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Wild Counter Clerk (Nervousus Harassis Pause)

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  1. A quick translate from the satire "Serbia - The National Park" Vol.1
  2. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5959664-nacionalni-park-srbija
  3.  
  4. Wild Counter Clerk (Nervousus Harassis Pause)
  5.  
  6. Every resident of the National park SERBIA
  7. has at least once in a life met with
  8. a Wild Counter Clerk.
  9. Not at all a pleasant experiance.
  10. It's a very aggressive kind characteristic above all
  11. in it's diet. Namely, the Wild Counter Clerks
  12. love to eat the liver and nerves of all
  13. that they can catch on the other side of that small hole.
  14. Very happy to feed with
  15. their pray's helplessness too.
  16. However, nothing of that Clerk can't
  17. swallow, or digest, without the
  18. large quantities of various
  19. paper plants from the Forms (Papyrologia) family - »,
  20. especially if they are messy, unsigned or unsealed.
  21. There's also a Tame Counter Clerk,
  22. but in an incomparable small
  23. number compared to the  Wild and
  24. it is, in the essence, the opposite - it is kind,
  25. attentive, with a smile, it will
  26. will always help even the Neglected Citizen,
  27. lost among the Forms.
  28. How ever, there are days in
  29. the month when even the most Tamed Counter Clerk
  30. can become a Wild Counter Clerk
  31. (reversed process
  32.  not recorded).
  33. ...
  34. Here it should be noted that
  35. the Wild Counter Clerk distinguishes between two types
  36.  of the working hours.
  37. One will be called Pause -»,
  38. and the other - Working With Customers-».
  39. They are both important because they affect
  40. the coefficient of wilderness -» of the Wild Counter Clerk.
  41. Sometimes Wild Counter Clerk hunts
  42. in a way that he mimics the character of
  43. a Tame Counter Clerk
  44. only to lure the victim to relax
  45. and foolishly think it has all the documents it needs,
  46. and that everything will be finished quick.
  47. And then, when the victim thinks
  48. the danger is no more - hop! It is caught.
  49. After all, here's what it looks like when
  50. the Wild Counter Clerk hunts
  51. the Neglected Citizen (Thirteenus Piggus),
  52. whose helplessness is it's
  53. favorite food.
  54.  
  55. -Good d...
  56. BREAK!!!
  57. - Excuse me, I'll wait ..
  58.  
  59. Lightning fast, is it?
  60.  
  61. But if we want to
  62. look at all the details, everything needs to be slowed down 10 times,
  63. to the bureaucratic speed.
  64. This  is what it looks like then:
  65. - Good d...
  66. - SAY IT!
  67. - Excuse me, I wanted to verify......
  68. - Counter 4!
  69. - 4?
  70. - COUNTER 4. ARE YOU DEAF?
  71. - But just now they sent me from the counter 4 to you, because first I need to......
  72. - Don't explain to me what you need!
  73. - I apologize......
  74. -  Wait!
  75. - Yes please?
  76. - Give that to me! ......
  77. - Here you go...
  78. - ......Well, yes! You have no tax receipt!
  79. - But...
  80. - Take it! When you bring a confirmation ......
  81. - But my wife has read yesterday that she doesn't need to ......
  82. - Well, then let your wife verify this for you !!!
  83. - Well, don't ...
  84. - Listen, don't, I don't have time to fool around with you! ... ...
  85. - Well, wait, you're here for me, not because...
  86. - BREAK!!!
  87. - How's the time for your break now, just a moment ago you were eating a burek? ...
  88. - Now I'll drink yogurt !!! Do you have something against that?!?
  89. - Excuse me, I'll wait ..
  90.  
  91. » Forms (Papyrologia)
  92. The full name of this family of paper plants is
  93. Forms with the Required Documentation.
  94. These are plants that play an important role in the digestion process of
  95. the Wild Counter Clerk, because they help the victim,
  96. who's liver is already eaten and the nerves bite into,
  97. even more so soak up into anger to make it's blood boil
  98. and thus make it more juicy and easier to digest.
  99. There is no small number of Forms with Required Documentation,
  100. because they constantly and quickly multiply.
  101. As per the simplest possible classification,
  102. forms are divided into personal documents, certificates,
  103. resolutions, requests, certificates, statements, submissions,
  104. payment slips, petitions and appeals.
  105. But that's not the end.
  106. With a paper plant you never know - just when
  107. the pray thinks it has arrived at the counter
  108. with all of the above - the Wild Counter Clerk
  109. needs something more, as a rule just exactly what the pray is missing.
  110.  
  111. Here are some examples of what
  112. Forms with Required Documentation the Wild Counter Clerk
  113. will ask from the Neglected Citizen
  114. for, say, vehicle registration:
  115. - Original Vehicle Purchase Agreement;
  116. - Certified photocopy of the contract;
  117. - Certified photocopy of the authentication;
  118. - Proof of contribution;
  119. - Proof of tax paid;
  120. - Certified proof of father's tax paid, for those born before 1965;
  121. - Proof of paternity determination (fathers obligation,
  122. if alive, and if not - original death certificate,
  123.  for fathers who died after 1997);
  124. - Special fee to service traffic;
  125. - Special federal sales tax on lump sums;
  126. - Proof of residence;
  127. - Certificate of citizenship not older than six months;
  128. - Birth certificate, not less than two years old;
  129. - Certificate of non-conviction (if the person was convicted, the Final Verdict and the Certified Photocopy of the Final Verdict, as well as the Confirmation that no criminal proceedings are being instituted against the Applicant);
  130. - Fee for highlighting the company;
  131. - If you happen to have a business, else
  132.  Certified certificate of not having a company.
  133.  
  134. To be ready for, at least the first
  135. assault, of the the Wild Counter Clerk,
  136. the neglected citizen must bring with him
  137. at least one Certified Certificate of Proof of Payment of the Fee on
  138. original photocopy of the request.
  139. Otherwise - it will be expressly
  140. caught, swallowed, digested and spat out
  141. (and maybe worse than that) the same
  142. the moment when he finds himself in front of that a small counter hole,
  143. the burrow of the Wild Counter Clerk.
  144.  
  145. - »Break (Pause)
  146. Top counter satisfaction
  147. which every Wild Counter Clerk tries
  148. to extend as much as possible.
  149. There are various techniques by which the Pause is extended:
  150. Extended Breakfast Technique, Blocked Terminal Technique,
  151. Midday shift technique, Single counter operation technique
  152. and the Technique of Common Insolence,
  153. which is most often combined with any of the previous ones.
  154.  
  155. - »Working With Customers (Anti-Pause)
  156. Blink of an eye between the two pauses.
  157.  
  158. - »Wilderness coefficient
  159. The value that is calculated by dividing the number of Pauses
  160. by the number of people in front of the counter,
  161. then multiplying the result by the time distance from the weekend,
  162. public holiday, vacation, or paycheck.
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