You are Anon, and god damn, hooves are useless! The spoon you were wielding only moments ago now lays on the ground, and you can see your own reflection in its bowl, staring back at you with disappointment and contempt. Cadance giggles, and levitates her own spoon over to feed you, just as she had done countless times before. “Thank you Cadance…” you grumble. It’s demeaning, but at least she lets you try to feed yourself before “assisting” you. Looking over to Shining while you absentmindedly take bites from the spoon, you see him doing the same for Flurry Heart as Cadance is doing for you. Occasionally Flurry throws her hooves out at the spoon to launch some mashed peas at Shining as he attempts to dodge them, making a game out of it. Cute, but you’re not a little filly. Well, you are, but. . . shutup. You should be able to feed yourself without making a mess, especially something as simple as oatmeal. Watching Shining feed Flurry puts you in an odd trance for a moment.
	Cadance boops you on the nose with the spoon, regaining your attention. “Eat up sweetie,” she says with a soft smile. You open your mouth and obey, but you don’t  look her in the eye, instead trading gazes between the spoon and her horn. You notice the glow surrounding the spoon and her horn seems to brighten slightly when she loads the spoon with more oatmeal. Cadance let’s the spoon drift about your vision in a lazy fashion before bringing it to your mouth, and your eyes follow it’s movement.
	You realize Cadance is playing with you, like a cat with a laser pointer. You shut your eyes envision grabbing the spoon using your own magic, but Cadance mistakes your scrunch of concentration as frustration, and relents the teasing, letting you feed. “You’ll learn how to control your magic soon enough squirt.” Shining gives you a longside glance, “forcing it probably isn’t going to do any good for you, unless you enjoy migraines. It’s okay to eat with your mouth like an earth pony.”
	“I’d rather be subjected to spoon feeding rather than slop it down like an animal.” Shining cringes a bit from your casual racism but recovers quickly.
	“I think somepony just enjoys being spoon fed…” Cadance magically drags your seat closer to Flurry Heart’s high chair, and puts on a sly smile, resting her head on her hooves.
	“W-what? No! It’s just that I can’t do it on my own!” you stammer and pin your ears against your head.
	“Just like a certain little alicorn,” Shining smirks. Flurry Heart babbles and holds her messy front hooves out to you. She’s covered in a mix of baby food and saliva. You go so far as to hoof-bump her to appease her, and then promptly wipe your hoof on a nearby napkin. You’ve told her before that she only gets hugs when she’s clean, but it never seems to stick. You try focusing on the spoon again, regaining your appetite.
	Soon enough, Flurry is done “eating”, and you start biting at empty air, trying to catch a nonexistent spoon. Shining clears the plates and leviates Flurry onto Cadance’s back.
	“Time to wash up Anon, I’ve left your clothes on your bed for you,” she says, walking through the dining hall doors.
	“Clothes? I thought ponies didn’t normally wear clothes?”
	“Not all the time, but you need a uniform for school, it's quite a prestigious one after all.” says Shining.
	“If it's because of prestigiousness, why don’t you and Cadance wear clothes?”
	“Royals make the rules kiddo, and this royal,” Shining puts a hoof to his chest, “says that he doesn’t have to wear clothes all the time. Now come on, don’t want to miss out on your brushing do you?”
	Your ears perk up, “No! Never!”
	With the assistance of Shining, you hop off your far-too-high chair for small fillies chair and trot down the castle halls to your room.
You don’t think you’ve ever felt fully clean since coming to Equestria. Fur just seems like one giant dirt trap, but you try to stay as neat as you possibly can. Manipulating a loofah on a stick is just as difficult as a spoon, but you deal with the taste of soap for more flexibility. You appreciate the existence of toothpaste much more these days.
	Brushing your teeth, you take a look at the filly staring back at you in the mirror. Matte black mane, leaf green fur, a long spiraling horn, a blank flank, and large blue eyes, just like the ones in those funny looking japanese cartoons. Such a cute little horse. . . You are a cute little horse.
. . .
Not a thought you would ever have if you never came to Equestria, but here you are: having it. The afterlife sure is an odd place. You’ve only been here for a month and yet it seems like it’s been years. Having gone from being a government-classified magical anomaly, to interdimensional alien threat, to an innocent little filly. It’s been quite a ride, and yet it’s only just begun.
A muffled voice accompanied by knocking on your bathroom door rouses you from your little daydream. “Anon? Are you done in the bathroom?”
	“Just finishing up!” you yell back, “out in a moment!”
	You rinse your mouth to be rid of any suds and scitter your way across the bathroom tiles to your bedchamber with an eager smile on plastered on your face. Pushing open the bathroom door reveals a pink alicorn, already seated on the bed with a brush, awaiting your presence. You seat yourself between her legs, tilt your head up a bit and close your eyes, awaiting that sweet, tingling sensation. Except it never comes.
	“What do you say~?” she singsongs.
	Your muzzle scrunches and your head drops a bit. It’s demeaning, yet… you enjoy it? Curse her. Curse her for making you enjoy it!
In a calculated, methodical tone, you repeat the adage, just as you had done for weeks gone by. “I’m a good filly ma’am. May I please have brushies?” Cadance immediately giggle-snorts and pulls you against herself with her hooves, nuzzling the top of your head.
	“Of course you can sweetie!”
	As soon as you’re released, those wonderful strokes known as “brushies” begin, and you melt into pure bliss. Every stroke of a bristle sends tingles down your spine, and your tail twitches happily. No longer do you envy dogs for their ear scratches. Time melts away as Cadance hums a little lullaby. You enjoy this far too much, you swear you’re not addicted but you think a toxicologist would say otherwise.
	The brushing ends far too soon for your liking, just like it does everyday, and Cadance has to wiggle you a bit to keep you from dozing off.
	“Go get dressed now, we’ll wait for you by the foyer.” She nudges you gently with her nose before departing.
	“Okay. . .” you rub your eyes and shake yourself awake. Brushies are no joke, lord help you if she ever uses it against you.
	As Cadance closes the door behind herself, you notice the aforementioned clothes on your bed. It’s a navy blue jacket and tie, complete with clean dress shirt, a plaid, knife pleated skirt, and stockings for your hind legs. The jacket has an embroidery on the lapel that reads “Gnosis”. Above it is a shield with a star in it—like that of Shining Armour’s cutiemark—encircled by an olive branch wreath. You’ll have to ask him about that, surely it's not coincidence.
	After appreciating the design, you attempt to put the stockings on, only to immediately spot a flaw in your plan. You can’t bend your neck that much.
Teeth would just rip the fabric anyways, right? You lay on your back, and attempt to wriggle the stockings on, using your front hooves to pull them down. You get one half of a stocking on before giving up, wriggling instead in frustration rather than action.
	Okay, no problem… You can get Cadance’s help with that. You move onto the shirt, and attempt the same wriggle technique, flipping over onto your stomach, with your flank in the air and your muzzle buried in the fabric. This also does not work. Stupid horn, do some magic!
	“Fuck.”
	Unluckily for you, Cadance opens the door just as you utter the foul word. She trots over to you, and magics you out of clothes pile you made attempting to dress yourself. The floor is all of a sudden very interesting and you train your eyes on it. Levitating you to rest in the air in front of her face, she either didn’t hear you swear, or she’s saving the scolding for later, because she boops you on the nose with her hoof with a dainty smile on her face.
	“Need some help?”
	“No…”
	“I think you do,” she smiles and elegantly floats every piece of attire onto you. Giving you a nuzzle on the cheek, she sets you down to let you sulk in shame.
	“Come now, we’ll be late if we don’t get going.”
	“I can dress myself…” you mumble as you step into stride with her.

***

	The architecture of the Crystal Empire is nothing if not grandiose. Even in the fast moving carriage, you can still appreciate all the details that go into every building. Crystal ponies were proud of their home and it showed. The magic academy by contrast, was a wooden pallet. Utilitarian and bland. Every wall was a boring white, while the few accents were shining metals. It lacked the vibrance of crystals that were usually used for construction. Wasn’t this supposed to be some hyper-prestigious school? The logo on your uniform was intricate and detailed, but the campus looked like it could have been a prison if you put a fence around it.
	“Why is it so. . . ugly?”
	“They take their studies quite seriously here Anon, no distractions.” says Shining. Very believable. The rest of the Crystal Empire hurt your eyes to look at sometimes with all its vibrance. This school must get next to no funding.
	“Are the classes as boring as the paint too?”
	“Depends. I think you’ll really enjoy some of them. It’s a K-12 school and your curriculum is all over the place, so you’ll be running around a lot.”
	“Sounds wonderful. . .” Your poor, tiny legs. This campus is massive. The carriage comes to a stop near the front doors and you all depart. Shining wanders off to wherever, probably to drop off Flurry Heart somewhere, and you’re left with Cadance. She drapes her wing over your and walks you to the entrance.

Cont. [spoiler]maybe[/spoiler]