Semi-Drunk-Shot: Chainsaw Anon in Equestria

Semi-Drunk-Shot: Chainsaw Anon in Equestria

Anone Moose made the mistake of posting this next to my imagination


"Anonymous arrived in Equestria with his chainsaw. He sees how far behind ponies are, and allows Twilight to examine the chainsaw. He gets it back, and within a year EQ is producing motors. He uses the motor from his chainsaw on Scootaloo's scooter shortly after Twilight examines it."

I read the first sentence and one thing led to another.  The result was this:

>day [spoiler]chainsaw massacre[/spoiler] in Equestria
>you're a fucking madman with a big Husqvarna
>you wear the torn, sutured skin of your victims on your face
>you just do what you feel
>and what you feel is sick, terrible rage and desires to rip and tear
>to feed your Huskie
>you sprint towards another door and kick it the fuck in
>this poor little girl in the room was going to spread open, your chainsaw would spill her and you would see her bleed
>you remember the last time you had cut up a girl
>like roses on white lace
>you burst through the doorway and find yourself outside
>this makes little sense
>you look behind you and see no door
>you frantically look and see only wilderness
>your ragged breath slows, following the RPMs of your saw
>you see smoke in the distance, a faint pillar of gray rising in the sky
>you take a deep breath and start walking towards it
>the air is clean, you can smell the flowers
>around you, the lush flora is more beautiful than anything you've seen before
>perhaps not as roses on white lace, but pretty good
>you see houses
>good
>maybe your pretty chainsaw will get a meal today
>you break out into a jog, your fingers tightening on the handles of your saw
>twitching at the throttle
>you're getting close
>someone's house is on fire
>you lick your lips
>you've never cut someone open whilst they were aflame before
>you start running

---

>you are Tack Farrier, a simple smithy p0ny
>your house is on fire and your daughter is trapped inside
>you buck out with all your might, trying to kick the door open
>you can hear your daughter crying out
>most of the house has crumpled in on itself, she can't get out
>you can't get in
>one of the house pillars is blocking the door
>fire everywhere else
>tears of panic and fear for your beloved daughter run down your face as you desperately hammer your rear hooves against the thick wood
>you back away
>you're going to jump through one of the windows
>it's billowing flames but you don't care
>you need to save your daughter
>suddenly you hear a mechanical roar
>a sound you've never heard before

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

>you don't understand what you're seeing
>some horrid creature, face deformed, covered in blood is running towards you with a giant, roaring mechanical saw
>it stops in front of you
>chainsaw making "putputputrrrrr....putput" sounds
>it picks you up by the mane
>lifts you clean off the ground
>it hurts to be lifted up by your hair, but you care little
>it brings you up to its face
>you notice it's an obscene mask, grossly sewn together
>you feel its fetid breath on your face
>you hear your daughter cough and cry inside
>you start fighting, trying to get free from this monster
"ANNIE!!!"
>you yell as you fight
>the thing suddenly drops you and steps towards the burning house
>you're about to take a running start to leap into the window, monster or no monster
>the blaring cry of a Husqvarna wide-the-fuck-open stops you in your tracks
>the massive thing thunders through the door like a hot knife through butter
>you're dumbstruck as the door and the fallen support beam are cloven in twine
>the towering monster walks into the burning house without a care in the world
>you hear the chainsaw rev up and your heart stops inside your chest
>a shrill cry escapes the burning house
>you drop to your little p0ny knees
>all is lost
>believing your daughter to be dead, you have no reason to live anymore

---

>you are chainsaw Anon
>the little p0ny in the burning house cries in terror as you approach
>you grab her by the mane
>the house starts to crumble around you, so you drag her out of it and set her gently on the ground next to the older male small horse that was trying to rescue her
>these little creatures were adorable
>under your mask, you smile and walk away
>happy to have helped out the cute little thing

---

>you are a confused p0ny, but are too busy hugging your unharmed daughter to care

---

>you are chainsaw Anon
>you find yourself walking towards a town full of the little moving plush-toys
>they make you feel warm and fuzzy inside
>like that time you made a doll from a little girl
>you walk up to one of them with the firm intent to gently pet its soft head
>it runs away
>it runs very quickly
>you take but five or six steps before stopping, feeling disheartened
>you stand there, chainsaw putting gently
"Why are you scaring my friend?"
>the voice comes from above
>you look up
>flying little horse?
>you smile under your mask
>it's so cute, trying to act tough with its rainbow-colored mane
"Hey I'm talking to you!"
>you don't say much
>ever
>you try to say hello by waving your chainsaw and saying
"Huurhaaaharurhghghh"
>that did not go as well as you had planned
>the flying p0ny looks disgusted and afraid now
"M... Monster!" she says
>your shoulders slack as you feel pretty down
"You'll pay for scaring Blossomforth like that!" she cries
>the pegasus p0ny dives and smacks you hard with her hooves, using all her flight speed and power
>you feel like you've been hit by a pillow
>you scratch your head
>this is going to be a challenge...
>you attempt to tell her you're a nice man
"GRAAAERGRhghgjLL"
>you rev your chainsaw, hoping the sound would appease her temper
>hey, it works for you
>she just looks horrified
"Uh oh..." she says, before darting away, terrified
>you hang your head
>suddenly a sharp, high scream rings through the town
>more trouble?
>you run towards the yell
>it seems to come from a building that seems to have been made from fabric supplies
>you kick the door down as another cry rings out
"THIS IS JUST THE WOOOOOOORST... POOOOSSSIBLE... THIIIIIIIIING!"
>you stop, looking for anyp0ny in danger
>you just see a psychiatrist's couch and a prostrate p0ny laying against it, away from you
"Twilight dear? Is that you? I just caaaaaaan't find my shears again and this just haaaas to be cut for this dress!"
>the distressed p0ny seems to want something cut
>you do not know why she's so upset about it
>you walk towards the offending fabric
"Twilight?"
WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
>you sever the band of fabric with a negative amount of trouble
>you raise your chainsaw in triumph
>you attempt to say "I have cut your fabric, kind seamstress p0ny"
>your chainsaw revs up above your head, making a deafening
WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGRGGGGGGGGGG
>as the white, purple-maned pony looks at you
"AAARUGHGH, WRIRHGHLLGG ARUUUUUUUUGGGH RAAAAAAAAAAAWGGG"
>you try to speak but it is difficult
>the p0ny falls unconscious, knocking over a bottle of dye
>the red fabric dye splashes everywhere, over you and the little creature
>you're worried about her so you pick her up as gently as you can
>you hold her in one arm, shaking her as gently as possible
>you want her to be okay and to wake up

---

>you are Twilight
>Rainbow Dash broke half the windows in P0nyville sonic rainboom'ing to your library saying "ohmygoshthere'sagiantinvinciblemonsterinthercenteroftownhelp"
>you teleported to where she said it was
>you heard yelling
>sounded like Rarity
>you gallop towards her boutique
>the door has been kicked in
>you rush inside
>your mind has a hard time even understanding what you see
>a massive, hulking figure standing over three times your height is standing in the middle of a trashed boutique
>holding Rarity in one arm, like a small child
>and a massive, roaring mechanical saw in the other
>they're covered in blood
>blood
>everywhere
>your mouth goes slack

---

>you're Chainsaw Anon
>oh look another cute little purple p0ny!
>you feel the little white p0ny in your arms stirring
>you're happy she's okay
>you let out an innocent, gleeful laugh
"Hruaa hrueee hreee hreee"

---

>you are Twilight
>this monster has killed your friend with the most demonic, horrifying tool imaginable and is now laughing
>the laughter makes your blood run cold
>it's like the laughter is coming from your nightmares
>it's like the sound pure evil would make if it was laughing at the misery of a thousand foals
>it's the worst sound you've ever heard
>you have never felt terror like this
>your eyesight narrows then goes black

---

>you're Chainsaw Anon
>the purple p0ny's eyes roll up and she falls over
>you put the white one next to the purple one and walk away
>you walk out of the boutique
>you don't understand
>a great sadness fills your chest
>you walk for a while through the town
>empty streets
>no more cute little p0nies
>you sit down, defeated
>you hug your only friend, Huskie
>she'll never leave you, at least
>the warm chainsaw purrs in your arms
>you lay down, holding it
>you haven't slept in a while and a wave of exhaustion washes over you
>curling up into a fetal position with your Huskie, you fall into a dreamless sleep
>you feel like you've only been sleeping for a few seconds when something is tugging at your hand
>you open your eyes
>this light-green little pony is playing with your hand
>examining it, poking at your fingers with a hoof
>you sit up and it freezes in place
>you hang your head
>it is probably going to run away like all the others
>a few moments pass
>it just sits there
>you tilt your head to the side
>maybe this one is different?
>you extend a grubby, bloody hand towards it
>the little green and white p0ne just looks at your hand, curiosity overcoming any fears it could have had
>you gently pet its tiny head with a few fingers
>your cleanest ones, anyhow
>this seems to be a better approach compared to talking or having Huskie introduce you
>you scoop up the green quadruped
>she falls into a sitting position in the crook of your arm and appears completely at ease
>maybe Huskie isn't your only friend after all
>she looks up at you
"I'm Lyra! What's your name? I've always dreamed of seeing one of your kind, are you all tall like this? You don't mind carrying me around? Is it common for your kind to carry us around?"
>she asks you more questions than you can imagine
>you're just happy she isn't afraid of you
"Wanna see my house? It's over there, I'm sure you'll love it!" she says
>you just walk towards where she points.

http://postimage.org/image/el5kojsrx/

>this amazing little one is kind enough to let you hold her
>you're grinning like a madman
>you walk where she points, carefree
"It's right over there!" she excitedly says
>you open the door
"Mind the door frame" she says
>you are tall and you would have hit your head
>you bend down and enter
"Just watch out for the step-
>you have already tripped when she says this
>you're falling forward
>you were leaning in too much from bending down
>you hold Lyra away from your and off the floor as you fall
>you are not going to let Lyra or Huskie hit the ground, so you'll have to take it for them
CROMBBMLM
>the impact shakes everything inside the house
>your face breaks the fall
>Lyra steps off your arm, concerned
"Are you okay? I'm so sorry..." she says
>your nose starts bleeding but you're fine
>you've been shot, stabbed, struck with bats, sticks, bricks, fists, hooves
>pain didn't really hurt
>you reach out to pet her head, you think this will make stop worrying

----

>you are Bon-Bon
>you were trying to see how to improve your candy-wrapper tying skills when a massive impact resounded through your house
>knocking all the shit off your table
>it came from the front door
>you rush and find Lyra on the ground
>in front of her is a gigantic monster, extending a huge claw-like appendage
>the creature's mangled face is bleeding but it doesn't deter it from attacking your friend and roommate
>you are Chainsaw Anon
>a little curly p0ny walks in as you're trying to appease Lyra
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIE!" it yells, standing on its rear legs
>the war cry gets your attention but you're in an awkward position
>the little creature charges and beings pummeling your face with her hooves
"Bon-Bon!" shrieks Lyra
>the one you assume is called Bon-Bon seems to pay no heed to Lyra and continues pounding on your face
>you put your chainsaw down slowly
>you gently push the little assailant away and sit up
"Bon-Bon! It's a friend!" says Lyra
>you're a friend?
>your heart blossoms with joy
>you just want to hug Lyra now, you'll always protect her from now on
>the chainsaw tips over and the throttle drops open
>you grab Lyra at that instant, about to hug her
>the chainsaw blares out, throttle wide open, teeth grabbing the floorboard
>the thing lurches forward with uncanny speed, towards Bon-Bon
>you let go of Lyra with one arm, grabbing the runaway chainsaw
>Twilight bursts in
"There it is, Celestia! Oh my gosh!" she gasps
>Rarity is behind the purple one stuttering "But he didn't actually hurt me or anything"
>Celestia walks in to see you holding in one hand a rip-roaring chainsaw an inch from a petrified Bon-Bon and Lyra in the other
>Twilight freezes at the scene
>the chainsaw putt-putts to a stop
>Celestia's jaw drops
"So... Can I keep him?" says Lyra

End, I guess.