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in 1989, Nintendo, a video game company in Japan, invented the Nintendo Entertainment System, a revolutionary little box that gave us games such as Legend of Zelda, (show clip of Zelda 2 overworld) The Goonies 2, and, the one and only, Super Mario Bros. Known in Japan as Doki Doki Panic, Nintendo thought that the gameplay and graphics were too confusing for American audiences, so Nintendo overhauled everything and made a whole new game, which probably was the right call. i mean can you blame them? like what the heck is going on here? (zoom in) an owl on a carpet? wtf? (insert clip) were the original developers on DRUGS?? (show pic of mario mushroom) but you gotta give the designers credit, super mario bros, this seemingly innocent game about a plumber going for a walk FOREVER changed the games industry. how? by adding one. simple. thing.

jumping.

in games that came out before this, you were firmly planted on the ground (show clips of punchout, and final fantasy 4), making older games much harder than they should be, and in some cases they're nearly impossible (show clip of mario dying in donkey kong on arcade)

so, what makes this game special now? now we have super mario bros 2 and 3 (show clip of mario 64 and sunshine OR mario flash games), so why would you wanna go back to this game? does it still hold up? well... that's what we're gonna find out today. so come along with me gamers as we journey into the past to play mario on the Nintendo.

today, im gonna be playing this on my modded S.N.E.S. classic. why not an original N.E.S.? let me lay it down for yall. im a teen. im not some grandpa (insert pic of 2007 avgn ass face low res)  who has a bunch of game consoles from 50 years ago in my attic. so today? we're bringing mario to the 21th century, ya dig? so if you're ready to get your game on, let's rock and roll.

when you start the game up, you're treated to a boring static title screen with no music or flashy animations (show clips from shadowbringers opening), i mean, look at final fantasy 14, did you even TRY Nintendo? let's not judge a game by it's cover, even if it is pretty lame, let's dive right in and see what all the hype is about. oh... no opening cutscene? really? i don't have the manual so i guess i have to look up the story online... that's kinda weird right? do you gotta do that when you play uncharted 3?? (insert clip) ANYWAYS... the story goes like this:

mario has to rescue a princess from a bad guy named bowser.

that's it. man, games from the 90's were really lacking in plot. compare this to skyrim, the best game ever. the game pretty much has a plot AND voice acting. (insert clip of oblivion)

as we start the game the first thing you notice is mario himself, you'll notice in this game he's pretty "square" looking, and same thing with the sky and backgrounds! what a weird artistic choice! they could have made their game look like this, or like this (show clip of mgsv and spiderman or some other current gen games) but Nintendo wanted to do something different by making their game look like legos (rolling eyes). perhaps this should count as the first lego star wars game? anyways, with how colorful this game is, youd think this game would be easy right? you'd be dead wrong buddy. as we walk forward we come face to face with the goomba, one of bowsers many evil minions. this 1 goomba might actually be the hardest enemy in the game, i spent HOURS trying to get past and barely made it past ONCE. so after finally making your way past that you'll notice is how SLOW mario walks, i mean come on man the princess is in danger, can't you, uhh i don't know... run???? i mean, sheesh! mario walks like he's going to the uhh the dam grocery store! (expand on this?) but for real, this game was like the DARKED SOULS of the 90's! look at this shit!!! TWO goombas??? after all the time i spent one 1 goomba they immediately throw 2 at you at the same time? d*ck move Nintendo. i mean, i can see why this game is called a cult classic, but the difficulty seems to keep it from gaining main stream appeal.

after spending what feels like an eternity on this game you see a big pole. that's how you're gonna end the game? mario jumps on the pole and slides only a few inches then we walks into the castle. we never see what happens in there so we have to assume mario is in there fighting bowser to rescue the princess. but we don't get to play it? seriously Nintendo? you made a nearly 20 hour long game, left on a cliff hanger. what a let down. they fixed this in the sequels but wow. Nintendo were you on dRUGS?? maybe the uh mushroom mario eaten was a uhhh drug mushroom that he smoked.

overall, i didn't like it. old games from the ninedy's always suck so im not surprised this one sucks too. but it's a classic and you have to respect that, so im giving this a perfect 10/10.

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