Thread 68: Stories 31-45

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>Sunset
"???"
~~~

>...Huh. I just realized that with Applejack and Twilight gone, I'm pretty much down to just Celestia for ponies I know. Huh... huh.

"I feel so bad for you."

>You should, I was a social butterfly back in the other dimension. I was super popular.

"How nice."

>It really was, even though it was weird to have fingers and walk on less than four legs.

"Sounds alienating."

>Strangely? Picked it all up in a second. Did not even blink when I noticed I was suddenly wearing cloths.

"Sounds unrealistic."

>You'd think... and you'd be absolutely right. It was highly unlikely.

"...Are you done trying to scan me yet? The light hurts my eyes."

>I WILL KNOW YOUR SECRETS, BUG ALIEN!

"Leave."

>Make me!

"Your two friends are gone, your ex-mentor won't even spend time with you, and you're so desperate for company that you'll come and try to small-chat with me just to get it."

>T-.. that's not true!

"Prove it."

>...

"...."

>...Damn. You're not as dumb as you look.

"..."

>...I'm coming back with better tech!

"Sure you are."

>Fuck you!

*Leaves*

".....I wish I could go back to when everyone was afraid of me...."

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NC
'Prostimare'
~~~

'I'm afraid of ya' Chitania!'

"No you aren't."

'Sure I am! You're really spooky!'

"I do not believe you."

'AHHHH!'

"..."

'...Ah'm tryin' here, but your name makes me think of kitties, and I like kitties! I'd own one iffin' they wouldn't run away from my dumpster.'

"...Dumpster?"

'Can't exactly live the good life...'

"...Just shut up and eat your sandwich."

'Kay! Thanks again!'

"I need to keep you fed so I don't DIE, it's not personal."

'Whatever you say, Kitty!'

"...I'm wiping this all out when I become a god..."

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 >Twilight
"Cheerilee"
~~~

>So, how's the tree library been treating you?

"Decent. By the way, excellent work replacing all of the books with replicas."

>...I have no idea what you mean.

"Really. You have no idea that every book you like has suddenly been replaced by a look-alike?"

>That's absurd!

"..."

>...How did you know?

"I thought "What would be the craziest thing she could do?" and went from there."

>Ah hah... Ah hah... very funny.

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 >Sombra
“Applejack”
{Twilight}
(Rainbow)
[Fluttershy]
-Rarity-
~Pinkie Pie~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Inside Everfree.

>This place... seems like it should have a fence, or a warning sign at least.

“ ...Dang it, I knew ah forgot somethin!”

{I wonder why I never thought of that... hm. So Sombra, I've been meaning to ask, why do we need to go to the Tree?}

>To fill the Moon Opal with the magic of Harmony.

{Ok...Why?}

>I need the essence of my new body to have balance, hence the need for Harmony.

{So you need the Magic of Friendship for balance?}

>What? No, you're thinking of its ideological interpretation and that just sounds juvenile. Magic is all about intent and I intend to use of it's spiritual and literal interpretation to ensure Equilibrium.

{Wait what?}

>Twilight as smart as you are you fail to realize that the Tree and the Elements were there long before Celestia and Luna found them. They created the names and ideology behind the Elements.

{That... actually makes a lot of sense.}

>Indeed, but that is neither here or there. Let me give you a quick example and for the sake of established knowledge, I will use the Elements as a reference. Imagine if you will that I created a new body without ensuring balance, I could end up being brutally honest or a complete liar or I could be incredibly kind or unspeakably cruel... and believe me I do not want to be that again.

{...Oh.}

~~~~~~

(Did anyone else understand that?)

“I got all I needed ta know that this is a good thing we're doing and that's enough for me.”

~...~

~...Pfft!~

-Maybe I could make him something, an outfit for his new body.-

~... Hehe!~

“Pinkie what's so dang funny?”

~... Giggle at the Ghostie hehe hahaha!~

“(-[...he he he!]-)”

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 >Sombra
"Twilight"
'Pinkie'
[Dash]
{Fluttershy}
(Rarity)
-AJ-
~~~~

>Are you sure this is the proper way to the tree?

"Look, it's a giant castle. We all remember where the giant castle is, right girls?"

'Yep! It's just past where Twilight almost got eaten by the cragodile!'

>...The what now?

"LOOK OUT!"

Too late, before the Wisp could react, a giant creature leapt forth from the darkness and snapped shut... on nothing at all.

"TWI-BLAST!"

With one shot, the creature was sent flying.

>...That... we're a short walk from your town, we are literally an hour at most from your town at a brisk walk. That thing, which clearly is not an herbivore, lives out here? They could just walk over to the Ponyville, they-

SNAP!

>... What just tried to eat me?

{Mr Manticore! Bad! Bad mr manticore!}

With a whimper, it walked off.

>This is getting-

'OH NO! HYDRA!'

There was a massive roar, and the treeline broke away to reveal four roaring, screaming heads. All four, as one, descended upon Sombra and snapped shut.

Right before every one of them sunk through, and smacked into their own heads, knocking them unconscious.

>...That's a hydra. That's a blasted... there's a HYDRA right outside your town?

[Nah, don't worry, he lives in Boggy Swamp, it's cool.]

>...HYDRA! Hydra that clearly wishes to EAT YOU!

(Well, you this time, but it was Fluttershy before-)

>HYDRA!

-Look, iffin' we put up with the chimeras and the dang giant eels--

>GIANT EELS!?

(Oh, yes. Dash actually flies through them while they try to eat her.)

[It's amazing. And a great way to test out new pets!]

>...

"She actually did do that."

>...Wow, this body thing is suddenly sounding a lot worse than it did five minutes ago.

'Yeah, try not to get eaten after we get it back!'

>...

(Pinkie!)

'What, you want him to get eaten? You heartless jerk!'

>...All the ponies on this planet are crazy.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"RD"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I wanted folks to know that this is the 251th post! You are halfway through the thread! Now for our main guest...RAINBOW DASH!!!

"You bet."

>Question time! Are you aware that you have a snoring problem?

"I do?"

>It's incredibly loud. You should look into it. Especially if we're going to the Everfree forest.

"I can't be that bad."
RD wakes up with Pinkie in her face wearing earplugs.

>...It's pretty bad.

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 >Sombra
"Twilight"
~~~~

>So, wait why are you all so afraid of this place?.... Besides the monsters, I mean. You mentioned another problem.

"The weather is totally random and not controlled by ponies."

>...T-... that's it?

"We're used to scheduled rainstorms, you can see the issue."

>I'm just saying, that sounds terribly racist.

"How so?"

>..."oh, you poor primitive things, not controlling the very sky itself!"

"You're making it worse than it is."

>Did you know your brother can't control the giant snowstorm beyond his borders either? Why is that?

"...Because no pegasi have kicked the clouds yet?"

>No, it's because.... be... wait a minute.

"..."

>...huh.

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 >AJ
"Sombra"
~~

>Look out ya' idiot!

"...For what? What, pray tell, am I going to hit?'

>Ya' almost ran over that there poison joke!

"...Poison WHAT?"

>Poison joke! Ah' don't know what it'll do to ya'!

"Unless it's magical, nothing."

>It is magical!

"I doubt that."

>Then explain how it freakin' SHRUNK ME DOWN!

"...It WHAT!?"

>Ah' rode on my dang sister's head like a doll! It took out Twilight's magic, even!

"W-what!? How powerful is this thing!?"

>Dunno, so don't step on it, or else we'll have ta' go get Zecora and have her give you a bath!

"Zecora?"

>Zebra friend.

"Ah... and she will give me... a bath."

>Yeah!

"This terrible, horrible plant, which has the power to shrink you down to tiny levels, will be defeated... by a bath. A bath not given by a magical creature."

>Yep.

"...Is this related to Discord by any chance?"

>Nah, it was here a'fore he got out.

"That just raises further, unsettling questions."

>...Don't touch it.

"Fine. What does it look like?"

>Bright blue plant.

"...And it has NOTHING to do with-"

>No! His plants were... uh... little worse.

"And, again, there is no magic controlling this place."

>None.

"...This forest is insane."

>Tell me about it.

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>Sombra
"Pinkie"
'???'
~~

>...

"..."

>...You're thinking it too, aren't you?

"I wish we had brought Shiny."

>The last time we did, your father punched him through a mountain.

"HAH! Yeah, that was fun.... remember that time that dragon watched him whack it?"

>Oh dear mercy don't remind me.

'Whack what?'

>...

"..."

'...What? What did Shiny wack?'

"...A prairie dog."

'Oh wow, don't tell Fluttershy about that.'

>Yes, Twilight, we should probably keep this under wraps.

'You said it. Why was the dragon watching important, though?'

"She uh... enjoyed it?"

'Gah, how terrible.'

>Indeed.

'Whelp, come on! Gotta keep moving!'

"Right behind you..."

>...

"..."

>...

>"...PFFTAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!"

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mini-NC thing where we just redo the show events with Jetset present.
~

>Oh no! Nightmare Moon has escaped! We have to-

*SHIMMER!*

"She was dealt with before she even left the moon."

*SHIMMER!*

>...Oh, okay.

~~~~~

>Oh no! Discord has escaped, we have to-

*SHIMMER!*

"Faust knew of a way to take him down. That plan was put into motion before the first crack."

*SHIMMER!*

>...Good job, team?

~~~~

>....

*SHIMMER!*

"Here is the Crystal Heart, I have broken every trap leading to it."

>Thanks?

"It is my duty. Now I am going back to Canterlot."

>What, you're just going to teleport across a continent?

"My Queen just dropped her tea cup, and I am going to catch it."

>...How the fu-

*SHIMMER!*

>... I feel like this is what it would be like if we actually were gods...

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 >Chrysalis
"Changelings"
~~~~

>ALRIGHT! Now that we're all moved in, I want to know if any of you have any questions!

"Are we going to stay here forever?"

>Here in the Empire or here in the stadium?

"...Yes?"

>It's being worked on.

"...Uh-"

>NEXT!

"Are we allowed to wander around?"

>Yes. NEXT!

"Can we go outside the shield?"

>You'll freeze to death you moron, NEXT!

"Can we hit on the mares?... Or stallions, if you swing that way."

"...Why are you looking at me?"

>Shut up, Jugglejack, and yes you can, but if they say no you better fucking listen. First time I hear you force the issue you're getting castrated or sterilized. Yes, mares, you get this shit too. NEXT!

"Do we all have to attend school?"

>None of you are young enough to attend schools, I asked Applejack what the age restriction was back when we arrived, and only Fifty Six was young enough... at least until I found out Two was... nevermind, I'm pretty sure the Empire's age restriction is the same, NEXT!

"Speaking of Two, uh... should we do something about her?"

>...Define.

"It's just, she's a rogue changeling, right?"

>...You're asking... if we should do something... about the ADOPTIVE DAUGHTER, and current NEXT IN LINE of our HOST FUCKING COUNTRY, AND FUCKING SHINING ARMOR'S DAUGHTER?

"..."

>...

"...I-I just meant if we should buy her g-gifts or something to mend a relationship we might have soured through years of picking on her?"

>...Well, good for you. I'm going to pretend that's what you meant enough I won't shoot you. Take notes, everyone!

*SCRIBBLESCRIBBLE!*

>Good job! And now we're done!

"W-we still have more qu-..."

>...

"...have a good day, Majesty!"

>You know what? I think I will.

~~~

NC
>Shiny

>Huh. For one wild second there, I felt the need to grab my gun. Huh, weird...

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>Daw
"Guards"
'Peacetrotter'

>...

"..."

'Can this unit be of service to you?'

>Alright, first off, metal bitch? Shut yer yap.

'Does that include-?'

>Yes, every single one of ya rotters.

'Acknowledged, engaging mute until otherwise ordered. Thank you for working with me for a peaceful Equestria.'

>Second, you lot.

"Hey aren't you the p-"

>Yes, I'm the pirate lass that made fools out of you lot.

"...should we arrest you for that?"

>Should you? No. Could you? Also no.

"...between you and the giant changeling, this is getting absurd."

>Shove it. Now my ears en't what they used to be, cannon broadsides'll do that to ya, but I distinctly remember Pommel saying he was elected on th' 'Feck Robots' ticket.

"Well technically he was elected on the 'We're lazy' ticket but-"

>Shut it. What're these, why're they here, and give me three good reasons not to scrap 'em with my bare hooves.

"...can you do that?"

>I can feckin' try.

"They have freeze rays."

>...freeze rays?

"...yeah?"

>...I...what th' feck would you need freeze rays for!?

"I dunno...guarding?"

>From?

"I figure most things would get stopped by freeze rays..."

>You can't just go blastin' everyone with freeze rays! That'll kill folks!

"They have tasers too."

>...I'm begginin' to see why you took the laziest cap'n option.

"Well I mean, we didn't have a say in it, really. And the captain totally signed off on this according to Diamond Tiara."

>Diamond Tiara?

"Uhhh...little pink filly? Totes a rocket launcher?"

>...ya took the word of a little pink filly that th' guy who fought tooth and nail to keep you lot from being replaced by robots just suddenly agreed to havin' robots?

"She can be real persuasive, like, she was training us until Pommel took control. After too."

>...a PINK. FILLY.

"With a rocket launcher!"

>YOU'RE A FECKIN' UNICORN! YOINK IT YA TIT!

"But what if she has anti-magic fields on that thing!?"

>THOSE AREN'T THINGS THAT EXIST!

"How do you know!?"

>BECAUSE THAT'S RIDICULOUS!

"But what about when she tries to get it back?"

>SIT ON HER!

"..."

>Of all the...ugh...I just...you lot are thicker than the walls ya walk around on.

"Hey, it's not just that, we respect her a lot more too!"

"Yeah! She fought all kinds of monsters!"

"And was good at it!"

>...

"You're glaring again..."

>So let me get this shite straight. You respect her more than Pommel because she can fight monsters, aye?

"...a-aye?"

>And you don't know Pommel from Faust herself, so you don't respect him, aye?

"Aye?"

>So if Pommel were to show that he is just as capable as yon Grade Schooler at fighting monsters, you'd respect him, aye?

"Aye, what are you getting at?"

>You lot wait at the simulator, you're gonna get first row seats to a feckin' show!

With that, the mare is off.

'...dear me, she swore quite a bit, didn't she?'

"...so do we arrest her or not? I'm super confused."

'Shall I engage the freeze ray?'

"N-no...not right now..."

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 >Pennydrop
"Sidewinder"

Pennydrop liked to think she was a patient pony. She didn't begrudge a little tardiness in her workers, hell, a job well done is usually at the expense of a job done fast. She accepted this as a fact of life.

But when ponies started to pussyhoof around and tap dance on her patience, THAT was when she began to lose her temper.

>Where is that cocksucker?

"Ma'am, if I may?"

>You may NOT! You may not anything except tell me where he-

"They just entered the shack, ma'am."

>...put them up on the monitor.

Pennydrop turned towards the large window that overlooked...well that would be telling at this point, wouldn't it? No, you'll know what the window overlooked in time. A large monitor lowered over the window, accompanied by shutters that sealed off the light outside as the ones inside dimmed as well.

The monitor came to life, showing the rickety insides of the dilapidated shack above. The door opened to reveal an unimportant grunt, Snake Eyes, Screwloose, and-

"Yup, that's a changeling alright."

>I have eyes, I know what a changeling looks like. This one looks...really really underwhelming.

"Well I mean if what you've told me is true you've only seen the Queens and their elites warriors, right?"

>Well yes.

"Well, shallow end of the gene pool?"

>Shush up, they're saying things...why can't I hear them?

"You said that adding sound to the mountain shack surveillance was a ridiculous extravagance, and considering how much we already spent on where we're at, I'd tend to agree?"

>Oh you're from Oatlahoma, what do you know? I...ugh...I can't read their lips!

"I can."

>Well tell me what they're saying!

"They're saying...well, Screwloose is saying 'The dumb bitch knows we can see the camera poking out from the fireplace, right?' and Snake Eyes is saying-"

>ABORT!

"No he's saying-"

>ABORT THE VIDEO FEED!

"Oh...you got the button, though."

>...shut up!

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 >Pinkie
"Twilight"
~~~~

>You ever wonder if there's some dark secret to how this forest came to be, and we're just oblivious to it all? Why there's so many monsters and creatures roaming around, but they never attack us? A dark, sinister pact underlying our seemingly peaceful world that demands a price we're all too afraid to seek, knowing that once we find it we'll never be the same?

"...No, Pinkie, it's just a forest with no civilization. And there are no 'monsters', just animals who live here who have their own particular dietary habits. It's only mysterious because most ponies are happier to join into massive chorus than they are adventure through it, and since the landmass is wide they're always finding new things. It's not that big a deal."

>...You know, for an alicorn, you sure do take the magic out of everything.

"Well I am a scientist."

>Ahhhhh.

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NC
I'd also want to see Daw usa the fact DT's a kid against her.
~~~

>What'cha gonna do now ya' little shitter?

"TASER YOU BITCH!"

>...But I'm sittin' on ya', ain't that gonna-

*ZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAP*

"HA HA! WHAT NOW YOU LITTLE....

*Wiggle wiggle*
*Strain*

"...I've made a terrible mistake."

~~~

'Why didn't you just zap her on the side or something?'

"BECAUSE SHUT UP!"

'Or even just put it on low enough to sting her but not knock her out?'

"SHUT UP HARDER!"

'Or even, if nothing else, go for her face?'

"ALL OF THE SHUT UP!"

'...How'd you not get shocked?'

"Do you literally not know how tasers work?"

'Fine, bitch.'

"WAIT! CALL MY DADDY AND HAVE HIM HIRE SOMEONE TO GET HER OFF, SHE'S HEAVY!"

~~~

"SHE'S HEAVY!"

'...That's a problem for you? Don't you carry around that giant-'

"SHE'S FATTER THAN TBDRLIATU IS!"

>Fuck you!

"...How."

>Was just a zap, not enough ta' knock me-

*ZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAP*

'...Really?'

"I MAKE POOR CHOICES WHEN I AM MAD!"

~~~~

>Okay, ya' see that rocket launcher?

'Yeah?'

>Use your magic and grab it.

"HEY!"

>See? Was that so...

"...I'm sorry, how stupid are you? You just saw me walking with this thing. What, did you think I balanced it on my back? IT'S CALLED A STRAP, ASSHOLE!"

>...Just turn her around.

"HEY!"

>See? Was that so-

*BOOOM!*

>...Did that thing just fire out the back?

'MY EYES!'

>That thing is fucking stupid... I want one.

"HAH! Good luck, nobody can steal my-HEY!"

>Thief. I'm a thief.

"...GIMME!"

>No.

"IWGDWTYWU!"

>What the fuck does that-

~~~~~~~~

~...You blew both of yourselves up?~

>YOU LITTLE FUCKING PSYCHO!

"I MAKE POOR CHOICES WHEN I AM MAD!"

~Whatever. A-hem, welcome to the pony afterlife! Towels are on your left.~

~~~

[DT blew herself up again?... Sigh. Get the dragon balls.]

{...}

[...No, Spike, we don't mean you.]

{Oh thank Faust.}

~~~

[What have we learned?]

"Absolutely nothing."

[OH YOU!]

*Everyone laughs*

>...You fuckers need therapy.

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