going on here" whispered Big Mac in Anon's ear after they finished eating dinner "But whatever you two did, Ah'd wait a bit before trying to reason with mah sis. She can be somewhat...stubborn..."
Anon nodded, reassured that maybe, the next morning the situation would have been different. But it wasn't: Applejack was still frowning, even tho slightly less evident than before. There was just one tiny peculiar change in her behaviour: she tried her best to not even mention Anon. Whenever she was needing something near him, she simply asked her relatives to pass it to them, and they, feeling the rage wasn't yet soothed, simply complied to her requests.
Yet, AJ and Anon had to spend the morning together, working as usual in the fields. And, while plowing and feeding the animals was something relatively easy, the applebucking process turned into a nightmare.
The mare started bucking so strong, Anon began to fear the trees would have fallen on his head, if she would have kept this way. Every time her hooves touched the trees Anon nearly drowned under an apple rain. Which was kinda the norm, but in this case it was worst, cause it sounded quite voluntary.

"Uh, Applejack...?"
The mare, once again, ignored him and kept bucking the tree, thus covering him in another layer of apples
"Applejack!"
Again, no reply. Another layer of apples was added to the pile, nearly blinding Anon's field of view
"APPL....EJACK!" cried out the poor pony, seconds before a last layer made him disappear under a red, smelling good, sea.
The orange mare kept bucking the tree, but no more apples seemed to fall from it. So after a bit she went near the apple pile and removed some apples, thus revealing Anon's muzzle.
"...yes, Anon?"
"...can we talk?
"Ah dunno", she said faking innocence "You know, Ah'm just a SOLID RUMP, dunno if ah' got ENOUGH BRAINS to have a normal conversation with a refined and well mannered Canterlot citizen. Do ya think I can? Oh, my bad...OF COURSE YOU DON'T!"
Anon tried to move from under the pile but the baskets were so full he was unable to even keep his legs straight.
"Apple...jack...listen...I..."
"Oh, the cultured canterlot citizen wants to discuss? WHAT AN HONOR!"
"...c-could you help me out of this apple pile? I'm having difficulties giving explanations while fruits scrub my ass..."
Applejack glared at him a bit. Then, after a "...I b-beg you..." the orange lend him a hoof.
"Thanks...now...listen to me..."
"Oh, mah small brain is all ears. And rump. Did Ah mention the rump? Clearly my ONLY relevant part!"

"Oh boy", thought anon "This is going to be hard"
"Listen...you got it wrong..."
"Nonononono, ah think I heard pretty well. What was it? Ah yes! 'there's a thing I love of AJ: HER. PLOT'. But yeah, maybe mah small hick brain didn't get your fabled prose right..."
"But you're ignoring what I said before! It had a sense in context!"
".................."
"...cause you heard what I said before that, right?"
Applejack seemed confused "No, honestly no."
"...just ask Spike, then. It was a complex argument, between me and him."
"About mah rump"
 "Gnnn...that was just...I don't...OK. Want to know what I said? Spike asked me what I thought of you, and I answered on the lines of 'nice girl, workaholic...uh...could use an holiday...kinda more than meets the eye..."
"...oh, ah'm terribly sorry. Did my shallow appearance hurt your refined eyes?"
"THAT WAS NOT....! Listen, Spike just teased me. He said it was like I was discussing an essay...and that it maybe was cause I was...uh...falling in love with ya"
The mare looked surprised. Anon's eyes caught a small blush on her cheek, but it vanished immediately"
"...that's definitely childish. A-ah mean, I have no idea what you..."
"No, no, no, wait. It was him, I never said anything like that. Just pointed out that it was pretty obvious why I was 'discussing an essay': I work with you 8 hour a day, of course I get to know you more than anyone else! And then...only then...I decided to play along and said that thing about the rump..."
AJ's orange muzzled looked more confused than ever.
"...ask Spike, if you don't believe me...! I never meant to say you're just a hick rump!"

The mare picked an apple and played a bit with it, while giving Anon a serious look. She tried twice to say something, but everytime she stopped, like the chosen words weren't good enough.
Then, the third time, they finally came out.
"...so...you and Spike were discussing mares like small colts, and then began playing the lovey-dovey game, while discussing about me? Really?"
"...well, it sounds terribly stupid, like that...but....yeah?"
"...Anon...how old are you?!?"
"...I'm a-actually older than you by a c-cou-"
"It doesn't seem so."
She wasn't pleased, still her rage seemed to have soothed a bit,
"Anon. You're an adult. You should set an example for Spike"
"...b-but"
"Set an example, NOT DISCUSSING GIRLS like a kid. Why can't you be a bit more...mature, huh?"
"Hey, I'm mature!"
"AH HAVE TO WAKE YOU EVERY MORNING! LIKE YOU WERE A CHILD!"
Anon blushed, embarassed.
"...e-even Applebloom manages to wake up earlier than you! AND SHE'S A FILLY!"
The pony didn't reply. It was like mom, all over again. Only, a younger and somewhat more good looking mom, this time.
"Listen...Ah have no time to deal with your childish behaviour. You seem a good guy, could you just...dunno...STICK TO IT?"
"..."
"Yeah, I recognize it: I got it wrong. Still, you had to be careful! Choose your words more carefully next time! And, most of all, STOP DISCUSSING RUMPS! We are living beings! NOT BODY PARTS!"
"...I'm...sorry..."
"Yeah pal..." she sighed. "Ah bet you are. Now come on, we gotta fix the chicken coops"

It was an unsatisfying conclusion.
Still, after that clarification, Anon and AJ managed to get work done a bit easily. Or at least, in a less conflicted way. There still was some tension, tho, between them. As a matter of fact, after their talk the mare seemed to get increasingly annoyed by things she usually overlooked, behaviours that would have gotten her to smirk, any other day.
Not that day, tho. And Anon was beginning to become more and more stressed by all her remarks. What did she know about "being mature"? He was older, with a bachelor, and coming from a big city. Then again, Anon knew this didn't actually mean anything. It wasn't the age, the education, or even the place of birth, that made the Pony. It was the attitude. And, for silly it might sound to his 'urban' ego, that country babe had lots more than he could have ever hoped for.
Anyway, the day went on smoothly, without any other accident, after that. Slightly after the sunset, Anon and Applejack got back home, sweaty, tired, and hungry. Anon had began to count her somewhat snide remarks: making a rough calculation on the first batch he had ignored, they were around 11.
In her eyes, he had been lazy, silly, distracted, egocentric, too skinny, unenthusiastic, coy, slow, immature, greedy and worst of all, unable to fully comprehend the essence of an apple, the last remark been done while pressing said fruit on his ear.
Anon was lying in the living room, sitting on a chair, catching his breath. Big Mac silently sat beside him, with his usual poker face, and said "...everything's good, now?"
"eh...kind of...we're...fixing some things...but...it's been kinda settled...."

"Good. Ya know, if there's one thing ah don't like to see is mah li'l sis being angry..."
Anon had a slight gulp, looking worried at the red stallion with the corner of his eye.
"Oh, no, don't take it wrong... Ah wasn't, uh, menacing you..."
"...d-dear, I hope so"
"Nononono, really...it wasn't mah intention. Just...how to explain...well do you have any brother or sister, Anon?"
"No, actually I'm an only child"
"...ah, so...well, still it's not hard to understand...I mean, we all wish the best for our relatives..."
"Sure, sure, I get what you mean..."
"...it's kinda sad to see them angry...consumed by rage...and I think you'll agree if I say AJ looks a lot better when she smiles..."
"...when she's not laughing at you, sure", muttered anon
"Ah beg your pardon?"
"No, no, nothing..."
Big Mac, looked at him once more. Then he put his hooves on Anon's back. The green pony nearly felt more pressure than when he was holding the apple baskets.
"Anon, things look better than this morning, definitely. You just have to work on them a bit more. Don't give up now."
Anon stared at him, then smiled, nodding lightly.
"Now, would you mind going to call her down? Dinner is nearly ready".

Tired and uncertain, Anon climbed the stairs.
"Don't give up now..." he thought "Easy to say, but she's not even taking me seriously..."
Applejack's room was at the opposide side of the corridor. Nobody else but them was on that floor, at the moment. Applebloom was playing outside, while Granny Smith was tinkering with the oven.
Anon called "Applejack...?" but there was no reply. Nothing weird, to be honest. He himself had experienced the place had bad acoustics. So he went to Applejack's room. The door was slightly ajar.
One of the things AJ had said to him was that he was easlily distracted, and it was true. Whenever he had worries to think about, his mind was literally going elsewhere. And that had been a stressful day. So, without thinking too much about it, he opened the door and entered the room.
"Hey Applejack, dinner's re-"
There was a little delay, between him opening the door and the mare's reaction. This way he managed to witness what she was doing: she was in front of the mirror with a fancy dress on, her mane neatly combed in a classy manestyle, muttering something on the lines of "Who's the fancy mare, huh? Who's the fancy mare? You are, Darling!". After realizing he had entered the door, tho, she nearly freeze, her eyes opened wide like those of a bunny facing a wolf.
Anon had the same reaction. He stopped, his hoof still on the door handle, and looked at her. Then he slowky walked away, without glancing down nor evening muttering a word. After the door had been closed behind him, Anon mechanically walked down the corridor again, trying to fully comprehend what he just saw. In front of the stairs, he heard the voice of Big Mac, coming from down calling for him "Did you call her?"
"I...uh...sure..."
"Isn't she coming?"
"No...I mean yes...I think...you know she was..."
Before he could complete the sentence, an orange hoof grabbed him by the neck and forcibly dragged him back in the corridor
"HAHAHAHA, S-SILLY ANON! I NEED YOU FOR A MOMENT! WE'RE COMING, BROTHER!"
Then, Applejack dragged him into her room.

"WHAT. HAPPENED. TO. KNOCKING!?!?" whispered angry Applejack
Anon, still massaging his neck, tried to apologize.
"I...sorry...I had no idea you were...no, wait, what were you doing?"
"NOT YOUR BUSINESS!"
"...I mean, it seems a bit uncharacteristic, for what I know about y-"
"NOT YOUR BUSINESS, ANON!!"
"...o-ok, then I'll be g-going..."
"Nonononono, Anon. You stay right here! Before walking out of this room again, Ah want you to promise..."
Anon took a good look at her, while she was busy speaking. He definitely wasn't an fashion addict, nor even slightly interested. But she, from what he could tell, looked good.
"...never ever tell to ANYONE what you just saw! OK!?"
"...w-well, sure. I might be childish and immature, but I'm definitely not a snitch. Even tho..."
"Oh, sure, I knew asking that was too much. Well pardner, lemme tell ya one th- ...sorry, come again?"
"I swear. If you don't want me to, I won't tell anyone."
"..."
"I swear to apples"
Applejack glared at him, still distrustful. Then she sighed and let her head down. "Ok, go ahead, pal. Laugh at me."
"...what?"
"Yes, Ah know. Ah told you to be mature and less childish. And then ya see me doing this stupid thing. Ah must look totally silly"
"Aw, come on, it's not true..."
"I-it's just l-like that...for once in my life, Ah'd like to feel less...pre-defined! Ya know, I'm tired to be treated as the token hick everytime! Ah'm a complex living being, not just a silly label! Ah'm not really interested into fashion, but Ah want to feel...different, if ah want to!"
"...you look good. "
The mare's green eyes looked at him.
"...really?"
"Yeah...I mean...I know basically nohting of fashion...but you look...good."
Applejack smiled
"Not that you looked bad in your regular attire, of course...", finished Anon
"...we already went down that way; I suggest you don't try your luck. pal."
"O-ok".
Applejack slowly walked near him, then offered him her hoof.
"Deal, then? Both of us are entitled to be silly in their own way, without the other complaining too much."
"...deal" said anon, shaking her hoof
"...but seriously, tho: if you ever talk about this to anyone...you're a dead pony"
"G-got it".

The next morning there was an early knock at the library's door. Twilight, still half sleepy, opened the door "...yeeees?"
"Oh, hi Twi! Nice morning, ain't it? Do you mind if Ah talk to Spike for a minute?"
"...hi AJ. Go ahead, he's probably still sleeping".
"Thanks!"
The orange mare walked to Spike's basket. The little dragon was still sleeping, as Twilight had said, so she had to shake him a bit. "Spike...? Spike...? Come on little fella..."
"Mgnnnn, no mom, I want to sl.....uh? AH! A-A-A-APPLEJACK!"
He nearly jumped out of the covers. The girl, giggling, reassured him.
"Calm down, mate! I'm not here to talk about things that shouldn't have been said or done...I just have to ask you a favour..."
"Wh-whatever you want, just don't tell Twi..."
"Don't worry, pal, it's nothing weird. I just want you to send this" and she gave him a letter "to the Princess"
"...j-just this?"
"Just this"
"And n-nothing else? Everything will be settled, after that?"
"I swear on apples"
"Ok..."

The princess was getting ready for her morning duties. Suddendly a letter popped out of nowhere, falling on the floor
"...uh? It's a bit too early for Twilight's letters..." she muttered.
She magically picked up the envelope and then unrolled it.

"Dear Princess Celestia,
The labor exchange program needs stricter rules. Please do something about it.
Sincerely yours
Applejack"