Zeikfried

Now That's Italian!: Part 2 of Vocabulary Building

Apr 29th, 2012
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  1. >The experiment with Thumb went better than expected.
  2. >The babies are healthy and taking to the conditioning well.
  3. >They've weaned and started running around on their own, squeaking "Pway?"
  4. >Super cute.
  5. >But it's starting to bug you how often they ask for 'sketties' now that they're off milk.
  6. >If someone programmed fluffies to love spaghetti to exclusion, he might have been an idiot.
  7. >It's neither nutritionally balanced nor practical as a fixation for pets, or for herd populations.
  8. >You think it must have been intended as a reward lever for training, which is why he set it as something only humans can make.
  9. >It still bugs you, so you decide that word will be your next project.
  10. >For nutrition science!
  11. >You're curious how much inherited conditioning a fluffy brain can hold before burning out.
  12. >You decide to use the trained foals themselves in the next stage, since Thumb already has a strong positive association built around 'sketties'.
  13. >You get out the storage tub 'safe room' you used for the stud unicorn and transfer the foals to it as soon as they wean.
  14. >The foals whine "Whewe mumma? Wan mumma!" for the first few nights.
  15. >Thumb whines too.
  16. >"Whewe behbies? Fum wan behbies, need wuv behbies!"
  17. >You make sure to keep them mostly isolated from each other, for the integrity of the experiment.
  18. >After a couple days they give up asking, seemingly satisfied at seeing each other during playtime.
  19.  
  20. >Trauma applied to one of the foals seemed to help impart the message to all the foals who saw it in the 'hug' experiment.
  21. >You figure it's worth trying to train them all at once in the next stage.
  22. >You feed and clean Thumb first, play with her a bit, and then put her away in the safe room again.
  23. >After her complaining dies down, you crack the door and take a look at her.
  24. >She's asleep... perfect.
  25. >You close the door carry the foals into the living room, setting them down next to Thumb's toys.
  26. >They chirp excitedly as they explore their new surroundings.
  27. >Two are quite rambunctious, a pink unicorn filly and a green earth colt.
  28. >You decide to call them Thing One and Thing Two to yourself, after the literary reference.
  29. >The other brown earth colt is the slow learner that Thumb had to squeeze to keep him from asking for hugs.
  30. >You privately name him Bonehead.
  31. >Eventually, one foal's stomach starts to growl.
  32. >It squeaks, "Fwuffy hung'y! Tummy owchie!"
  33. >Ever the social creatures, the other foals start complaining sympathetically.
  34. >"Fwuffy hung'y too!" "Wan foodies! Wan sketties!"
  35. >Soon they're all loudly demanding 'sketties'.
  36. >Here we go.
  37.  
  38. >Time to taste the first spaghetti of their little lives.
  39. >You put some noodles on the boil and get out the sauce.
  40. >Then you hunt around your kitchen for negative reinforcement.
  41. >Something red and thick like marinara, but unpalatable.
  42. >On top of the microwave, you notice the plastic takeout container packed with your neglected stockpile of fast food condiments.
  43. >One kind stands out: Taco Bell Fire Sauce.
  44. >Perfect.
  45. >You carry the container over to the stove and empty the Fire Sauce packets into a pot sitting on a back burner, then lid it quickly.
  46. >Pouring some marinara into another, you leave the lid off to mask the smell.
  47. >The fluffies are bouncing around and pawing at your pant legs, chirping "When sketties?" and "Wan sketties! Hung'y!"
  48. >You look down at them.
  49. >"Soon."
  50.  
  51. >When the noodles are finished cooking you drain them through the colander.
  52. >Then you mash them up so the foals won't choke and add them to the simmering marinara.
  53. >You walk over and pick up the pony food bowls; the ponies are practically vibrating with excitement at this point.
  54. >A portion of noodles and marinara goes into each bowl, then is joined by a healthy spoonful of hot Fire Sauce.
  55. >Like, a REAL healthy spoonful.
  56. >You stick your finger into one and taste the sauce you've concocted.
  57. >It takes your entire composure not to retch in front of the ponies.
  58. >They've crowded around your feet, so you gently nudge them aside and set the bowls down on the newspaper-covered feeding area.
  59. >The ponies' little hooves crinkle the paper furiously as they try to push your hands out of the way to get at the food.
  60. >You giggle as the fluff tickles you, then let go of the bowls and watch them carefully.
  61. >They bury their little muzzles in the mess and take their first bites.
  62.  
  63. >"Yucky!" "No good!"
  64. >The ponies are grimacing and spitting out the food.
  65. >Thing One turns to you and squeaks, "Wan sketties! Dis yucky!"
  66. >The others voice their agreement.
  67. >You feign innocence.
  68. >"But that IS spaghetti. It's what you wanted."
  69. >She and Thing Two wear their doubt on their faces.
  70. >Something must seem off, but... they have no frame of reference on what spaghetti actually is except for their vague programming and Thumb's word-of-mouth.
  71. >Bonehead, meanwhile, has been encouraged by hearing the holy word.
  72. >The stubborn little colt has made a valiant attempt and already forced almost half of his portion down by swallowing too fast to taste it.
  73.  
  74. >The other two are starting to work up their nerve to eat again based on his example.
  75. >But he stops.
  76. >"Fwuffy tummy... owies..."
  77. >The others crowd around him sympathetically as he starts shaking and heaving.
  78. >"Uuuuu..." he whimpers.
  79. >Before she can get out of the way, Bonehead projectile vomits onto Thing One.
  80. >Gobs of mashed noodle and sauce hit her right in the face.
  81. >She squeaks and backs away from him as he continues to regurgitate chunky mess onto the newspaper.
  82. >Then she starts screaming and rubbing her face against the floor, shitting herself in fear.
  83. >God dammit, she must have opened her eyes and gotten sauce and stomach acid in them.
  84. >You quickly scoop her up and pin her little hooves so she can't try to rub her face, transferring her to the sink.
  85. >Pinching her nose and mouth closed, you put her under the faucet and turn on the water.
  86. >She squeaks in indignation at the treatment and the cold water hitting her in the head.
  87. >You turn the flow down and lift her up, still holding her mouth and nose closed, then rinse the corners of her eyes.
  88. >You hold her nose down to her chest with your thumb and force her eyes open.
  89. >She screams again as you drip water from your fingers into them and tries to struggle free.
  90. >All the screaming has woken Thumb up.
  91. >You can hear her pawing at the safe room door and crying, "Heaw behbie! Behbie huwt, need mumma! Stupid doow, wet Fum out!"
  92. >You have no time to spare her and can only listen to her scratch the door and howl piteously.
  93.  
  94. >You set the now-cleaned fluffy filly down on a dry patch of newspaper, then pick up the sheet containing the vomit and shit.
  95. >It slides out from under the bowls, folds up with the mess on the inside, and is pitched into the trash.
  96. >Then you grab the other two fluffies, and wash them off under the faucet as well.
  97. >By the time you've finished and set them back down, all three are crying softly with Thing One displaying a pair of very red eyes.
  98. >Bonehead is still trying to eat the 'spaghetti', though his body keeps flinching in anticipated pain whenever he opens his mouth.
  99. >Eventually he gets hold of some more, but can't wolf it down as enthusiastically as before.
  100. >He gags and spits it back out.
  101. >After a few more abortive attempts to eat, he waddles over to his siblings.
  102. >A bit dumb, that one.
  103. >"You guys don't want spaghetti anymore?" you ask.
  104. >Thing One shivers, and Thing Two shakes his head violently.
  105. >You pick up the bowls and empty them into the trash as well.
  106.  
  107. >Poor Thumb is still scratching the door and whimpering, probably terrified now that she can no longer hear the foals.
  108. >You open the door of the safe room.
  109. >Plane of Elemental Shit.
  110. >Looks like she emptied herself in fear, then ran around once she was out of shit, tracking it everywhere.
  111. >Thumb follows your gaze to the mess of poop she made and blenches.
  112. >"Fum sowwy! Fum make bad poopies, Fum no mean! Sowwy!"
  113. >Oh well.
  114. >You give her a light swat on the nose and tell her you'll forgive her this time.
  115. >Picking her up by her clean back fluff, you carry the squirming mare to the sink.
  116. >You wash the crap off of her hooves and belly, then towel her dry as she strains to escape and jump down to the foals.
  117.  
  118. >Finally everyone's clean and you set Thumb down.
  119. >"Why behbies cwyin?" she asks, as she turns them over with her nose to check for injuries.
  120. >When no obvious injuries present themselves, she makes an obvious assumption.
  121. >"Behbies hung'y? Need foodies?"
  122. >She looks up at you and says, "Daddy, behbies need foodies! Sketties pwease?"
  123. >The foals all cringe and whimper their dissent.
  124. >"No... wan sketties. No wan!" opines Thing One.
  125. >Thumb looks at her with disbelief.
  126. >"Behbie no wan... sketties?"
  127. >Bonehead breaks the silence that follows with a scream as his bowels choose that moment to pass what he hadn't vomited out earlier.
  128. >"Poopie hot! Huwt bad! Huwt wike sketties! OWWW!"
  129. >The other fluffies start crying again as Thumb looks on in panicked incomprehension.
  130. >You press your fingertips together as you smile.
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