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The Big Project- Astra

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Jan 18th, 2020
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  1. ASTRA (aka Shrek With Lesbians)
  2.  
  3.  
  4.  
  5.  
  6.  
  7. ASTRA
  8. Once upon a time there was a lovely
  9. princess. But she had an enchantment
  10. upon her of a fearful sort which could
  11. only be broken by love's first kiss.
  12. She was locked away in a castle guarded
  13. by a terrible fire-breathing Tempest.
  14. Many brave knights had attempted to
  15. free her from this dreadful prison,
  16. but non prevailed. She waited in the
  17. dragon's keep in the highest room of
  18. the tallest tower for her true love
  19. and true love's first kiss. (laughs)
  20. Like that's ever gonna happen. What
  21. a load of - (toilet flush)
  22.  
  23. All Star - by Smash Mouth begins to play. Astra goes about her
  24. day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go
  25. after the Existen.
  26.  
  27. NIGHT - NEAR ASTRA'S HOME
  28.  
  29. DANIEL
  30. Think it's in there?
  31.  
  32. KAJ
  33. All right. Let's get it!
  34.  
  35. DANIEL
  36. Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that
  37. thing can do to you?
  38.  
  39. BLOODRAIN
  40. Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's
  41. bread.
  42.  
  43. Astra sneaks up behind them and laughs.
  44.  
  45. ASTRA
  46. Yes, well, actually, that would be a
  47. giant. Now, Existens, oh they're much worse.
  48. They'll make a suit from your freshly
  49. peeled skin.
  50.  
  51. MEN
  52. No!
  53.  
  54. ASTRA
  55. They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the
  56. jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's
  57. quite good on toast.
  58.  
  59. DANIEL
  60. Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
  61. (waves the torch at Astra.)
  62.  
  63. Astra calmly licks her fingers and extinguishes the torch. The
  64. men shrink back away from her. Astra roars very loudly and long
  65. and her breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the
  66. men are in the dark.
  67.  
  68. ASTRA
  69. This is the part where you run away.
  70. (The men scramble to get away. She laughs.)
  71. And stay out! (looks down and picks
  72. up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted.
  73. Fairy tale creatures."(She sighs and
  74. throws the paper over his shoulder.)
  75.  
  76.  
  77. THE NEXT DAY
  78.  
  79. There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard
  80. sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures
  81. to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line
  82. are Riza, who is carrying Riven in a cage, Jack who's carrying Denzia, and a farmer who is leading Moony, Lutey, and Luna.
  83.  
  84. KEITH
  85. All right. This one's full. Take it
  86. away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!
  87.  
  88.  
  89. MAGMARNE
  90. Next!
  91.  
  92. KEITH
  93. (taking Diana’s broom) Give me that!
  94. Your flying days are over. (breaks the
  95. broom in half)
  96.  
  97. MAGMARNE
  98. That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch.
  99. Next!
  100.  
  101. KEITH
  102. Get up! Come on!
  103.  
  104. MAGMARNE
  105. Twenty pieces.
  106.  
  107. KIRA
  108. (crying) This cage is too small.
  109.  
  110. ZORA
  111. Please, don't turn me in. I'll never
  112. be stubborn again. I can change. Please!
  113. Give me another chance!
  114.  
  115. MINUKI
  116. Oh, shut up. (jerks her rope)
  117.  
  118. ZORA
  119. Oh!
  120.  
  121. MAGMARNE
  122. Next! What have you got?
  123.  
  124. JACK
  125. This wonderful Requiem Experiment.
  126.  
  127. DENZIA
  128. I'm not a experiment, I’m a normal dude. *suddenly grows a nose*
  129.  
  130. MAGMARNE
  131. Five shillings for the demented thing.
  132. Take it away.
  133.  
  134. DENZIA
  135. Father, please! Don't let them do this!
  136. Help me!
  137.  
  138. Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The Minuki steps up
  139. to the table.
  140.  
  141. MAGMARNE
  142. Next! What have you got?
  143.  
  144. MINUKI
  145. Well, I've got a fucking stoner.
  146.  
  147. MAGMARNE
  148. Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings,
  149. if you can prove it.
  150.  
  151. MINUKI
  152. Oh, go ahead, toke up.
  153.  
  154. Zora just looks up at her.
  155.  
  156. MAGMARNE
  157. Well?
  158.  
  159. MINUKI
  160. Oh, oh, she's just...she's just a little
  161. nervous. She's really quite a stoner.
  162. Blaze it, you boneheaded dolt...
  163.  
  164. MAGMARNE
  165. That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
  166.  
  167.  
  168. MINUKI
  169. No, no, she smokes! She does. (pretends
  170. to be Zora) I can smoke. I love to
  171. 420 blaze it. I'm the weediest damn thing
  172. you ever saw.
  173.  
  174. MAGMARNE
  175. Get her out of my sight.
  176.  
  177. MINUKI
  178. No, no! I swear! Oh! She’s a weedhead!
  179.  
  180. The guards grab Minuki and she struggles with them. One
  181. of her legs flies out and kicks Riven out of Riza's
  182. hands, and his cage drops on Zora's head. She gets sprinkled
  183. with fairy dust and she's able to fly.
  184.  
  185. ZORA
  186. Hey! I can fly! *pulls out a brownie*
  187.  
  188. RIZA
  189. She can fly! *holds herself back from attempting to grab the brownie*
  190.  
  191. Moony, Lutey, and Luna
  192. She can fly!
  193.  
  194. MAGMARNE
  195. She can toke!
  196.  
  197. ZORA
  198. Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm
  199. a flying, weed-addled Zora. You might
  200. have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly
  201. but I bet you ain't never seen a Zora
  202. fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins
  203. to wear off) Uh-oh. (she begins to sink
  204. to the ground.)
  205.  
  206. She hits the ground with a thud.
  207.  
  208. MAGMARNE
  209. Seize her! (Zora takes off running.)
  210. After her!
  211.  
  212. GUARDS
  213. She's getting away! Get her! This way!
  214. Turn!
  215.  
  216. Zora keeps running and he eventually runs into Astra. Literally.
  217. Astra turns around to see who bumped into her. Zora looks scared
  218. for a moment then she spots the guards coming up the path. She
  219. quickly hides behind Astra.
  220.  
  221. MAGMARNE
  222. You there. Existen!
  223.  
  224. ASTRA
  225. Aye?
  226.  
  227. MAGMARNE
  228. By the order of Lord Teruchi I am authorized
  229. to place you both under arrest and transport
  230. you to a designated resettlement facility.
  231.  
  232.  
  233. ASTRA
  234. Oh, really? You and what army?
  235.  
  236. He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well
  237. and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail
  238. and runs off. Astra laughs and goes back about her business and
  239. begins walking back to her cottage.
  240.  
  241. ZORA
  242. Can I say something to you? Listen,
  243. you was really, really, really somethin'
  244. back here. Incredible!
  245.  
  246. ASTRA
  247. Are you talkin' to...(she turns around
  248. and Zora is gone) me? (she turns back
  249. around and Zora is right in front
  250. of him.) Whoa!
  251.  
  252. ZORA
  253. Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell
  254. you that you that you was great back
  255. here? Those guards! They thought they
  256. was all of that. Then you showed up,
  257. and bam! They was trippin' over themselves
  258. like babes in the woods. That really
  259. made me feel good to see that.
  260.  
  261. ASTRA
  262. Oh, that's great. Really.
  263.  
  264. ZORA
  265. Man, it's good to be free.
  266.  
  267. ASTRA
  268. Now, why don't you go celebrate your
  269. freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
  270.  
  271.  
  272. ZORA
  273. But, uh, I don't have any friends. And
  274. I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey,
  275. wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll
  276. stick with you. You're a mean, rainbow,
  277. fightin' machine. Together we'll scare
  278. the spit out of anybody that crosses
  279. us.
  280.  
  281. Astra turns and regards Zora for a moment before roaring very
  282. loudly.
  283.  
  284. ZORA
  285. Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you
  286. don't mind me sayin', if that don't
  287. work, your breath certainly will get
  288. the job done, 'cause you definitely
  289. need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause
  290. you breath stinks! You almost burned
  291. the hair outta my nose, just like the
  292. time...(Astra covers her mouth but Zora
  293. continues to talk, so Astra removes
  294. her hand.) ...then I ate some rotten
  295. berries. I had strong gases leaking
  296. out of my butt that day.
  297.  
  298. ASTRA
  299. Why are you following me?
  300.  
  301. ZORA
  302. I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause
  303. I'm all alone, There's no one here beside
  304. me, My problems have all gone, There's
  305. no one to deride me, But you gotta have
  306. friends...
  307.  
  308. ASTRA
  309. Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't
  310. have any friends.
  311.  
  312. ZORA
  313. Wow. Only a true friend would be that
  314. cruelly honest.
  315.  
  316. ASTRA
  317. Listen, little Zora. Take a look at
  318. me. What am I?
  319.  
  320. ZORA
  321. (looks all the way up at Astra) Uh ...really
  322. tall?
  323.  
  324. ASTRA
  325. No! I'm an Existen! You know. "Grab your
  326. torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that
  327. bother you?
  328.  
  329. ZORA
  330. Nope.
  331.  
  332. ASTRA
  333. Really?
  334.  
  335. ZORA
  336. Really, really.
  337.  
  338. ASTRA
  339. Oh.
  340.  
  341. ZORA
  342. Man, I like you. What's your name?
  343.  
  344. ASTRA
  345. Uh, Astra.
  346.  
  347. ZORA
  348. Astra? Well, you know what I like about
  349. you, Astra? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me
  350. thing. I like that. I respect that,
  351. Astra. You all right. (They come over
  352. a hill and you can see Astra's cottage.)
  353. Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live
  354. in place like that?
  355.  
  356. ASTRA
  357. That would be my home.
  358.  
  359. ZORA
  360. Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful.
  361. You know you are quite a decorator.
  362. It's amazing what you've done with such
  363. a modest budget. I like that boulder.
  364. That is a nice boulder. I guess you
  365. don't entertain much, do you?
  366.  
  367. ASTRA
  368. I like my privacy.
  369.  
  370. ZORA
  371. You know, I do too. That's another thing
  372. we have in common. Like I hate it when
  373. you got somebody in your face. You've
  374. trying to give them a hint, and they
  375. won't leave. There's that awkward silence.
  376. (awkward silence) Can I stay with you?
  377.  
  378.  
  379. ASTRA
  380. Uh, what?
  381.  
  382. ZORA
  383. Can I stay with you, please?
  384.  
  385. ASTRA
  386. (sarcastically) Of course!
  387.  
  388. ZORA
  389. Really?
  390.  
  391. ASTRA
  392. No.
  393.  
  394. ZORA
  395. Please! I don't wanna go back there!
  396. You don't know what it's like to be
  397. considered a freak. (pause while she
  398. looks at Astra) Well, maybe you do.
  399. But that's why we gotta stick together.
  400. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
  401.  
  402.  
  403. ASTRA
  404. Okay! Okay! But one night only.
  405.  
  406. ZORA
  407. Ah! Thank you! (she runs inside the cottage)
  408.  
  409.  
  410. ASTRA
  411. What are you...? (Zora hops up onto
  412. a chair.) No! No!
  413.  
  414. ZORA
  415. This is gonna be fun! We can stay up
  416. late, swappin' manly stories, and in
  417. the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.
  418.  
  419. ASTRA
  420. Oh!
  421.  
  422. ZORA
  423. Where do, uh, I sleep?
  424.  
  425. ASTRA
  426. (irritated) Outside!
  427.  
  428. ZORA
  429. Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean,
  430. I don't know you, and you don't know
  431. me, so I guess outside is best, you
  432. know. Here I go. Good night. (Astra
  433. slams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do
  434. like the outdoors. I'm Zora. I was
  435. born outside. I'll just be sitting by
  436. myself outside, I guess, you know. By
  437. myself, outside. I'm all alone...there's
  438. no one here beside me...
  439.  
  440. ASTRA'S COTTAGE - NIGHT
  441.  
  442. Astra is getting ready for dinner. She sits himself down and lights
  443. a candle made out of earwax. She begins to eat when he hears a
  444. noise. He stands up with a huff.
  445.  
  446. ASTRA
  447. (to Zora) I thought I told you to
  448. stay outside.
  449.  
  450. ZORA
  451. (from the window) I am outside.
  452.  
  453. There is another noise and Astra turns to find the person that
  454. made the noise. She sees several shadows moving. He finally turns
  455. and spots 3 random-ass tiny people on her table.
  456.  
  457. COLIN
  458. Well, guys, it's a far cry from the
  459. farm, but what choice do we have?
  460.  
  461.  
  462. SAPPHIRE
  463. It's not home, but it'll do just fine.
  464.  
  465.  
  466. JAX
  467. (bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed.
  468.  
  469.  
  470. ASTRA
  471. Got ya. (Grabs one, but it escapes
  472. and lands on her shoulder.)
  473.  
  474. JAX
  475. I found some cheese. (bites Astra's
  476. ear)
  477.  
  478. ASTRA
  479. Ow!
  480.  
  481. JAX
  482. Blah! Awful stuff.
  483.  
  484. COLIN
  485. Is that you, Jax?
  486.  
  487. JAX
  488. How did you know?
  489.  
  490. ASTRA
  491. Enough! (he grabs the 3) What are
  492. you doing in my house? (He gets bumped
  493. from behind and she drops the mice.)
  494. Hey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dorks
  495. with Saffron on the table.) Oh, no,
  496. no, no. Dead broad off the table.
  497.  
  498.  
  499. SETH
  500. Where are we supposed to put her? The
  501. bed's taken.
  502.  
  503. ASTRA
  504. Huh?
  505.  
  506. Astra marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain.
  507. Deax is sitting in the bed. She just looks at
  508. her.
  509.  
  510. BIG BAD WOLF
  511. What?
  512.  
  513. TIME LAPSE
  514.  
  515. Astra now has Deax by the collar and is dragging
  516. her to the front door.
  517.  
  518. ASTRA
  519. I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm
  520. a terrifying Existen! What do I have to
  521. do get a little privacy? (she opens the
  522. front door to throw Deax out and
  523. she sees that all the collected Fairy
  524. Tale Creatures are on his land.) Oh,
  525. no. No! No!
  526.  
  527. Kira, Angel, and Lucidia sit around the fire, Vera is playing her
  528. fiddle and the rats are all running to her, some elves are directing
  529. flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc.
  530.  
  531.  
  532. ASTRA
  533. What are you doing in my swamp? (this
  534. echoes and everyone falls silent.)
  535.  
  536.  
  537. Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies hide inside a
  538. tent.
  539.  
  540. ASTRA
  541. All right, get out of here. All of you,
  542. move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya!
  543. Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more
  544. dorks run inside the house) No, no!
  545. No, no. Not there. Not there. (they
  546. shut the door on her) Oh! (turns to
  547. look at Zora)
  548.  
  549. ZORA
  550. Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite
  551. them.
  552.  
  553. DENZIA
  554. Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
  555.  
  556. ASTRA
  557. What?
  558.  
  559. DENZIA
  560. We were forced to come here.
  561.  
  562. ASTRA
  563. (flabbergasted) By who?
  564.  
  565. LITTLE PIG
  566. Lord Teruchi. He huffed and he puffed
  567. and he...signed an eviction notice.
  568.  
  569.  
  570. ASTRA
  571. (heavy sigh) All right. Who knows where
  572. this Teruchi guy is?
  573.  
  574. Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers.
  575.  
  576. ZORA
  577. Oh, I do. I know where he is.
  578.  
  579. ASTRA
  580. Does anyone else know where to find
  581. him? Anyone at all?
  582.  
  583. ZORA
  584. Me! Me!
  585.  
  586. ASTRA
  587. Anyone?
  588.  
  589. ZORA
  590. Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know!
  591. Me, me!
  592.  
  593. ASTRA
  594. (sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy
  595. tale things. Do not get comfortable.
  596. Your welcome is officially worn out.
  597. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Teruchi
  598. right now and get you all off my land
  599. and back where you came from! (Pause.
  600. Then the crowd goes wild.) Oh! (to Zora)
  601. You! You're comin' with me.
  602.  
  603. ZORA
  604. All right, that's what I like to hear,
  605. man. Astra and Zora, two stalwart
  606. friends, off on a whirlwind big-city
  607. adventure. I love it!
  608.  
  609. ZORA
  610. (singing) On the road again. Sing it
  611. with me, Astra. I can't wait to get
  612. on the road again.
  613.  
  614. ASTRA
  615. What did I say about singing?
  616.  
  617. ZORA
  618. Can I whistle?
  619.  
  620. ASTRA
  621. No.
  622.  
  623. ZORA
  624. Can I hum it?
  625.  
  626. ASTRA
  627. All right, hum it.
  628.  
  629. Zora begins to hum 'On the Road Again'.
  630.  
  631. DULOC - KITCHEN
  632.  
  633. A masked woman is torturing Cherry. She's continually
  634. dunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Teruchi walks in.
  635.  
  636. TERUCHI
  637. That's enough. She's ready to talk.
  638.  
  639.  
  640. Cherry is pulled out of the milk and slammed down
  641. onto a cookie sheet. Teruchi laughs as he walks over to the
  642. table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes
  643. up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered.
  644.  
  645.  
  646. TERUCHI
  647. (he picks up Cherry's legs
  648. and plays with them) Run, run, run,
  649. as fast as you can. You can't catch
  650. me. I'm Cherry.
  651.  
  652. CHERRY
  653. You are a monster.
  654.  
  655. TERUCHI
  656. I'm not the monster here. You are. You
  657. and the rest of that fairy tale trash,
  658. poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell
  659. me! Where are the others?
  660.  
  661. CHERRY
  662. Eat me! (she spits milk into Teruchi's
  663. eye.)
  664.  
  665. TERUCHI
  666. I've tried to be fair to you creatures.
  667. Now my patience has reached its end!
  668. Tell me or I'll...(he makes as if to
  669. pull off Cherry's buttons)
  670.  
  671.  
  672. CHERRY
  673. No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop
  674. buttons.
  675.  
  676. TERUCHI
  677. All right then. Who's hiding them?
  678.  
  679.  
  680. CHERRY
  681. Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the
  682. muffin man?
  683.  
  684. TERUCHI
  685. The muffin man?
  686.  
  687. CHERRY
  688. The muffin man.
  689.  
  690. TERUCHI
  691. Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives
  692. on Drury Lane?
  693.  
  694. CHERRY
  695. Well, she's married to the muffin man.
  696.  
  697.  
  698. TERUCHI
  699. The muffin man?
  700.  
  701. CHERRY
  702. The muffin man!
  703.  
  704. TERUCHI
  705. She's married to the muffin man.
  706.  
  707. The door opens and the MAGMARNE walks in.
  708.  
  709. MAGMARNE
  710. My lord! We found it.
  711.  
  712. TERUCHI
  713. Then what are you waiting for? Bring
  714. it in.
  715.  
  716. More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet.
  717. They hang up whatever it is and remove the sheet. It is the Ranthael
  718. Mirror.
  719.  
  720. CHERRY
  721. (in awe) Ohhhh...
  722.  
  723. TERUCHI
  724. Ranthael Mirror...
  725.  
  726. CHERRY
  727. Don't tell him anything! (Teruchi picks
  728. her up and dumps him into a trash can
  729. with a lid.) No!
  730.  
  731. TERUCHI
  732. Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall.
  733. Is this not the most perfect kingdom
  734. of them all?
  735.  
  736. RANTHAEL
  737. Well, technically you're not a king.
  738.  
  739.  
  740. TERUCHI
  741. Uh, Tiamat. (Tiamat holds up a
  742. hand mirror and smashes it with her
  743. fist.) You were saying?
  744.  
  745. RANTHAEL
  746. What I mean is you're not a king yet.
  747. But you can become one. All you have
  748. to do is marry a princess.
  749.  
  750. TERUCHI
  751. Go on.
  752.  
  753. RANTHAEL
  754. (chuckles nervously) So, just sit back
  755. and relax, my lord, because it's time
  756. for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes.
  757. And here they are! Bachelorette number
  758. one is a mentally abused shut-in from
  759. a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi
  760. and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies
  761. include cooking and cleaning for her
  762. two evil sisters. Please welcome Selene.
  763. (shows picture of Selene) Bachelorette
  764. number two is a cape-wearing girl from
  765. the land of fancy. Although she lives
  766. with seven other men, she's not easy.
  767. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and
  768. find out what a live wire she is. Come
  769. on. Give it up for Saffron! (shows
  770. picture of Saffron) And last, but
  771. certainly not last, bachelorette number
  772. three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded
  773. castle surrounded by hot boiling lava!
  774. But don't let that cool you off. She's
  775. a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas
  776. and getting caught in the rain. Yours
  777. for the rescuing, Princess Cameron! (Shows
  778. picture of Princess Cameron) So will it
  779. be bachelorette number one, bachelorette
  780. number two or bachelorette number three?
  781.  
  782.  
  783. GUARDS
  784. Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!
  785.  
  786.  
  787. TERUCHI
  788. Three? One? Three?
  789.  
  790. TIAMAT
  791. Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number
  792. three, my lord!
  793.  
  794. TERUCHI
  795. Okay, okay, uh, number three!
  796.  
  797. RANTHAEL
  798. Lord Teruchi, you've chosen Princess
  799. Cameron.
  800.  
  801. TERUCHI
  802. Princess Cameron. She's perfect. All I
  803. have to do is just find someone who
  804. can go...
  805.  
  806. RANTHAEL
  807. But I probably should mention the little
  808. thing that happens at night.
  809.  
  810. TERUCHI
  811. I'll do it.
  812.  
  813. RANTHAEL
  814. Yes, but after sunset...
  815.  
  816. TERUCHI
  817. Silence! I will make this Princess Cameron
  818. my queen, and Duloc will finally have
  819. the perfect king! Captain, assemble
  820. your finest men. We're going to have
  821. a tournament. (smiles evilly)
  822.  
  823. DuLoc Parking Lot - Lancelot Section
  824.  
  825. Astra and Zora come out of the field that is right by the parking
  826. lot. The castle itself is about 40 stories high.
  827.  
  828. ZORA
  829. But that's it. That's it right there.
  830. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it.
  831.  
  832.  
  833. ASTRA
  834. So, that must be Lord Teruchi's castle.
  835.  
  836.  
  837. ZORA
  838. Uh-huh. That's the place.
  839.  
  840. ASTRA
  841. Do you think maybe he's compensating
  842. for something? (she laughs, but then
  843. groans as Zora doesn't get the joke.
  844. she continues walking through the parking
  845. lot.)
  846.  
  847. ZORA
  848. Hey, wait. Wait up, Astra.
  849.  
  850. MAN
  851. Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
  852.  
  853.  
  854. ASTRA
  855. Hey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing
  856. a giant head that looks like Lord Teruchi,
  857. screams and begins running through the
  858. rows of rope to get to the front gate
  859. to get away from Astra.) Wait a second.
  860. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just
  861. - - I just - - (she sighs and then begins
  862. walking straight through the rows. The
  863. attendant runs into a wall and falls
  864. down. Astra and Zora look at her then
  865. continue on into DuLoc.)
  866.  
  867. DULOC
  868.  
  869. They look around but all is quiet.
  870.  
  871. ASTRA
  872. It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody?
  873.  
  874.  
  875. ZORA
  876. Hey, look at this!
  877.  
  878. Zora runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box
  879. marked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors
  880. open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin
  881. to sing.
  882.  
  883. WOODEN PEOPLE
  884. Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town
  885.  
  886.  
  887. Here we have some rules
  888.  
  889. Let us lay them down
  890.  
  891. Don't make waves, stay in line
  892.  
  893. And we'll get along fine
  894.  
  895. DuLoc is perfect place
  896.  
  897. Please keep off of the grass
  898.  
  899. Shine your shoes, wipe your... face
  900.  
  901. DuLoc is, DuLoc is
  902.  
  903. DuLoc is perfect place.
  904.  
  905. Suddenly a camera takes Zora and Astra's picture.
  906.  
  907. ZORA
  908. Wow! Let's do that again! (makes ready
  909. to run over and pull the lever again)
  910.  
  911.  
  912. ASTRA
  913. (grabs Zora's arm and holds her still)
  914. No. No. No, no, no! No.
  915.  
  916. They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena.
  917.  
  918. TERUCHI
  919. Brave knights. You are the best and
  920. brightest in all the land. Today one
  921. of you shall prove himself...
  922.  
  923. As Astra and Zora walk down the tunnel to get into the arena
  924. Zora is humming the DuLoc theme song.
  925.  
  926. ASTRA
  927. All right. You're going the right way
  928. for a smacked bottom.
  929.  
  930. ZORA
  931. Sorry about that.
  932.  
  933. TERUCHI
  934. That champion shall have the honor -
  935. - no, no - - the privilege to go forth
  936. and rescue the lovely Princess Cameron
  937. from the fiery keep of the dragon. If
  938. for any reason the winner is unsuccessful,
  939. the first runner-up will take his place
  940. and so on and so forth. Some of you
  941. may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing
  942. to make. (cheers) Let the tournament
  943. begin! (He notices Astra) Oh! What is
  944. that? It's hideous!
  945.  
  946. ASTRA
  947. (turns to look at Zora and then back
  948. at Teruchi) Ah, that's not very nice.
  949. It's just a stoner.
  950.  
  951. TERUCHI
  952. Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who
  953. kills the Existen will be named champion!
  954. Have it him!
  955.  
  956. MEN
  957. Get him!
  958.  
  959. ASTRA
  960. Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps
  961. into a table where there are mugs of
  962. beer)
  963.  
  964. CROWD
  965. Go ahead! Get her!
  966.  
  967. ASTRA
  968. (holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just
  969. settle this over a pint?
  970.  
  971. CROWD
  972. Kill the beast!
  973.  
  974. ASTRA
  975. No? All right then. (drinks the beer)
  976. Come on!
  977.  
  978. She takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel
  979. of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the
  980. other men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Astra slides
  981. past the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped.
  982. As Astra begins to fight Zora hops up onto one of the larger
  983. beer barrels. It breaks free of it's ropes and begins to roll.
  984. Zora manages to squish two men into the mud. There is so much
  985. fighting going on here I'm not going to go into detail. Suffice
  986. to say that Astra kicks butt.
  987.  
  988. ZORA
  989. Hey, Astra, tag me! Tag me!
  990.  
  991. Astra comes over and bangs a man's head up against Zora’s. Astra
  992. gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd.
  993.  
  994. ASTRA
  995. Yeah!
  996.  
  997. A man tries to sneak up behind Astra, but Astra turns in time
  998. and sees him.
  999.  
  1000. RHYTHM
  1001. The chair! Give him the chair!
  1002.  
  1003. Astra smashes a chair over the guys back. Finally all the men
  1004. are down. Zora kicks one of them in the helmet, and the ding
  1005. sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild.
  1006.  
  1007. ASTRA
  1008. Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you
  1009. very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try
  1010. the veal! Ha, ha! (laughs)
  1011.  
  1012. The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on
  1013. Astra.
  1014.  
  1015. MAGMARNE
  1016. Shall I give the order, sir?
  1017.  
  1018. TERUCHI
  1019. No, I have a better idea. People of
  1020. DuLoc, I give you our champion!
  1021.  
  1022. ASTRA
  1023. What?
  1024.  
  1025. TERUCHI
  1026. Congratulations, Existen. You're won the
  1027. honor of embarking on a great and noble
  1028. quest.
  1029.  
  1030. ASTRA
  1031. Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest
  1032. to get my swamp back.
  1033.  
  1034. TERUCHI
  1035. Your swamp?
  1036.  
  1037. ASTRA
  1038. Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those
  1039. fairy tale creatures!
  1040.  
  1041. TERUCHI
  1042. Indeed. All right, Existen. I'll make you
  1043. a deal. Go on this quest for me, and
  1044. I'll give you your swamp back.
  1045.  
  1046. ASTRA
  1047. Exactly the way it was?
  1048.  
  1049. TERUCHI
  1050. Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.
  1051.  
  1052.  
  1053. ASTRA
  1054. And the squatters?
  1055.  
  1056. TERUCHI
  1057. As good as gone.
  1058.  
  1059. ASTRA
  1060. What kind of quest?
  1061.  
  1062. Time Lapse - Zora and Astra are now walking through the field
  1063. heading away from DuLoc. Astra is munching on an onion.
  1064.  
  1065. ZORA
  1066. Let me get this straight. You're gonna
  1067. go fight a dragon and rescue a princess
  1068. just so Teruchi will give you back
  1069. a swamp which you only don't have because
  1070. he filled it full of freaks in the first
  1071. place. Is that about right?
  1072.  
  1073. ASTRA
  1074. You know, maybe there's a good reason
  1075. that stoners shouldn't talk.
  1076.  
  1077. ZORA
  1078. I don't get it. Why don't you just pull
  1079. some of that Existen stuff on him? Throttle
  1080. him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds
  1081. his bones to make your bread, the whole
  1082. Existen trip.
  1083.  
  1084. ASTRA
  1085. Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have
  1086. decapitated an entire village and put
  1087. their heads on a pike, gotten a knife,
  1088. cut open their spleen and drink their
  1089. fluids. Does that sound good to you?
  1090.  
  1091.  
  1092. ZORA
  1093. Uh, no, not really, no.
  1094.  
  1095. ASTRA
  1096. For your information, there's a lot
  1097. more to Existens than people think.
  1098.  
  1099. ZORA
  1100. Example?
  1101.  
  1102. ASTRA
  1103. Example? Okay, um, Existens are like onions.
  1104. (she holds out her onion)
  1105.  
  1106. ZORA
  1107. (sniffs the onion) They stink?
  1108.  
  1109. ASTRA
  1110. Yes - - No!
  1111.  
  1112. ZORA
  1113. They make you cry?
  1114.  
  1115. ASTRA
  1116. No!
  1117.  
  1118. ZORA
  1119. You leave them in the sun, they get
  1120. all brown, start sproutin' little white
  1121. hairs.
  1122.  
  1123. ASTRA
  1124. No! Layers! Onions have layers. Existens
  1125. have layers! Onions have layers. You
  1126. get it? We both have layers. (she heaves
  1127. a sigh and then walks off)
  1128.  
  1129. ZORA
  1130. (trailing after Astra) Oh, you both
  1131. have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know,
  1132. not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody
  1133. loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
  1134.  
  1135. ASTRA
  1136. I don't care... what everyone likes.
  1137. Existens are not like cakes.
  1138.  
  1139. ZORA
  1140. You know what else everybody likes?
  1141. Parfaits. Have you ever met a person,
  1142. you say, "Let's get some parfait," they
  1143. say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"?
  1144. Parfaits are delicious.
  1145.  
  1146. ASTRA
  1147. No! You dense, irritating, miniature
  1148. beast of burden! Existens are like onions!
  1149. And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
  1150.  
  1151.  
  1152. ZORA
  1153. Parfaits may be the most delicious thing
  1154. on the whole damn planet.
  1155.  
  1156. ASTRA
  1157. You know, I think I preferred your humming.
  1158.  
  1159.  
  1160. ZORA
  1161. Do you have a tissue or something? I'm
  1162. making a mess. Just the word parfait
  1163. make me start slobbering.
  1164.  
  1165. They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through
  1166. a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Astra trying
  1167. to put the campfire out the next day and having a bit of a problem,
  1168. so Zora pees on the fire to put it out.
  1169.  
  1170. TEMPEST'S KEEP
  1171.  
  1172. Astra and Zora are walking up to the keep that's supposed to
  1173. house Princess Cameron. It appears to look like a giant volcano.
  1174.  
  1175.  
  1176. ZORA
  1177. (sniffs) Ohh! Astra! Did you do that?
  1178. You gotta warn somebody before you just
  1179. crack one off. My mouth was open and
  1180. everything.
  1181.  
  1182. ASTRA
  1183. Believe me, Zora, if it was me, you'd
  1184. be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We
  1185. must be getting close.
  1186.  
  1187. ZORA
  1188. Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking
  1189. about it's the brimstone. I know what
  1190. I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It
  1191. didn't come off no stone neither.
  1192.  
  1193.  
  1194. They climb up the side of the volcano/keep and look down. There
  1195. is a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where
  1196. the castle is. It is surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very
  1197. foreboding.
  1198.  
  1199. ASTRA
  1200. Sure, it's big enough, but look at the
  1201. location. (laughs...then the laugh turns
  1202. into a groan)
  1203.  
  1204. ZORA
  1205. Uh, Astra? Uh, remember when you said
  1206. Existens have layers?
  1207.  
  1208. ASTRA
  1209. Oh, aye.
  1210.  
  1211. ZORA
  1212. Well, I have a bit of a confession to
  1213. make. Stoners don't have layers. We
  1214. wear our fear right out there on our
  1215. sleeves.
  1216.  
  1217. ASTRA
  1218. Wait a second. You’re not wearing sleeves.
  1219.  
  1220.  
  1221. ZORA
  1222. You know what I mean.
  1223.  
  1224. ASTRA
  1225. You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.
  1226.  
  1227.  
  1228. ZORA
  1229. No, I'm just a little uncomfortable
  1230. about being on a rickety bridge over
  1231. a boiling pit of lava!
  1232.  
  1233. ASTRA
  1234. Come on, Zora. I'm right here beside
  1235. ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll
  1236. just tackle this thing together one
  1237. little baby step at a time.
  1238.  
  1239. ZORA
  1240. Really?
  1241.  
  1242. ASTRA
  1243. Really, really.
  1244.  
  1245. ZORA
  1246. Okay, that makes me feel so much better.
  1247.  
  1248.  
  1249. ASTRA
  1250. Just keep moving. And don't look down.
  1251.  
  1252.  
  1253. ZORA
  1254. Okay, don't look down. Don't look down.
  1255. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't
  1256. look down. (she steps through a rotting
  1257. board and ends up looking straight down
  1258. into the lava) Astra! I'm lookin' down!
  1259. Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me
  1260. off, please!
  1261.  
  1262. ASTRA
  1263. But you're already halfway.
  1264.  
  1265. ZORA
  1266. But I know that half is safe!
  1267.  
  1268. ASTRA
  1269. Okay, fine. I don't have time for this.
  1270. You go back.
  1271.  
  1272. ZORA
  1273. Astra, no! Wait!
  1274.  
  1275. ASTRA
  1276. Just, Zora - - Let's have a dance
  1277. then, shall me? (bounces and sways the
  1278. bridge)
  1279.  
  1280. ZORA
  1281. Don't do that!
  1282.  
  1283. ASTRA
  1284. Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? (bounces
  1285. the bridge again)
  1286.  
  1287. ZORA
  1288. Yes, that!
  1289.  
  1290. ASTRA
  1291. Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. (continues to
  1292. bounce and sway as he backs Zora across
  1293. the bridge)
  1294.  
  1295. ZORA
  1296. No, Astra! No! Stop it!
  1297.  
  1298. ASTRA
  1299. You said do it! I'm doin' it.
  1300.  
  1301. ZORA
  1302. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Astra,
  1303. I'm gonna die. (steps onto solid ground)
  1304. Oh!
  1305.  
  1306. ASTRA
  1307. That'll do, Zora. That'll do. (walks
  1308. towards the castle)
  1309.  
  1310. ZORA
  1311. Cool. So where is this fire-breathing
  1312. pain-in-the-neck anyway?
  1313.  
  1314. ASTRA
  1315. Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
  1316. (chuckles)
  1317.  
  1318. ZORA
  1319. I was talkin' about the dragon, Astra.
  1320.  
  1321.  
  1322. INSIDE THE CASTLE
  1323.  
  1324. ZORA
  1325. You afraid?
  1326.  
  1327. ASTRA
  1328. No.
  1329.  
  1330. ZORA
  1331. But...
  1332.  
  1333. ASTRA
  1334. Shh.
  1335.  
  1336. ZORA
  1337. Oh, good. Me neither. (sees a skeleton
  1338. and gasps) 'Cause there's nothin' wrong
  1339. with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible
  1340. response to an unfamiliar situation.
  1341. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might
  1342. add. With a dragon that breathes fire
  1343. and eats knights and breathes fire,
  1344. it sure doesn't mean you're a coward
  1345. if you're a little scared. I sure as
  1346. heck ain't no coward. I know that.
  1347.  
  1348.  
  1349. ASTRA
  1350. Zora, two things, okay? Shut ... up.
  1351. Now go over there and see if you can
  1352. find any stairs.
  1353.  
  1354. ZORA
  1355. Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for
  1356. the princess.
  1357.  
  1358. ASTRA
  1359. (putting on a helmet) The princess will
  1360. be up the stairs in the highest room
  1361. in the tallest tower.
  1362.  
  1363. ZORA
  1364. What makes you think she'll be there?
  1365.  
  1366.  
  1367. ASTRA
  1368. I read it in a book once. (walks off)
  1369.  
  1370.  
  1371. ZORA
  1372. Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle
  1373. the stairs. I'll find those stairs.
  1374. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs
  1375. won't know which way they're goin'.
  1376. (walks off)
  1377.  
  1378. EMPTY ROOM
  1379.  
  1380. Zora is still talking to himself as she looks around the room.
  1381.  
  1382.  
  1383. ZORA
  1384. I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it
  1385. to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm
  1386. the stair master. I've mastered the
  1387. stairs. I wish I had a step right here.
  1388. I'd step all over it.
  1389.  
  1390. ELSEWHERE
  1391.  
  1392. Astra spots a light in the tallest tower window.
  1393.  
  1394. ASTRA
  1395. Well, at least we know where the princess
  1396. is, but where's the...
  1397.  
  1398. ZORA
  1399. (os) Dragon!
  1400.  
  1401. Zora gasps and takes off running as the dragon roars again.
  1402. Astra manages to grab Zora out of the way just as the dragon
  1403. breathes fire.
  1404.  
  1405. ASTRA
  1406. Zora, look out! (he manages to get
  1407. a hold of the dragon’ tail and holds
  1408. on) Got ya!
  1409.  
  1410. The Tempest gets irritated at this and flicks it's tail and Astra
  1411. goes flying through the air and crashes through the roof of the
  1412. tallest tower. Cameron wakes up with a jerk and looks at her lying
  1413. on the floor.
  1414.  
  1415. ZORA
  1416. Oh! Aah! Aah!
  1417.  
  1418. Zora get cornered as the dragon knocks away all but a small
  1419. part of the bridge he's on.
  1420.  
  1421. ZORA
  1422. No. Oh, no, No! (Tempest roars) Oh,
  1423. what large teeth you have. (Tempest
  1424. growls) I mean white, sparkling teeth.
  1425. I know you probably hear this all time
  1426. from your food, but you must bleach,
  1427. 'cause that is one dazzling smile you
  1428. got there. Do I detect a hint of minty
  1429. freshness? And you know what else? You're
  1430. - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure!
  1431. I mean, of course you're a girl dragon.
  1432. You're just reeking of feminine beauty.
  1433. (Tempest begins fluttering her eyes
  1434. at her) What's the matter with you?
  1435. You got something in your eye? Ohh.
  1436. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay,
  1437. but you know, I'm, uh...( Tempest
  1438. blows a smoke ring in the shape of a
  1439. heart right at her, and she coughs) I'm
  1440. an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd
  1441. work out if you're gonna blow smoke
  1442. rings. Astra! (Tempest picks her
  1443. up with her teeth and carries her off)
  1444. No! Astra! Astra! Astra!
  1445.  
  1446. CAMERON'S ROOM
  1447.  
  1448. Astra groans as she gets up off the floor. Her back is to Cameron
  1449. so she straightens her dress and lays back down on the bed. She
  1450. then quickly reaches over and gets the bouquet of flowers off
  1451. the side table. She then lays back down and appears to be asleep.
  1452. Astra turns and goes over to her. She looks down at Cameron for
  1453. a moment and she puckers her lips. Astra takes her by the shoulders
  1454. and shakes her awake.
  1455.  
  1456. CAMERON
  1457. Oh! Oh!
  1458.  
  1459. ASTRA
  1460. Wake up!
  1461.  
  1462. CAMERON
  1463. What?
  1464.  
  1465. ASTRA
  1466. Are you Princess Cameron?
  1467.  
  1468. CAMERON
  1469. I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to
  1470. rescue me.
  1471.  
  1472. ASTRA
  1473. Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!
  1474.  
  1475. CAMERON
  1476. But wait, Sir Knight…..are you a sir, I don’t even know…. This be-ith our
  1477. first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful,
  1478. romantic moment?
  1479.  
  1480. ASTRA
  1481. Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.
  1482.  
  1483.  
  1484. CAMERON
  1485. Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should
  1486. sweep me off my feet out yonder window
  1487. and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
  1488.  
  1489.  
  1490. ASTRA
  1491. You've had a lot of time to plan this,
  1492. haven't you?
  1493.  
  1494. CAMERON
  1495. (smiles) Mm-hmm.
  1496.  
  1497. Astra breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down
  1498. the hallway.
  1499.  
  1500. CAMERON
  1501. But we have to savor this moment! You
  1502. could recite an epic poem for me. A
  1503. ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!
  1504.  
  1505.  
  1506. ASTRA
  1507. I don't think so.
  1508.  
  1509. CAMERON
  1510. Can I at least know the name of my champion?
  1511.  
  1512.  
  1513. ASTRA
  1514. Uh, Astra.
  1515.  
  1516. CAMERON
  1517. Knight Astra. (clears throat and holds
  1518. out a handkerchief) I pray that you
  1519. take this favor as a token of my gratitude.
  1520.  
  1521.  
  1522. ASTRA
  1523. Thanks!
  1524.  
  1525. Suddenly they hear Tempest roar.
  1526.  
  1527. CAMERON
  1528. (surprised)You didn't slay the dragon?
  1529.  
  1530.  
  1531. ASTRA
  1532. It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
  1533. (takes off running and drags Cameron behind
  1534. her.)
  1535.  
  1536. CAMERON
  1537. But this isn't right! You were meant
  1538. to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying.
  1539. That's what all the other knights did.
  1540.  
  1541.  
  1542. ASTRA
  1543. Yeah, right before they burst into flame.
  1544.  
  1545.  
  1546. CAMERON
  1547. That's not the point. (Astra suddenly
  1548. stops and she runs into her.) Oh! (Astra
  1549. ignores her and heads for a wooden door
  1550. off to the side.) Wait. Where are you
  1551. going? The exit's over there.
  1552.  
  1553. ASTRA
  1554. Well, I have to save my ass.
  1555.  
  1556. CAMERON
  1557. What kind of knight are you?
  1558.  
  1559. ASTRA
  1560. One of a kind. (opens the door into
  1561. the throne room)
  1562.  
  1563. ZORA
  1564. (os) Slow down. Slow down, baby, please.
  1565. I believe it's healthy to get to know
  1566. someone over a long period of time.
  1567. Just call me old-fashioned. (laughs
  1568. worriedly) (we see her up close and
  1569. from a distance as Astra sneaks into
  1570. the room) I don't want to rush into
  1571. a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally
  1572. ready for a commitment of, uh, this
  1573. - - Magnitude really is the word I'm
  1574. looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that
  1575. is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what
  1576. are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just
  1577. back up a little and take this one step
  1578. at a time. We really should get to know
  1579. each other first as friends or pen pals.
  1580. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love
  1581. receiving cards - - I'd really love
  1582. to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's
  1583. my arm! That's my personal arm. You're
  1584. gonna tear it off. I don't give permission
  1585. - - What are you gonna do with that?
  1586. Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No.
  1587. No, no, no. No! Oh!
  1588.  
  1589. Astra grabs a chain that's connected to the chandelier and swings
  1590. toward Tempest. She misses and she swings back again. She looks
  1591. up and spots that the chandelier is right above Tempest’s head.
  1592. She pulls on the chain and it releases and she falls down and bumps
  1593. Zora out of the way right as Tempest is about to kiss her.
  1594. Instead Tempest kisses Astras' butt. She opens her eyes and
  1595. roars. Astra lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto
  1596. her head, but it's too big and it goes over her head and forms
  1597. a sort of collar for her. She roars again and Astra and Zora
  1598. take off running. Very 'Matrix' style. Astra grabs Zora and
  1599. then grabs Princess Cameron as he runs past her.
  1600.  
  1601. ZORA
  1602. Hi, Princess!
  1603.  
  1604. CAMERON
  1605. It talks!
  1606.  
  1607. ASTRA
  1608. Yeah, it's getting her to shut up that's
  1609. the trick.
  1610.  
  1611. They all start screaming as Tempest gains on them. Astra spots
  1612. a descending slide and jumps on. But unfortunately there is a
  1613. crack in the stone and it hits Astra right in the groin. Her
  1614. eyes cross and as she reaches the bottom of the slide she stumbles
  1615. off and walks lightly.
  1616.  
  1617. ASTRA
  1618. Oh!
  1619.  
  1620. Astra gets them close to the exit and sets down Zora and Cameron.
  1621.  
  1622.  
  1623. ASTRA
  1624. Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll
  1625. take care of the dragon.
  1626.  
  1627. Astra grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the
  1628. castle. She throws the sword down in between several overlapping
  1629. chain links. The chain links are attached to the chandelier that
  1630. is still around Tempest’s neck.
  1631.  
  1632. ASTRA
  1633. (echoing) Run!
  1634.  
  1635. They all take off running for the exit with Tempest in hot
  1636. pursuit. They make it to the bridge and head across. Tempest
  1637. breathes fire and the bridge begins to burn. They all hang on
  1638. for dear life as the ropes holding the bridge up collapse. They
  1639. are swung to the other side. As they hang upside down they look
  1640. in horror as Tempest makes to fly over the boiling lava to
  1641. get them. But suddenly the chandelier with the chain jerk
  1642. Tempest back and she's unable to get to them. Our gang climbs
  1643. quickly to safety as Tempest looks angry and then gives a
  1644. sad whimper as she watches Zora walk away.
  1645.  
  1646. CAMERON
  1647. (sliding down the 'volcano' hill) You
  1648. did it! You rescued me! You're amazing.
  1649. (behind her Zora falls down the hill)
  1650. You're - - You're wonderful. You're...
  1651. (turns and sees Astra fall down the
  1652. hill and bump into Zora) a little
  1653. unorthodox I'll admit. But thy deed
  1654. is great, and thy heart is pure. I am
  1655. eternally in your debt. (Zora clears
  1656. her throat.) And where would a brave
  1657. knight be without their noble steed?
  1658.  
  1659.  
  1660. ZORA
  1661. I hope you heard that. She called me
  1662. a noble steed. She think I'm a steed.
  1663.  
  1664.  
  1665. CAMERON
  1666. The battle is won. You may remove your
  1667. helmet, good…uh…Knight.
  1668.  
  1669. ASTRA
  1670. Uh, no.
  1671.  
  1672. CAMERON
  1673. Why not?
  1674.  
  1675. ASTRA
  1676. I have helmet hair.
  1677.  
  1678. CAMERON
  1679. Please. I would'st look upon the face
  1680. of my rescuer.
  1681.  
  1682. ASTRA
  1683. No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.
  1684.  
  1685. CAMERON
  1686. But how will you kiss me?
  1687.  
  1688. ASTRA
  1689. What? (to Zora) That wasn't in the
  1690. job description.
  1691.  
  1692. ZORA
  1693. Maybe it's a perk.
  1694.  
  1695. CAMERON
  1696. No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know
  1697. how it goes. A princess locked in a
  1698. tower and beset by a dragon is rescued
  1699. by a brave knight, and then they share
  1700. true love's first kiss.
  1701.  
  1702. ZORA
  1703. Hmm? With Astra? You think- - Wait.
  1704. Wait. You think that Astra is you true
  1705. love?
  1706.  
  1707. CAMERON
  1708. Well, yes.
  1709.  
  1710. Both Zora and Astra burst out laughing.
  1711.  
  1712. ZORA
  1713. You think Astra is your true love!
  1714.  
  1715.  
  1716. CAMERON
  1717. What is so funny?
  1718.  
  1719. ASTRA
  1720. Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?
  1721. Cameron:
  1722. Of course, you are. You're my rescuer.
  1723. Now - - Now remove your helmet.
  1724.  
  1725. ASTRA
  1726. Look. I really don't think this is a
  1727. good idea.
  1728.  
  1729. CAMERON
  1730. Just take off the helmet.
  1731.  
  1732. ASTRA
  1733. I'm not going to.
  1734.  
  1735. CAMERON
  1736. Take it off.
  1737.  
  1738. ASTRA
  1739. No!
  1740.  
  1741. CAMERON
  1742. Now!
  1743.  
  1744. ASTRA
  1745. Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.
  1746. (takes off her helmet)
  1747.  
  1748. CAMERON
  1749. You- - You're a- - an Existen. And….a-and a WOMAN!
  1750.  
  1751. ASTRA
  1752. Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.
  1753.  
  1754.  
  1755. CAMERON
  1756. Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is
  1757. all wrong. You're not supposed to be
  1758. an Existen.
  1759.  
  1760. ASTRA
  1761. Princess, I was sent to rescue you by
  1762. Lord Teruchi, okay? He is the one who
  1763. wants to marry you.
  1764.  
  1765. CAMERON
  1766. Then why didn't he come rescue me?
  1767.  
  1768.  
  1769. ASTRA
  1770. Good question. You should ask him that
  1771. when we get there.
  1772.  
  1773. CAMERON
  1774. But I have to be rescued by my true
  1775. love, not by some Existen and her- - her
  1776. pet.
  1777.  
  1778. ZORA
  1779. Well, so much for noble steed.
  1780.  
  1781. ASTRA
  1782. You're not making my job any easier.
  1783.  
  1784.  
  1785. CAMERON
  1786. I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem.
  1787. You can tell Lord Teruchi that if he
  1788. wants to rescue me properly, I'll be
  1789. waiting for him right here.
  1790.  
  1791. ASTRA
  1792. Hey! I'm no one's messenger girl, all
  1793. right? (ominous) I'm a delivery girl.
  1794. (she swiftly picks her up and swings
  1795. her over her shoulder like she was a
  1796. sack of potatoes)
  1797.  
  1798. CAMERON
  1799. You wouldn't dare. Put me down!
  1800.  
  1801. ASTRA
  1802. Ya comin', Zora?
  1803.  
  1804. ZORA
  1805. I'm right behind ya.
  1806.  
  1807. CAMERON
  1808. Put me down, or you will suffer the
  1809. consequences! This is not dignified!
  1810. Put me down!
  1811.  
  1812. WOODS
  1813.  
  1814. A little time has passed and Cameron has calmed down. She just
  1815. hangs there limply while Astra carries her.
  1816.  
  1817. ZORA
  1818. Okay, so here's another question. Say
  1819. there's a woman that digs you, right,
  1820. but you don't really like her that way.
  1821. How do you let her down real easy so
  1822. her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't
  1823. get burned to a crisp and eaten?
  1824.  
  1825. CAMERON
  1826. You just tell her she's not your true
  1827. love. Everyone knows what happens when
  1828. you find your...(Astra drops her on
  1829. the ground) Hey! The sooner we get to
  1830. DuLoc the better.
  1831.  
  1832. ZORA
  1833. You're gonna love it there, Princess.
  1834. It's beautiful!
  1835.  
  1836. CAMERON
  1837. And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Teruchi?
  1838. What's he like?
  1839.  
  1840. ASTRA
  1841. Let me put it this way, Princess. Men
  1842. of Teruchi's stature are in short supply.
  1843. (he and Zora laugh)
  1844.  
  1845. Astra then proceeds to splash water onto her face to wash off
  1846. the dust and grime.
  1847.  
  1848. ZORA
  1849. I don't know. There are those who think
  1850. little of him. (they laugh again)
  1851. Cameron:
  1852. Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're
  1853. just jealous you can never measure up
  1854. to a great ruler like Lord Teruchi.
  1855.  
  1856.  
  1857. ASTRA
  1858. Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess.
  1859. But I'll let you do the "measuring"
  1860. when you see him tomorrow.
  1861.  
  1862. CAMERON
  1863. (looks at the setting sun) Tomorrow?
  1864. It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop
  1865. to make camp?
  1866.  
  1867. ASTRA
  1868. No, that'll take longer. We can keep
  1869. going.
  1870.  
  1871. CAMERON
  1872. But there's robbers in the woods.
  1873.  
  1874. ZORA
  1875. Whoa! Time out, Astra! Camp is starting
  1876. to sound good.
  1877.  
  1878. ASTRA
  1879. Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything
  1880. we're going to see in this forest.
  1881.  
  1882.  
  1883. CAMERON
  1884. I need to find somewhere to camp now!
  1885.  
  1886.  
  1887. Both Zora and Astra's ears lower as they shrink away from her.
  1888.  
  1889.  
  1890. MOUNTAIN CLIFF
  1891.  
  1892. Astra has found a cave that appears to be in good order. She shoves
  1893. a stone boulder out of the way to reveal the cave.
  1894.  
  1895. ASTRA
  1896. Hey! Over here.
  1897.  
  1898. ZORA
  1899. Astra, we can do better than that. I
  1900. don't think this is fit for a princess.
  1901.  
  1902.  
  1903. CAMERON
  1904. No, no, it's perfect. It just needs
  1905. a few homey touches.
  1906.  
  1907. ASTRA
  1908. Homey touches? Like what? (she hears
  1909. a tearing noise and looks over at Cameron
  1910. who has torn the bark off of a tree.)
  1911.  
  1912.  
  1913. CAMERON
  1914. A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee
  1915. good night. (goes into the cave and
  1916. puts the bark door up behind her)
  1917.  
  1918.  
  1919. ZORA
  1920. You want me to read you a bedtime story?
  1921. I will.
  1922.  
  1923. CAMERON
  1924. (os) I said good night!
  1925.  
  1926. Astra looks at Zora for a second and then goes to move the
  1927. boulder back in front of the entrance to the cave with Cameron
  1928. still inside.
  1929.  
  1930. ZORA
  1931. Astra, What are you doing?
  1932.  
  1933. ASTRA
  1934. (laughs) I just- - You know - - Oh,
  1935. come on. I was just kidding.
  1936.  
  1937. LATER THAT NIGHT
  1938.  
  1939. Astra and Zora are sitting around a campfire. They are staring
  1940. up into the sky as Astra points out certain star constellations
  1941. to Zora.
  1942.  
  1943. ASTRA
  1944. And, uh, that one, that's Throwback,
  1945. the only Existen to ever spit over three
  1946. wheat fields.
  1947.  
  1948. ZORA
  1949. Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future
  1950. from these stars?
  1951.  
  1952. ASTRA
  1953. The stars don't tell the future, Zora.
  1954. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut,
  1955. the Flatulent. You can guess what he's
  1956. famous for.
  1957.  
  1958. ZORA
  1959. I know you're making this up.
  1960.  
  1961. ASTRA
  1962. No, look. There he is, and there's the
  1963. group of hunters running away from his
  1964. stench.
  1965.  
  1966. ZORA
  1967. That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little
  1968. dots.
  1969.  
  1970. ASTRA
  1971. You know, Zora, sometimes things are
  1972. more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it.
  1973.  
  1974.  
  1975. ZORA
  1976. (heaves a big sigh) Hey, Astra, what
  1977. we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?
  1978.  
  1979.  
  1980. ASTRA
  1981. Our swamp?
  1982.  
  1983. ZORA
  1984. You know, when we're through rescuing
  1985. the princess.
  1986.  
  1987. ASTRA
  1988. We? Zora, there's no "we". There's
  1989. no "our". There's just me and my swamp.
  1990. The first thing I'm gonna do is build
  1991. a ten-foot wall around my land.
  1992.  
  1993. ZORA
  1994. You cut me deep, Astra. You cut me real
  1995. deep just now. You know what I think?
  1996. I think this whole wall thing is just
  1997. a way to keep somebody out.
  1998.  
  1999. ASTRA
  2000. No, do ya think?
  2001.  
  2002. ZORA
  2003. Are you hidin' something?
  2004.  
  2005. ASTRA
  2006. Never mind, Zora.
  2007.  
  2008. ZORA
  2009. Oh, this is another one of those onion
  2010. things, isn't it?
  2011.  
  2012. ASTRA
  2013. No, this is one of those drop-it and
  2014. leave-it alone things.
  2015.  
  2016. ZORA
  2017. Why don't you want to talk about it?
  2018.  
  2019.  
  2020. ASTRA
  2021. Why do you want to talk about it?
  2022.  
  2023. ZORA
  2024. Why are you blocking?
  2025.  
  2026. ASTRA
  2027. I'm not blocking.
  2028.  
  2029. ZORA
  2030. Oh, yes, you are.
  2031.  
  2032. ASTRA
  2033. Zora, I'm warning you.
  2034.  
  2035. ZORA
  2036. Who you trying to keep out?
  2037.  
  2038. ASTRA
  2039. Everyone! Okay?
  2040.  
  2041. ZORA
  2042. (pause) Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.
  2043. (grins)
  2044.  
  2045. At this point Cameron pulls the 'door' away from the entrance to
  2046. the cave and peeks out. Neither of the girls see her.
  2047.  
  2048. ASTRA
  2049. Oh! For the love of Pete! (gets up and
  2050. walks over to the edge of the cliff
  2051. and sits down)
  2052.  
  2053. ZORA
  2054. What's your problem? What you got against
  2055. the whole world anyway?
  2056.  
  2057. ASTRA
  2058. Look, I'm not the one with the problem,
  2059. okay? It's the world that seems to have
  2060. a problem with me. People take one look
  2061. at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big,
  2062. stupid, ugly Existen!" They judge me before
  2063. they even know me. That's why I'm better
  2064. off alone.
  2065.  
  2066. ZORA
  2067. You know what? When we met, I didn't
  2068. think you was just a big, stupid, ugly
  2069. Existen.
  2070.  
  2071. ASTRA
  2072. Yeah, I know.
  2073.  
  2074. ZORA
  2075. So, uh, are there any humans up there?
  2076.  
  2077.  
  2078. ASTRA
  2079. Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small
  2080. and Annoying.
  2081.  
  2082. ZORA
  2083. Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny
  2084. one, right there. That one there?
  2085.  
  2086.  
  2087. Cameron puts the door back.
  2088.  
  2089. ASTRA
  2090. That's the moon.
  2091.  
  2092. ZORA
  2093. Oh, okay.
  2094.  
  2095. DuLoc - Teruchi's Bedroom
  2096.  
  2097. The camera pans over a lot of wedding stuff. Soft music plays
  2098. in the background. Teruchi is in bed, watching as the Magic
  2099. Mirror shows him Princess Cameron.
  2100.  
  2101. TERUCHI
  2102. Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror,
  2103. show her to me. Show me the princess.
  2104.  
  2105.  
  2106. RANTHAEL
  2107. Hmph.
  2108.  
  2109. Ranthael rewinds and begins to play again from the beginning.
  2110.  
  2111.  
  2112. TERUCHI
  2113. Ah. Perfect.
  2114.  
  2115. Teruchi looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up
  2116. to cover himself as though Cameron could see him as he gazes sheepishly
  2117. at her image in the mirror.
  2118.  
  2119. MORNING
  2120.  
  2121. Cameron walks out of the cave. She glances at Astra and Zora
  2122. who are still sleeping. She wanders off into the woods and comes
  2123. across a blue bird. She begins to sing. The bird sings along
  2124. with her. She hits higher and higher notes and the bird struggles
  2125. to keep up with her. Suddenly the pressure of the note is too
  2126. big and the bird explodes. Cameron looks a little sheepish, but
  2127. she eyes the eggs that the bird left behind. Time lapse, Cameron
  2128. is now cooking the eggs for breakfast. Astra and Zora are still
  2129. sleeping. Astra wakes up and looks at Cameron. Zora's talking
  2130. in her sleep.
  2131.  
  2132. ZORA
  2133. (quietly) Mmm, yeah, you know I like
  2134. it like that. Come on, baby. I said
  2135. I like it.
  2136.  
  2137. ASTRA
  2138. Zora, wake up. (shakes her)
  2139.  
  2140. ZORA
  2141. Huh? What?
  2142.  
  2143. ASTRA
  2144. Wake up.
  2145.  
  2146. ZORA
  2147. What? (stretches and yawns)
  2148.  
  2149. CAMERON
  2150. Good morning. Hm, how do you like your
  2151. eggs?
  2152.  
  2153. ZORA
  2154. Oh, good morning, Princess!
  2155.  
  2156. Cameron gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them.
  2157.  
  2158. ASTRA
  2159. What's all this about?
  2160.  
  2161. CAMERON
  2162. You know, we kind of got off to a bad
  2163. start yesterday. I wanted to make it
  2164. up to you. I mean, after all, you did
  2165. rescue me.
  2166.  
  2167. ASTRA
  2168. Uh, thanks.
  2169.  
  2170. Zora sniffs the eggs and licks her lips.
  2171.  
  2172. CAMERON
  2173. Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead
  2174. of us. (walks off)
  2175.  
  2176. LATER
  2177.  
  2178. They are once again on their way. They are walking through the
  2179. forest. Astra belches.
  2180.  
  2181. ZORA
  2182. Astra!
  2183.  
  2184. ASTRA
  2185. What? It's a compliment. Better out
  2186. than in, I always say. (laughs)
  2187.  
  2188. ZORA
  2189. Well, it's no way to behave in front
  2190. of a princess.
  2191.  
  2192. Cameron belches
  2193.  
  2194. CAMERON
  2195. Thanks.
  2196.  
  2197. ZORA
  2198. She's as nasty as you are.
  2199.  
  2200. ASTRA
  2201. (chuckles) You know, you're not exactly
  2202. what I expected.
  2203.  
  2204. CAMERON
  2205. Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people
  2206. before you get to know them.
  2207.  
  2208. She smiles and then continues walking, singing softly. Suddenly
  2209. from out of nowhere, a man swings down and swoops Cameron up into
  2210. a tree.
  2211.  
  2212. LOKI HOOD
  2213. La liberte! Hey!
  2214.  
  2215. ASTRA
  2216. Princess!
  2217.  
  2218. CAMERON
  2219. (to Loki Hood) What are you doing?
  2220.  
  2221.  
  2222. LOKI HOOD
  2223. Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior!
  2224. And I am rescuing you from this white...(kisses
  2225. up her arm while Cameron pulls back in
  2226. disgust)...beast.
  2227.  
  2228. ASTRA
  2229. Hey! That's my princess! Go find you
  2230. own!
  2231.  
  2232. ROBIN HOOD
  2233. Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a
  2234. little busy here?
  2235.  
  2236. CAMERON
  2237. (getting fed up) Look, pal, I don't
  2238. know who you think you are!
  2239.  
  2240. LOKI HOOD
  2241. Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please
  2242. let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men.
  2243. (laughs)
  2244.  
  2245. Suddenly an accordion begins to play and the Merry men pop out
  2246. from the bushes. They begin to sing Loki's theme song.
  2247.  
  2248. MERRY MEN
  2249. Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.
  2250.  
  2251. LOKI HOOD
  2252. I steal from the rich and give to the
  2253. needy.
  2254.  
  2255. MERRY MEN
  2256. He takes a wee percentage,
  2257.  
  2258. LOKI HOOD
  2259. But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty
  2260. damsels, man, I'm good.
  2261.  
  2262. MERRY MEN
  2263. What a guy, Monsieur Hood.
  2264.  
  2265. LOKI HOOD
  2266. Break it down. I like an honest fight
  2267. and a saucy little maid...
  2268.  
  2269. MERRY MEN
  2270. What he's basically saying is he likes
  2271. to get...
  2272.  
  2273. LOKI HOOD
  2274. Paid. So...When an Existen in the bush
  2275. grabs a lady by the tush. That's bad.
  2276.  
  2277.  
  2278. MERRY MEN
  2279. That's bad.
  2280.  
  2281. LOKI HOOD
  2282. When a beauty's with a beast it makes
  2283. me awfully mad.
  2284.  
  2285. MERRY MEN
  2286. He's mad, he's really, really mad.
  2287.  
  2288.  
  2289. LOKI HOOD
  2290. I'll take my blade and ram it through
  2291. your heart, keep your eyes on me, boys
  2292. 'cause I'm about to start...
  2293.  
  2294. There is a grunt as Cameron swings down from the tree limb and
  2295. knocks Loki Hood unconscious.
  2296.  
  2297. CAMERON
  2298. Man, that was annoying!
  2299.  
  2300. Astra looks at her in admiration.
  2301.  
  2302. MERRY MAN
  2303. Oh, you little- - (shoots an arrow at
  2304. Cameron but she ducks out of the way)
  2305.  
  2306.  
  2307. The arrow flies toward Zora who jumps into Astra's arms to
  2308. get out of the way. The arrow proceeds to just bounce off a tree.
  2309.  
  2310.  
  2311. Another fight sequence begins and Cameron gives a karate yell and
  2312. then proceeds to beat the crap out of the Merry Men. There is
  2313. a very interesting 'Matrix' moment here when Cameron pauses in
  2314. mid-air to fix her hair. Finally all of the Merry Men are down,
  2315. and Cameron begins walking away.
  2316.  
  2317. CAMERON
  2318. Uh, shall we?
  2319.  
  2320. ASTRA
  2321. Hold the phone. (drops Zora and begins
  2322. walking after Cameron) Oh! Whoa, whoa,
  2323. whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come
  2324. from?
  2325.  
  2326. CAMERON
  2327. What?
  2328.  
  2329. ASTRA
  2330. That! Back there. That was amazing!
  2331. Where did you learn that?
  2332.  
  2333. CAMERON
  2334. Well...(laughs) when one lives alone,
  2335. uh, one has to learn these things in
  2336. case there's a...(gasps and points)
  2337. there's an arrow in your butt!
  2338.  
  2339. ASTRA
  2340. What? (turns and looks) Oh, would you
  2341. look at that? (she goes to pull it out
  2342. but flinches because it's tender)
  2343.  
  2344.  
  2345. CAMERON
  2346. Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so
  2347. sorry.
  2348.  
  2349. ZORA
  2350. (walking up) Why? What's wrong?
  2351.  
  2352. CAMERON
  2353. Astra's hurt.
  2354.  
  2355. ZORA
  2356. Astra's hurt. Astra's hurt? Oh, no,
  2357. Astra's gonna die.
  2358.  
  2359. ASTRA
  2360. Zora, I'm okay.
  2361.  
  2362. ZORA
  2363. You can't do this to me, Astra. I'm
  2364. too young for you to die. Keep your legs
  2365. elevated. Turn your head and cough.
  2366. Does anyone know the Heimlich?
  2367.  
  2368. CAMERON
  2369. Zora! Calm down. If you want to help
  2370. Astra, run into the woods and find me
  2371. a blue flower with red thorns.
  2372.  
  2373. ZORA
  2374. Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on
  2375. it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die
  2376. Astra. If you see a long tunnel, stay
  2377. away from the light!
  2378.  
  2379. ASTRA & CAMERON
  2380. Zora!
  2381.  
  2382. ZORA
  2383. Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.
  2384. (runs off)
  2385.  
  2386. ASTRA
  2387. What are the flowers for?
  2388.  
  2389. CAMERON
  2390. (like it's obvious) For getting rid
  2391. of Zora.
  2392.  
  2393. ASTRA
  2394. Ah.
  2395.  
  2396. CAMERON
  2397. Now you hold still, and I'll yank this
  2398. thing out. (gives the arrow a little
  2399. pull)
  2400.  
  2401. ASTRA
  2402. (jumps away) Ow! Hey! Easy with the
  2403. yankin'.
  2404.  
  2405. As they continue to talk Cameron keeps going after the arrow and
  2406. Astra keeps dodging her hands.
  2407.  
  2408. CAMERON
  2409. I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
  2410.  
  2411.  
  2412. ASTRA
  2413. No, it's tender.
  2414.  
  2415. CAMERON
  2416. Now, hold on.
  2417.  
  2418. ASTRA
  2419. What you're doing is the opposite of
  2420. help.
  2421.  
  2422. CAMERON
  2423. Don't move.
  2424.  
  2425. ASTRA
  2426. Look, time out.
  2427.  
  2428. CAMERON
  2429. Would you...(grunts as Astra puts her
  2430. hand over her face to stop her from
  2431. getting at the arrow) Okay. What do
  2432. you propose we do?
  2433.  
  2434. ELSEWHERE
  2435.  
  2436. Zora is still looking for the special flower.
  2437.  
  2438. ZORA
  2439. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower,
  2440. red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.
  2441. This would be so much easier if I wasn't
  2442. color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns.
  2443.  
  2444.  
  2445. ASTRA
  2446. (os) Ow!
  2447.  
  2448. ZORA
  2449. Hold on, Astra! I'm comin'! (rips a
  2450. flower off a nearby bush that just happens
  2451. to be a blue flower with red thorns)
  2452.  
  2453.  
  2454. THE FOREST PATH
  2455.  
  2456. ASTRA
  2457. Ow! Not good.
  2458.  
  2459. CAMERON
  2460. Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.
  2461. (Astra grunts as she pulls) It's just
  2462. about...
  2463.  
  2464. ASTRA
  2465. Ow! Ohh! (she jerks and manages to fall
  2466. over with Cameron on top of her)
  2467.  
  2468. ZORA
  2469. Ahem.
  2470.  
  2471. ASTRA
  2472. (throwing Cameron off of her) Nothing
  2473. happend. We were just, uh - -
  2474.  
  2475. ZORA
  2476. Look, if you wanted to be alone, all
  2477. you had to do was ask. Okay?
  2478.  
  2479. ASTRA
  2480. Oh, come on! That's the last thing on
  2481. my mind. The princess here was just-
  2482. - (Cameron pulls the arrow out) Ugh! (she
  2483. turns to look at Cameron who holds up
  2484. the arrow with a smile) Ow!
  2485.  
  2486. ZORA
  2487. Hey, what's that? (nervous chuckle)
  2488. That's...is that blood?
  2489.  
  2490. Zora faints. Astra walks over and picks her up as they continue
  2491. on their way.
  2492.  
  2493. There is a montage of scenes as the group heads back to DuLoc.
  2494. Astra crawling up to the top of a tree to make it fall over a
  2495. small brook so that Cameron won't get wet. Astra then gets up as
  2496. Zora is just about to cross the tree and the tree swings back
  2497. into it's upright position and Zora flies off. Astra swatting
  2498. and a bunch of flies and mosquitoes. Cameron grabs a nearby spiderweb
  2499. that's on a tree branch and runs through the field swinging it
  2500. around to catch the bugs. She then hands it to Astra who begins
  2501. eating like it's a treat. As she walks off she licks her fingers.
  2502. Astra catching a toad and blowing it up like a balloon and presenting
  2503. it to Cameron. Cameron catching a snake, blowing it up, fashioning
  2504. it into a balloon animal and presenting it to Astra. The group
  2505. arriving at a windmill that is near DuLoc.
  2506.  
  2507. WINDMILL
  2508.  
  2509. ASTRA
  2510. There it is, Princess. Your future awaits
  2511. you.
  2512.  
  2513. CAMERON
  2514. That's DuLoc?
  2515.  
  2516. ZORA
  2517. Yeah, I know. You know, Astra thinks
  2518. Lord Teruchi's compensating for something,
  2519. which I think means he has a really...(Astra
  2520. steps on her foot) Ow!
  2521.  
  2522. ASTRA
  2523. Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move
  2524. on.
  2525.  
  2526. CAMERON
  2527. Sure. But, Astra? I'm - - I'm worried
  2528. about Zora.
  2529.  
  2530. ASTRA
  2531. What?
  2532.  
  2533. CAMERON
  2534. I mean, look at her. She doesn't look
  2535. so good.
  2536.  
  2537. ZORA
  2538. What are you talking about? I'm fine.
  2539.  
  2540.  
  2541. CAMERON
  2542. (kneels to look her in the eyes) That's
  2543. what they always say, and then next
  2544. thing you know, you're on your back.
  2545. (pause) Dead.
  2546.  
  2547. ASTRA
  2548. You know, she's right. You look awful.
  2549. Do you want to sit down?
  2550.  
  2551. CAMERON
  2552. Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.
  2553.  
  2554.  
  2555. ZORA
  2556. I didn't want to say nothin', but I
  2557. got this twinge in my neck, and when
  2558. I turn my head like this, look, (turns
  2559. her neck in a very sharp way until her
  2560. head is completely sideways) Ow! See?
  2561.  
  2562.  
  2563. ASTRA
  2564. Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.
  2565.  
  2566.  
  2567. CAMERON
  2568. I'll get the firewood.
  2569.  
  2570. ZORA
  2571. Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't
  2572. feel my toes! (looks down and yelps)
  2573. I don't have any toes! I think I need
  2574. a hug. …wait fuck I do have toes….
  2575.  
  2576. SUNSET
  2577.  
  2578. Astra has built a fire and is cooking the rest of dinner while
  2579. Cameron eats.
  2580.  
  2581. CAMERON
  2582. Mmm. This is good. This is really good.
  2583. What is this?
  2584.  
  2585. ASTRA
  2586. Uh, weed rat. Rotisserie style.
  2587.  
  2588. CAMERON
  2589. No kidding. Well, this is delicious.
  2590.  
  2591.  
  2592. ASTRA
  2593. Well, they're also great in stews. Now,
  2594. I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean
  2595. weed rat stew. (chuckles)
  2596.  
  2597. Cameron looks at DuLoc and sighs.
  2598.  
  2599. CAMERON
  2600. I guess I'll be dining a little differently
  2601. tomorrow night.
  2602.  
  2603. ASTRA
  2604. Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp
  2605. sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff
  2606. for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare
  2607. - - you name it.
  2608.  
  2609. CAMERON
  2610. (smiles) I'd like that.
  2611.  
  2612. They smile at each other.
  2613.  
  2614. ASTRA
  2615. Um, Princess?
  2616.  
  2617. CAMERON
  2618. Yes, Astra?
  2619.  
  2620. ASTRA
  2621. I, um, I was wondering...are you...(sighs)
  2622. Are you gonna eat that?
  2623.  
  2624. ZORA
  2625. (chuckles) Man, isn't this romantic?
  2626. Just look at that sunset.
  2627.  
  2628. CAMERON
  2629. (jumps up) Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's
  2630. late. I-It's very late.
  2631.  
  2632. ASTRA
  2633. What?
  2634.  
  2635. ZORA
  2636. Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on
  2637. here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't
  2638. you?
  2639.  
  2640. CAMERON
  2641. Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified.
  2642. You know, I'd better go inside.
  2643.  
  2644. ZORA
  2645. Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to
  2646. be afraid of the dark, too, until -
  2647. - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of
  2648. the dark.
  2649.  
  2650. Astra sighs
  2651.  
  2652. CAMERON
  2653. Good night.
  2654.  
  2655. ASTRA
  2656. Good night.
  2657.  
  2658. Cameron goes inside the windmill and closes the door. Zora looks
  2659. at Astra with a new eye.
  2660.  
  2661. ZORA
  2662. Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on
  2663. here.
  2664.  
  2665. ASTRA
  2666. Oh, what are you talkin' about?
  2667.  
  2668. ZORA
  2669. I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm
  2670. an animal, and I got instincts. And
  2671. I know you two were diggin' on each
  2672. other. I could feel it.
  2673.  
  2674. ASTRA
  2675. You're crazy. I'm just bringing her
  2676. back to Teruchi.
  2677.  
  2678. ZORA
  2679. Oh, come on, Astra. Wake up and smell
  2680. the pheromones. Just go on in and tell
  2681. her how you feel.
  2682.  
  2683. ASTRA
  2684. I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides,
  2685. even if I did tell her that, well, you
  2686. know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause
  2687. I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm
  2688. - -
  2689.  
  2690. ZORA
  2691. An Existen?
  2692.  
  2693. ASTRA
  2694. Yeah. An Existen.
  2695.  
  2696. ZORA
  2697. Hey, where you goin'?
  2698.  
  2699. ASTRA
  2700. To get... more firewood. (sighs)
  2701.  
  2702. Zora looks over at the large pile of firewood there already
  2703. is.
  2704.  
  2705. TIME LAPSE
  2706.  
  2707. Zora opens the door to the Windmill and walks in. Cameron is
  2708. nowhere to be seen.
  2709.  
  2710. ZORA
  2711. Princess? Princess Cameron? Princess,
  2712. where are you? Princess?
  2713.  
  2714. Cameron looks at Zora from the shadows, but we can't see her.
  2715.  
  2716.  
  2717. ZORA
  2718. It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing
  2719. no games.
  2720.  
  2721. Suddenly Cameron falls from the railing. She gets up only she doesn't
  2722. look like herself. She looks like an Existen and Zora starts freaking
  2723. out.
  2724.  
  2725. ZORA
  2726. Aah!
  2727.  
  2728. CAMERON
  2729. Oh, no!
  2730.  
  2731. ZORA
  2732. No, help!
  2733.  
  2734. CAMERON
  2735. Shh!
  2736.  
  2737. ZORA
  2738. Astra! Astra! Astra!
  2739.  
  2740. CAMERON
  2741. No, it's okay. It's okay.
  2742.  
  2743. ZORA
  2744. What did you do with the princess?
  2745.  
  2746.  
  2747. CAMERON
  2748. Zora, I'm the princess.
  2749.  
  2750. ZORA
  2751. Aah!
  2752.  
  2753. CAMERON
  2754. It's me, in this body.
  2755.  
  2756. ZORA
  2757. Oh, my God! You ate the princess. (to
  2758. her stomach) Can you hear me?
  2759.  
  2760. CAMERON
  2761. Zora!
  2762.  
  2763. ZORA
  2764. (still aimed at her stomach) Listen,
  2765. keep breathing! I'll get you out of
  2766. there!
  2767.  
  2768. CAMERON
  2769. No!
  2770.  
  2771. ZORA
  2772. Astra! Astra! Astra!
  2773.  
  2774. CAMERON
  2775. Shh.
  2776.  
  2777. ZORA
  2778. Astra!
  2779.  
  2780. CAMERON
  2781. This is me.
  2782.  
  2783. Zora looks into her eyes as she pets his muzzle, and he quiets
  2784. down.
  2785.  
  2786. ZORA
  2787. Princess? What happened to you? You're,
  2788. uh, uh, uh, different.
  2789.  
  2790. CAMERON
  2791. I'm ugly, okay?
  2792.  
  2793. ZORA
  2794. Well, yeah! Was it something you ate?
  2795. 'Cause I told Astra those rats was a
  2796. bad idea. You are what you eat, I said.
  2797. Now - -
  2798.  
  2799. CAMERON
  2800. No. I - - I've been this way as long
  2801. as I can remember.
  2802.  
  2803. ZORA
  2804. What do you mean? Look, I ain't never
  2805. seen you like this before.
  2806.  
  2807. CAMERON
  2808. It only happens when sun goes down.
  2809. "By night one way, by day another. This
  2810. shall be the norm... until you find
  2811. true love's first kiss... and then take
  2812. love's true form."
  2813.  
  2814. ZORA
  2815. Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know
  2816. you wrote poetry.
  2817.  
  2818. CAMERON
  2819. It's a spell. (sigh) When I was a little
  2820. girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every
  2821. night I become this. This horrible,
  2822. ugly beast! I was placed in a tower
  2823. to await the day my true love would
  2824. rescue me. That's why I have to marry
  2825. Lord Teruchi tomorrow before the sun
  2826. sets and he sees me like this. (begins
  2827. to cry)
  2828.  
  2829. ZORA
  2830. All right, all right. Calm down. Look,
  2831. it's not that bad. You're not that ugly.
  2832. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly.
  2833. But you only look like this at night.
  2834. Astra's ugly 24-7.
  2835.  
  2836. CAMERON
  2837. But Zora, I'm a princess, and this
  2838. is not how a princess is meant to look.
  2839.  
  2840.  
  2841. ZORA
  2842. Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry
  2843. Teruchi?
  2844.  
  2845. CAMERON
  2846. I have to. Only my true love's kiss
  2847. can break the spell.
  2848.  
  2849. ZORA
  2850. But, you know, um, you're kind of an
  2851. Existen, and Astra - - well, you got a
  2852. lot in common.
  2853.  
  2854. CAMERON
  2855. Astra?
  2856.  
  2857. OUTSIDE
  2858.  
  2859. Astra is walking towards the windmill with a sunflower in her
  2860. hand.
  2861.  
  2862. ASTRA
  2863. (to herself) Princess, I - - Uh, how's
  2864. it going, first of all? Good? Um, good
  2865. for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower
  2866. and thought of you because it's pretty
  2867. and - - well, I don't really like it,
  2868. but I thought you might like it 'cause
  2869. you're pretty. But I like you anyway.
  2870. I'd - - uh, uh...(sighs) I'm in trouble.
  2871. Okay, here we go.
  2872.  
  2873. He walks up to the door and pauses outside when he hears Zora
  2874. and Cameron talking.
  2875.  
  2876. CAMERON
  2877. (os) I can't just marry whoever I want.
  2878. Take a good look at me, Zora. I mean,
  2879. really, who can ever love a beast so
  2880. hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly"
  2881. don't go together. That's why I can't
  2882. stay here with Astra.
  2883.  
  2884. Astra steps back in shock.
  2885.  
  2886. CAMERON
  2887. (os) My only chance to live happily
  2888. ever after is to marry my true love.
  2889.  
  2890.  
  2891. Astra heaves a deep sigh. He throws the flower down and walks
  2892. away.
  2893.  
  2894. INSIDE
  2895.  
  2896. CAMERON
  2897. Don't you see, Zora? That's just how
  2898. it has to be. It's the only way to break
  2899. the spell.
  2900.  
  2901. ZORA
  2902. You at least gotta tell Astra the truth.
  2903.  
  2904.  
  2905. CAMERON
  2906. No! You can't breathe a word. No one
  2907. must ever know.
  2908.  
  2909. ZORA
  2910. What's the point of being able to talk
  2911. if you gotta keep secrets?
  2912.  
  2913. CAMERON
  2914. Promise you won't tell. Promise!
  2915.  
  2916. ZORA
  2917. All right, all right. I won't tell her.
  2918. But you should. (goes outside) I just
  2919. know before this is over, I'm gonna
  2920. need a whole lot of serious therapy.
  2921. Look at my eye twitchin'.
  2922.  
  2923. Cameron comes out the door and watches him walk away. She looks
  2924. down and spots the sunflower. She picks it up before going back
  2925. inside the windmill.
  2926.  
  2927. MORNING
  2928.  
  2929. Zora is asleep. Astra is nowhere to be seen. Cameron is still
  2930. awake. She is plucking petals from the sunflower.
  2931.  
  2932. CAMERON
  2933. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him,
  2934. I tell him not. I tell him. (she quickly
  2935. runs to the door and goes outside) Astra!
  2936. Astra, there's something I want...(she
  2937. looks and sees the rising sun, and as
  2938. the sun crests the sky she turns back
  2939. into a human.)
  2940.  
  2941. Just as she looks back at the sun she sees Astra stomping towards
  2942. her.
  2943.  
  2944. CAMERON
  2945. Astra. Are you all right?
  2946.  
  2947. ASTRA
  2948. Perfect! Never been better.
  2949.  
  2950. CAMERON
  2951. I - - I don't - - There's something
  2952. I have to tell you.
  2953.  
  2954. ASTRA
  2955. You don't have to tell me anything,
  2956. Princess. I heard enough last night.
  2957.  
  2958.  
  2959. CAMERON
  2960. You heard what I said?
  2961.  
  2962. ASTRA
  2963. Every word.
  2964.  
  2965. CAMERON
  2966. I thought you'd understand.
  2967.  
  2968. ASTRA
  2969. Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who
  2970. could love a hideous, ugly beast?"
  2971.  
  2972.  
  2973. CAMERON
  2974. But I thought that wouldn't matter to
  2975. you.
  2976.  
  2977. ASTRA
  2978. Yeah? Well, it does. (Cameron looks at
  2979. him in shock. She looks past her and
  2980. spots a group approaching.) Ah, right
  2981. on time. Princess, I've brought you
  2982. a little something.
  2983.  
  2984. Teruchi has arrived with a group of his men. He looks very regal
  2985. sitting up on his horse. You would never guess that he's only
  2986. like 3 feet tall. Zora wakes up with a yawn as the soldiers
  2987. march by.
  2988.  
  2989. ZORA
  2990. What'd I miss? What'd I miss? (spots
  2991. the soldiers) (muffled) Who said that?
  2992. Couldn't have been that stoner.
  2993.  
  2994. TERUCHI
  2995. Princess Cameron.
  2996.  
  2997. ASTRA
  2998. As promised. Now hand it over.
  2999.  
  3000. TERUCHI
  3001. Very well, Existen. (holds out a piece
  3002. of paper) The deed to your swamp, cleared
  3003. out, as agreed. Take it and go before
  3004. I change my mind. (Astra takes the paper)
  3005. Forgive me, Princess, for startling
  3006. you, but you startled me, for I have
  3007. never seen such a radiant beauty before.
  3008. I'm Lord Teruchi.
  3009.  
  3010. CAMERON
  3011. Lord Teruchi? Oh, no, no. (Teruchi
  3012. snaps his fingers) Forgive me, my lord,
  3013. for I was just saying a short... (Watches
  3014. as Teruchi is lifted off his horse
  3015. and set down in front of her. He comes
  3016. to her waist.) farewell.
  3017.  
  3018. TERUCHI
  3019. Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have
  3020. to waste good manners on the Existen. It's
  3021. not like it has feelings.
  3022.  
  3023. CAMERON
  3024. No, you're right. It doesn't.
  3025.  
  3026. Zora watches this exchange with a curious look on her face.
  3027.  
  3028.  
  3029. TERUCHI
  3030. Princess Cameron, beautiful, fair, flawless
  3031. Cameron. I ask your hand in marriage.
  3032. Will you be the perfect bride for the
  3033. perfect groom?
  3034.  
  3035. CAMERON
  3036. Lord Teruchi, I accept. Nothing would
  3037. make - -
  3038.  
  3039. TERUCHI
  3040. (interrupting) Excellent! I'll start
  3041. the plans, for tomorrow we wed!
  3042.  
  3043. CAMERON
  3044. No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get
  3045. married today before the sun sets.
  3046.  
  3047.  
  3048. TERUCHI
  3049. Oh, anxious, are you? You're right.
  3050. The sooner, the better. There's so much
  3051. to do! There's the caterer, the cake,
  3052. the band, the guest list. Captain, round
  3053. up some guests! (a guard puts Cameron
  3054. on the back of his horse)
  3055.  
  3056. CAMERON
  3057. Fare-thee-well, Existen.
  3058.  
  3059. Teruchi's whole party begins to head back to DuLoc. Zora watches
  3060. them go.
  3061.  
  3062. ZORA
  3063. Astra, what are you doing? You're letting
  3064. her get away.
  3065.  
  3066. ASTRA
  3067. Yeah? So what?
  3068.  
  3069. ZORA
  3070. Astra, there's something about her you
  3071. don't know. Look, I talked to her last
  3072. night, She's - -
  3073.  
  3074. ASTRA
  3075. I know you talked to her last night.
  3076. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if
  3077. you two are such good friends, why don't
  3078. you follow her home?
  3079.  
  3080. ZORA
  3081. Astra, I - - I wanna go with you.
  3082.  
  3083. ASTRA
  3084. I told you, didn't I? You're not coming
  3085. home with me. I live alone! My swamp!
  3086. Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody!
  3087. Especially useless, pathetic, annoying,
  3088. weed-addled redheads!
  3089.  
  3090. ZORA
  3091. But I thought - -
  3092.  
  3093. ASTRA
  3094. Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong!
  3095. (stomps off)
  3096.  
  3097. ZORA
  3098. Astra.
  3099.  
  3100. Montage of different scenes. Astra arriving back home. Cameron
  3101. being fitted for the wedding dress. Zora at a stream running
  3102. into Tempest. Astra cleaning up her house. Cameron eating dinner
  3103. alone. Astra eating dinner alone.
  3104.  
  3105. ASTRA'S HOME
  3106.  
  3107. Astra is eating dinner when she hears a sound outside. She goes
  3108. outside to investigate.
  3109.  
  3110. ASTRA
  3111. Zora? (Zora ignores her and continues
  3112. with what she's doing.) What are you
  3113. doing?
  3114.  
  3115. ZORA
  3116. I would think, of all people, you would
  3117. recognize a wall when you see one.
  3118.  
  3119.  
  3120. ASTRA
  3121. Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed
  3122. to go around my swamp, not through it.
  3123.  
  3124.  
  3125. ZORA
  3126. It is around your half. See that's your
  3127. half, and this is my half.
  3128.  
  3129. ASTRA
  3130. Oh! Your half. Hmm.
  3131.  
  3132. ZORA
  3133. Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess.
  3134. I did half the work. I get half the
  3135. booty. Now hand me that big old rock,
  3136. the one that looks like your head.
  3137.  
  3138.  
  3139. ASTRA
  3140. Back off!
  3141.  
  3142. ZORA
  3143. No, you back off.
  3144.  
  3145. ASTRA
  3146. This is my swamp!
  3147.  
  3148. ZORA
  3149. Our swamp.
  3150.  
  3151. ASTRA
  3152. (grabs the tree branch Zora is working
  3153. with) Let go, Zora!
  3154.  
  3155. ZORA
  3156. You let go.
  3157.  
  3158. ASTRA
  3159. Stubborn jackass!
  3160.  
  3161. ZORA
  3162. Smelly Existen.
  3163.  
  3164. ASTRA
  3165. Fine! (drops the tree branch and walks
  3166. away)
  3167.  
  3168. ZORA
  3169. Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through
  3170. with you yet.
  3171.  
  3172. ASTRA
  3173. Well, I'm through with you.
  3174.  
  3175. ZORA
  3176. Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always,
  3177. "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now
  3178. it's my turn! So you just shut up and
  3179. pay attention! You are mean to me. You
  3180. insult me and you don't appreciate anything
  3181. that I do! You're always pushing me
  3182. around or pushing me away.
  3183.  
  3184. ASTRA
  3185. Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so
  3186. bad, how come you came back?
  3187.  
  3188. ZORA
  3189. Because that's what friends do! They
  3190. forgive each other!
  3191.  
  3192. ASTRA
  3193. Oh, yeah. You're right, Zora. I forgive
  3194. you... for stabbin' me in the back!
  3195. (goes into the outhouse and slams the
  3196. door)
  3197.  
  3198. ZORA
  3199. Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers,
  3200. onion girl, you're afraid of your own
  3201. feelings.
  3202.  
  3203. ASTRA
  3204. (os) Go away!
  3205.  
  3206. ZORA
  3207. There you are , doing it again just
  3208. like you did to Cameron. All she ever
  3209. do was like you, maybe even love you.
  3210.  
  3211.  
  3212. ASTRA
  3213. (os) Love me? She said I was ugly, a
  3214. hideous creature. I heard the two of
  3215. you talking.
  3216.  
  3217. ZORA
  3218. She wasn't talkin' about you. She was
  3219. talkin' about, uh, somebody else.
  3220.  
  3221.  
  3222. ASTRA
  3223. (opens the door and comes out) She wasn't
  3224. talking about me? Well, then who was
  3225. she talking about?
  3226.  
  3227. ZORA
  3228. Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything.
  3229. You don't wanna listen to me. Right?
  3230. Right?
  3231.  
  3232. ASTRA
  3233. Zora!
  3234.  
  3235. ZORA
  3236. No!
  3237.  
  3238. ASTRA
  3239. Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? (sigh)
  3240. I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big,
  3241. stupid, ugly Existen. Can you forgive me?
  3242.  
  3243.  
  3244. ZORA
  3245. Hey, that's what friends are for, right?
  3246.  
  3247.  
  3248. ASTRA
  3249. Right. Friends?
  3250.  
  3251. ZORA
  3252. Friends.
  3253.  
  3254. ASTRA
  3255. So, um, what did Cameron say about me?
  3256.  
  3257.  
  3258. ZORA
  3259. What are you asking me for? Why don't
  3260. you just go ask her?
  3261.  
  3262. ASTRA
  3263. The wedding! We'll never make it in
  3264. time.
  3265.  
  3266. ZORA
  3267. Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's
  3268. a will, there's a way and I have a way.
  3269. (whistles)
  3270.  
  3271. Suddenly Tempest arrives overhead and flies low enough so
  3272. they can climb on.
  3273.  
  3274. ASTRA
  3275. Zora?
  3276.  
  3277. ZORA
  3278. I guess it's just my animal magnetism.
  3279.  
  3280.  
  3281. They both laugh.
  3282.  
  3283. ASTRA
  3284. Aw, come here, you. (gives Zora a
  3285. noogie)
  3286.  
  3287. ZORA
  3288. All right, all right. Don't get all
  3289. slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All
  3290. right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't
  3291. had a chance to install the seat belts
  3292. yet.
  3293.  
  3294. They climb aboard the Tempest and she takes off for DuLoc.
  3295.  
  3296. DULOC - CHURCH
  3297.  
  3298. Cameron and Teruchi are getting married. The whole town is there.
  3299. The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Revered Silence'.
  3300.  
  3301.  
  3302. PRIEST
  3303. People of DuLoc, we gather here today
  3304. to bear witness to the union....
  3305.  
  3306. CAMERON
  3307. (eyeing the setting sun) Um-
  3308.  
  3309. PRIEST
  3310. ...of our new king...
  3311.  
  3312. CAMERON
  3313. Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead
  3314. to the "I do's"?
  3315.  
  3316. TERUCHI
  3317. (chuckles and then motions to the priest
  3318. to indulge Cameron) Go on.
  3319.  
  3320. COURTYARD
  3321.  
  3322. Some guards are milling around. Suddenly Tempest lands with
  3323. a boom. The guards all take off running.
  3324.  
  3325. ZORA
  3326. (to Tempest) Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN.
  3327. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about
  3328. that? (she nods and goes after the guards)
  3329. Astra, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You
  3330. wanna do this right, don't you?
  3331.  
  3332. ASTRA
  3333. (at the Church door) What are you talking
  3334. about?
  3335.  
  3336. ZORA
  3337. There's a line you gotta wait for. The
  3338. preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or
  3339. forever hold your peace." That's when
  3340. you say, "I object!"
  3341.  
  3342. ASTRA
  3343. I don't have time for this!
  3344.  
  3345. ZORA
  3346. Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen
  3347. to me! Look, you love this woman, don't
  3348. you?
  3349.  
  3350. ASTRA
  3351. Yes.
  3352.  
  3353. ZORA
  3354. You wanna hold her?
  3355.  
  3356. ASTRA
  3357. Yes.
  3358.  
  3359. ZORA
  3360. Please her?
  3361.  
  3362. ASTRA
  3363. Yes!
  3364.  
  3365. ZORA
  3366. (singing James Brown style) Then you
  3367. got to, got to try a little tenderness.
  3368. (normal) The chicks love that romantic
  3369. crap!
  3370.  
  3371. ASTRA
  3372. All right! Cut it out. When does this
  3373. guy say the line?
  3374.  
  3375. ZORA
  3376. We gotta check it out.
  3377.  
  3378. INSIDE CHURCH
  3379.  
  3380. As the priest talks we see Zora's shadow through one of the
  3381. windows Astra tosses her up so he can see.
  3382.  
  3383. PRIEST
  3384. And so, by the power vested in me...
  3385.  
  3386.  
  3387. Outside
  3388.  
  3389. ASTRA
  3390. What do you see?
  3391.  
  3392. ZORA
  3393. The whole town's in there.
  3394.  
  3395. Inside
  3396.  
  3397. PRIEST
  3398. I now pronounce you husband and wife...
  3399.  
  3400.  
  3401. Outside
  3402.  
  3403. ZORA
  3404. They're at the altar.
  3405.  
  3406. Inside
  3407.  
  3408. PRIEST
  3409. ...king and queen.
  3410.  
  3411. Outside
  3412.  
  3413. ZORA
  3414. Mother Fletcher! He already said it.
  3415.  
  3416.  
  3417. ASTRA
  3418. Oh, for the love of Pete!
  3419.  
  3420. He runs inside without catching Zora, who hits the ground hard.
  3421.  
  3422.  
  3423. INSIDE CHURCH
  3424.  
  3425. ASTRA
  3426. (running toward the alter) I object!
  3427.  
  3428.  
  3429. CAMERON
  3430. Astra?
  3431.  
  3432. The whole congregation gasps as they see Astra.
  3433.  
  3434. TERUCHI
  3435. Oh, now what does she want?
  3436.  
  3437. ASTRA
  3438. (to congregation as she reaches the front
  3439. of the Church) Hi, everyone. Havin'
  3440. a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first
  3441. of all. Very clean.
  3442.  
  3443. CAMERON
  3444. What are you doing here?
  3445.  
  3446. TERUCHI
  3447. Really, it's rude enough being alive
  3448. when no one wants you, but showing up
  3449. uninvited to a wedding...
  3450.  
  3451. ASTRA
  3452. Cameron! I need to talk to you.
  3453.  
  3454. CAMERON
  3455. Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little
  3456. late for that, so if you'll excuse me
  3457. - -
  3458.  
  3459. ASTRA
  3460. But you can't marry him.
  3461.  
  3462. CAMERON
  3463. And why not?
  3464.  
  3465. ASTRA
  3466. Because- - Because he's just marrying
  3467. you so he can be king.
  3468.  
  3469. TERUCHI
  3470. Outrageous! Cameron, don't listen to her.
  3471.  
  3472.  
  3473. ASTRA
  3474. She's not your true love.
  3475.  
  3476. CAMERON
  3477. And what do you know about true love?
  3478.  
  3479.  
  3480. ASTRA
  3481. Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -
  3482.  
  3483. TERUCHI
  3484. Oh, this is precious. The Existen has fallen
  3485. in love with the princess! Oh, good
  3486. Lord. (laughs)
  3487.  
  3488. The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Laugh'. The
  3489. whole congregation laughs.
  3490.  
  3491. TERUCHI
  3492. An Existen and a princess!
  3493.  
  3494. CAMERON
  3495. Astra, is this true?
  3496.  
  3497. TERUCHI
  3498. Who cares? It's preposterous! Cameron,
  3499. my love, we're but a kiss away from
  3500. our "happily ever after." Now kiss me!
  3501. (puckers his lips and leans toward her,
  3502. but she pulls back.)
  3503.  
  3504. CAMERON
  3505. (looking at the setting sun) "By night
  3506. one way, by day another." (to Astra)
  3507. I wanted to show you before.
  3508.  
  3509. She backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her Existen self.
  3510. She gives Astra a sheepish smile.
  3511.  
  3512. ASTRA
  3513. Well, uh, that explains a lot. (Cameron
  3514. smiles)
  3515.  
  3516. TERUCHI
  3517. Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards!
  3518. I order you to get that out of my sight
  3519. now! Get them! Get them both!
  3520.  
  3521. The guards run in and separate Cameron and Astra. Astra fights
  3522. them.
  3523.  
  3524. ASTRA
  3525. No, no!
  3526.  
  3527. CAMERON
  3528. Astra!
  3529.  
  3530. TERUCHI
  3531. This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This
  3532. marriage is binding, and that makes
  3533. me king! See? See?
  3534.  
  3535. CAMERON
  3536. No, let go of me! Astra!
  3537.  
  3538. ASTRA
  3539. No!
  3540.  
  3541. TERUCHI
  3542. Don't just stand there, you morons.
  3543.  
  3544.  
  3545. ASTRA
  3546. Get out of my way! Cameron! Arrgh!
  3547.  
  3548. TERUCHI
  3549. I'll make you regret the day we met.
  3550. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll
  3551. beg for death to save you!
  3552.  
  3553. CAMERON
  3554. No, Astra!
  3555.  
  3556. TERUCHI
  3557. (hold a dagger to Cameron's throat) And
  3558. as for you, my wife...
  3559.  
  3560. ASTRA
  3561. Cameron!
  3562.  
  3563. TERUCHI
  3564. I'll have you locked back in that tower
  3565. for the rest of your days! I'm king!
  3566.  
  3567.  
  3568. Astra manages to get a hand free and she whistles.
  3569.  
  3570. TERUCHI
  3571. I will have order! I will have perfection!
  3572. I will have - - (Zora and Tempest
  3573. show up and Tempest leans down and
  3574. eats Teruchi) Aaaah! Aah!
  3575.  
  3576. ZORA
  3577. All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon
  3578. here, and I'm not afraid to use it.
  3579. (Tempest roars.) I'm a stoner on
  3580. the edge!
  3581.  
  3582. Tempest belches and Teruchi's crown flies out of her mouth
  3583. and falls to the ground.
  3584.  
  3585. ZORA
  3586. Celebrity marriages. They never last,
  3587. do they?
  3588.  
  3589. The congregation cheers.
  3590.  
  3591. ZORA
  3592. Go ahead, Astra.
  3593.  
  3594. ASTRA
  3595. Uh, Cameron?
  3596.  
  3597. CAMERON
  3598. Yes, Astra?
  3599.  
  3600. ASTRA
  3601. I - - I love you.
  3602.  
  3603. CAMERON
  3604. Really?
  3605.  
  3606. ASTRA
  3607. Really, really.
  3608.  
  3609. CAMERON
  3610. (smiles) I love you too.
  3611.  
  3612. Astra and Cameron kiss. Tiamat takes one of the cards and writes
  3613. 'Awwww' on the back and then shows it to the congregation.
  3614.  
  3615.  
  3616. CONGREGATION
  3617. Aawww!
  3618.  
  3619. Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Cameron away. She's lifted
  3620. up into the air and she hovers there while the magic works around
  3621. her.
  3622.  
  3623. WHISPERS
  3624. "Until you find true love's first kiss
  3625. and then take love's true form. Take
  3626. love's true form. Take love's true form."
  3627.  
  3628.  
  3629. Suddenly Cameron's eyes open wide. She's consumed by the spell
  3630. and then is slowly lowered to the ground.
  3631.  
  3632. ASTRA
  3633. (going over to her) Cameron? Cameron. Are
  3634. you all right?
  3635.  
  3636. CAMERON
  3637. (standing up, she's still an Existen) Well,
  3638. yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed
  3639. to be beautiful.
  3640.  
  3641. ASTRA
  3642. But you ARE beautiful.
  3643.  
  3644. They smile at each other.
  3645.  
  3646. ZORA
  3647. (chuckles) I was hoping this would be
  3648. a happy ending.
  3649.  
  3650. Astra and Cameron kiss...and the kiss fades into...
  3651.  
  3652. THE SWAMP
  3653.  
  3654. ...their wedding kiss. Astra and Cameron are now married. 'I'm
  3655. a Believer' by Smash Mouth is played in the background. Astra
  3656. and Cameron break apart and run through the crowd to their awaiting
  3657. carriage. Which is made of a giant onion. Cameron tosses her bouquet
  3658. which both Selene and Saffron try to catch. But they end
  3659. up getting into a cat fight and so Tempest catches the bouquet
  3660. instead. Cherry has been mended somewhat and now
  3661. has one leg and walks with a candy cane cane. Astra and Cameron
  3662. walk off as the rest of the guests party and Zora takes over
  3663. singing the song.
  3664.  
  3665. CHERRY
  3666. God bless us, every one.
  3667.  
  3668. ZORA
  3669. (as she's done singing and we fade to
  3670. black) Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't
  3671. breathe. I can't breathe.
  3672.  
  3673. THE END
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