Swamp Interview

Another bad meal led Alex to another misfortune of having to use a public restroom. He proceeded to open the door and search for the “King Size Stall” again, only to be met with a bizarre landscape looking like a mystical marsh.

Alex blinked repeatedly. “Oh not this shit again-”

"Eh? The hell's a rando doing in my swamp?"

In front of him was a diminutive green haired woman with odd pointed ears, carrying a basket full of gorgeous fruits. Her gown was like the marsh-brown with green accents, and her eyes were like pumpkins in their color. She looked ready for the fall season. She also looked pretty ticked off at the visitor, a sudden and uninvited visitor. They stared at one another for a moment, until she broke the silence.

"Oooooh, it's that specter thing Vega was talking about. Another pleb from another pleb world that suddenly finds themselves stuck here for a flick. Whatev. Just f-ck around for a little while and eventually you'll go back again." The woman made a U-Turn to leave. Alex remained in place, not wanting to ruin his shoes, and asked her, “What the f-ck is this place”. “F-ck if I know”, she responded.

“You look like you live here.”

"And you look like you don’t…”

A moment of silence passed.

“Fine, fine, fine! Come with. I don't get many visitors I guess, so I should show some 'Falcean hospitality.' Pfft." She laughed at her own shitty joke. It wasn't particularly funny. She took Alex through the roots of an immense mangrove tree, and underneath them was a surprisingly well-furnished room. However, the room was an absolute mess. Random knickknacks, items that have been twisted and transmuted into weird shapes, a boatload of books and papers, random shining gems, and random balls of flame were just scattered about. Alex saw a Sableye, a Meowstic of the female variety, and an Oranguru laying about. The moment they noticed him back, they began to panic slightly and clean up the place a bit. The odd woman set her basket on a table and turned back to her visitor.

"Don't tell me your name, I already more or less know. I dunno where Vega got those notes from but talking to you sorta jogged my memory a lil’ bit. Want a fruit?"

“Can you tell me your name, then?”

“Rana”, said the woman, not breaking a sweat. “What’s it to you”, she said as she made herself comfortable in a nearby chair.

“Well, if you already have my name, then I figure that I should have yours. And who the hell is ‘Vega’, anyway?”

“Vega Murrieta, my, ah, supervisor. Head of the something clan”. “She told me about you and the others. Buncha plebs”. Rana paused and stared down at the fruit. “Well, do you want it or not?”

To say that the fruit looked weird would have been an understatement. It looked like a deformed, oversized, bizarrely colored Aspear. The ellipses scattered across its surface were concentric and teal-colored, while the body of the fruit itself was a jarring pastel orange color. Alex stashed it in his left pants pocket. Rana called him a coward, and he blew it off. “So, Vega’s the name of that woman”, he whispered to himself.

As Alex pondered the situation, he saw a hunkering tower of liquid silver enter the room, stomping forward on two hex nuts. Three large hexagonal nuts were on its arms, and  three more were on its torso, two brass ones as its head and neck, and one made of iron on its torso. It seemed like it was curious about the commotion. “What the hell is that thing”, he questioned.

"Big guy catch your eye? He's just under my employ for now. Vega told me to keep him safe, she paid a pretty penny for the favor too. What, you wanna try catching it? Pfft. That thing's more tied to this world than either of us are. If you think you're some hot shit though, go on and try. Damn otherworldeans always trying to capture what they don't fully understand."

“I’m not trying to capture anything, I’m trying to-“

“LMAOOOOO”

“How the f-ck do you know-“

“It was a GENERALIZATION, DUMBASS! You otherworldeans are so touchy.”

Alex didn't bother to respond. His gaze instead drifted towards a series of talismans hanging on the wall opposite to Rana. Upon noticing the spot that he was looking at, she could not possibly pass up the opportunity to flaunt them.

"Oh ho! Looking at my talismans, are we? Made them myself, baby. Yep, that's right! I'm actually not just a super pretty amazing big sister that knows everything and is a magical genius, I'm a super pretty amazing big sister WITCH that knows everything and is a magical god!"

Alex couldn't help but notice that she upgraded her status from "genius" to "god". As if this f-cking runt couldn't be punted like a football. He didn't say it out loud, but even if he did, she evidently would not, could not possibly care. As he stared at the wall, the idea of trading with her something for one of her talismans came to his mind. It would be necessary evidence for proving that he had been to this strange "Falce" place. He floated the idea to Rana, who responded, "I'm open, what ya got?"

"I actually have some neat crystals that I bought on a whim. Maybe you can use them in some kind of conjuring or imbue them with magic. What’s the one that you’ll sell me?”

“It’s an artificial sunlight talisman. You basically activate it and it spawns a tiny sun, provides warmth 'n' light, but it won’t hurt ya if you touch it. Coz I’m godly with magic like that.” Rana then looked down at the unremarkable crystals. Unamused, she continued, “Are you f-f-cking dumb? The hell am I gonna do with some... random ass crystals? I'm gonna kick your ass."

“What are you going to do with those crystals, you know what you’re going to do with them? You’re going to SHOVE THEM UP YOUR-CHU!”

Rana got the Vega Treatment. Alex found himself within the smallest of the bathroom, somehow. “F-ck it”, he said, before going about his dirty business.