QUALITY PAPER

Dealing with Fangirls:
A comprehensive guide
Think about people. There are many kinds of people; good ones, nice ones, silent people, loud people, helpful people, obnoxious people, etc. etc. You might like people who can juggle, as they amuse you greatly, or hate them because they give you headaches trying to figure out how they do it.
I personally hate fangirls. Not just girls, per se, but obnoxious, rabid fans of certain people. I especially hate fangirls of fictional characters, such as Harry Potter (it’s a good book, though, don’t get me wrong), Sasuke (A Japanese character), and yes, Edward Cullen. There is something slightly disturbing about lusting over an unreal being.
Now, I have had to deal with fangirls on occasion. It is a delicate and difficult task- you must remind yourself, that yes, it slightly disturbs you, but there’s a good person behind this madness, usually. This is the one thing that will keep you from going insane.
The best thing to do, if you know the character they’re obsessing over, is NOT TO TALK ABOUT SAID CHARACTER. This may launch you into a world of brain pain, puzzling over how a human being can possibly describe a series of moving pictures or words in a book with such obsession.
If you do happen to be caught in a discussion about said character, and you know who it is, try talking about the story the said character comes from. Steering the conversation away from the target of fangirlism may land you in an interesting discussion about “What’s going to happen next?” or “I wish this happened instead of this.”
If you absolutely have no idea who this “Lelouch” dude is, or where “Sasuke” even comes from, I suggest you don’t ask a fangirl about this person. While providing you with basics like skin/eye/hair color, and height/distinguishing features, descriptions tend to be clogged with various unnecessary adjectives. Observe: “Oh, Roland?! Roland is the cutest boy ever! I wish I could get his autograph. I wish I could invite him home… okay, he’s got these dreamy sparkling golden eyes, and his hair is… godly! I marvel at the way it sticks up like that! And it’s really a super-cute shade of jet black, but he bleaches it and dyes it, isn’t that so rad?”
As you can see, very little useful information is being communicated through the slurry of unnecessary adjectives.
What is more annoying than dealing with a fangirl of someone else’s creation? Dealing with a fangirl of your own creation. After you’re done laughing at how off they are about your story’s hero, it may get annoying. Observe again:
“Oh, Viktor’s eyes are pure violet. That’s awesome. It’s like you gaze into his eyes and get lost in the spirals of lavender…” a fangirl said.
I scoffed and replied, “You’d gaze into spirals of red and blue, not lavender. The only reason his eyes look purple is because the two colors blend when seen from afar.”
“Oh, oh, okay. But his skin is so perfect! I think he has ten tattoos on his back, probably. I’m pretty sure he’d want a tattoo.”
“Uh… I being the creator already wrote ‘He truthfully told us that he did not have any desire for a tattoo, as he considered it self-mutilation for no good reason.’ Did you read that?”
“So? He could be lying!”
“He truthfully told us means that he truthfully told us.”
Supposing your best friend is a fangirl. Now what do you do?
The best thing to do now is ignore the fangirl in her and focus on the best friend. Hey, you might even grow used to it.
I still hate fangirls, and you might, too, but now you know how to keep most of your sanity.