emil is incredibly salty about everything

It's not fair. Nothing about this is fair.

I can tell that he's trying to make up for lost time. He's been coming over more often, getting close and even somewhat physical. I've lost count of how many times he's tried to apologize, for the two of us slowly drifting apart. On some intellectual level, I understand why it had to be that way. Regardless of how much I wanted to be with him, he had his own undead business to attend to. I couldn't adjust my entire life just around him. I was getting older and I had to start moving forward with other things.

But I could have had it all. I know that if I had just been given the chance, I could have worked my magic to make that so, lived forever and had the chance to truly be with him. But now I'm dead, with an eternity to think about all the things I can't have. He still cares about me, sort of. But he will never really be mine. He's trying to get close again, but I can feel the space between us, how he's really thinking about the Prince when we're together.

It burns me up. It really does. I know better than to try to lash out in this world that I'm only a fledgeling in, but I have to admit, at times I've been sorely tempted. It's hard not to feel enraged, when part of your soul has been ripped out and replaced with a rat scraping away at the inside of your brain, urging you to kill and feed. It's a wonder that I've managed to let go of the hatred for the one who did this to me. But it's only moved on to other things.

Despite all of this, though, it's been hard to let that anger burn at full force. It's exhausting. So now I exist, more than anything else, as a tiny, fuming ember of frustration. I no longer have the power to survive on my own, with nothing but my own power like I could at the past. All I can do is accept the scraps thrown to me out of pity. Pity! I was on my way to becoming an outright force of nature, and now all anyone knows me as is a sad man moping in my basement, chewing on tubes of cookie dough.

I don't apologize for anything I just said. If you were in my position, I'm willing to bet you'd be angry, too.