You know, I've started to think I may be narcoleptic. I seem to find myself sleeping quite a bit. Or it could be the metamorphosis of my body drained some manner of energy and this is just the way my body is recharging. I'm not a succubologist. Those are things, right? Meh. But it's not that I mind too much. I mean, c'mon. When I wake up it's almost always to something bad or unpleasant. And aside from the occasional fucked up dream or visits from ancient deities, sleep is nice. A peaceful nothingness. No stupid mishaps, no demonic cravings for semen, no tits... okay, so the tits are fun to squeeze. And it's nice having a pair on hand for sudden grope based urges. Heh, 'on hand'. I made a funny. But anyway, that aside. When I'm asleep, there's no worries.
A sudden pain spreads throughout my head, accompanied by a worrisome sounding crack, brings my half asleep mind awake. Awake and a bit pissed. I start rolling around on the ground, clutching my pounding head. "Fuck, My head! Goddamnit! Shit! Fuck!" After another minute of epithets I finally look up to glare at the nearest culprit. "Done now? Great! Have a nice post-diddle nap? Fan-freaking-tastic! Perhaps you'd like to help with the current predicament we're in?" My friend jerks a thumb to the direction of a group of five... Lizardmen? Lizard... women? People? Females of the reptilian persuasion? Eh, that thought aside, they don't seem to be too interested in an afternoon tea, what with them pointing some swords at us. I lean over and whisper. "And what am I supposed to do?" I happen to notice that I'm fully dressed. "You dressed me?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. "Awkwaaaard." My friend gives me an irritated look and sends a slap directed toward my head which I happen to block with my forearm, to my surprise. "Hah! Too slow, bitch!"
My gloating is cut short with the sound of one of the... y'know? I'll just settle for lizardmen. One of them clears their throats and looks at me with irritation. My friend whispers back to me. "Just, I dunno, talk to them. Preferably into NOT killing us? They don't seem too keen on talking to me." Jeeze, what is it with everyone looking at me like I just stole their sweetroll? "Fine, fine." I interlock my fingers and crack my knuckles. "Watch and learn." I stand up and saunter over to the one that cleared her throat, giving my patented wink of sexiness +5. "Hey there, sexy. Fancy meeting someone as fine as you out here in the middle of nowhere. Come here often?" I give another wink for good measure... and end up with the flat of a sword smacking into my head between my horns. Clutching my head once again in pain I start wobbling around in a circle. "Fuuuuu~ck! Really? The same damn spot?!" My wink has failed me! It's gotta be because I'm a chick now! ...wait. No. Come to think of it, that never worked when I was a guy, either. I look back at the lizardman that hit me, trying to sniffle back the tears welling up. She lets out an exasperated sigh, lowers her sword, and with a gruff voice finally speaks "I guess you two aren't that much of a threat." Ummm... success! I look back at my friend and give a thumbs up, to which he responds by facepalming. Well fuck you too.
One of my horns gets yanked so that I'm back facing the lizardman. "I'm not planning on killing you. Not yet, anyways. But I would like to know why you and you're boy toy are here." I blink a few times in confusion and tilt my head, taking the clutched hand with me. "My who now what? Hah! You mean that guy?" I point back at my friend who has now gone into a double facepalm. "Noooo. No. Look, sweet cheeks, he's just..." My head suddenly gets pulled down at a painful angle. "Owowowow! I mean ma'am??" My head gets pulled a little further. "F-fuck! U-uhh Madam? Lady?? Sister from another mister?!" She finally lets go of me after a moment and yet another sigh. Umm... success! "Whatever. But the reason you're here? You horned bats don't tend to stray to far from your home." She motions her head in the direction we traveled from. "Horned bats? Ohhhhh. The wings and the horns. Uhh yeah. Clever." She narrows her eyes and starts to reach for one of my horns again. I jump back and wave my hands in the air with a rather undignified yelp. "W-wait! We're just passing through. It's a long story." She crosses her arms in response, obviously waiting for more. "Ummmm a reeeeally long story?" She nods and starts tapping her foot. "You have time."
Watching her refusal to let things slide as they are makes my shoulders droop. Damnit, I really don't want to explain all this crap. "F-fine. But don't start laughing!" She closes her eyes and nods, giving a short "Fine." response in that rough voice of hers. Not a talkative lot. Oh well, here goes. After sitting down on the ground cross-legged, I start telling the story of how we ended up there. Being captured, losing my twig and berries, being set free, all the important plot points and whatnot. After I finish, the four other lizard chicks start giggling and then throw away all pretense and start laughing their asses off. Goddamnit, not again! I hop back up to standing and point an accusing finger. "You guys said you wouldn't laugh!" I shout with a tinge of a whine. The one I had been speaking to shakes her head. "It was only I that agreed not to laugh. And I'm not, am I?" The corner of her mouth keeps twitching as she holds back her own laughter, while the others behind her are now in tears from their own. I slump to the ground, both shoulders and wings drooped in defeat.
While sinking into my pit of despair, the hand of my friend pats me on the shoulder while talks to the lizardmen. "So there you have it. We're just a couple of unlucky travelers just passing through. So, with your blessing of course, may we continue on our way? I'm sure you have better things to do than tend to us." The laughter finally starts to die down, but what catches my attention the most is the apparent leader looking away and a barely perceptible blush on her cheek. "I suppose there's no harm in letting you go on your way." She says, this time her voice carrying far less of the rough tone as before, almost in a more feminine tone which causes me to get annoyed for some reason. She abruptly turns around and motions for the rest of her group to move on, but after a few steps she stops and looks over her shoulder at us. "And I suppose there's no harm in you two dropping by once again sometime. Just make the little one squeal again and we'll find you." My eyes go wide and a lump catches in my throat, making my irritation fade. Shit... so that's how they found us. My friend bows his head slightly and smiles back to the lizardman. "Thank you. And perhaps if we're near here again, we'll take you up on your generous offer." She waves a hand in farewell and disappears into the forest with the others, finally letting out a chuckle that carries back to us once out of sight. Ugh. And back into my pit of depression once again.
My friend exhales in a long, relieved sigh and pats my shoulder once more "Let's get out of here before they reconsider." He turns around and walks back to gather his belongings. After another moment of wallowing in my own despair I stand back up and grumble. "Fine. I'm tired enough of being the ass end of the jokes for one day anyways." After hoisting my own pack onto my back my friend nods and starts to walk, talking to me without looking back. "If it makes you feel any better, it probably helped us get out of immediate danger. And if you noticed, you didn't hear me laughing at you, did you?" I jog a little to start walking beside him. "I suppose not. Why?" He shrugs back to me. "I guess I've just gotten accustomed to it. Maybe I got my laughing out of the way already. Plus, not really that much about you has changed. You're still a pain in the ass. You're still an irredeemable idiot. You're still-" I cut him off before he can continue. "OK! I get it, I get it. Jeeze, man." He chuckles and I notice the hint of a smirk in his profile. "I was going to say you're still my buddy regardless of what you look like. And making sure you don't get yourself killed out here and watching your back isn't so bad." I stop in my tracks and feel my face get warmer while he continues walking a few more steps before turning around. "You coming or what?" I blink and shake my daze off, walking back beside him and muttering. "Yeah, yeah..." I let slip a barely audible while we start our journey anew. "...jackass." Maybe there are a few things worth being awake for and things aren't so bad after all.