Is this Canon? - Brady

Author's Note: This takes place after the Cocytus Raid and before the first mission.
Canon Status: Dubious

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It was with great relief that Brady came out of the barrack showers, refreshed and de-stressed from the day’s physical exertions. The weekend could not have come sooner. In light of the recent attack on Camp Cocytus, Alger had been running them ragged for the past few days. Not that he could blame him.

Still, the weekend was something he had been looking forward to for a very long time, much to his and his aching muscles’ joy.

MacKay had gone to bed early, something about attending mass in the morning at the local church in town. And the last time he saw her, Victoria was still testing out her new demon in the courtyard. Gods knew what Alger was doing, and he had no inclination to find out any time soon.

He knew what he was doing. A nice, relaxed night of shitposting on the internet. That 6Chan thing sounded really nice from what he’d heard from the local grapevine. Sounded right up his alley, and he didn’t have to worry about keeping too tight of a mouthful in regards to his current activities.
Looking forward to cutting loose on the internet, Brady’s steps were light and a jaunty tune was being hummed.

He turned the corner, spotting the familiar doors to the library. But as he drew closer, he noticed that the door was only slightly adjar…

-Thump-

Silence.

-Thump-

Suspicion caused him to walk faster. Were there still people up and about? A thought popped into his mind. The information leak and the bomb threat. Could the culprit be trying for another round of files now that his first plan had failed?

Abruptly, the noise ceased before he could discern the number of people inside of the room.

With his COMP at the ready, Brady was more than prepared to show them how a British Devil Summoner got down to business when familiar voices caused him to freeze in his movements.

“Put your back into it!” Fitz’s voice came out as sharp as a whipcord.

“You’re trying to tell me how to do this, too? We’re supposed to move together!” The familiar voice of Adrian shot back, sounding heavily annoyed.

“I will if you keep stepping on my foot, Sawbones!”

Brady frowned. Judging by their close proximity to him, he pegged them as being merely on the other side of the wall. What in the world was happening? Some kind of fight?

Huh. They normally got along, so this was something that was completely out of left field. It wasn’t any of his business, but he wasn’t about to run off and leave them shouting at each other. He squatted down, putting his back to the wall as he settled down to listen to make sure everything was alright.

Then, his ears picked up a faint sound; something similar to heavy grunts. Again, with a loud THUMP that made Brady jump in surprise, the noise returned.

“It’s…okay, wow, it’s bigger than I thought,” Fitz said, through the heavy thuds. Her voice sounded strained.

“You were the one that wanted this,” Adrian muttered. Just like her, he sounded like he was having trouble with something. “Don’t blame it on me. I can’t help it.”

Another grunt, and then a slight whine. Adding to the noise, there was the strange sound of what sounded like clothes being pressed and dragged across the wall. “Well, it’s kind of hard to move now, ya dip!” Fitz exclaimed, her voice just a tad bit higher than her usual alto.

Wait, what? Now he was just confused. What the hell was going on in there? Something’s too big-

He almost heard the CLICK as his mind came to a conclusion with what evidence there was, and growing horror and comprehension started growing in Brady’s mind. The thumps, the groans, the clothes…and against the wall?

No, no, no! Absolutely not!

“If you move your hand, maybe I can help you out,” Adrian’s voice came through the door again. The only noticeable difference about it was that it came out in a snarl.

Fitz reply was punctuated with slight pants. “I’m…not sure…it’s too tight…over here already…”

Brady’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Oh sweet mother of Go- Whatever he was hearing, it had to be impossible. Preposterous and outlandish, even! There was no way that he was listening in on Adrian and Fitz doing the dirty inside of the goddamn Task Force Library! He knew Adrian and Fitz got along well enough to be friends, but this? Absolutely untrue-

“Let’s just…do this quickly…” Adrian gasped, his voice coming from a lower angle than Fitz’s.

“Gonna be…hard…my hands are too slippery.”

-or it could be completely true, and he was just in denial. Brady backed away from the door, mortified, eyes wide and pallor drained from his face.

“This is a tight angle,” Fitz said, breathless. “I’m gonna be sore tomorrow.”

It took jamming the first two knuckles of his right hand into his mouth and biting down hard to prevent Brady from screaming. What the fuck?!

If they _were_ doing the nasty inside of the library, then what the FUCK was he still doing eavesdropping?!

It was like watching a trainwreck. He couldn’t tear his eyes (ears, in this case) away or get his legs to move no matter how hard he tried.

“I can see what you mean. Don’t hurt yourself. Just leave it to me to do the hard work.”

A breathy, feminine groan came from the wall, followed by a surprised gasp.

“Sawbones, it’d be rude of me to leave without helping you with your little problem.” Fitz’s voice sounded amused, even…in a teasing tone? Grk. This was a side of her that Brady had never seen before, let alone thought she had!

He could hear the smirk in Adrian’s reply. “Well it’s not so little if you’re having a bit of trouble with it, right?”

“Ha…you wish…”

Maybe if he shut the door, the noises would stop and he could continue going about his evening? No, that was already ruined by the fact that they were, you know, fucking inside of the library. That in of itself was enough to ruin the next few weeks working with them.

Damage control was the best he could do. Maybe if he shut the door without them noticing…

“…fuck…my back is aching from all this bendin’ over,” Fitz groaned.

“I can see that. How about we switch positions?” Adrian offered in a conversational manner, as if he was just casually talking about the weather.

“…okay, sure. I get the wall, you get the front, alright?” There was the sound of clothing rustling against the wall.

“Try not to bend your back so much. Use your knees to avoid putting strain on it,” he ordered.

Brady choked. Use your knees? Their activity involved knees?

“Okay, ready. Let’s try this again…” More heavy breaths from the both of them, followed by grunts, heavy thuds on the wall and a few strained noises.

Brady cursed his overactive imagination as his mind tried to visualize the ‘action’ that was going on inside of the library. The image of a naked Fitz, limbs entangled around Adrian, their skin flush and glistening with sweat-

He bit down harder on his knuckles, hard enough to draw blood. The pain was able to dispel any other thoughts that he had about the pair’s risqué encounter.

Another jarring THUMP echoed throughout the wall.  “Ah! Not so hard!” Fitz yelped (yelped?!), sounding distressed. There was a dangerous mental image of the former police officer positioned in a way that displayed her hidden talent of flexibility-

“Sorry, that was my bad,” came Adrian’s apology. He sounded genuinely remorseful. “Guess I got carried away.” Adrian Brown, presumably teaching the unbridled Fitz how to get in her feminine side by seducing her into a jello-like state and dominating her into submission-

He slammed his head against the side of the wall, hard enough to see stars and noise be damned. The momentary light-headedness was a merciful balm to the tumultuous and dangerous thoughts racing through his mind.

Of course, the two figures beyond the wall were oblivious to the noise he just made.

“Okay, I think…that’s my limit for tonight, Sawbones...” Fitz gasped out. She really did sound uncomfortable, and…desperate? As if she were reaching a high plateau of- “…after today’s workout…can’t hold on…much longer…”

“That’s perfectly…fine. I’m at my limit…as well,” Adrian replied, through what seemed like clenched teeth. “Just…gimme a second…to follow you…”

Oh, God no! Fuck this! Nope!

Brady’s legs finally got the message his brain had been trying to send earlier, and he turned tail and ran as fast as he could, noise be damned, shitposting be damned. Of course it was his bad luck to discover his friends now having uncontrolled, carnal sex inside of the library.

THE. LIBRARY.

-and fucking themselves senseless.

He hoped they didn’t touch his favorite computer.

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The next morning came too early. Even though it was their day off, Brady came into the cafeteria early, nerves shot to hell and back due to a sleepless night. No amount of Celine Dion singing out of his COMP could get him to settle down completely.

It was with the gait and lethargy of a zombie that Brady got his breakfast from the cooks and settled down to eat, mechanically shoving scrambled eggs and grits into his mouth like an automaton. He wanted it done as fast as possible, so he could move on with his day and spend every waking minute avoiding Adrian and Fitz like the plague.

To his dismay, the two people he couldn’t stand to face for the next few weeks came into the cafeteria. And to make matters worse, upon getting their food, they sat down with him. Brady schooled his face to stay calm, forcing his mind to stay as clean as possible…

“Morning, Brady,” Adrian greeted with a smile on his face. “Thank God the weekend’s here, huh?”

“This is a surprise,” Fitz remarked, already tearing her way through a piece of toast. “Didn’t peg you as one to get up early on our day off.”

With similar baggy eyes, both of them appeared not to have slept well at all the night before. Then again…Brady heavily doubted that the two had slept at ALL.

Not that he was one to judge. He didn’t get much sleep last night either.

Brady opened his mouth to greet them.

“I HEARD YOU TWO WERE DOING STUFF IN THE LIBRARY LAST NIGHT!”

The words were out of his mouth before his mind could catch up to what he said. He couldn’t help it. The words that were bouncing around in his brain like five-year old on a sugar rush just came out of his mouth before he could reign it in.

Curse you, Freud! Curse you and your slips!

Adrian and Fitz exchanged confused stares, taken aback by his outburst. A brief moment of silence passed. Then Fitz shrugged.

“Want to hear on how we got the job done, Brady? I’m sure you’re wondering how.” Adrian was calm and collected as usual, with only the slightest bit of pride in his voice.

If he wasn’t speechless before, then his friend’s words caused the remainder of his vocabulary to fly out the window. Since when did kinky balls-to-the-wall sex count as _completing_ a task?! Even when he had a deep amount of respect for the two of them, there was no way that he was ever going to forget this.

Fitz’s lopsided smirk curved downwards into a confused frown. “Brady, ya might want to use your indoor voice,” She dryly retorted. “And if you were hearin’ what we got up to, why didn’t you join us? We could’ve used another pair of hands.”

It was at that moment that Brady’s mind grinded to a complete halt. Did…did…did…she just suggest…Fitz and Adrian…were into THAT kind of play as well?!

He couldn’t hold it in anymore. “What the fuck, are you serious?! You…you two are crazy! Why the hell, nope! Nope! No goddamn way in hell!”

With his breakfast only half-finished, Brady leapt up from his seat and made a break for the doors as fast as he could. Jesus fucking Christ! Had they no shame at all?!

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Staring at the abandoned tray, mouths agape in surprise, both Fitz and Adrian were both puzzled and extremely worried.

“Think we should call Alger for this one?” Adrian rubbed the back of his head. “I think the pressure of the last few days finally whittled the last of Brady’s will away.”

Fitz slowly nodded in agreement. “If that’s what askin’ for help to move a wall cabinet got out of him, I’d hate to think what else could set him off.”