Believing Hearts (ch1)

EARLY RELEASE FOR MY HIGH-PLEDGING PATRONS!

All right this is another fic set in theneonflower's Years Later AU so make sure you're familiar with that! In the general timeline, the events of this fic take place four years after Diana and Akko have graduated and been married. It's been three years since Akko disappeared, and Diana is just barely holding on without her.

We use some new information given to us by the show in here. Neon and I both agreed there were some canon events that would work perfectly in this AU. I wrote this all in one day, essentially, so it might be a little rushed/sloppy though.

Takes place after the events of Matters Of The Heart and before those of Every Second.

Disclaimer: I do not own Little Witch Academia.

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													Believing Hearts

												 Chapter 1. Lost Light

Morning comes, and it's quiet – cold.

Just like it always is.

Just like it has been for the past three years.

Even in the summers when the sun fills the room with early golden warmth, Diana is cold.

She wakes alone, just as she always had for the first eighteen years of her life, and now for the past three as well. There had only been a brief portion of time when she'd ever slept beside someone else.

That had been the time when Akko was there.

Inarguably, the best and most wonderful years of Diana's life.

But after three grueling years of harrowing loneliness, even she is beginning to forget the joys of those better times.

With each passing day where there is no news about her missing wife, Diana loses a bit more of her vitality, a bit more of herself.

She hasn't smiled in three years. Not genuinely. At least, not as genuinely as she could've if Akko had been there beside her.

This morning is like all the others before it. She wakes, and she wakes alone. In a bed where there should be someone else beside her.

Her tired eyes scan the other half of the mattress.

Nothing will ever be as difficult as the first night she'd slept here without Akko.

At the time, she could still distinguish Akko's scent on the sheets and pillowcase. But that, too, has faded with time.

Diana can't remember what her wife smells like anymore. She's long-since forgotten. Part of her is certain she'd once known, but she doesn't anymore.

People had told her it would get easier with time. But Diana knew it never would.

Her pain only grows with each passing day, each passing second without Akko. The hole that her wife's absence has left behind in her wounded heart widens every day, expanding to blacken another inch of her soul.

She knows it will eventually swallow her.

She lives with this knowledge every day.

Every day when Akko isn't here.

She tries to occupy her thoughts and time with other things.

With the school. With her students. With her colleagues.

But all of that only ever works from dawn until dusk.

Every evening, she returns to a vacant, lifeless bedroom.

And every morning, she wakes to it again.

Again...

She has to do this all over again today.

It all feels like an obligation now. This isn't the kind of headmistress she longs to be. She never wanted to think of this position as a chore. But that's what it feels like.

Not only her work, but life itself.

It feels like a chore. Like a punishment.

Every day is darker than the one before, no matter how brightly the sun might be shining.

Because she's lost her light. She lost her long ago.

And she doesn't know how much longer she can last, holding out for a miracle that might never happen.

She faces this reality every waking second. With every exhausted breath. In every painful heartbeat.

The simple act of sitting herself up now sends a familiar ache through her chest, not so much from the movement itself, but from the sight of what she already knows she's going to see.

That empty space beside her.

Right on cue, a rigid chill shoots up her spine, making her shudder. She hugs herself with a dangerous fierceness, until her knuckles turn as white as her ashen hair.

It's to help keep herself together. That's what she tells herself.

But a darker part of her knows it's something else.

Her hands grip her sides tightly, nails digging in through the fabrics of her nightgown until they puncture her skin, leaving red crescent-shaped marks behind.

Sometimes, she just wants to keep squeezing.

Until her lungs stop working.

Until the air stops coming...

But she knows it isn't what Akko would have wanted. She knows this.

And yet...

Diana has considered it many, many times. There had even been a few times when she'd nearly succeeded.

But each time, something's held her back. Just within an inch of her own life.

She looks now to that thing.

It shines there on her finger, a dull, sad glow, only a mere fraction of what it had once been.

Her marital ring. The one that matches Akko's.

Even after all this time, it's still shining. Barely, but it's enough to allow Diana to keep going, just one day longer.

Because what if Akko is still alive? What if she could come back?

Diana has battled between the optimism Akko had taught her and the skepticism life had taught her many times. She won't allow those shadowed thoughts to prevail. If Akko's taught her anything, it's how to believe.

Diana's heart may be broken – in every sense of the word – but it still holds the power to believe.

So she'll keep believing, for Akko's sake if no one else's. For as long as she can...

Diana loosens her hold on herself and catches her breath. She swallows as she begins to collect herself.

There is no threat of tears, however. Not anymore. She'd lost the ability to cry when she'd lost Akko.

She'd cried so hard and for so long that first night without her, but she hasn't been able to cry since. No matter how badly she's wanted to. She can't.

It's like a curse, to be unable to express her emotions. To be unable to feel the bitter liberation of tears.

Tears are another thing Akko had given her. The ability to feel wholeheartedly, be it joy or sorrow. Diana could always cry with her.

But now that's gone too.

Briefly, Diana brushes the back of her hand against Akko's pillow. She's rested her head there so many times, pretending she wasn't alone. But the more she pretended, the worse the reality hurt when the daydreams were over.

Diana brings her left hand up to her lips. She observes the feeble glow of her ring once more. Its light fades a little more each day, and so does her own.

One day, it will be extinguished completely. And every day, that day draws nearer.

Diana can feel it like a storm looming on the horizon. But she can't escape it, no matter how hard she may try to. The dark clouds roll closer by the second. And she can feel it won't be much longer now before they take her.

/But not today.../

She makes the same vow again as she has every morning for the past three years.

Because she knows Akko would want her to make it. Akko would want her to fight, to keep going, to keep believing. Diana will do it for her, for as long as she's able to.

It takes more strength for Diana to get herself out of bed each morning than it takes her to complete any other task. Complex spells and mountains of paperwork are child's play in comparison.

She staggers to her feet, gripping the bed post for balance. With the most difficult task of her day bested, she can face the rest.

Diana crosses her empty bedroom and picks up her robes, then her hat, and finally her wand. This, she stares at for a moment, her eyes vacant of shine.

"Please..." she whispers. "Last me one more day."

She asks this of her wand every morning, and every morning, her plea becomes more and more desperate.

She knows her magic is fading.

She's felt this before, after all. After her parents had passed.

After she'd lost her mother, she'd lost her magic. An emotional, mental, and spiritual strain so great, so debilitatingly horrendous it has resulted in the complete and utter loss of her magical abilities.

But then, she'd been young and inspired.

Then, she'd had the energy to keep trying, the willpower to keep pushing herself.

However, she knows her luck won't hold out a second time.

Not when she is like this.

A weary, broken shadow of her former self.

Her heart is physically damaged and weakened.

Her mind suffers from the emotional strain of her work, and her loneliness.

Her magics are deteriorating, slipping away from her a little more with every breath.

She knows.

Diana knows she is dying.

It is only a matter of when.

/But... not today.../ she reminds herself. /Not today.../

She knows the day will come when she won't be able to make it out of her bed. When that day arrives, she will greet it.

Perhaps tomorrow.

But for now, she presses her lips softly against her ring, then turns to prepare herself for the day ahead.

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A/N: The show didn't specifically explain why/how Diana lost her magics as a child, but I think it's safe to assume it was because of the immense emotional strain it had on her. Therefore, it makes perfect sense it could happen again after she loses Akko in this AU.

Next chapter will be general information about Akko's situation.