Nice Mister & his Spaghetti Kingdom

1/5
>City has a fluffy pony infestation.
>Escaped or discarded pets have formed a breeding population.
>City establishes a 10 cent bounty on fluffies.
>Dead or alive; turn them in at City recycling depot.
>It's a boon for you and your homeless buddies.
>Find a shopping cart.
>Shopping cart can easily hold 10-12 fluffies.
>Gotta get the adults.
>Early in the program, some guys figured out you could fit 20-40 foals in a shopping cart.
>They'd just go around taking foals from mothers.
>Leaving the mothers behind to breed more.
>Momma fluffies became even more annoying after having their foals taken.
>"Pwease hewp fwuffy!" "Meanie hooman take babees!" "Hewp fluffy find babees, pwease?"
>City changed its policy...10 cents for adults, only 2 for foals.
>Now it's better to collect the mommas...leave babies behind.
>Orphaned foals aren't as much of a nuisance.
>They don't bug humans for help...they just hide and cry until they starve to death.
>A cartload of 12 fluffies gets you $1.20.
>Enough for a bottle of Thunderbird.
>You remember when it only cost a dollar.
>What's the word? Thunderbird.
>What's the price? Fifty twice.
>Those where the days.

2/5
>You know the good spots and times to collect fluffies.
>At the park, right after lunch.
>Hungry fluffy ponies come out of hiding to forage for scraps.
>You and your homeless buddies round them up.
>The back alleys behind Italian restarants are good too.
>Only problem there; fluffies gather at night.
>Recycling center doesn't open until morning.
>You've either got to kill 'em yourself or keep them overnight.
>Catching them is surprisingly easy.
>Fluffies around the Italian restarants are incredibly docile.
>They're the ones that have only recently turned stray.
>Wandered away from home and got lost.
>Got kicked out by fed-up owners.
>They still remember the smell of spaghetti.
>They'll gather at the back door and cry all night.
>Closing time comes and every night its the same.
>Garbage gets taken out.
>Old spaghetti is dumped.
>Fluffies get none.
>That's when you get them.
>Walk up on a bunch when they're crying and hugging.
>Bawling about "tummies huwt" or some shit.
"Hey fluffies...I know where you can get some spaghetti!"
>Dumb animals fall for it every time.
>"Sketties?" "Yay!" "Mista nice!"
>Lead them around the corner.
>Stab 'em with your hobo knife.
>Fill up your cart.
>Tell the rest to fuck off.
>Those always cry and complain.
>"Why dem fwuffies get wide in cawt...get sketties?"
>Stupid beasts don't realize you just killed the ones getting a "ride" in the cart.
>Such a waste...you could collect so many more.
>You need an idea.

3/5
>Drop by the Salvation Army store.
>Dudes there are cool...let you get new clothes when you need some.
>Today you need something special.
>Find the brightest, loudest suit you can find.
>Pink polyester leisure suit from the 70's.
>Fuck yeah...perfect.
>Salvation Army guys think you're crazy.
>"Go ahead, take it...nobody's ever gonna buy that thing."
>Get a sparkly green St. Patrick's Day hat and some red boots too.
>Fluffy ponies love bright colors.
That night...
>Hit the Italian restaurant.
>It's a good night, at least a hundred fluffy ponies.
>Crying and sobbing...begging for spaghetti.
"Hey fluffies! I know where you can get lots of spaghetti!"
>"Sketties?" "Hooman wook siwly!" "Nice mista sketties pwease?"
"You betcha, fluffies...in fact my name is Nice Mister Spaghetti!"
>Dumb fluffies cheer and hop around in excitement.
>Pull out your hobo harmonica.
>Play a simple tune they can march to.
>Lead an army of fluffies like some kinda homeless Pied Piper.
>Not done yet.
>Lead your fluffy army down to the park.
>Park fluffies are attracted by the music, bright colored suit.
>"What doing?" "Why hooman wook siwly?"
>"Come! Nice Mista Sketties gif awl fwuffies sketties!"
>Normally, park fluffies would be more cautious.
>They just get caught up in the excitement.
>Colorful suit...fluffies dancing to the music.
>Make a few more stops.
>Down by the river where wharf fluffies live.
>Through the suburbs where fluffy ponies raid garbage cans.
>Through the rich neighborhood where fluffies eat flower gardens.
>You collect more fluffies everywhere you go.

4/5
>All that marching and dancing tires fluffies out.
>"Fwuffy tiwed!" "When sketties?" "Pwease west?"
"Okay, we can take a break, but the sooner we get moving the sooner we reach my Spaghetti Kingdom!"
>Fluffy ponies cheer and press their companions on.
>Injured fluffies, mares with foals, pregnant dams all cry.
>"Dun weave fluffy!" "Pwease, hoovsies huwt!" "Babees no can wawk mowe!"
>You keep the stronger ones excited about Spaghetti Kingdom.
"You'll all have soft beds to rest in when we get there!"
>Stronger fluffies get selfish.
>"Dummy fwuffies no wan' sketties? Weave fwuffies!"
>The slow fluffies all wail in dismay.
>"Nuuu! Dun weave fluffy!" "Wan sketties!" "Wan stay wif Nice Mista!"
>You have to keep the mega-herd together.
"I need all the fluffy ponies in my Spaghetti Kingdom. If any fluffies drop out...no fluffy can come!"
>Dumb fluffy ponies gasp in terror.
>Stronger fluffies push the weaker ones mercilessly.
>Even fluffies who die on the march are carried.
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected

>At last, dawn breaks.
>You haven't counted, but you figure there's almost 300 fluffy ponies following you.
>It's been a hard night, but the payoff is near.
>You lead them to the City recycling center.
>Fluffies quail in terror.
>"Nuuu! Scawy pwace!" "Fwuffies come hewe...nu do come back!"
"Of course sillies! This is the magical doorway to Spaghetti Kingdom!"
>Fluffies cheer.
>Playing your hobo harmonica, you lead the dancing fluffies in.
>Workmen see what you're doing and laugh.
>They close the gates behind you to trap the fluffy army.
>Now you've got 'em.

5/5
"Here to drop off, Joe."
>"Holy shit Anon...you really scored today!"
"Yep...figure I got at least $25 worth."
>Men with shock sticks begin herding fluffies into the processing pen.
>Fluffies squeal in fear and confusion.
>"Why meanies huwt fluffy?" "Hewp! Nice Mista Sketties, hewp!"
>Not your problem anymore.
>The City recycling guys can handle it.
>Fluffies are bawling in disappointment.
>Some understand the betrayal...they bash their heads into the wall in frustration.
>Some just sit there crying.
>Some still don't understand...they sit there sobbing "When sketties?"
>Fluffies are counted and sorted.
>Very few have collars or tags...they get spared.
>The rest are thrown into the incinerator.
>Terrified fluffies try to run, but they're trapped in the pen.
>Workmen grab them by their fluff or tails.
>Toss them into the raging fire.
>Screams echo from the steel furnace.
>It only takes a few minutes.
>The last foal is tossed in, time to get your money.
>"That was 285 adults...79 foals. $30.08."
"Thank you sir...see ya soon!"
>Dance a hobo jig as you leave.

>Buy a dozen bottles of T-Bird to share with your homeless buddies.
>Get a lottery ticket as well.
>Enough left over for some hot dogs too.
>Next day...lottery ticket hits big!
>$300 million Powerball jackpot.
>Build new City Shelter & soup kitchen for your homeless buddies.
>Move into a modest but nice mansion.
>Multiple supermodel girlfriends.
>Sail around the world on your yacht.
>You owe it all to fluffy ponies.
>Get an electric fence to keep those little shits off your lawn.