Do not touch Remmy

In my life I've been many things broker, conman, schemer, and occasional highwayman. However I can safely say I've never been a thief... Well that's not true I've stolen numerous things but almost always from someone who stole said objects themselves, so believe me when I say that what I'm doing is out of necessity not malice and it is a shame that I will carry for at least a couple of hours.

"Dammit" I mutter to myself as pull my claw free from the lock checking to make sure it isn't broken. Normally given enough time it would be pretty simple to get into any of the apartments in The Crowns. However as of late our resident locksmith has been offering her services in providing "upgraded security from unwanted invaders" what that could mean is anyone's guess. Unfortunately for me I'm not as versed in picking locks and Betty's replacement locks are proving to be a bit above my skill level.

"Under the welcome mat" comes a passing voice from behind me. I turn as Avo walks past a knowing smirk on her face.

"Thanks" I mutter as I step off the shabby welcome mat that ironically declares I am welcomed in this abode yet the door is needlessly locked. Sure enough beneath it is the spare key left by Betty, that or our resident Sheep either forgot about it or simply believed it to be hidden well enough as is. Quickly and quietly I slip inside before anyone else can spot me.

It took longer to get inside than I would have liked but if Cormo is capable of keeping his clocks accurate I still have a couple of minutes to finish the job. Ozzy and him are out for their regular game out by Packers which gives me at least another hour, plenty of time.

Making my way over from the entry way to the kitchen I take note of Cormo's latest newest decorations. His apartment is still rather barren by most standards but now it seems he has begun sprucing the place up with empty Bug Burga bags and what appears to be a mound of rubber?

"The hell?" I mutter to myself as I stare at the purple mass on the floor. Pulling my gaze away from modern art Cormo appears to have obtained I turn to the fridge the object of my infiltration. Opening the door I'm immediately hit by the scent of mold and the source is clear almost instantly, on the top shelf sits a brick of moldy cheese.

"Cormo you need to let it go" I whisper as I push the rancid green and yellowish block to the side.

Past the bottles of condiments and booze I find my prize, a large plain brown paper bag containing Cormo's most recent haul from Bug Burga. Quickly checking the other shelves to ensure I didn't miss anything I roll the opening of the bag closed and quickly make my way to the door for my get awa-

"Dammit Charlie" Cormo bleats as he shuts the front door.

"You're home early, unfortunate." I answer as my gaze shifts between the ram and my potentially forfeit goods

"Come on Charlie I thought we went over this if you want my extra wool just tel- is that my dinner?"

"No?"

"Charlie give me my Burga back and stop breaking into my apartment."

"Technically I didn't break in, I used a key this time and secondly I don't see your name on it. This could be anyone's Bug Burga"

"Turn the bag around smart ass." Remmy groans as he jabs a hoof into the front of the bag

"Do not touch Remmy" I read aloud "But I'm not touching you." I add

Remmy lets out a tired sigh "It says "Do not touch DASH Remmy" as in don't touch it belongs to Remmy, which is me."

"If it's your Burga what is it doing in this fridge." I stall as I try to get Cormo to rotate with me so that it's my back to the door not his.

"Give me that!" he bleats as he unexpectedly pulls the bag from my paws.

"There is no need to be rude" I say as a reach a paw towards the bag only to have it swatted away. "Surely there is enough to share."

"Charlie I don't know what it is with you and holding me up for my food but it has gotta stop, if you need some money for groceries you just have to ask, it's like Al says the pack helps each other out."

"I-I'm" Huh I'm actually caught off guard by Cormo, that's new and if I was a more malicious mammal I'd probably exploit his attempts to contribute to the pack. "It's not that I assure you."

"Then what is it?" He retorts as he finishes placing my burga back in his fridge "Do my burgas taste better than the ones you can get."

"It's not that either" I mumble as I nervously scratch the back of my. Keep it together Charlie the plans gone sideways but we always work our way out of these things.

"Then what is it? If I can help I will... So long as it means you stop trying to steal my food."

"Marty is cooking tonight."

"What?" Remmy responds clearly bewildered by my answer

"Every once in awhile Marty decides he is going to prepare a meal like his "Mother used to make" I have no idea what the infernal concoction consists of but it smells like something died and looks it too."

"Surely it's not as bad as you're makin-"

"He makes us eat it with Grape Soda."

"What the fuck." Cormo mutters in disbelief "and he calls me a degenerate? Fine Charlie you can hide out here and we can share MY burga" he sighs as he turns to face the fridge only to realize I've already darted past him and currently reaching back into the fridge for my, I mean our prize.

*Knock* *Knock* A shiver of dread runs down my spine as the knocking on the door continues.

"Charlie! It's me Marty, Avo told me you're over here at Cormo's, God only knows why. You weren't answering my texts so I just wanted to let you know that dinner is ready and it looks magnificent not to brag or anything."

"That's cruel even by Avo's standards." Cormo states as he pulls the Bug Burga bag from my paws once again

"Kill me" I whisper

"She'll be out in a second Marty."

"Et tu, Cormo?"