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Rules of the NJO (shipfag and questanon)

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Jun 29th, 2014
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  1. Rule 1: The Sith, or any other dark sider, are not extinct. Not Ever.
  2. Rule 2: any age is OK
  3. Rule 3: just get married already, guys, seriously
  4. Rule 4: You are required, and I mean this you guys, to learn the ins and outs of at least one weapon from each of the following categories; small arms, assault, heavy, demolitions. Failure to comply will result in TA duty for Master Jade-Skywalker's So You Dropped Your Lightsaber class.
  5. Rule 5: try to remember the basics of cqc
  6. Rule 6: Call for backup.
  7. Rule 7: If you have dreams about someone you love dying painfully, tell a Master about it immediately or go see one of our on-site therapists.
  8. Rule 8: Don't talk about Jedi Fight Club.
  9. Rule 9: Using Force Lightning for arc welding is forbidden.
  10. Rule 10: Casting Force Lightning does not make you The Most Electrifying Man in All of Space Entertainment
  11. Rule 11: An inactive lightsaber may not be used as a marital aid. The same goes for lanvaroks and Force powers. Padawan Jones still hasn't recovered from the last time.
  12. Rule 12: Only Master Katarn has the right to engrave "Bad Motherkriffer" on his lightsaber.
  13. Rule 13: Your space president is watchin'. Your New Republic is watchin'. But most importantly, Master Katarn is watchin'. Make no mistake. There will be no frak-ups. Keep yer moostache hairs in order.
  14. Rule 14: Ewok plush toys are now forbidden within the grounds of any and all Jedi Order facilities.
  15. Rule 15: Major Wes Janson is also forbidden from entering the grounds of any and all Jedi Order facilities.
  16. Rule 16: Contrary to what Knight Tyria Sarkin claims, the motto of the Jedi Order is not "What do we blow up first?"
  17. Rule 17: Because it's "There is no try"
  18. Rule 18: That does not excuse students from exams, exercises, meditation, or required reading.
  19. Rule 19: If you see any Master run for any reason, try to keep up.
  20. Rule 20: Stay out of the Massassi ruins.
  21. Rule 21: Meditation is like building models; it works better when done in silence.
  22. Rule 22: Anyone using Lightning must be reported to the nearest Master.
  23. Rule 23: You may NOT use Choke to aid you in mastrubation.
  24. Rule 24: Or consensual sex.
  25. Rule 25: Or non-consensual sex
  26. Rule 26: Force Lightning is not "an economical solution to our power bills."
  27. Rule 27: The proper way to report to a Jedi Master is, "[Rank] [Name], reporting for duty", not "You can't prove a thing!"
  28. Rule 28: It is impolite to crack moisture farmer jokes when Masters Jade and Skywalker are within earshot or telepathy-shot.
  29. Rule 29: "Complete galactic domination" is a poor long-term goal to put down on your application forms.
  30. Rule 30: "Mos Espa Grand Prix" is not an appropriate choice to write under the "Race" category on your application forms.
  31. Rule 31: The following items do not exist: headlight fluid, elbow grease, dilithium crystals, unlimited power converters
  32. Rule 32: You may not trade your lightsaber or its components for the following: Ewoks, small children, pornography, Old Space Odor Blocker Body Wash, hash chunks, stims, Bryar pistols, Master Katarn's beard hair, anything touched by Major Wes Janson
  33. Rule 33: Lightwhips are not to be used as marital aids.
  34. Rule 34: If you are provided money from the Jedi Order's special operations budget, you may not spend it all on pornography.
  35. Rule 35: Not even if it's really, really exotic pornography.
  36. Rule 36: A bathrobe is an inappropriate substitute for your regulation Jedi Order robes
  37. Rule 37: You may not refer to the Imperial Knights as "cheap knock-offs" during joint ops (even if they totally are cheap knock-offs.)
  38. Rule 38: The Imperial March is not considered appropriate motivational music.
  39. Rule 39: No talking about light clubs either.
  40. Rule 40: There is no such thing as a Valley Girl of the Jedi.
  41. Rule 41: The appropriate response to an enemy's monologue is violence, not an equally dramatic, pose-laden spiel about justice and sun-praising.
  42. Rule 42: You may not mount the medical droids' thermometers to their crotch plates.
  43. Rule 43: "Sorry about the mess" is insufficient compensation for combat damage to the Temple's cantina.
  44. Rule 44: You are required to keep a holo of Emperor Palpatine on your person at all times. Whenever someone offers you 'unlimited power' or ruling the galaxy if you would only turn, you will take out the holo and remind yourself what the dark side does to a body.
  45. Rule 45: Requisitioning a shuttle for a mission is appropriate, requisitioning a Star Destroyer is not.
  46. Rule 46: Having a red lightsaber does not make you evil.
  47. Rule 47: Any other color lightsaber does not necessarily make you good either.
  48. Rule 48: Anyone claiming to be able to beat any Jedi in a fight can be safely ignored since they have never fought Masters Skywalker, Jade-Skywalker, Katarn, Halcyon, or Solusar.
  49. Rule 49: The Ten Knights are to be referred to AS the Ten Knights, not as a team of Jedi with Attitude.
  50. Rule 50: Mon Mothma and Leia Organa's speeches to New Republic citizens are perfectly fine for motivating the rookies. Ysanne Isard's speeches to Lusankya prisoners are not.
  51. Rule 51: You may not paint "COME ON AND SLAM" on the side of the Temple's missile boats.
  52. Rule 52: When playing spaceball, it is unwise to taunt our Alderaanian Jedi with the phrase, "Shake it, quake it, space kaboom".
  53. Rule 53: Our clawdite members do not have "the ability to morph and to even up the score".
  54. Rule 54: Stealing a speeder bike to fight crime as a Gand/Gand-themed "warrior of justice" is against regulations. Please file the requisition forms in triplicate first.
  55. Rule 55: under no circumstances is it permissible to control BEES with the force
  56. Rule 56: disparaging comments about lightsaber blade length are prohibited on pain of disarmament
  57. Rule 57: cloning is right out
  58. Rule 58: Learning stealth tactics, however, is right on.
  59. Rule 59: You are not allowed to withdraw from Master Katarn's combat course no matter how hard he makes you cry.
  60. Rule 60: Sparring rooms are to only be used for such. Any couple found getting it on instead gets the hose, even if it's the Masters Skywalker.
  61. Rule 61: You will not find any choice debris from the Death Star in the jungle, only death.
  62. Rule 62: If you feel a cold spot in the Temple, it must be reported immediately.
  63. Rule 63: You are not allowed to use hash to speed up 'becoming one with the Force'
  64. Rule 64: "Lack of pussy" is not the root cause of all galactic instability. No amount of investment in the "pussy infrastructure" of the Empire or the Outer Rim will affect galactic instability.
  65. Rule 65: You are forbidden from consuming Space Charms while inside a Jedi Order vehicle.
  66. Rule 66: Please do not taunt the Fett clones. Doing so adds up to the Order's medical bills.
  67. Rule 67: There is no Ultimate Sith Warrior. Please disregard any and all talk of the concept of "destrucity", whatever the hell that means.
  68. Rule 68: Wookiee members are not "shagadelic, baby".
  69. Rule 69: Stop giggling, Padawan Jones.
  70. Rule 70: Please report any and all occurrences of giant carp, elephants, or Order members in fey moods to your nearest faculty member.
  71. Rule 71: A physics degree does not automatically make you "one with the Force".
  72. Rule 72: If the day does not require a lightsaber, it is good.
  73. Rule 73: You are forbidden from telling rookies that those small floaty orbs are filled with delicious candy.
  74. Rule 74: Hazing rookies by forcing them to eat excessive amounts of MREs is forbidden. Violating this rule requires all responsible parties to cough up double the janitorial staff's usual weekly pay.
  75. Rule 75: A Base Delta Zero is a rather excessive response to the usual dark side Force signatures.
  76. Rule 76: A Jedi Master Katarn strike is even more excessive. Our resources are limited, ladies and gentlemen.
  77. Rule 77: If you encounter a haunted Sith ruin on an otherwise uninhabitted planet, nuking it from orbit is acceptable.
  78. Rule 78: The real Trioclus is pretty chill, leave him alone.
  79. Rule 79: Stealing Admiral Pellaeon's mustache will not grant you his powers. It will also start a war.
  80. Rule 80: There are only two things where 'kill on sight' are acceptable; mine crabs and Reborn.
  81. *Rule 80 Addendum A. Minecrabs are DOUBLE kill on sight
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