Dec 14th, 2013
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  1. >You are Sharpie
  2. >And following acliched incident that need not be explained, you are now on earth, with your new buddy, Anon
  3. >It's mid September
  4. >Anon has spent the day washing his car
  5. >You weren't allowed to help, because you kept getting your glittery wing dust all over it
  6. >You hardly saw the problem, you thought it made it look pretty
  7. >But, there was water involved
  8. >You really didn't like water
  9. >Or getting wet
  10. >And both Anon and the car seemed to get really wet
  11. >Why did the car need washing anyway? It was only going to get dirty
  12. >You give up trying to comprehend why Anon pays his car almost as much attention as you
  13. >Instead, you're watching TV and eating a cardboard box
  14. >Cardboard was really dull, and tasted of, well, cardboard
  15. >Conveniently, you'd found some honey in the cupboard and livened it up
  16. >Living life on the culinary edge
  17. >Yeah, no, that Gordon from the television would probably call you a "Fucking shit fuck useless cunt fuck can't fucking prepare shit cunt food FUCK." if he saw what you had created
  18. >Anon wanders in, breaking your train of thought
  19. >That should be braking. That shit was already off the rails and ploughing through a field of goats, he was bringing it to a stop.
  20. >Anon is wet.
  21. >Had you pointed out to yourself that you didn't like water yet?
  22. >Or had you pointed it out to Anon?
  23. "Eww, Anon you're all wet! Stay away from me!"
  24. >He frowns at you
  25. >"I still don't get how you can be afraid of water."
  26. >You scrunch your nose up and object to his statement
  27. "I'm not afraid, I just... don't like it?"
  28. >He lunges towards you with his wet arms outstretched and you jump back
  29. >"Yeah, whatever."
  30. >You pout.
  31. >Anyway, I'm taking you to Blackpool tomorrow to see the Illuminations."
  32. >That was a big word
  33. >One you'd not heard before
  34. "Illumininishuhns?"
  35. >You couldn't even say it
  36. >"Lights"
  37. >You loved lights
  38. >Like more than anything
  39. >Ever
  40. >You inform Anon of this
  42. >"I know you do"
  43. >He smiles at you and you attach yourself to his leg
  44. >His leg is wet
  45. >Eww
  46. >Anon goes upstairs to get dry and change his clothes
  47. >Whilst you wait for him, you watch Jeremy Kyle and finish your cardboard
  48. >But you were super excited
  49. >Like bouncing off the walls excited
  50. >But only metaphorically
  51. >Because if you were actually bouncing off the walls you'd get dust everywhere, and Anon would chase you with the broom and make you clean it up.
  52. >And possibly beat you. Lovingly, if that was possible
  53. >Eventually, Anon came back down and you set off for Blackpool
  54. >The journey itself was uneventful, and went on for a few hours
  55. >It was dark by the time you reached Blackpool
  56. >The place still looked like a proper shithole though
  57. >The Illuma-illuni- lights were hanging above the road on the seafront
  58. >(Ewww water)
  59. >They were in the shapes of all sorts of things, and flashed in different patterns
  60. >This would've been great
  61. >But it wasn't
  62. >Anon wouldn't let you out of the car
  63. >And the car was in a traffic jam
  64. >It took what seemed like days to get to the end of the two mile stretch
  65. >The most interesting bit was when a tram caught fire and a fat bloke put it out with an extinguisher
  66. >Anon apologised to you afterwards for forgetting how shit Blackpool was
  67. >You stopped for a crafty Maccas on the way back
  68. >Maccas had really good fries
  69. >Anon bought you an LED torch from a petrol station to make the day up to you
  70. >You loved the torch
  71. >You loved Anon
  72. >They day hadn't been that bad after all
  73. >You nuzzle Anon's cheek and rest your head on his shoulder, watching the headlights on the other carriageway
  74. >Eventually, you drift off to sleep, with Anon stroking your mane
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