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- > After a short walk through the woods you happen upon a clearing
- > And oh the promised land unfolds before you
- > Roughly 200 fluffies of various age, color, and breed are arrayed before you
- > All of them babbling happily about "yummie wed nummies" and "Tummy huwties aww gone!"
- > They frolic and play tackling one another, playing tag, hide and seek, giving huggies and wuv, eating grass, flowers, and all other foliage at kneecap level.
- > They are about to have a very, very bad day
- > Time to have some fun
- > First things first, if they manage to escape your fun will become a hunt
- > And chasing these things down in the woods just isn't your thing
- > That's Blake's bag
- > You like taking your time and enjoying things
- > First tool, zip ties
- > A standard among 7th unit
- > The rookie uses them to suffocate the fluffies
- > Doesn't want to get his hands dirty
- > What a chump
- > You know how they're supposed to be used.
- > You walk into the clearing all grins and smiles
- "Hey there little fluffies! Can I be your friend?"
- > Works most of the time
- > "Waaah! Hoomin munsta comin! Wun!"
- > Most of the time
- > "Smawty stawp hoomin! Hewp smawty!"
- > There's the little bugger now
- > You walk up to him cheeks puffed with seventy or so fluffies at his flanks
- > The dams and attendants have gatherd the foals and are huddling in a circle behind them
- > "Dis smawty fwuffy hewds wand! Yuu weave!"
- "Aww, why are you being a meanie? I just want to be your friend."
- > Second try works like a charm
- > "Yuu... hoomin wan be fwuffy fwiend?"
- "Oh yes, I always wanted to be a friend to a big strong smarty friend. Help the herd, get nummies, and have fun!"
- > The smarty looks confused and all of his friends have dropped their guard
- > They run up to you babbling happily and frolicking at your feet.
- > "Yay big fwiend! Hoomin hewp fwuffies! Wuv hoomin!"
- > Phase one
- "Fluffies, I have a present for you! It's a friendship bracelet."
- > "What dat? Wan pwesent! Wuv pwesent, Santie Cwa bwing pwesen! Yuu Santie Cwass? Wuv yuu!"
- > Oh this is better than expected, they think you're santa claws
- > You decide to play this up
- > It could be funny later hearing their cries about santa huwt fwuffy
- > You chuckle but quickly turn it into
- "Ho! Ho! Ho! Looks like you caught me! I'm Santa! And, I'm here to give all the good little fluffies presents!"
- > "Buh, iss no cowd santie come when cowd nuu when wawm time."
- > Shit a smart fluffie, and he isn't even the smarty
- > Gotta think fast
- "Uh, well. I am Santa!"
- > Perfect
- > "Wuv yuu santah!"
- > With the nay sayers satisfied you begin to take out the zip ties
- > They are the extra large and thick brand
- > Wide enough to look like collars and long enough for what you're about to do
- "Fluffies do you want your presents now? They're called friendship bracelets and you wear them on your hooves. They will keep your friends together no matter what!"
- > "Wuv fwiends stay wif dem fowevah! Wan bwacewet! Yay!"
- > You grab two fluffies at a time and place the zip tie around their legs
- > They look like they're going to participate in a three... well seven legged race
- > They babble and wobble around
- > "Wuv bwacewet pway wif fwiend naow! Thanks santah!"
- > You don't make them tight but they can't remove them
- > A quick glance over to a few that have the ties on confirms your plan is working
- > The fluffies try to go seperate directions and stumble over each other
- > These fluffies are going nowhere
- > Pair by pair you tie fluffies together
- > Then you get to the foals
- > They are too smal and weak to be tied together at the leg
- > You zip tie three foals together by their bellies
- > Sitting on their bottoms they can wiggle their legs but can't tip over or move around
- > They're little bouquets of fluffy love
- > Tring to hug one another and becoming upset when they can't turn
- > You need to work fast
- > With all the foals and mobile fluffies subdued you begin
- > "Wuv nuu fwiend! Santah soo nice an fun! Wuv bwacewet! Wuv fwiend! Oh hai Santah! Wha' dat fing? Iss shiny can I pway?"
- > With a sickening crunch the fluffies tied legs are broken as the hammer smashes down
- "Ho Ho Hooooo, You've been a bad fluffie!"
- > "Nuuuuuuu I good fwuffy! Nuu huwtie Santah! I be good! EEEEAAAHHHHGHH!"
- > The hammer drops on a back leg
- > He's not going anywhere
- > You turn to the crowd of fluffy pairs and see the horror on their faces
- > The fluffy is dragging his special friend along as he comes up to face you
- > Cheeks puffed flailing mare on his stomping hoof
- > "Owies smawty fwiend nuu huwty! I sowwy!"
- > "Santah! Why you huwty fwuffy fwiend?"
- > He doesn't even notice the mare on his leg
- > His foals are zip tied to the mare
- > Special treatment for the special fluffy
- > You ignore him as you continue the slaughter
- > He tries to drag his now screaming mare and foals around but keeps stopping to appologize to them
- > He can't do a thing
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