A love that couldn't be

	Captain Spack Jarrow was sailing along in his fine Viking sailing ship one day when he realized that he was completely lost at sea. Distraught at this revelation, he began drinking copious amounts of fermented coconut milk, a very alcoholic, yet disgusting concoction that was handy in a pinch when you don't have any other way of forgetting your troubles.
	He continued on this way, sailing towards nothing in particular and downing his fermented coco-hol, until he saw a small rocky outcropping ahead of him, amidst the lazy waves. As he approached closer, he noticed a slender figure laying upon the rock, basking in the sun.
	Half of her body looked a little odd, but he figured the coco-hol was to blame. Soon he was close enough to see the ocean waves playfully lapping against her long, delicate legs. His eyes travelled up along her body, past her stomach, up to -
	"Willickers!" He almost shouted, "Why, her upper half is that of a hamster!"
	He was very well spoken for a drunk Viking. And indeed, her upper half was quite hamster-like, all the way from her head down to her midriff where a most horrific intersection of woman and hamster occurred. She had noticed his ship approaching at this point, and sat up. She made a strange squeaking sound from her hamster mouth.
	"What in God's name happened to you?" Spack cried.
	More squeaking.
	This isn't exactly the sort of lovely girl I was expecting to find on a rock in the middle of the ocean. Spack reflected.
	This time some barely understandable words managed to crawl out of the horrible creature's mouth, "K-kiilll…mu-meeeee…"
	Grimacing, Spack took a deep breath and let it out. "As you wish," he said solemnly, and hacked the abomination's head off with his trusty Viking blade.