Handyman in Equestria CH 1

>You are Anon
>And this table has turned out pretty damn well if you do say so yourself, fucking huge as it was
“Right, just gotta sand this baby down and we should be good to go.  Dash, grab that roll of sandpaper, will ya?”
>”Sure...”
>The cyan pegasus puts her book face down on the side table next to your recliner and fetches the roll
>“So how long until you're done?  The tavern isn't going to be open all night, ya know”
“Booze always tastes better after a job is done.  This shouldn't take that long anyway”
>You tear off a section and wrap it around a wooden block
>You begin to rub down the top of the admittedly large table
>”So what's the table for?”
“Fuck if I know.  All I know is the order came from the castle, so I want to make sure it's done before tomorrow”
>”The castle?  Wow, Anon...  When did you hit the big time?”
“...smartass”
>Dash chuckles a bit before tearing a piece of the roll of sand paper and joining you
“What are you doing?”
>”I'm thirsty, and you work too slow”
“Fair enough.  Thanks for the hand.. er hoof or whatever”
>”No problem Anon.  Just buy the first few rounds”
>You pause a second and give her a dead pan look
>”What?  You're the one billing royalty!”
“I do so love these visits, Dash...”
>She grins again.  “Anytime Anon”

>With the table fully sanded, you step back to admire your work
>The tabletop was level and smooth to the touch
>Height was to specifications, perfect for a p0ny to eat at
“One more thing before we head out”
>”What?!”
>Dash stops mid air at the front door to your workshop
“Don't worry.  It's just a quick coat of light varnish.  I don't want this thing warping on me before tomorrow.  It'll take two second”
>Dash floats in front of the door with an annoyed expression, crossing her hooves
>You pull out a bucket, popping off the top and dunking a rag into the contents
>”Sweet Celestia. Is that where that smell comes from?  It smells like Opal's litter box”
>You begin to rub down the table one last time
“You learn to love it.  Who's Opal?”
>”Never mind, just hurry up with that... whatever it is so we can go”
>You finish up the coat and turn on the fan
“Right all done.  Thanks for waiting.  Crack that window and let's get rolling”
>”Finally!”
>Dash flings a window open and flutters out of it, looking back to you expectingly
>You wipe the excess liquid from your hand with another clean rag and grab your affects
>Smokes, bits, and your Equestian passport...  Good to go
>You open the door and meet your companion
>You've definitely worked up a thirst, so your pace was a brisk one
>After some time Dash chirps up, her cheery demeanor growing brighter the closer you get to the tavern
>”So an order from the castle, eh?  So how much is this job worth?”
“Enough...”
>You start to smile as well
>”C'mon Anon.  Tell me”
“400”
>All of the sudden, Dash isn't next to you anymore
>She's behind you, floating in the air with her mouth on the floor
>Fucking p0nies were adorable sometimes
“What...?”
>”What do you mean 'what'?!?  400 bits?”
“No... turnips”
>You turn back and proceed to the bar
>”You're buying tonight...”
“Sure thing Dash...”

>You arrive at the tavern and make your way in, Dash following in toe...  Hoof...  Whatever...
>”Evening Anon!  Who's your friend?”
>The bartend greets you with a smile as always.  This fucking guy... You love this guy...  Way easier to talk to than his brother fem the dough nut shop across town.
>Fucking spittin' image though.  Took a while before you could make the distinction.
“Evening Barley.  This is Dash.  She popped in from Ponyville.”
>You take a seat at the bar and plop 20 bits on the counter while Dash takes a seat next to you
>”Well Anon.  She's quite the looked.  Well done, kid”
>”What?” Dash says with a look somewhere between shock and laughter”
“She's a friend Barley, you wise ass.  Where's Hops?”
>”She's off for the night.  The usual?”
“Twice.  Thanks.”
>”Comin' up”
>You pull out a cigarette and light it on a nearby lamp, turning your attention to your companion who has apparently done a fine job holding back laughter
“Something wrong?”
>”Oh... Nothing, darling...”
>Open the flood gates.  Laughter incoming...
>You chuckle along with her
“Speaking of which, how are things with you and what's his face”
>She begins to compose herself once the drinks come
“... You mean Soarin?”  She catches the rest of her breathe “It's cool.  It was weird at first, since he was kind of... like... my idol and everything for a while”
>Her tone gets a little more serious, but her smile stays wide, her attention now set to her mug
>”But he's really nice and a lot of fun to hang out with.  We even practice together”
“Wow.  Look at you getting all demure”
>”Hehe... Shutup, dude.” She punches you lightly in the shoulder
“So you two do the horizontal mambo yet or no?”
>She lets out a torrent of cider mist all over your face
>Well this cigarette is useless...
“I'll take that as a yes”
>You wipe your face off with a rag provided by Barley... Fucking stallion among colts, him
>You then fish out another cigarette
>Dash seems to be embarrassed at being found out, as well as the golden shower she gave you
>...
>There's a joke in there somewhere, but you decided to let it slide for now
>”Sorry Anon”
”No worries.  I'm happy for you though.  I introduced you two after I did that work for the stadium renovations.  Nice to see it paid off”
>She blushes a bit
>”Yeah.  I owe you big time”
“So why am I paying the tab?”
>Blushing intensifies
“I'm kidding, drink up”
>You slam the rest of your drink and flag Barley for another
>”Well anyway...  What about you?”
“Excuse me?”
>”You know!  You seeing anypony these days?”
>The question catches you off guard for a second
“Nah. Married to my work”
>”Dash finishes her drink and gives you a look of disappointment
>”Anon...  How long have you been here now?”
“Bout 4 years and some change... Why?”
>”And in all that time, you haven't been on one date yet?”
“Work keeps me busy, Dash.  I couldn't if I wanted to”
>She begins to rub her face with a hoof
>”Anon, for Celestia's sake... Is it the species thing?”
“Not really.  I'm just not the dating type is all.  I have my work.  That's plenty”
>The next round comes sliding down the counter.  You catch both deftly and hand one to dash
>Truth be told, the interspecies relationship thing really wasn't an issue
>You've come to accept you weren't getting any human tang any time soon
>”You're hopeless”
“Yup.  Cheers”

>You continue the night with light banter
>Dash quickly looks worse for ware.  Fucking ponies never could step to this when push came to shove
“Alright Dash.  Time for bed”
>”Awwwwww.....   But ish only noooooon......”
“It's midnight Dash...  Time for bed”
>”Fffffffffffiiiiine”
>You pick up rainbow dash, and toss her over your shoulder and give a nod to Barley
>Before you leave the tavern, inspiration strikes
“Barley.  Let me get something for the road”
>”You got it, pal”
>Barley produces a bottle of whine.  A personal favorite of yours
>You toss another 15 bits on the counter
>”It's only 8 bits, Anon”
“Tell Hops I said hello.”
>Barley smiles heartily as you exit the tavern and make your way back to the workshop
>Thankfully, the smell of varnish seems to have disappeared
>You open the door and make your way to the bedroom, tucking dash in
>She sighs softly, eventually erupting into wild snoring
>You remember to set out some aspirin for her.  She's gonna need it
>You then make your way back to the door
>Since work was all said and done, you decide for a late night trip to the Canterlot gardens
>It's something you like to do to treat yourself from time to time
>You tended to work so late into the night that your days eventually flipped around, turning you into a bit of a night owl
>This also gave you the benefit of being able to enjoy some wine in public without drawing any attention
>You walk through the streets of the now silent city, bottle tucked under your arm
>The castle looked beautiful at this hour
>The pale moonlight seemed to cause the alabaster stone to glow with an amazing blue aura
>You make your way to the southern end of the castle proper to the garden
>You find a quiet spot to sit and pop the cork
>With a heavy swig, you lean back against a tree and stare up to the moon
>Your mind begins to wander as the night takes you
>This is all you needed, you thought to yourself
“This is just perfect...”

>”I thank you for the compliment”
>The voice catches you off guard in a big way.  This sends you into a panic, almost dumping your wine all over the lawn
>You try to gain some composure and look around to see where the voice came from, clutching the bottle like it was your purse
>Fuck it's dark...
>All of the sudden, you notice a dark silhouette emerge from around a tree to your right
>You make out a flowing, blue mane, shimmering with what looks like stars from the night sky
>Large cyan eyes meet yours as the figure walks towards you.
>You take in the crescent moon on her flank as it dawns on you...
>You just made yourself look like a tit in front of royalty
>'Bow dumbass!'
>Right...  You put the bottle back on the ground and drop to a knee, lowering your head slightly
“G-Good evening Princess.”
>”Please.  No need to be so formal.  May I ask what brings you out here so late”
>Maybe if you tell her it's just juice...
>Nope.  That's retarded.  Bail! Abort mission!  Fall back!!!
“My apologies.  I didn't expect anyone to be in the gardens so late.  I'll be on my way.”
>Before you can turn fully to make your way back home, the bottle seems to jump from your arms
>Wrapped in a blue glow, it floats back to the princess, who raises and eyebrow after taking a sniff
>She looks back at you with a look of judgment
>Fuck me sideways...
“I'm really sorry, Princess.  I wasn't going to cause a ruckus.  I was just out for a stroll and...”
>She interupts you
>”Is this wine?”
“...yes...”
>You begin to panic.  One of your most important clients just found you drinking in her back yard...
>Damage control is failing miserably
>”Wait here.  Do not move a muscle until we return...”
>Her voice is sharp...  This is it.  Dungeon...
>Her wings stretch out.  Very majestic, Luna was.  If you weren't so terrified of her right now, you'd offer a compliment
>She darts back to the castle proper, through the open doors of a balcony
>Must be her room...  No wonder she got the drop on you
>It doesn't take her long to return.  She lands in front of you with a stern look.  Not anger. Dissapointment.
>It hurt a lot more...
>She walks towards you, stopping a few feet in front
>She raises her head, looking down on you...
>herewego.jpg
>She then drops her wings, folding them to her body, revealing 2 wine glasses, floating in her signature blue glow
>Your jaw falls slack, noticing a shit eating grin on Luna's face
>”May I join you?”
>It dawns on you that you're been bamboozled
>It takes a second for the anxiety to leave you.  You've remember that Luna had a reputation as a prankster
>You pick up the bottle and grab one of the glasses from the air
“Well played, Highness”
>”Luna is fine, Anon”
>You pour out a glass and hold it to the princess and she grabs it with her magic
>You do the same for yourself as you sit back down against the tree
>Luna joins you, sipping from the glass
>”My.  It seems you have fine taste”
“Thank you P... Luna.”
>”So what brings you here at this hour?”
>You fiddle with the glass a bit.
“Well, I finished the table ahead of schedule and thought I'd come enjoy some night air”
>You notice a soft smile come across her face
>”Well, I hope the evening has been a pleasant one”
“Always is”
>You raise your glass, she reciprocates with a cheers
>”Quiet the flatterer” She says chuckling
>”So the table is complete?  That's wonderful.  I hope it wasn't any trouble”
“None at all, You and Princess Celestia were huge helps when I was getting my shop opened.  I'm happy to offer my services”
>”Have the tools we commissioned for you been helpful?”
“Invaluable, I assure you”
>She nods with satisfaction
>”Excellent”
>You both fall into a comfortable silence.  It lasts what some time before Luna breaks it.
>”Do you make a habit of this late night public drinking”
>There was definitely some chastising to her words there
“Well...  I'm a bit of a night owl, so late night walks aren't uncommon”
>Luna seems to become intrigued
>”When do you sleep if not at night?”
“Idunno.  I got so used to working into the early morning when I started the shop that I sort of made a habit from it”
>You continue to nurse your glass.  Not too quickly.  She's still royalty...
>Luna seems to have regained that playful grin
>”Well I'm glad you seem to appreciate my handiwork.”
>She stands back up. Finishing her glass in one swig
>Royalty... right?
>”However, morning will soonn be upon us, so we should call this a night, don't you think?”
“I suppose so”
>You polish off what you have left.  Handing the glass to Luna
>You reach for the bottle before it is also wrapped in a blue glow, floating away from you towards Luna
>”I'll be hanging on to this.”
>What the fuck?  You leave your hand outstretched as if your child had been pried from your arms
“What, now?”
>”Don't worry Anon.  This is a trade...”
>Luna turns her attention to the moon, placing the bottle and glasses back on the ground
>Her horn glows brighter than before as she closes her eyes
>You look to the moon...
>Seems a shooting star has fallen from the moon's surface, shooting through the night sky brilliantly
>It is rather pretty...  Kind of sappy, but no point in arg...
>Wait..  It's starting to turn mid flight...
>...   ...Toward you...
“Luna?”
>She says nothing
“Luna!”
>You still get nothing from her
>It seems to burn the closer it comes to the garden
>Christ on a crutch it's coming right at you!  Fucker's close!
>'HIT THE DECK, DUMBASS!'
>You pull a Max Payne behind a bush, head tucked into your lap as if to wish your old buddy farewell
>”What are you doing?”
>No crash yet...
>You poke your head from the bushes
>Luna is staring at you quizzically with a small pale gray stone floating next to her.
“What the billy blue fuck was that about”
>You whisper harshly as not to cause any more of a commotion than you just did.
>That fucking grin pops back through her face
>”A token of my thanks for the wine.”
>She floats the rock over to you and places it in your hand
>”It was nice sharing the night with someone for a change.  If you ever wish to spend it in the castle gardens again, feel free to use this to contact me.”
>You're still a little rustled from all this...  But you manage a response
“Sure...”
>”Wonderful!” Luna smiles warmly.  “We can finish this off another time.  Until then...”
>She gracefully lifts into the air, your precious wine and the glasses following behind, up to the balcony overlooking the garden
>These confounded ponies were the reason you drank so much and now they leave you high and literally dry
>You look at the rock in your hand
“Thought that counts I guess...”
>What were you gonna do?  Demand someone who apparently had the Meteor materia to give you your booze back?
>You place it in your pocket and saunter back home
>It was a nice time spent, all truth be told...  If a little frightening at times...
>And you weren't the type to turn down a drink, especially from your own bottle
>You decide to take her up on her offer, but first thing's first...
>You make it back to the workshop and enter
>Snoring apparently had intensified
>You check to make sure there was something in the fridge for Dash when she wakes up.  She's gonna need it...
>You plop in your recliner and get comfortable
>Before sleep takes you, you pull the stone Luna gave you out one more time.  Inspecting it.
>A smile creeps across your face as you place it on the table next to Dashes book.
>You'll get her back for that one...  Tomorrow
>Sleep takes you.  Not a bad day.