Thread 66: Stories 1-15

https://archive.moe/mlp/thread/22223659/
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CD
>???
“???”
____

As the Queen’s words echoed forth, loud, proud, and filled with every bit of delightful mockery as they had come to expect from her, only one lone voice answered back.

“…Neat.”

Only that lone Changeling answered their Queen, and in pretty much the same fashion a great many of them would have done were they not so shocked at this… news, this startling declaration.

>Nah!

This startling declaration that paled in comparison to the all-too happy refusal from one of the smallest among them.

Nearly every neck snapped as heads turned, nearly every eye widened as a Changeling, one of the rare few that still donned Applejack’s mane, even if it was somewhat tussled, trotted to the forefront of the crowd, which was easily accomplished what with the others creating a pathway.

The smile over 56’s face was just as oblivious as he was. He traversed the space between the crowd and the podium, and from there up to his not-mom’s figure.

She stared down at him, somewhat thrown off her prepared tracks by his lackadaisical turndown.

Nah.

What was that? What was “nah?” What did that even me-

He was hugging one of her forelegs, which looked comically large next to his small stature.

>Thanks fer’ tryin’ to find me a new pad, not-mom, but I’m good here! Ya always wanted me to find a second home, make some new friends… not have to run or be afraid… right? Well, I done found it!

And then he was trotting away, happily bouncing back through the stunned crowd, once more dragging with him everyone’s gaze.

But he stopped right in the middle to turn around. He met the confused expression of his not-mom and waved a hoof.

>Take care over there, not-mom! The portal likes to catch our skin on fire so be sure to travel in pairs or something! Although that might jus' be me... still!

To the other surrounding him, 56 likewise bade them a farewell wave.

>I’ll be sure to visit y’all every chance I get! Y’know, when I’m not trainin’ to fly an’ all, heh. So don’t forget me, ‘kay? I know I won’t forget you guys! Family is family no matter the distance! I love you all, even more than plot!

Less than ten seconds later, 56 had left the room.

And none had the foresight to even attempt to stop him.

Not even Chrysalis herself.

Oh sure, later would come some sort of response, but in the moment, the action had been so unexpectedly blunt that every Changeling would no doubt be rendered frozen for a second or two.

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>32
"77"
'88'

Neat...

"..."

>...

'Aw come ON! I was just getting the layout of this place! This new castle better have some damn good acoustics...'

>This isn't right...

"It may not be right, but it's apparently the only option left."

'...boooooo, bad, bad pun.'

>We can't simply cut and run, that's been the policy too long, far far too long.

'I don't know, creeping up towards a year was considered pretty long in the tooth back in the old days, right? Maybe we should just accept we're born to ramble along.'

>No, no damn it, if we leave we're never going to get another chance-

"Crystal Empire."

>It's a whole different country! Well, City...

'That name is prettyyyy fucking misleading.'

>What are we just going to live in a bubble our whole lives? A bubble of not just magic, but of easy gratification? There are those of us who managed to stake a claim on this world and keep it like that for the first time in...who knows how long! Are we going to leave them as mere anomalies!? We cannot merely be the mysterious saviours in the dark times, we must be the friendly hoof in the light, the amiable chat over lunch, the smile and wave across the street, we must-

32 blinks as he gets a lot of stares of the "Could someone please activate his bomb collar now?" Variety.

>...or I'm just a crazy person with a deathwish.

'Aw, I miss your little speeches.'

"If you want to take it up with the Queen, you can."

>Right, I'm sure that will go lovely for me.

'If anything, you could point out you staying behind would make you miserable and these other guys happier.'

"An ace in the hole."

>...Hivemind above, stay my hand, lest I deliver concussions to my siblings.

"'I'd like to see you try.'"

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cheerilee"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and...she gave up...Um now for our main guest...CHEERILEE!!!

"This is different."

>Welcome to that odd place in Tartarus. Just kidding, you're on my show!

"I didn't think I recognized-"

>AHAHAHA that's funny because...demons!

"Uh, yes?"

>Tell me, Cheerilee, what's it like to be essentially bound to the gate of a hellhole?

"I'm not actually bound, but-"

>AHA. HA. HA. HA! That was good, but we can't go on any longer. THE DEMONS ARE HERE! WAKE UP!
Cheerilee wakes up to her students.

'Miss? Lunchtime is over'

"...That was probably one of my more pleasant dreams."

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>SA
"Cadence"
~~~~

The revelation was no doubt rocking through all of the hive right this very second, shaking it to it's very core and leaving it stunned and in disbelief.

But how, exactly, did it get to that point? How did it reach the ears of the Queen that she had, at last, gained what she sought for so long yet had been denied? How did this come to be?

Well, as with many things, it all started with a few words.

>You want to WHAT!?

And snowballed out from there.

This is how it happened.

"Shining! I thought you'd be all for this, if not happy I finally said okay with this!"

>Okay, normally yes this would be amazing that you said yes, but Cadence... we've still got to deal with our overpopulation problem!

"And we are going to deal with it, but Shining... one way or another, we've got to deal with it before the next generation takes hold, right?"

>Well, yeah...

"So, regardless of if we add in a few or a thousand, we've got to figure it out all the same, and we will! We will do it, and we'll do it before they even reach the point resources become an issue. What difference does it make now? Do you really think even if every single one of them had a child, that White Amythst to Blue Midnight is really going to tip the scales that far that fast?"

>...I mean, sure, but I feel like we're just giving up on Canterlot.

"But maybe this is exactly what they need! They were afraid because they feared invasion, right? The idea of every changeling in the city just brought them too many bad memories for them to let go, don't you think? Well, now it won't be an invasion. They can visit slowly, and maybe this will finally let them take them in the small doses we're used to, that let us see ones like Forty Two or Two for who they are and not just as a... ugh... 'bug monster'. I hate that term so much. Can we make a term illegal?"

>I mean, probably, but I don't think we should. That seems petty.

"I can be petty."

>That's not how you spell pouty.

"Oh you!"

>But... okay, I get your point, but where are we going to put them?

"Oh, Shiny! That's easy, we'll loan them the stadium temporarily."

>...The... the stadium?

"Yes! It's massive, we never use it, and it's got plenty of space to work with and can be shielded from the elements with it's dome! It's perfect, and easily ten times more spacious than the ballroom they're used to."

>But... but what about the Equestrian Games! We worked so hard for that!

"Okay, one, even if we did have them I'm fairly sure that we could move them out for, what, a day? Two, notice what I said there, that 'even if' part? That part is important."

>Oh come on!

"Fine, when are they scheduled to start?"

>...Well, the committee has pushed it back again thanks to the recent invasion, so-

"Uh huh."

>They'll happen!

"..."

>...Probably!

"..."

>...Fine, okay. Point. But what about food?

"...You mean you? Or me if I feel like it? Or just... walking around and noticing our subjects literally glow with the stuff?"

>Oh, right, forgot about the... whole thing. Huh. Well, I mean, aren't you worried they're going to destroy the place?

"I'm trusting Chrysalis not to set fire to anything every morning I wake up and told her we wouldn't tolerate her subjects setting fire to anything intentionally. If we trust her not to kill us in our sleep, I guess we can trust she won't let her hive run rampant and cause massive amounts of property damage. Do you think she will?"

>Well, no... I guess not, no.... you think the Crystal Ponies are going to be worried about invasion?

"..."

>...I mean, besides... besides how 'invaded' we already are.

"No, I do not think they're going to mind so long as we don't show any biased favoritism."

>...Do you really think this'll work?

"Shining..."

Her head drooped, ears flickering back in a bit of worry.

"I... I don't know. I know a million things can go wrong, I know this might not go so well with everyone else, but... but I need to know I can actually be there for a peoples if they need me to, that I can... that I can help out with actions, not just magical trinkets or powers. I need to help them, no matter how much they hurt me. This time was bad, Shining. This time someone really got hurt, and it only didn't get worse because Chrysalis truly does not want her subjects to suffer. If she can do that, if she can lay it down so they may be safe, how can I look to her and say I do not want her to come to a place she thinks would bring them safety? How many more near misses does she need to lie in wake fearing? It's not as if she wants power, Shining... she's lived with us for so long, and after she saved your life that one time... I don't think she would ever hurt us, ever. She just wants a home. Maybe... maybe she's finally earned the chance. I need this just as much for me, to know I'm actually worth something as a royal who can make a real change... so that I actually deserve this gift.”

>Cadence...

His voice was low, sad, hurt from her words. Hurt that she would ever, ever speak them.

>...How can you say that? Of course you do. You're the most loving mare on the entire planet, of course you deserve it. Nobody else could ever love as much as you can, nobody. You... you deserve it more than anyone in the whole world...

It hurt, with how disingenuous she felt his words to be no matter how sincere and heartfelt he was, but she knew that regardless, he would tell her the sun itself isn't so hot compared to her. It's just how she was.

>...Okay.

"Okay?"

>Okay. Let's bring them over! Yeah! I'm with you! Let's make sure everyone knows the Crystal Empire is the land of love, to anyone, no matter what species! Let's try and help them make a real life! We can do this! You, me, Chrysalis, we can make this work!

Her heart positively fluttered at the words, at his sheer unrestrained... elation at the idea. She could help but laugh as he picked her up and twirled her around.

>Let's make this work!

"Yes! We can do this!'

>We can do this!

Breathlessly, they looked to each other.

>...You know, this is kind of topsy turvy, isn't it?

"That I was the one arguing for and you against letting them come over here?'

>Yeah, this is pretty weird.

"Maybe we're in opposite land. Hey! Shiny! Let's go do sexy stuff!"

>YES!

"Shiiiiny! You were supposed to do the opposite!"

>Not possible. You are by far the sexiest mare on the planet. No opposite magic on the planet could make me not want you, end of story.

"O-oh Shiny..."

>..

"..."

>...

"...We should probably go tell Chrysalis."

>OH! Right, yeah, kind of important stuff that we absolutely have to do right now. Right now.

"Yeah, right now."

>...

"...'

>...Right this second?

"..."

>...Gotcha, gotcha, right this second. Then-

"Then we have to help figure out how to transport almost a hundred changelings across these miles."

>...Yes. We have to do that next. And that is going to take a while.

"That it is."

>...

"...You going to put me down?"

>Y-yes.

"Good..."

Only when she was on the ground did she give him a quick, yet loving, peck on the cheek, and ushered him along.

"Love you, Shining."

>...Love you too.

"Time to invite our new guests."

>...You know, since the stadium is so far, we do have a ballroom-

"I have my limits, Shiny."

>Point taken.

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>JJ
"Changelings"
~~~~

...Neat.

>...Awwww... fuuuuuuuuuuu....

"This is awesome! FUCK YOU CANTERLOT! Oh wow that feels good to say, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU AND FUUUUCK YOU!"

"WE'RE LEAVING!... Awww, but I just got my sleeping bag the way I like it again."

"Yes, but consider why you needed to add in an 'again' into that."

"Point taken. I feel like we lack appendages to properly convey the rude gesture in my heart, though."

"We'd need gryphon stuff, wouldn't we?"

"Or minotaur."

"Just something with claws, you know?"

>Uuuuuuuuuuuuu...

"Is anyone going to actually want to stay?"

"I think Seventy Seven still does work with those guys."

"He quit that forever ago man, keep the fuck up."

"Huh... Dadling?"

"Dadling's gonna be an issue. Anyone else?"

"..."

"...Do we really have fucking nobody else who has a job up here? What about that Twelve guy?"

"He works down at a mental institution down in Ponyville."

"...NOBODY else works up here?"

"Well, Ten travels everywhere, Firejack wandered off but is apparently still alive, somehow, and everyone else who has jobs or families is over in the Empire."

"...Oh my dear sweet Queen in the hivemind, we are so fucking out of here?"

"One more time?"

"One more time."

"FUCK YOU CANTERLOT!"

>Uuuuuuuuuuuuu...

"What the fuck is his problem?"

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 >Jetset
"Nurse"
~~~~

Normally, getting bandaged up in his safe-house after a fight was not what he would call 'good' or 'fun', but he was feeling a bit different this time than normal.

"You're smiling!"

>I do not smile.

"You do soooo!"

>Do not.

"Sooo, what'cha got the smile for? Teleport in on a pretty mare and she didn't make you leave?"

Slowly, a trickle of red began to fall from his nose.

>...No. That did not happen.

"Well, spiiiilll! What happened?"

>...It is classified.

"No it isn't."

>...Fine, it isn't. I engaged Zero Zero Seven again today.

"Oooooh?"

>And I showed him who the real better agent was.

"Congratulations!"

>I do not need congratulations for doing my job, I am merely doing my job.

"If you say so sugar cube! I'm proud of you!"

>I do not require pride.

"Kay!"

>...But it is acknowledged anyway.

"Aww."

>...I hope that bug chokes on his own teeth.

"What was that?"

>I said you are making that too tight, my veins are showing like a leafs.

"That ain't what you said."

>...

"...Loosening!"

>Thank you.

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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
~~~

Choosing to ignore that... bizarre and unexpected outburst that she would absolutely deal with later but for now was inconsequential, the Queen decided to make her way off the podium to begin preparations for the move. But oh, she would deal with him. She would find that changeling, that one who had made such an outburst in front of everyone and was frankly an embarrassment, and she would deal with him. Oh, she would deal with him.

She would find that one who said "Neat." and she would find out what the hell that was all about.... She wouldn't punish him, obviously, she just was so utterly battled she had to know.

...Oh, and Fifty Six too. She should probably deal with that, but it was fucking Fifty Six. Nobody took Fifty Six seriously. Anyone who thought she was going to leave him alone with Luna was crazy.

What was up with that anyway? Did the Lunar sister just develop some really weird tastes while trapped-

"So... you're leaving."

The voice that snapped her from her tangential thoughts nearly caused her to stumble. Less from shock, more from the still very much present ringing pain in her shoulder. Cadence had tried to heal her, but her own unstable magic just was not functional enough to pull it off. Strange, she would have to look into that...

But the time for questioning the intricacies of a magical force based off an abstract concept could come later. For now, her full attention was instead to the only one in this whole city she actually considered 'on par' with her, and not just in height.

>I leave every day, this isn't exactly weird.

"You know that's not what I mean, Chrysalis... you're leaving Canterlot."

>In the diplomatic sense? Yeah, I am. Saying fuck you to these guys and heading off.

"...Are you sure you don't want to give it another chance? Maybe hold on just a little longer? A month or two, perhaps? Just to be sure..."

A look. That's all it took, and Celestia knew she had her answer, and could only sadly shake her head in acceptance.

“I just wish you had talked about this with Applejack first.”

>What possible reason could I have for speaking with her for anything? She has no say in my hive, or my rulings. What I choose is paramount, she has nothing to them.

“I just think that maybe she could have helped work out something else.”

>Celestia, I'm going to be blunt her, don't take it personal, but if she didn't figure out a way to fix all of this in almost a year, I doubt she would fix it in a month. And if she could have figured out a way to fix this all this time and chose not to try, or if she had a solution but never pursued it, then she does not deserve to speak to my hive, let alone try to help them.

There was a bit of bite in her voice, just a little. Enough to know any further argument was pointless.

“I understand... you have to do what's best for your subjects.”

There was a sadness in her voice, just a bit of regret and loss. Instantly, the changeling Queen noticed it.

"I'm sorry... you have to leave."

And responded the only way she knew how.

>...HAH!

“Hah?”

Playfully, Chrysalis's good foreleg shot out, and bopped Celestia right on the nose.

>HAH! What, did you think I, personally, was leaving Canterlot entirely? Fuck that! I've still got stuff to do with Twi, and you best believe me and Fluttershy are going to make some crazy shit! What, did you think Applejack had just run me out of town? Come on, Celly! I practically live over there already, and I don't know if you've noticed it never stopped us before! If you think you've banished me from Canterlot you don't know jack! So you know what? Get the ski slope ready, and the minute everyone is over there and settled in we're going to have a celebration! Me, you and Shiny are going to go do some crazy shit, just for fun!... Oh, and we have to invite Pinkie Pie.

"...Pinkie Pie?"

>Yeaaaah, think she's mad we don't invite her on the crazy shit or something and said she wanted to come, it's weird.

The first few ghosts of a smile began to make their way back to alabaster lips. Slowly, but surely.

"And of course you said okay."

>Oh hell yeah, her parents like me. Those guys can punch through boulders, that's fucking awesome, so I want them to keep liking me.

"That's because they thought you were Shining Armor's second wife."

>HAH! At this rate I'd have to get in line behind Eighteen.

"You are a remarkably good sport about that."

>...I sent her to seduce him. This... this was the plan the whole time.

"Yes, but that was so you could get his love."

>Aaannnd I've got it. In droves, even. Mega love, see? Ta-daaaaaa!

"Do not even pretend this was planned."

>I do not need to pretend, I am QUEEN CHRYSALIS!

"That's a funny way to say 'in denial'."

>Plplplplp.

"And a plplplplp to you right back."

>HAH!

"Hah indeed... Chrysalis?"

>Mmmhmm?

"...Try not to drive poor Shiny insane."

>HAH! NO CHANCE! Guy's gonna be in a straight jacket by the time I'm done with him.

"Cruel! Then who will I swordfight on the side of a mountain with?"

>Neglecting me already? How you've changed!

"Oh p'shaw, like you weren't planning on replacing me with Forty Two. I've seen how you look at her!"

>HAH!

"...But seriously, Chrysalis?"

>Hmm?

"...I'm sorry... that this all didn't quite work out. I'm sorry it never really... clicked. I wanted it too, I very much hoped it would... but I suppose I didn't really do anything to help it along, did I?"

>Meh. It's just how it is, Celly. No need to cry about it, we're moving on to shinier pastures.

"I know, I know... Chrysalis?"

>Yep.

"Don't forget about the friends you've made over here. It hasn't all been bad."

>...Nope. Sure hasn't. See you later, Celestia! Like I said, get the ski's ready!

"I will..."

The Changeling trotted off, looking lighter and more alive than Celestia had remembered seeing her in... a long, long time. Off to go get everything ready and to be gone away. This hive, with everyone she could clearly see in it, changelings who had fought alongside her soldiers in battles and defended this place more times than they had attacked it, this hive she truly hoped would find a place to... belong, in her home. A place to truly, truly belong, like all beings deserved a chance to. When she built this castle, it was to be a safe haven for all... but she felt she had lost that.

Perhaps it was selfish of her to hope that she be the one to give them that chance, and to resent others for giving her that chance in her stead, where she had failed.

She was not worried about losing Chrysalis, not even a little, her life would be filled with Queen Changeling insanity for as long as she could take it. But instead she feared... she was losing all of them. All of the ones who could have made her home something... special.

She wanted to stop them.

But she knew... she did not have the right.

Instead, all she could do is wish them well.

For the ones who came so long ago...

And the ones who had changed.

"...Good luck... my friend."

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>https://youtu.be/S6Odu44wYk4

"Celly"
>Chrysalis"

"...Chrysalis...."

>Celestia, you're....pretty good...

~PRETTY GOOD~

'PRETTY GOOD'

[PRETTY GOOD]

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>Chrysalis
"???"
~~~~

She was mumbling to herself. She hated when she mumbled to herself. She always looked stupid when she mumbled to herself.

>Fucking... do I have to pay for train tickets? It might be easier just to make them fly. You know, flying, that thing everyone keeps fucking forgetting they can do-

"M-majesty?"

It was a quiet voice. A tiny voice. A voice full of fear, and worry.

So, either he was about to say something stupid, or he had done something stupid.

"I can't go...."

Former it is.

Thank goodness they were alone, the poor sap they had all named Dadling got really antsy in a crowd, and it was easy to see why. The giggling silly thing on a stretcher on his back tended to make the guy antsy in general, putting her around fire making super-bug monsters tended just to exasperate the problem.

Needless to say, after the third time he bit someone, everyone had given him a wide berth.

"I-I know... I know you're doing this for the Hive, and I don't want sound like I'm challenging you, Majesty, please don't take it like that because that's why I waited to talk to you so nobody saw and you can just say you kicked me out for being incompetent or bad at gathering love because I am I don't ever share even though I get so much and please don't get mad at me or wipe my mind this isn't-"

Who knows how much longer he would have continued on. Who knows how much longer and how many more excuses he would have made.

They'll never know.

Every single one of them died when she reached out, and patted him on the head.

>...I know...

Her voice was low, softer than he had ever remembered hearing it.

>I know, she won't leave, and you're not going to take her child from her. I know. The portal... just isn't safe for a baby. It wouldn't work, you being over there. I know...

He went numb as she just continued to rub her hoof on his head, softly moving the fin-like bristles off to the side.

>...I wish you would come. They won't accept her over here. You'll face their derision, their scorn and their hate for the rest of your life over here. We can protect her better. We can accept her better. She doesn't need to fear death or hate with us around. We are stronger in unison, that is why we are a hive. You should come with us, and get a chance at real happiness.

"I-I know... but..."

>But you can't.

"...No."

>Not even for her?

He winced, a hoof instinctively going to the babies side, touching her, just to know she's still there.

"...I would if they hurt her... and I know... I know Glimmer wouldn't stay if they hurt her. But this is Glimmer's home. She's not like us. She can't just tear away from everything she's ever known. She can't just leave it, it means too much to her. I can't... I can't make her leave it. Not after everything she's done for me."

>...I understand. If ever you need a place, or when she grows if she wishes to know her true family, come. Call, if they should come for you. Call if they should threaten you. We hid away for too long... but we have not forgotten how to fight. None of us.

"I-I'm still a member of the hive? I'm not... not banished for disobeying you?"

>...Indeed.

Her hoof finally left his head, and she turned away.

>...Loyalty versus love... rarely goes well for the former. Be safe... 'dadling'.

He gave a weak, weary smile at that, a bit of weight rising from his shoulders.

"I have a name. It's "The Gre-"

>No.

"...Aww..."

>...I will be watching you. When the time should come you need your hive... I shall be there.

"When?"

>Yes...

Slowly, easily, she began to walk off.

>...When.

And just like that, his majesty was gone.

"...We should probably tell your mother we're not leaving before she has a heart attack."

A gurglle was her only response.

"Wait!? How cruel!... Just because she does it to me... your idea, not mine!"

She must have been all for the idea.

...Why else would she laugh so much?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC

>Mother! The changelings are gone from Canterlot!

"YES! KICKASS! MOBILIZE THE FORCES! ALL OF THE FORCES! ALL OF THEM AND THEN WE ARE GOING TO BLOW THAT GIANT BITCH RIGHT OUT OF THE-"

>Except Chitania.

"..."

>...So, yeah, probably should have started with that before you started telling everyone to mobilize.

"...This is why I skipped your birthday."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
"Various Guards"
'Peacetrotter'
[Silver]
~~~~
>Good evening maggots! When I was young, we didn't have fancy-schmanzy gear. We had a slingshot with only 1 rock to share. Today however, Hearth's Warming Day came early. I bought you all presents. I'm having representatives bring them to other cities, but here I decided I want to do this myself...Robots for everypony! You get a robot! You get a robot! Everypony gets a robot!

"Even recruits?"

>Most likely as I'm going to end up putting you guys on the field much sooner than I thought. This robot right here is called the Peacetrotter. She comes with a built in ice gun and defrost beam...that was re-purposed from refrigerators when they realized it was too powerful for a fridge. Each are capable of generating a temporary dome shield that you can use to take cover in. It was originally suppose to keep out bugs and protect the food at picnics, but they found it more useful as a shield. It comes with complementary smoke bombs, stink bombs, tear gas, flash bangs, muscle relaxer gun, and other various non-lethal weapons, but they're battle saddle compatible and you can be mix and match weapons to fit the situation. We can probably mount a chaingun on Peacetrotter to provide suppressive fire if needed. It uses generic parts, but it can be repaired more easily than the more expensive ones. It's got the most advance user friendly AI on the market that's capable of learning and adapting from its environment. Eventually, it'll develop it's own personality, so take care of them. Say hello, Peacetrotter.

A smooth kind motherly voice comes out.
'Hello. Let's please work together to keep the peace.'

"Is there anything wrong with the AI?"

>What? No no...well it used to be a Nanny, so it'll occasionally asks if you can put on a coat, if you're not wearing one.

'Miss, can you please wear a co-'

>No. Anyway, let's make do a demonstration shall we?

'Certainly, miss.'

>Charley Horse! Point your side arm at the Peacetrotter.

He pulls out a pistol and points it at Peacetrotter.
'Can you please comply and drop your weapon? I don't want you to get hurt.'

"...she's not very intimidating."

'Please forgive me.'
Her eyes shine brightly and blinks rapidly.

"OH GEEZ!"
He drops his gun and covers his eyes.
"I think I'm going to have a seizure!"

>Great, now freeze him.

'Please forgive me.'
The Peacetrotter fires its ice gun and freezes Charley Horse in a block of ice.

>And just like that he's incapacitated and we can take our time dealing with him. You can unfreeze him now.

It fires off the defrost beam and unfreezes him.
"Cold cold cold."

'I'm sorry. Would you like me to get you a coat or some hot coco?'

"Y-yes to both please."

"It's like the Power Ponies comic."

>That's right. Fantasy is now reality folks.

"Cooool...like literally."

>Oh, and last but not least, you're all going to be issued new helmets. The when you pull down the visor of the new helmets you'll be able to remote control the Peacetrotter you get assigned with.

"Wow! This is some gift!"

"This isn't some trick to blow us up is it?"

"Yeah, what's the catch?"

>The catch is you have to use the Peacetrotters on duty. You get to keep them next to you bunks in the barracks, but if I give you one, you better use it. Equestria is dangerous and we need to modernize if we're to be effective. I'll be drilling you on mixed tactics with them tomorrow. For now have fun.

[They seem to really like your gifts. You were actually serious about the robots.]

>Of course, I'm serious. I'm only doing what I can until the trainees become official guards.

[...Is it me or do the Peacetrotters look kind of like your mom?]

>That's...that's a complete coincidence. My mom was way prettier.

[...]

>Just let them enjoy their new toys.

"Sweet, it comes with pepper spray. I wonder if *PSSSH* AAAAHH THIS ISN'T PEPPER!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Dash
"Fleetfoot"
'Soarin'
~~~

"This is so demeaning!"

>SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SORT, FLEETFOOT! I SWEAR I WILL FIRE YOU!

"I'll be good!"

'U-uh, Dash? You-'

>Hey, Soarin', S-buddy old pal old WB boy, how ya' doin'. You doin' good? No, you're not. You're not doing good. You want to know how I can tell? It's a secret, one I'll share. This is just for you buddy, just between us good friends... a-hem... you, that's you the Soarin' to clarify... you... are NOT FUCKING SORTING!

'I'm sorting! I'm sorting! You're just being a little intense here!'

>You shut the fuck up! We have applicants! APPLICANTS! We have people who WANT to be in this shitty shamble of a backstabbing organization!

"Harsh!"

>..

"...ONE TIME I try to convince you to betray your hometown, your friends and everyone you know, I swear..."

>Point is, these are PONIES, PONIES WHO WANNA BE WONDERBOLTS! And now, for the first time since I got here, WE CAN BE PICKY! We can choose ONLY the ONE HUNDRED BEST of these many, many, MANY LETTERS! Now pull up your thongs, put on your best reading glasses, buckle down and SORT OR YOU ARE FIRED!

"WE'RE SORTING STOP YELLING!"

>GOOD!

"..."

'...C-'

>WHAAAAT!?

'...C-can I use the bathroom?'

>...........

'...N-nevermind...'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“Spike”
_____

*clink*

>Well now, what’s all this here? Two plates o’ limited edition apple cider cake?

“You bet.”

>Ah’m shocked, honestly… Ah usually have tuh’ put in an order three weeks in advance to get mah fair share.

“Nothing but the best for my applebutt.”

>…oh, so Ah’m yer’s again, am Ah?

“Hey, just because we had a little falling out doesn’t mean you suddenly stopped being that, my applebutt.”

>Sound reasonin’, Ah guess….

“Damn right it is, now tuck in.”

>Wait, ‘fore all that, what’s the special occasion here? Ya don’t jus’ bring out the good cake like this without meanin’.

“Oh. Ha, yeah. There’s just a mass exodus of Changelings marching through the castle, probably heading towards the portal.”

>…

“So I just figured, hey, before you blew your stack, maybe some cake to grease the incoming headache.”

>Huh, more sound reasonin’. Yeah, pass me a fork, loverboy.

It was at that moment a gang of no less than twenty Changelings stomped past the open door, without even drawing so much as a single glance from the rooms occupants.

>Ya know what, make that three slices. Ah’mma need the fuel for this’n.

“Not a problem.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >PJ
"Crystal Pony"
~~~~
PJ sneaks a sack of potatoes from the kitchen and scurries into an empty room to munch.
>*munch munch munch*

~Flashback~
>Mrrmrmphm?

"No, sorry. We don't grow potatoes here."

>Mmmphm? Mmmrmrphmem?

"No we don't have any animals wild or captive here, so there's no meat here."

PJ drops her potato
>WHAT!?!

~Present~
She starts eating her potato more aggressively and finishes it.
>...but it feels like I only just got back.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC

>I told Diamond Tiara to just give them to them and I'd get the okay from you.

"Hey, cool, no. Get rid of them or I throw them in the trash compactor. I might do that anyway."

>What!? Why!?

"...Besides the reasons I listed in the meeting you were present for?"

>Yes, besides those.

"Well for starters, you, someone with no connection to my military, has just given permission to an underage filly to give a whole bunch of ponies something to illegally use without my knowledge or consent, and you did so declaring that she could give them to my guards first, and then you would ask me. If nothing else, I've got to rebuke you just to keep face. If I let this happen, I'd look like a massive doormat. I mean, just on principal I have to do this, you backed me into a corner regardless of how much I would have said 'trash compactor' anyway."

>...Yeah, in hindsight, this was a massive dick move.

"So, trash compactor? Trash compactor.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________