Kalos' Games #spacecopsic 3/25/2017

DiscoDude: **---BEGIN SESSION---**
DiscoDude: **Session logging commenced**
Miri|MC: A late night. A long hyperspace voyage. Once again, the group finds themselves for want of anything productive to do whilst they wait for time to pass.
Miri|MC: Drinks are passed around, and once more they decide to delve into wild and wacky adventures that *totally* happened once upon a time...
Runi: "Well, To get to know you guys- Miri, was it? Let's start with what You did to almost get kicked out of *space college*?"
Miri|MC: "Ah yes, good times, good times..."
Miri|MC: So! During my time in space college, the top sorority was the prestigious Kappa Alpha Theta.
Miri|MC: Biggest membership. Wildest parties. Craziest hazings.
Miri|MC: Like, there was one girl this one time who had to stand on an asteroid for 30 minutes holding her breath without a spacesuit on.
Miri|MC: They had to scrape her off the surface with a squeegee afterward, but she *totally* got in!
Keith: "But..."
Keith: "But Miri! Everyone knows you can't hold your breath in space!"
Miri|MC: (1 sec, AFK)
Miri|MC: (sorry, family stuff, back)
Miri|MC: Oh, you totally can! There's a trick to it, taught by the hermit gurus of Albeta IX! You have to train there for 30 years to get the full deal, though...she thought a couple of online lessons would be enough, and it wasn't till after graduation she could survive outside a suspension tank!
Miri|MC: But enough about rumors and wild speculation!
Miri|MC: Here's my story, and it's the real deal!
Keith: "Of course."
Runi: _smirks_
Miri|MC: So the leader of Kappa Alpha Theta at the time, Abby we'll call her - 'cause it's *always* Abby - she had a new rule for how newcomers would get in!
Miri|MC: They would have to...fight each other...*in mortal combat.*
Miri|MC: Kinda annoying, really. Some newbies got messed up in ways that took 'em *weeks* for the nanomachines to patch 'em up.
Keith: _Keith lifts his eyebrows in surprise_
Miri|MC: Getting killed...*really* frustrating. You could miss a *ton* of classes waiting to get patched up. Or *parties.*
Miri|MC: Now, most newbies' fights delved into the obvious. The punches, the kicks, the disintegrator pistols, the handheld thermonuclear charges. A couple well-prepared ones, they had *cyborg enhancements.* Or funky martial arts.
Miri|MC: You shoulda seen the time someone chucked a fusion grenade, and her opponent just picked it up off the ground and *ate it*.
Miri|MC: (*Really* gross - you're not supposed to just *eat things off the ground!*)
Runi: "I was going to say, everyone knows this things are covered witha  bitterant."
Miri|MC: Pff. You shoulda seen what the *frats* got up to. One of their hazings was to see how many Swap cartridges you could eat in one go. The record was 259.
Miri|MC: Bitterant schmitterant!
Miri|MC: Anyways!
Miri|MC: Now, I'd heard all the wild stories. I won a couple of low-level matches - thank the powers that be for self-defense classes. But I knew that if I was going to go all the way to the top...I was gonna need an edge.
Miri|MC: I'd read up on some of the more famous fights, both in and out of the sorority's deathmatches, and my investigations led me to...an exiled guru from Albeta IX.
Miri|MC: Yes, that's how I knew about the space-breathing trick.
Miri|MC: Obviously I couldn't stay for 30 years to learn *everything*, but I did spend a week in the guru's presence, and she taught me all I needed to know about focusing chi and turning my body into a *deadly weapon.*
Miri|MC: (Don't ask me to demonstrate. You need to be flesh and blood to use chi. I lost all those neat superpowers when I became a cyborg.)
Keith: "Ah, sad to hear that."
Miri|MC: Eh, it's fine. Only so many circumstances the ability to explode a mountain with a rude gesture comes in handy.
Miri|MC: So I returned to the ring with my decisive advantage in tow. I totally owned every opponent I went up against.
Miri|MC: And then...I found myself face to face with Abby herself.
Miri|MC: I thought it was in the bag.
Miri|MC: But my fight had only just begun.
Miri|MC: You see...*she* had seen the guru too, and she'd spent *two* weeks!
Miri|MC: So yeah, I was a little concerned when she picked me up and snapped my arm from 30 feet away.
Runi: "But everyone knows, miri, that Gurus are strictly regulated to hve a minimum of 2 months for fear of false diplomas."
Miri|MC: Exactly. Why do you think she was *exiled*? In retrospect, a lot of her lessons seemed to involve fetching booze and giving her shoulder rubs, but the results were undeniable.
Miri|MC: All the more undeniable when Abby proceeded to slam me into the ground hard enough to break *both* my legs at once!
Miri|MC: So at that point I was starting to feel like *maybe* I was in over my head a bit, but then I remembered I still had a trump card!
Miri|MC: I'd yet to use any of my chi power in the fight, *and* she'd inadvertently shown me how to manipulate chi at a distance!
Miri|MC: So, with my one remaining functioning limb, I pushed off the ground and launched myself into the air, using my chi like a rocket pack!
Miri|MC: And Abby was more than happy to follow!
Miri|MC: The chase took us all the way around the campus! I'd dodge nimbly around buildings while Abby crashed right through them! We tore through the dormitories, which Abby left a smoldering ruin! Even the statue of the space college's founder was smashed to rubble in our wake!
Miri|MC: Finally, we returned to the arena, and I put my final plan into play!
Miri|MC: I flew as high as I could, then blasted straight towards the ground!
Miri|MC: Abby followed, just as I knew she would!
Miri|MC: But what I knew, and what she didn't...
Miri|MC: ...was that I still had the strength to pull up at the very last second!
Miri|MC: Abby plummeted at full velocity, straight at the ground, and...well, let's just say they were still finding bits of her by my sophomore year.
Miri|MC: I'd say "that's how I became the new head of Kappa Alpha Theta," but between the two of us we'd basically demolished half the campus.
Miri|MC: Yeah, the faculty didn't take kindly to all the collateral damage. Even though I *totally* won that fight.
Miri|MC: It was a hard campaign to keep from getting expelled after that...but eh, that's another story!
Runi: _slowly claps, uncertain of the rules or if this was over or not_
Keith: "Well well well... I would suppose that using all four limbs to accelerate towards the ground did not do her any good as well. Well done Miri, always coming up with great plans at the nick of time."
Miri|MC: "You know it! 😉 "
Keith: (By the way, gonna dine for 15 mins or so, but leave me with the prompt?)
Miri|MC: (it's Runi's turn next!)
Miri|MC: (so you have to prompt *them*! 😉 )
Runi: (wooh~)
Keith: (Back)
Keith: (Oh, shit!)
Keith: "So, <@!Runi> , I am curious, didn't you mention that you once went back in time... For some reason... And managed to have your parents get together in the process, by mere accident?"
Miri|MC: (*-starts humming 'Johnny B. Goode'-*)
Runi: _scratches her chin for a moment, but then her four ears perk up "Well, It was a bit more than an accident, I'll say- it all started during my training for the Vaerusian Navy Space Fighter program..."_
Runi: "We were the fresh blood, and they decided iit was a good idea to get the new blood on the new tech rather than train their old boys on it, and I was *extra new*, so the tech I got was a prototype of a protoype, and every component was brand new and working off some technology that no one understood."
Runi: "because no one understood it, the engineers couldn't tell something was wrong with the hyperdrive on mine, so when it got to the time for a jaunt through a few systems- trying to get the time under 5 parsecs- a standard time for a fast run of the spac-etrack, you know- we all had to be better than that"
Runi: "I vanished from reality- and I was flung back in time 30 years- This was 30 years ago now so a total of 60 from today." Rather than drift alone in space I went to the nearest planet- some garden world called Pura II-
Runi: I didn't know how significant this would be until after I got there- Small cozy place, population of a couple million all couped up in a couple cities- this wasn't a homeworld or nothin. So I took my fighter to the nearest starport and landed on down
Runi: Only suddenly the platform lowered down underground, clamps going around the landing gear and holding me there- Flashing lights and lurching motion and catchy elevator music took me for a ride somewhere far away."
Runi: "When it finally stopped, The flashing began again, and I found out I was on the set of the galaxy's hottest hypernet sensation, a gameshow called "'A Circus of Love'!"
Runi: "Low and behold, I see mom and pop there- Only dad was a camera grip and mom was a stuntman- these are all scripted you know- "
Keith: "But Runi..."
Keith: "Isn't it against law to script those?"
Runi: "It is, but that's why these shows are popular- something's only cool if its illegal, you know. And that's why we're training around the galctic rim."
Runi: "Same reason why galactic wrestling is both super mega double-illegal and a craze across the galaxy."
Runi: "As I was saying, Looking at the date on the thing they say 'cut' with as they came to hand me my script to memorize, i knew this was 8 months before I was born- Avali gestate in 7 and a half or so, so I knew what I had to do."
Keith: "Oh... I see..."
Runi: "i was destined to come here and bring my parents together. I called for a bathroom break, and got out of my fighter, heading on over there and locking the door behind me-"
Runi: "I pulled out my vibroblade, and turned it on, cutting myself another doorway within and running to the copier room, where I hopped on a computer and used those same skills that got me my high marks in space college to edit the script-"
Miri|MC: (XD)
Runi: "And if no one caught on, my plan would be set- Not only are the shows scripted, but it was ran by a psion, wou would make the apprrant love real to intensify the scenes- and not bother to change things back."
Runi: "Of course, he saw this coming too, so he wouldn't be stopping me- but it was then I spotted my arch nemsis, Duke Von Archonfang the Fifth- he was an IT tech you see, and he burst on in, pointing his finger at me- His exact words are still burned into my memory-"
Runi: *"Ey, fuk you mahn."*
Keith: (XD)
Miri|MC: "Hey, hold on!"
Miri|MC: "What's your archnemesis doing 30 years in the past?"
Runi: "he was in the script too- so he had to be there. *Duh.*"
Runi: "I didn't write that draft."
Runi: "Though, you're right- I didn't know him back then- he was older than me."
Runi: "I think this is why we became arch enemies now in the future,"
Miri|MC: (XD)
Runi: "This may mean about half my life has been a lie dictated by the director of "love is a Circus,"- you're right"
Runi: "Anyway- back to the good stuff-"
Runi: "I shouted back, 'Enguard!'" and rushed at him with my blade- My gun wouldn't work now, the plot was too intense, and the cameras were rolling.
Runi: It all came to a head shen he plucked one of my feathers as he kicked me away, and made a change to the draft of the script I was writing by etching onto the computer display with ink of our fated blood, and hit the print button.
Runi: "This was most fateful because we were out of paper- This was it- this was the draft that had to be used and the blood-ink already bled onto the script file"
Runi: "Now then I put my sword away- the fight was over for now, and we each grabbed 10 coppies to hand out to the crew and I read my own- That bastard wrote himself into my history as a distant cousin, and forever will Duke Von Archonfang the Fifth follow me into the annals of time."
Runi: "But my job was done- I swapped my place and the place of another contestant in the script with my parents"
Runi: "And as they say, the rest was history. I did some stunts for a bit because I replaced my mom- and then climbed back into my ship for a ride back, and a flight to the future"
Runi: "Only after first going more to the past, cause it only went one way- but that's another story."
Keith: "Bravo, bravo... Very well done" Keith says, as he claps
Miri|MC: _applauds, and thinks better of asking for a clarification on that last point in case it blows her mind._
Miri|MC: "So Keith...Keith...*Keithie!* What about...what about the time the pint-sized Dvarga folk of Niebelungen VI declared you their king, with *disastrous* results?"
Keith: "Oh God..." Keith says, placing a hand on his forehead "That one was a *disaster*."
Keith: "You see, I've been in many jobs before, you know..."
Keith: "I've mentioned that."
Keith: "What I didn't mention, was that I briefly decided I was going to be a mercenary. No training and all."
Keith: "It started well, I already had a job to do. Which was to scort the *current* king of the Dvarga through the station... Well... Current when it was back in the day..."
Keith: This is a tale on how I got to be the king of the tiny Dvarga folk, and how I went through hell for it
Keith: I was pumped, you know? Scorting a king, that's no small task- Well, maybe it is, when you are dealing with such a small king, but nevermind that.
Keith: I was waiting on the port, waiting for him to disembark, I had my nanoweave bodyguard suit and a laser piston with me... I now know that this is nowhere near the kind of firepower you want to pack...
Keith: But back in the day, I was quite green still.
Keith: Nonetheless, the passangers starts to disembark, and I am standing there, just looking people pass by, and not finding the king
Keith: I swear, I started to think that I should have bought, Y'know, those carboards that you write on, right?
Keith: But then there he comes, the king, with all those things that kings do, Y'know? Being carried around in that weird thing that people use to carry people around.
Keith: I literally forgot the name of it
Keith: Oh well, just imagine any crazy thing in its place
Keith: Anyways, of course, there was the king, and the queen, and his personal guard and all that jazz. And they come up to me.
Keith: "Art thou Keith? Act now you must! No delays, provide us with guidance through this metal nation!"
Keith: Meanwhile, in my head, all that I heard coming out of his mouth was:
*"Aren't I tiny? You must now agree! We are the tinyest people in the whole univese, out of all nations!"*
Keith: So, very much in *my* style, I just smilled and nodded, before leading him around the station.
Keith: Little did I know, people *actually* wanted to assassinate him... And, eventually, as the tour was midway, and we were in a restaurant - *for tiny people*
Keith: Boy, it was akward to stand outside the building, leaning down to look into the windows
Keith: Anyways
Keith: Suddenly, in comes this group of battlesuit-wearing... Dvargas...
You heard me right. Tiny people, encased in metal.
Miri|MC: "Woo! Tiny metal men! Like action figures!"
Keith: They looked like moving action figures, not gonna lie
Keith: they had guns and everything!
Keith: But I wasn't marvelling them like that, oh no...
Keith: I was like "Well, fuck. There is only one reason why people like this would come to here. And it is not for food."
Keith: Before I could react, tho, the firefight had already started. I was amazed that the seemingly-decorative spears of the King's guard were actually able to shoot stuff.
Keith: Now, here lies the problem. When you get small, armor starts to function really well in proportion to the weapons your size
Keith: Like, those battlesuits? Yeah, they **were** as thick as full-sized battlesuits.
Keith: And the king's guard were using the *very* much decorative parade armor
Keith: So, how send 'em hurting?
Keith: So, I pulled back my fist, and plunged it deep into the restaurant, grabbed the battlesuits, and then *flinged* them away, into the distance.
Keith: A job well done.
Keith: Except... Well, the king wasn't doing very well, Y'know?
Keith: He was bleeding purple and all that shit. I think he bled purple because he was king, but nevermind that.
Keith: So, I craddled him in my hands, because my hands were not small enough to provide him with proper first-aid. Otherwise he would have lived.
Keith: Because, y'know
Keith: I am very good at first-aid
Keith: Anyways, he spoke these word to me:
Keith: "Thou art an actor, Keith, well done indeed... If only you were king..."
Keith: And then he passed away
Keith: Also
Keith: I became king, because of that.
Keith: The queen was very eager to point that out to me, by planting a kiss on my lips, using her tiny lips.
Keith: Remember I told you I was still green?
Keith: Yeah, that was my first kiss
Keith: Because, of course, you want your first kiss to be with someone who you can  swallow whole if you inhale too fast.
Runi: _audibly 'heh's_
Miri|MC: _chuckles_
Keith: So. before I knew, I had a pile of paperwork in my lap, which I had to deal with. Problem was, the fucking *tiny* pages were so small, that even the largest, boldedst text was smaller than the finest print of the sketchiest contract out there
Keith: Before trying, to no end, to deal with the paperwork, while the queen tried to no end to -God knows why- get *freaky* with me... I settled to just instead signing whatever thing they brought before me, just to be done with it.



That was a mistake
Keith: Okay, just a side note.
Keith: I don't know why she didn't notice...
But like, I was so large than her, that my dick was *larger* than her whole body.
But as I tried to settle in for the night, she started to yabber about "Duty to please your queen", all I know is that in a sleep-deprived state, I decided to do it.
Keith: The next day
Keith: Somehow, I had actually pleased the queen. And she was unharmed. Don't ask me how, I don't remember.
Keith: Anyways, onto the paperwork.
Miri|MC: _just stares. She doesn't have an interjection; she just tries to *picture* it and...fails._
Keith: It seem that I had just signed at least five declarations of war, in the previous day, including a *declaration of war against **the very station***
Keith: Needless to say. This was bad. Not to mention all the other things. Like increasing taxes
Keith: Everybody hates when you increase taxes
Keith: I think that might have been the worse thing I've ever had signed, in my whole life
Miri|MC: (XD)
Keith: Anyways. Three hours into the day, I find out what I actually did. One hour later, there are people trying to kill me, and that was the station's force, Y'know, because of course.
After all, all declarations of war are serious issues, even if they come from a nation of pint-sized crazies.
And I am not even being sarcastic here, that's the scary part.
Keith: Instead of staying and fighting, I immediatly devised a plan:
Keith: The "Get the fuck out of the station" plan
Keith: It went like this:
Keith: Step 1: Get the fuck out of the station
Keith: Simple, right?
Keith: It never came to fruition, of course, you'll see why
Keith: As I am nearing the ports, carrying with me all of the King's entourage - rather than the other way around - I come to a realization
Keith: That the king came in being carried by his entourage, and now the new king was leaving... Carrying the entourage.
I chuckled
Then I came to another realization
Keith: That the port had security.
Miri|MC: (oops XD)
Keith: At that moment, a new plan formed, one that actually came to fruition:
Keith: The "stop being the king of this crazy nation", plan, it went like this:
Keith: Step 1: Stop being the king of this crazy nation
Keith: I , who managed to realize a bit of my subjects culture, swiftly said:
Keith: "Oh, if only the queen could be the king, as well as the queen... Instead of me being the king."
Keith: And suddenly she had a pile of paperwork in her lap, and I made my escape.

Luckily, the station was looking after the king, rather than "Keith", and I was no longer the king.
Keith: I heard that she swiftly managed to write down a bunch of surrender papers very quickly, good on her.
Keith: Also, she lowered the taxes back down. So you know that she was a beloved queen after that.
Keith: I wonder if she planned this all along, but nonetheless.
Keith: This was the tale...
Keith: Of how I lost, once again, another job.
Keith: _Keith takes a long swig of his drink_
Miri|MC: "I'm...still trying to understand...how...you...and her..." Miri's eyebrow goes as far up as physically possible.
Keith: "Me too, Miri..."
Runi: _claps a moment. "Doesn't gotta make sense, miri~"_
Keith: "Me too..."
Keith: "Now. I think we vote who was the best?"
Keith: <@!Miri|MC> , <@!Runi> ?
Lily: _might not be playing, but honestly would vote for keith :B_
Runi: "hm. Well, Wouldn't be right to vote for myself- but I like Miri's"
Miri|MC: "Well. On the one hand, we have time travel. On the other, bizarre and implausible intercourse. That's *two* stories that threaten to make my head explode...good thing I don't really *need* it," she giggles.
Miri|MC: "It's a hard choice...but I'm gonna vote Runi's. Sorry, Keith. ^_^;"
Keith: "It is alright, her story was very good, I vote for her as well."
Miri|MC: "Woo! Then by a vote of 2 to 1, Runi wins the evening! That means *you* pick up the tab for everybody!" She gives Runi a congratulatory slap on the back.
Miri|MC: (and yes, there's no tab to pick up XD)
Runi: _grabs a drink, and chugs in celebration_
Miri|MC: (and with that, and Ommy's game impending, let us...)
Miri|MC: !end