It all began two and a half months ago. I was stoned and bored when the idea hit me. I didn’t stop to question the idea, I didn’t stop to question the morality, I just knew it had to be done. And I did it.
It began by going to the nearest sex store.  I perused their selection of rubber penises and chose out a very nice variety of 25 dildos. The cashier gave me an odd look as I tossed my big bag of cocks onto the counter, and all I could manage to do was to flash a “eat shit” look. A look that said, “Yes I am sick, thank you for asking.” She seemed to get the point, and rang up my unquestionable treasures.
Anyways, I threw my bag of dongs into the passenger seat and drove off. Slowly, savoring my acquisition. I got quite a few odd looks from people who saw my bag at the red lights. For some reason, I got an erection while thinking about my devious plan.
Upon arriving home, I went straight to work. Smelling the dildos, thinking of where they would go, preparing the garden, etc…I grew hard while thinking of how my neighbors would react. I went out to my garden after I finished up and began digging up holes. The holes that would bring me nothing but fail. A neighbor of mine and observed me digging holes, and asked me “are you starting a garden?” I chuckled lightly and said yeah I was thinking about growing some dickweed. He gave me an odd look and kept jogging on his way. I placed the first dildo in the ground slowly, savoring the moment. I gently pushed it into the dirt and lovingly packed dirt around it, until only the tip of it was sticking out. I did the same with my others.
And so my plan was in action. Three times a day you could spot me in my garden watering my cock farm. I waved to the people who stared at me in bewilderment. I always got an erection when that happened. Anyways, I would water the dicks in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening, and during the night, I would slightly pull them out of the ground, to make them seem as if they grew, only to further confuse my neighbors. Day after day I tended to my sausage garden. I could even be spotted talking to my cocks as if they were real plants. Over two months, my cocks thrived in their new home.
Then disaster struck. I had no idea of who did it, or even why. I awoke one morning to go water my dicks to see that they were GONE! Someone stole my dildos. All 25 of them. I cried in my garden for hours over my missing dicks, drawing the attention of my neighbor(who happened to be extremely hot). She asked me what happened and I informed her of my dicks. Even though she was one of the people who gave me rude looks, she comforted me. She invited me over for coffee, saying I needed a friend right now. So I was in her kitchen drinking coffee when the reality of the situation hit me. I was standing in the kitchen with attractive women in front of me. I leaned in for a kiss , but was met by her lips. She moaned, then forced her tongue into my mouth.
The thought of my missing cocks slipped my mind and I decided to take this a step further. I ran my hand up her slit. Not only did she allow it, she pushed herself up against me. I suggested we go to the bedroom. She agreed.
We went up into her bedroom and I went straight to work. I took her clothes off and screwed her brains out. Right when I was about to come, I thrust my head back against her pillow and felt something hard and dick shaped under her pillow. Now, every girl has a dildo. It’s a proven fact. I decided to incorporate into our passion so I grabbed it out from under the pillow. It was a big 16 inch double end dildo with dirt on it. SHE was the dick bandit! SHE stole all my cocks! I gasped in surprise which prompted her to ask what was wrong. I showed her the fake cock in my hand and her face turned from concern to anger. She started punching me in the face. I started hitting her in the head with the giant rubber cock. She kicked me off the bed, ran to her dresser, and grabbed another stolen dick. I stood up just in time to parry her and counter attack with the dildo in my hand.
I quickly ran into the hallway and turned back just in time to see another dildo flying at my face. It hit me in the nose and broke my nose, and knocked me down the stairs. As I was gathering my senses, she pounced on my back and began striking me with another stolen farm cock. I blindly threw my elbow backwards, breaking her nose. I shrugged her off me and began another counter attack. I repeatedly struck her with the double-ender, as hard as I could. She rolled onto her back to try and defend herself, but I continued to hit her with my rubber dick. I could feel her ribs cracking under the force of my blows. I continued to hit her, but she found an opening and attacked. She hit me right in my dick. My real one. I reeled back and vomited on the floor. She took this opportunity and hit me in the side of the side of the head with her dildo. Fortunately, she didn’t hit that hard so I recovered quickly and I slugged her with my bare fist, sending her sprawling onto her stomach. Taking this advantage, I lept onto her back and began choking her with my 16 inch monster. She gagged as gasped for air as I applied more pressure in my attempt to choke her.
I was absolutely terrified of what would happen if she escaped, so I continued to choke her with her stolen bounty. She tried shaking me off of her but at 200 pounds I was a force to be reckoned with. Her thrashing became less pronounced, her gasps of protest slowly dying along with her. And for some odd reason….i regained my erection. I came on her back (keep in mind we are both still naked) right as her body went limp. I immediately freaked out. What kind of jury would believe my story? I was absolutely boned and not in a good way. So, I tried to hide the body. I began by clearing the vomit off the floor. I searched the house and found all 25 of my stolen rubber dicks. That’s when the idea hit me.
 It was a stroke of absolute genius. I waited until night and dragged the body of the dick bandit to my “garden”. I dug a shallow grave and rolled her limp lifeless body into it. I covered her with dirt making sure to cover her. When I was satisfied with the results, I started the second part of my plan. I dug holes right above the corpse. I gently pushed the 25 rubber dicks into the dirt, lovingly packed dirt around it, until only the tips were sticking out.
I have been tending to my dick farm for two weeks now, and the police are still searching for the dick thief. I have become absolutely paranoid in this time. Im scared somehow the body will be found. Im scared someone will dug up my cock garden and find the body. And so my story ends. I’ll continue to water my cocks and talk to them like they are real plants, and my neighbors will still think im a man of questionable sanity. Absolutely batshit insane, but harmless. However, we know the truth of my dick farm. We both know.