12 oz Mouse script: S2E07_MeatWarrior

Episode 14: "Meat Warrior."
transcribed: John W. Sandwich (Chris Crisman-Cox)


ext. The City. Liquor is walking down a street. Peanut Cop drives by in his firetruck. Peanut stops, and reverses back to where Liquor is.

PEANUT: Dude, check it out. I'm a fireman.
LIQUOR: Can I get a lift?
PEANUT: Uh, okay. Which way am I going... again?
LIQUOR: You're goin' to downtown.
PEANUT: (long pause) (very softly) Is there a fire there?
LIQUOR: You want there to be? There could be.
PEANUT: Oh, then you better get in. Cause I don't know how to work any of this stuff. Let's go.

int. Shark's office. RBM is talking to the Clock.
RBM: And if you don't stop him, he's going to destroy this whole town. I should be the president. I am the best. We were on the same schoolbus, remember?

Shark crawls into the office with great effort.

int. The 750th floor.

MOUSE: Mmm, this is some good meat. I haven't had meat like this since... the Meat Wars. Meat against bone.

int. Shark's office. Shark is lying on the floor, about halfway to the desk.

SHARK: One more. (pushes himself forward with his fins) There we go. So, what's going on?
RBM: We were just watching you sliver across the floor like the begging, broken dog you are. Bitch.
SHARK: I didn't ask you, did I?
RBM: No, you didn't. But I answered.
SHARK: I'm trying to talk to the Clock, so if you could shhhhhh your way clear to shutting up -
RBM: I told him about your little slideshow, and about how boring your car is, and about how dumb you are. In fact, you're the dumbest one I know.
SHARK: You're the one who put all the clothes in the closet like an idiot.
RBM: That idea was gentoid. Even your momma liked it.
SHARK: You know, hanging out with you used to be fun. What happened to us?

Clock disappears.

RBM: Hey, there he goes. Where do you think he's going?
SHARK: This isn't over. I'm gonna come up with something, and your square ass is gonna wish I didn't.

ext. The City. A generic townsperson is banging on the machinery at the top of a telephone pole. Peanut and Liquor drive up.

LIQUOR: Why are we stopping?
PEANUT: Watch this.

Peanut shoots the machinery at the top of the pole, electrocuting the townsperson.

PEANUT (cont'd): That's how I get jobs. Boom! Somebody better call me.
LIQUOR: Are you drunk?
PEANUT: You're not?
LIQUOR: Maybe I should drive drunk. It looks terrifying. To others.
PEANUT: No way, man. I'm on this.

Peanut rockets down the street. The view shifts so that we're above the firetruck, looking down on it as it hurtles forward.

PEANUT: Pa-Chk, a-chk, chk, chk. Ding, ding, ding, dinga, ding. (etc.)

More reckless driving.

PEANUT: (cont'd) Oh, man. I think we hit something.

Now we're well in front of the firetruck, seeing it approach from a distance. A large crowd of women simultaneously trip.
All of their baby carriages roll into the middle of the road.

WOMEN: Ah! My baby!

Peanut dodges several carriages, but eventually he hits one. Nevertheless, he keeps driving.

PEANUT: You take the wheel, and I'm gonna sing the song. Ding-dinga-ding, ding-ding-dinga-ding-ding-ding

The carriage that Peanut hit flies over the moon, then crashes into the ground.

WOMAN: Oooh! My baby. Oh god. Oh. (pulls a bottle of wine out of the carriage) My baby.

Woman drinks the bottle of beer and then smashes it into her face and belches. Peanut drives back and hits her with the firetruck.

int. Liquor's store.

Evil Eye is leading Eye at gunpoint.

EYE: EYE thought you were mEYE friend.

Evil Eye smacks Eye in the back of the head.

EYE (cont'd): Ow. Right in the eye.

Both Eyes exit. The Hand breaks out of the jar and runs into the street.

ext. The street, as seen from the Hand's point of view. Peanut runs over the Hand. The Hand urinates on a fire hydrant.

int. 750th floor.

MOUSE: This map just stops at the city boundaries, but we saw that other city when we were up in space.
SKILLET: (screeches)
MOUSE: And this here, looks like a door to some tunnel. Wonder where that goes.

Skillet throws a bone in the air. Terminator Lady shoots it to dust.

MOUSE: Wow. Jumpy little whore.

ext. Liquor's store. Peanut stops the firetruck.

LIQUOR: Hey, I just came from here.
PEANUT: You did? Wait. I did?
LIQUOR: Yeah, you did.
PEANUT: Ok, look. I need to get, I need to get something to wash this beer down with, uh, my alcohol. If uh, if somebody catches fire, I'm gonna be in here.
PEANUT (cont'd): So, uh, don't call me. Or do. Who cares? What am I gonna do about it?

Liquor drives off in the firetruck. The cityscape fades away to reveal Shark's control room. Pronto enters and steals the "animal chain": a necklace attached to a Skillet-shaped medallion.

int. Liquor's store.

PEANUT: (holding a beer) You're my liquor god.

Peanut is shot with a dart.

PEANUT (cont'd): Mmmm, that, that was... awesome. (gets shoot again) Ow.

We see the store from Peanut's eyes.

PEANUT (cont'd): Could I get a couple more of these, please? (gets shots multiple times) I don't even see you dude, but thank you.

A trapdoor opens, and Peanut falls into the basement. Shadowy Figure confronts him.

SHADOW: (says something)
PEANUT: Ah, what? I don't understand... a thing you're saying, man. Do you have any idea what you sound like. Bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh. That's what you sound like in my head.
SHADOW: (says something)

int. Shark's control room.
Shark is laying on a skateboard and pushing himself forward. He accidentally uses too much force and smacks into his video equipment. He opens the secret panel to check on the animal chain.

SHARK: And... stupid retard.

ext. Above the City. Roostre and Spider are flying using jetpacks.

ROOSTRE: Man, isn't this cool! Who else do you know who has these jetpacks? No one, that's who! No one but your old buddy Roostre.
ROOSTRE (cont'd): There it is. Down there.

Roostre and Spider land.

ROOSTRE (cont'd): All right, Spider. We're gonna have to leave these packs down here now, okay?

Spider backs off.

ROOSTRE (cont'd): Yeah, man. I know, I know. They're great, man. They're fun as hell.

Spider is still hesitant.

ROOSTRE (cont'd): Spider, we got plenty of time to fly around later, but right now, I gotta show you this.

int. Shark's control room. Shark and RBM are watching Roostre descend into the manhole he opened.

RBM: And everyone thought Corndroid was just a legend.
SHARK: I knew it was real. I'm not as easily suckered into things as you are, with your soft little mind.
RBM: Of course not. That's why you chose the Shark.
SHARK: I have my reasons for that choice, but you seem to like the square.
RBM: A square has four points: four rich and interesting points, full of wealth and ambition. You are merely roundish and soft-fleshed.
SHARK: I'm not getting into this with you again, and the animal chain is missing.
RBM: Well, way to hide it in the most obvious place. Nice work. Didn't see that one coming.
SHARK: (watching a camera) There goes that Hand. Great.

ext. City

Liquor pulls up to the building where Fitz and Skillet are hiding out. He looks at a map, which appears to be identical to the one Fitz and Skillet have.

LIQUOR: This must be it.

Liquor enters the building and rides the elevator to the 750th floor.

int. 750th floor.

MOUSE: Looks like somebody with a hook might've filed all these serial numbers off. That's a mystery. A hooked mystery.

Elevator door opens.

LIQUOR: Hi.

Fitz, Skillet, and Terminator Lady shoot a huge volume of bullets and explosives at Liquor.

LIQUOR (cont'd): My skin is bulletproof.
MOUSE: No way.
LIQUOR: Yes way. Look, have you seen Roostre?
MOUSE: I've seen him, but not since the last time I saw him.
LIQUOR: I was afraid of that. H-hey, those are your clothes, aren't they?
MOUSE: They sure are. They sure are all of my clothes.
LIQUOR: Look, Roostre's got this other thing, but he needs the Hand to make it work, then we can blow this town apart.
MOUSE: Why does he need that hand?
LIQUOR: Because, duh, it's his hand.
MOUSE: I'm not going anywhere without all these weapons.
LIQUOR: Do you have any weapons?

int. Roostre's bunker, pitchblack.

ROOSTRE: Dagnabit. I know I put a switch down here somewhere. Where in the hell is that? Oh, there is it, heh heh. Right where I put it. Okay boy, check this out.

Roostre turns on the lights. Then he flips a switch, and a door opens to reveal the Corndroid.

ROOSTRE (cont'd): That's pretty freaking awesome, isn't it? But here's the bitch of it. Wrong hand.

After the credits, we see the message: "almost undead."

ext. The streets. Peanut is recklessly driving the firetruck.

PEANUT: Ding-dinga-ding-ding (laughs).