Tossing, turning, tossing, turning. /fa/ is currently suffering from insomnia, and it wasn't because he lost a bid on eBay for a pair of black Y-3 Qasa Highs to some person named "Yung_MXNLXT". It wasn't that the fine folk over at KYC messed up his strapback with "omanko" on the sides by sending it through USPS instead of UPS, and it wasn't that his sister /cgl/ managed to bait him into looking like a cuck at the upcoming ball. That's probably the worst thing that's ever happened to him, but now something else was wrong. It gave him PANIC levels of, well, panic.
"Where is it?"
Under the fedora in the corner of the closet that I got for my thirteenth birthday? Nope. In my Rei body pillow? Negative. The pair of Converse that I stopped wearing because the fam now regards as "clown shoes"? Nada. Anxiety begins to engulf /fa/.
He thought he had kept it in a safe place.
He thought he could lock it up and forget about it. Maybe he's overthinking things. Yeah, that's it.
After taking a deep breath, /fa/ decides to relax with some calming music. He pulls up iTunes on his Apple shitbox, and types in the letters "S", and "L". It's no surprise that the first --and only thing that pops up-- is "Drill Time", by Slim Jesus. Perfect for when you "get caught in traffic at the wrong place at the wrong time."
"Gotta be positive fam, positive..."
Meanwhile, /fit/ is now moving on to his post-workout pre-cooldown cooldown, /r9k/'s lawnmower was finally found; it had somehow travelled all the way around town (while /x/ followed it, convinced it was a new SCP or something) and smashed right into /o/'s "house", /ck/ nearly started a fire again, throwing a burning cake out the window which /n/ somehow manages to avoid while on the way back from his part time job as a mail courier, /i/ is furiously scribbling on his tablet after seeing what happened between /fa/ and /cgl/ from a nearby tree. Lastly /a/, who opted to get out of the house for once, hung out at Eden of the West, telling others about his new seasonal waifu.
All in all, the town (or at least the block) is as it usually was.
Not so much for /fa/.
Feeling better from the last track in his "Skinnyboi" playlist, our main topic of interest figures that he's just overreacting, and he'll look for whatever he lost later. For now, he'd much rather laugh at people in the occasional cringe thread, which only just popped up today. After a few terrible fits and that one picture of the short chubby kid wearing Hood by Air and Pyrex, /fa/ receives a text on his phone. Upon closer inspection, it's from his nerdo sister, /cgl/.
In his defense, it's not that he WANTS her number on his contacts list, as he has more than needs necessary --Mom, Dad, 911-- it's just that he got it from her a long time ago, and deleting it would mean asking for it again, and more contact with his sister isn't really ideal.
Yeah, that's why. Not as if he likes her or anything.
[Nii-chan, what are you doing right now?]
[Not now, I'm busy brooding and inhaling toxic gaseous chemicals because it's what my board-tan does as illustrated by various drawfags when they make OC. Go bother /jp/ or something.]
[Brooding over whaaat~]
[None of your business.]
[I bet I know what's on your mind, nii-chan.]
[You lost something, didn't you ;) ]
With this, /fa/ straightens up, the anxiety that the soothing tones of Slim Jesus purged from his mind already creeping back. Out the door and down to the end of the hall he goes, with each step growing more apprehensive that the last. Like the light at the end of the tunnel, he finally reaches /cgl/'s door. After reluctantly reaching for the doorknob and pulling back a couple of times, /fa/ gulps and opens the door, after which he is almost immediately blinded.
The bright room fades in, and it's shocking just how fast the room was redecorated over the short time of /cgl/'s invasion. The walls are a blinding pink, nearly every corner and space in between sits a stuffed animal, frills and ends of wigs sticking out of the drawers. /fa/ wonders if he had just stepped into a time machine to when she was twelve. What's more shocking than this, however, is his sister.
Lying there on her side is /cgl/, with a leg bent as if she were lazing around all night with a few beers, wearing very loose shorts and a plain, baggy t-shirt. But this isn't the thing that's the shocker. What she's got in her hands is what's truly mortifying.
"Nii-chan, I found this in your room. I didn't know you were into this kind of stuff~"
To the average onlooker, what she's got is a book. But it's not just any old book.
"That's... That's my..."
/fa/ watches, horrified, as his sister turns to the next page. A fold that extends the page flips out, and she turns it sideward to get a better look.
"Woo, I didn't know you were into THIS!"
From the top to the bottom of those pages are a man pictured in a red flannel, indigo denim, and brown desert boots. On the front of the book are the words "Dadcore Inspo". As for why he never got rid of it... Well, those are fond memories of the past after all. Except now they've come back to haunt instead of cheer. And now /cgl/ has major dirt on him.
"You give that back right now."
/cgl/ sits up.
"Nuh-uh. You gonna make me?"
/fa/ starts for her, and she turns his back to him, clutching his "chuuni past" in her arms. /fa/ jumps onto the bed and grabs her from behind, but doesn't do anything at first. How nice she feels to hold, how nice she smells and how warm she is begins to wash over him, almost making him forget why he was there to begin with. But he shakes his head. He has to keep going, he has to take back an embarrassing part of his like from a person he's embarrassed to be related to. /cgl/ speaks, her voice shaking both of their bodies.
"You wouldn't hurt me would you, onii-chan?"
A brief pause.
"...No. But I'll sure as hell tickle you to death until you give me my damn book!"
And it begins, fingers attacking ribs. /cgl/ cannot contain her laughter and squirms in /fa/'s arms, and for a moment, he thinks that she isn't taking him seriously. So, he tickles harder. What /fa/ did not expect here was for /cgl/ to actually be ticklish. As he presses harder into her ribs, she kicks out wildly, until one sweet spot causes her to arch her back, colliding heads with her brother in a shower of stars, fleeting to and fro around their visual periphery.
Dazed, and forehead still smarting, /fa/ gets off the bed.
"Ow, you idiot! I didn't think you'd actually go and headbutt me--"
One look at his sister tells him that it's no use finishing up his sentence. /cgl/ is out cold, in a position that would net /fa/ some serious firepower against her if he took pictures. Looking closer, he notices that he can see into her shorts... Just a little. But not enough to see anything. Standing there for what seems to be eons, he bites his lip, torn between peeking at some undies or being a good brother and leaving the room.
Slowly, his hand reaches towards his sister.
Sweat begins to form on his brow.
If he's gonna do this, he has to do it carefully.
One wrong move and she'll wake up and the whole place'll go down in flames and--
"HEY I WAS JUST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD VISITING AND I FIGURED I COME VISIT YOU CAUSE I WANTED TO ASK FOR SOME ADVICE BUT YOU DIDN'T SEEM TO BE HOME SO I LET MYSELF IN WITH THE SPARE KEY UNDERNEATH THAT VERY FASHIONABLE MAT OUTSIDE WAS THAT OKAY BY THE WAY WELL ANYWAY I HEARD SOME COMMOTION UPSTAIRS AND I WANTED TO COME CHECK TO SEE IF YOU WERE OKAY AND... who's that?"
Just as you think your night couldn't be anymore shittier, bursting through the door comes your illegitimate-child-of-a-man-who-claims-to-be-your-dad, thrice-removed-twice-disowned-bastard-child-wish-he-stayed-long-lost-cousin r/MFA. You turn and hiss at him.
"What the actual FUCK are you doing here?"
"Oh, I just wanted to see if you had that inspo book lying around. Everyone likes my outfit, what do you think?"
One look at him and you wish you had burned that book sooner. Images of Denim Dan begin to flood your mind. Denim Dan. Denim Dan. Denim Dan. You look skyward.
"Also, who's that? Your girlfri--"
You step forward quickly and cover his mouth.
"Not one more word out of you, goddamnit. You are leaving. Now."
Suddenly, with STR that only Cheat Engine can give him, /fa/ throws r/MFA out the window, in an arch that sends him all the way past the horizon. In the distance, the voice of the second most annoying person in /fa/'s life can be heard, before blasting off like those three villains in that one chinese cartoon your sister harped on about once upon a time.
"But you still didn't rate my outfiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!"
Tired and fed up with the events that just transpired, /fa/ decides to go to bed. Before leaving the room, he turns around, and pulls the sheets up onto /cgl/. Stopping at the door, he remembers the inspo book he needed to burn. As he bends over to pick it up, he looks first at his sister, then back to the book. He sighs. He knows she likes to poke fun at him, and maybe she won't go on a rampage with the book like he initially thought she would. Let her have her fun, he reckons. If she does anything stupid, he'll just burn her dream dress. Fair's fair.
Taking one last look at /cgl/, /fa/ decides to repay her for what happened last night. He leans in, and while making the most tsun face he can possibly muster, gives her a quick kiss on the forehead.
And without a single word, /fa/ turns out the lights, and leaves the room.
Hopefully, when /cgl/ wakes up in the morning, it won't hurt as much as he thinks it will.