Taako Intelligence 3

Griffin: Does it include things like the Slicer of T’pire-Weir Isles, sent in by Riku Sakunen, which is an item that is useless, but with a good enough sales pitch, you can convince anyone of its value, and get them to trade you their most valuable possession. That's a fun one.

[1:15:37]
...
[1:20:17]

Justin: Yeah, I would like to take the Slicer of T’pire-Wheer Isles... [sic; they both pronounce this name completely differently]

Griffin: Okay. Not sure how that one's pronounced, but the description is very cool. That's the one that you can convince somebody of a magic item. Let's see.

Justin: And the-- what's wrong?

Griffin: I was just gonna read some of the descriptions because it feels like we're wrapping up here. There's the Rickul Axager's Pocket Guide to Adventuring, Third Edition--

Justin: This is the other item I'm picking up!

Griffin: Oh excellent! Well let me read one of the other ones then, because another really good one was sent in by Sebastian Sebant.

Clint: Oh, the Jar of Beezzzzz!

Griffin: It's a Jar of Bees, which is a literal jar of bees. Could probably throw it at enemies or through a window and create a distraction, but they could also be dum-dums and drop it and get stung a whole bunch.

Clint: We would.

Griffin: That is how that would work out. But you're going with the Pocket Guide to Adventuring, Third Edition.

Justin: Yeah. That'll be 2000 total, so I'm hoping that we can strike up a deal.

Garfield: What are you sellin', stranger?

Taako[not in character voice]: I will give you this very cool Ring of Pointing in addition.

Garfield: Didn't you buy that here? And then never used it, huh?

Taako: Yeah, it's still in its mint condition.

Clint: It's still in the package.

Travis: Maybe you could get a refund. Do you still have the receipt?

Justin: No, I ate the receipt.

Garfield: I could give you 200 in store credit for that, completing the transaction!

Taako: Perfect, great!

Griffin: Um, did you explain what the Guide to Adventuring does?

Justin: Yeah, once per day, I can read a section on an associated skill check, and for the next 24 hours, I can have Advantage on it, and I can also read that aloud to give the Advantage to another party member.

Griffin: Yeah. Which is a pretty good item, but it's also very expensive, and also like, how often do we do the same skill checks over and over again? Not that often, so.

Clint: Are you trying to talk him out of it?

Griffin: No, I'm saying like, I'm talking to our listeners, some of whom are going to know that that is a very powerful object. Alright, is everybody done shopping?

Justin: Yeah, I'm gonna read the section on Persuasion in there first, 'cause I figure, there's no need to waste it [crosstalk] --get poppin'...

Griffin: Oh, okay. Yeah, cool. Um... okay, are you all done here at the Fantasy Costco?

Taako: I have one more transaction I'd like to conduct.

Garfield: Okay.

Taako: Garfield.

Garfield: Yes?

Taako: I have something that I think is really gonna interest you.

Griffin: [sudden realization] OH MY GOD.

Taako: This is the Slicer of T’pire-Weir Isles.

[all snickering]

Taako: And I notice that you have a really cool sword, it's a Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword of Doom? I believe it's called.

Griffin: [muffled, mouth covered] Oh my Goddddd.

Taako: I'm looking at your entire stock and it does seem to me that's your most valuable possession, would you say that's accurate?

[laughter]

Garfield: [long pause as Griffin pulls himself together] Yes, it's absolutely the most valuable thing in the store!

Taako: Well, get ready to talk about that in the past tense, my man, because I have got something really special for you. This is, number one, an exotic item. I know people are always looking for those, you can't buy this at any store around the block... [crosstalk]

Garfield: From a faraway land! It smells of exotic spices!

Taako: I'm very impressed, you know, not a lot of people have the sort of olfactory acuteness able to sense that, you must be a very discerning smeller. So this is a very valuable item, and trust me when I say, it is going to pay big big dividends for you... if we could just make this transaction. This is, as much as this pains me to say, I've come here and I only have this to offer. I have no gold. And I say it pains me because you're getting SUCH a good deal off of me, but I do need the sword.

Garfield: But, but my thing costs 60,000 GPs! So how many GPs is yours?

Taako: Get ready for this, 61,000! Can you believe it? What a steal, eh?

Garfield: That's quite a profit!

Taako: Mmhm, and I know that's what you're all about, is profit, hm?

Griffin: Okay... well... make a Persuasion check that you have Advantage on!

[Clint losing it in the background, dice]

Justin: 2. That's probably not gonna get it done. [dice] And 18!

Griffin: Plus?

Justin: Zero, just 18.

Griffin: Um... shit!

Travis: I will point out to you Griffin, 18 is the third best number he could roll.

Justin: Yeah, it's pretty good. [crosstalk]

Griffin: Of all the numbers you could roll...

Travis: I also wanted to say, I can't speak for Merle, but while all this is going on, Magnus is just like, darting his eyes back and forth, kind of like, Is this gonna work? Is it?

Griffin: He says, uh,

Garfield: Let me smell it!

Griffin: And he takes the item and he smells it.

Garfield: Mmm! Those spices, though!

Griffin: And he gives it a little taste, he says,

Garfield: Mmm. All my senses are delighted by this bad boy! [pause] Yeah, okay, it sounds fair to me!

[wild laughter]

Taako: Nice!

Griffin: And he goes and cracks open the case and retrieves the Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword of Doom, and hands it over, and puts the Slicer in the case in exchange. And he comes back to you Taako and he says,

Garfield: Sucker! You have no idea what you've just done, do you?

Taako: No...?

Garfield: You've just made a bad trade! This stone you said is worth 61,000 GP is worth easily double that in the hands of a brilliant merchant like myself, Garfield!

Travis: I mean, I do wanna point out, he did just sell it for 900...

[giggling]

Garfield: What are you talking about?

Travis: Don't worry about it.

Justin: Don't worry about it!

Travis: That was OOC!

- Ep. 50, Lunar Interlude IV,