Rainbro on Earth Chapter 4 (Discontinued past this point)

>It's been three hours since you, Strelnikov, and Rainbow got in his piece of shit van.
>The guy's got even more Vodka bottles in the back of his van than you believe he has in his room.
>How is this possible you don't even know, nor do you want to know.
>He's busy singing some crappy russian song up front while you and Rainbow are stuck riding in the back with the empty bottles.
>The ride itself isn't exactly smooth, and with the way Strel's shotgun is moving around on these pot hole filled streets is giving you a new found paranoia.
>You're sure you've got a good grip on it. Rainbow doesn't even have to deal with the bumps, her wings have made a full recovery.
>She just flutters there, at eye level, watching you struggle to keep every weapon in the back of the van from falling over and possibly discharging some unwanted noise.
>You're sweating nervously, you turn to see Rainbow's smirk widen.
>"Hey Anon?"
"What is it?"
>"Having fun?"
"Kiss my ass..."


>How can she be so chipper right now is beyond you.
>Your wounded shoulder says this shit isn't happy fun time.
>Even though your wound has been patched up it's still causing you grief.
>You can't even go to a hospital over it lest you expose yourself to danger, these agents will be coming in droves now.
>Strelnikov's voice is just rubbing salt in the wounds.
>Why is Strel singing? His voice is terrible...oh god he's downing a bottle of Vodka while driving.
>Maybe having the russian drive was a bad idea.
>Suddenly he makes a sharp turn causing you to slam in to the side of his van.
>You lose your grip on the shotgun, when it hits the ground you nearly shit yourself.
>The reason for this is because the safety on all of Strel's shit is gone, he's got no regard for safety.
>You breathe a sigh of relief when nothing happens.
"Jesus! Strelnikov watch what you're doing!"
>"PIPE DOWN BACK THERE! WE GETTING TO CHICAGO IN NO TIME!"
"Why can't you have any of your guns in your seat with you?! I've been holding your crap back here for hours."
>"STOP BITCHING! DO YOU WANT FREE RIDE OR NOT?"
>....
>"THOUGHT SO! JUST DO NOTHING STUPID AND YOU BE FINE!"
>Yeah...nothing stupid, right.
>You sigh to yourself, you'd rather not openly try to piss off your neighbor, you know how he can get.
>You sit in moderate silence, the only thing making any noise at this point is a combination of Rainbow's flapping and the radio.
>And the occasional discharge of smoke from the van itself.
>This thing can't be safe. After a few minutes pass Rainbow starts up a conversation.
>"Hey Anon?"
"Yes Rainbow?"
>"How do you and...Strel...Stel....that guy know each other."
>Oh god why would she ask that?

>You sigh to yourself before responding.
"Strelnikov and I...we go back....oh man I met him back when my wife and kid were still with me."
>You figured Strelnikov would interrupt you, you turn to see that he's still on his same bottle...that'll keep him quiet for like two minutes.
"Well...see I was walking home one night. I'd went out for a little jog, when I rounded a corner he was standing there, reading a newspaper."
>"Go on..."
"So I was just jogging by him when suddenly he drops his newspaper and points a damn makarov at me. Tells me he's going to rob me right?"
>"Maka what's it now?"
>You sigh before pulling out your glock.
>"Oooh so its like one of those...thunder stick thingies?"
"Wha...yes yes, we'll go with that...so while he's got his trained on me I reach in to my waist band and pull out my weapon, so we sat there eyeing each other for some time before he opens fire. I do the same."
>Rainbow's eyes seem to get as wide as saucers, you've shown her just what your human weapons could do so she's naturally in awe.
>"What happened?"
"Well...he was drunk, and I wasn't looking to kill anyone...we missed each shot."
>Rainbow hovers there for a moment, processing the information you've just told her.

>"So, what happened after that."
"Well, the moment was so thick with tension...we just burst out in to fits of laughter."
>"YOU TELLING BLUE P0NY OF FIRST MEETING! GOOD TIMES GOOD TIMES! YOU COULDN'T HANDLE VODKA PUSSY!"
"Fuck you Strelnikov."
>Strelnikov makes a sharp right turn causing you to slam your back in to the side of his van.
>Rainbow ends up landing in your chest, you instinctively wrap your arms around her.
>Strelnikov makes a sharp left turn this time and you go barrel rolling in to the other side of his van.
>That one knocked the wind out of you.
>Finally Strelnikov regains control of his van, you can hear him chuckling.
"Strel...why?"
>"CAUSE FUCK YOU THAT WHY!"
>You hear Dash groan from within your grasp
"Hey, you okay?"
>Dash squirms in your arms a little bit before looking up to you.
>"Yeah I'm fine, Strel, buddy, pal ya gotta be careful. Ya got cargo back here."
>"SO? IS FUN! ACTING LIKE I DID BACK IN OLD COUNTRY! AMERICA FULL OF PUSSIES!"
>"But...but what about your vodka? You coulda smashed all your bottles doing that."
>Suddenly Strelnikov slams on his brakes.

>The two of you go flying in to the seats.
>You have no idea if Strelnikov has stopped in the middle of a highway, or if he stopped in some random street.
>To the russian it didn't matter, he realized he could have destroyed his precious precious vodka.
>He turns to look down at the two of you, you see a manly tear in his eye.
>"BY GOD YOU RIGHT BLUE P0NY."
>Dash just looks up at Strel, her eyes rolling around in her head as she does so.
>She shakes her head in order to get her bearings.
>You are currently upside down, not knowing where the fuck you are.
>"See? You gotta keep your booze safe Strel. Can't have you go wasting it like that."
>You see Strel's lip quiver before he suddenly reaches down, pulling Dash in to a hug.
>"YOU ARE RIGHT BLUE P0NY! I NO NOT WHAT I WAS THINKING!"
>As soon as the hug started it ended, and Strel's already got the van in motion again.
>"Blue p0ny has replaced you as best friend Anonymous."
"Wait what just happened?"
>Dash whispers to you
>"I just kept our sorry flanks from dying."
"Gotcha...so Strelnikov where are we anyway?"
>"We are 139 kilometers from Chicago Illinois."
>You shake your head rapidly, wait is Strelnikov speaking without yelling?


>Your thoughts are cut short when you hear police sirens wailing in the distance.
>You knew that getting to Chicago without incident would be impossible.
>Your shoulder is still acting up so your arm is useless, well, might as well deal with it.
"Hey Strel,"
>"I can hear Anonymous."
>Again, there is no way he's speaking without yelling...
"Dude you alright?"
>"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?"
>You're silent, your mind can't seem to process the amount of what it is experiencing.
>"You are weird American Anonymous."
>Strelnikov puts the pedal to the metal and you guys take right off.
>How this van can reach such a speed is a miracle
>But those sirens are closing in, those agents you killed probably forced the hand of the higher ups.
>Or it's probably because Strelnikov has been swerving all of the fucking road in a drunken stupor
>Either way you cannot afford to be caught.
>You make your way in to the passengers seat and Dash takes a seat in between you and Strel.
"So, have any ideas Strelnikov?"
>"A few."
"Alright let's hear em."
>Silence....
>Five minutes of being chased pass
>"Okay I have no idea what the fuck I am doing."
"I figured."
>"Ditto."
>"Fuck both of you with rusty shiv from Chernobyl."

>The wails of sirens are closing in now, you guys are probably fucked.
>Then you feel something ram in to the back of the van.
>The impact causes you and Dash to lurch forward
"Jesus what the hell was...that?"
>You turn your head to see two metal points sticking out of the back doors.
>Suddenly the back doors are torn away.
>You see a charger....with a forklift attachment on the front what the fuck?
>You see the red and blue lights on the visor
>Then you see the well dressed passenger make his way from the passenger seat to the roof of his car.
>Another agent...
>The charger comes in for another ram, this time the agent uses this as an opportunity to leap in to the van.
>He makes it in to the back, this burly sucker stares the two of you down with malice.
>He reaches in to his coat pocket.
>A blue blur slams in to his stomach, knocking him on to the hood of his charger.
>Oh shit Dash has your back
>What a bro.
>The agent doesn't look to happy, he removes his shades to reveal a set of...red eyes.
>You watch as he looks over the three of you. Then you watch as the driver of the charger reach up to his ear.
>Are these guys linked somehow?
>You don't bother thinking on the subject any further
>You reach in to your waist belt and pull out your glock
>You fire three times, the first two get embedded in the bullet proof glass in the front.
>The third tags the agent in the leg, you see the impact and you see the small blood splatter.
>But this fucker is still putting his weight on his injured left leg.

>The agent smiles before leaping back in to the van, Dash is already zipping towards him.
>The agent reaches out and grabs her around the throat.
>How the hell did she do that, you could barely see her moving yet he caught her easily.
>Strelnikov slams on his brakes and the agent flies forward, letting Dash out of his grasp as he does so.
>He slams head first in to your seat, he's momentarily stunned.
>"GET IN DRIVER SEAT!"
>You waste no time in taking Strelnikov's spot.
>Strel himself has made his way in to the back of your van.
>He picks up his shotgun and readies it.
>The agent is already to his feet.
>He looks from you to Strelnikov, before Strel can get a shot off you feel the agent's fist slam in to the side of your head.
>What the fuck did you get the license plate number off that semi?
>The agent's punch causes you to lurch to the left, your steer in the direction you were punched.
>This knocks Strelnikov off balance, he slams in to the side of his van, he drops the shotgun upon impact.
>The shotgun goes off when it hits the floor, the shot fired blows a small hole in the opposite side of the van
>Right next to Dash's head.
>Dash looks like she's seen a ghost

>"SORRY BLUE P0NY!"
>Right now you're driving all over the road in a daze
>That hook hit you for more than your body can handle
>Yet you manage to grab hold of your glock and aim it at the agent.
>He notices this and smiles...creepy
>You empty the clip in to his stomach, chest and head.
>You freeze when you hear the low metallic thunk that resounds when your bullet bounces off of his fucking skull.
>Okay this guy isn't human when the hell did America mess with humans like this?
>"Tsk Tsk Tsk. Anonymous I figured you'd be a bit smarter than that. You've let go of the wheel in hopes of killing me."
>"AND YOU JUST SAT THERE WHILE I PICK UP SHOTGUN FAGGOT!"
>Strelnikov cocks his shotgun and tries to fire again.
>The agent manages to grab the barrel of the shotgun.
>When Strel fires his shot misses.
>After missing Strelnikov tries to free his weapon from the agent's grasp.
>He is unsuccessful, but he keeps trying nonetheless.
>Suddenly his smile disappears, he looks down to see Rainbow Dash standing on her hind legs.
>Strel's Ak-47 is in her fore hooves.
>You turn around to see the oddity taking place before you.
"HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU HOLDING THAT?!"
>"I don't know! Just go with it!"
>"Squeeze trigger little p0ny!"

>Rainbow points the Ak at the agent and fires.
>Yeah Strel really has no safety on any of his guns.
>With Dash only being waist high and from the way she's holding it she can only fire at the agent's crotch and legs.
>When Dash empties the Ak in to the agent's lower half the agent mutters a wordless 'why'
>He drops to the floor, screaming in pain.
>The driver of the charger sees this and slams on his brakes.
>Strel and Dash watch as the driver makes a u-turn and gets the fuck out of there.
>"What...why's he leaving his buddy behind?"
>Then the three of you hear a sharp beep.
>It's coming from your 4th passenger
>Dash drops the AK and Strel drops his shotgun. The two work together to push the agent out of the back of the van.
>"GAS IT!"
>You have no idea what the fuck is going on back there, but you comply.
>Suddenly you hear an explosion from behind you.
>The resounding shockwave nearly knocks you off of the highway you're driving on.
>You manage to keep the van steady in the end.
>You're hyperventilating in the driver's seat.
"What the fuck was that?"
>Dash answers with a question
>"Anon do all homos explode like that when they're shot in the crotch?"
>WHAT?!

>No seriously what?
>You manage to keep yourself from slamming on the brakes.
"Dash what kind of question is that?!"
>"I don't know homo anatomy don't judge me!"
"You know enough to flash your crotch tits all over the internet! God knows how many fat neck bearded fucks jerked off to em!"
>"I didn't do anything wrong and my crotch tits are famous now thank you!"
"Yes you did you just shot a man in the dick! You do not shot guys in the dick Rainbow!"
>Wait did she just say her tits are famous?
>God...damn....it...Rainbow Dash......
>You slam your head in to steering wheel, causing the van to let loose its horn.
>Suddenly the glove box opens to produce a bottle of vodka, which Strelnikov downs in a matter of seconds.
>Soon he joins you in the passenger's seat and Rainbow takes her spot in between you two.
>You turn to see Strelnikov motioning towards the horn.
>You press it twice.
>Two bottles of vodka pop out of the glove box.
>"HERE BLUE P0NY! YOU HANDLE AK BETTER THAN DIRTY VIETNAMESE!"
>Dash takes the bottle in to her hooves, she stares at it before looking back to Strelnikov.
>He holds his own vodka bottle
>Then he motions for you to honk the horn again.
>God no matter what the situation Strel has to have two fucking bottles.


>When you honk the horn, and when the vodka bottle pops out you feel it land in your lap.
>You turn to see Strelnikov motioning for you to take it.
"For me?"
>"YES YOU PROVIDE DISTRACTION WITHOUT DYING! ASSISTING IN KILL!"
>Fuck it, between the agents coming in and tearing off the doors of the van, seeing an agent kick all of your asses, getting your skull cracked, and hearing Rainbow firing shot after shot in to a man's crotch you need a drink.
>You pop open the top, Strel and Rainbow do the same. Right now, none of you care about how bad the situation is, you don't care how mad you are at Rainbow for causing all of this.
>All that matters now, is booze.
>The three of you clink your bottles together and down the contents like the hopeless drunks you are.