El Presidente

>Another day, another shift at the cigar factory.
>Pride of the island's economy.
>Known the world over for its high quality, pony made cigars.
>At least, that's what the guy on the radio says.
>The year is 1962.
>Again, at least, thats what the exciteable fellow on the radio says.
>This entire world is kind of strange to you.
>At least for now, you can head home.
>Surprisingly, your place here on this island is bigger than where you lived back in Equestria.
>Our Town didn't have the biggest homes...
>And your place here was designed for humans, not ponies.
>Something about redesigning the tenements for ponies would be a waste of money, when we still fit fine.
>The food's pretty good too.
>Not so much hay and oats, that stuff has to be imported.
>It doesn't grow so well on the island.
>But, you pretty much got all the corn, papaya, bannana, and pineapple you could ever want.
>While you are walking down the street, you hear some commotion around the next corner, in a dark alley

>Out of curiosity, you peek your head around the corner.
>Before you stands two humans.
>One, dressed in something the humans call 'camoflauge' with a red beret, the other dressed in a fine light colored suit with medals covering his chest, wearing sun glasses, and a fancy hat.
>With his hands raised in the air.
>Oh shit.
>It's El Presidente!
>You'd recognize him anywhere, from all the statues around.
>And the other human is holding a gun in his direction.
>Oh double shit.
>One of the rebels is holding El Presidente hostage!
>And the rebel hasn't spotted you, it seems.
>El Presidente has noticed you out of the corner of his eyes.
>"Revolution will come, 'Presidente'!  You will be forced to answer for your crimes against the citizens!"
>Filthy rebels...
>Carefully, you sneak up behind the distracted rebel, while he shouts off absurd charges at El Presidente.
>Wich a quick buck to the back of his legs, the rebel is knocked over, and El Presidente quickly draws his own weapon, pointing it at the rebel.
>"Filthy rebel!  El Presidente has many loyal citizens whom love him.  You made a mistake, trying to take me out in the midst of the city!"
>With a quick swing of his arm, El Presidente pistol whips the rebel right in the face, knocking him out.
>"You there, pony!  You have saved El Presidente's life!"
>El Presidente, leader of the greatest nation on this 'Earth' you find yourself living on now is speaking right to you!
>And he is grateful for your help!
>"You will come with me back to the palace!  You shall become my pony personal assistant and body guard."

>The palace!
>Very few ponies ever get to visit the palace.
>And now, you've been personally invited there by El Presidente to work for him!
Thank you, El Presidente!  I would be honored!
>"What is your name, pony."
I am Double Diamond, sir.  I work at the cigar factory, pride of the Tropican Economy!
>"Not anymore, you don't.  Remember, you work for me, at the presidential palace now."
>El Presidenty nods, as he pulls out a cigar and lights it up.
>"Your first job is to help me carry this dirty rebel to the guard post, the next street over."
Yes, sir!
>El Presidente grabs the man, and lifts him over your back.
>Being a strong Earth Pony, you are plenty strong to carry him, even if he drags quite a bit.
>Come pony, to the guard post.
>The sun gets lower in the sky, putting a brilliant orange glow across the capital city.
>Kind of odd how they don't have someone like Celestia to move their sun...
>It just kinda does it's own thing.
>As you move along, the guard post comes into view.
>As soon as the guards see you, along with El Presidente, they come running to meet you.
>"Is everything OK sir?"
>"Is that unconcious dude a filthy rebel?"

>El Presidente holds up his hand, and the two guards who have come to meet you immediately are silenced.
>"Yes, everything is fine.  This filthy rebel tried to capture me, right in the middle of town."
>He then motions to you.
>"This fine pony citizen came upon me and assisted me in my predicament."
>After pausing for a moment, El Presidente continues.
>"Please take this rebel scum, and take him by the pub down on Santiago Street.  The fellows there will know what to do with him."
>Both guards give a sharp salute to El Presidente, and relieve you of your burden.
>"Come pony, the palace awaits.  It is not far."
>Quickly and quietly, you fall in just behind El Presidente, and you walk to the presidential Palace.
>The closer you get, the more common the beautiful statues of El Presidente and other Tropican heroes become.
>Brings a slight tear to your eye...
>Those who died spreading the Tropican way across the world.
>All the wonderful things El Presidente has done.
>Sure, you miss equestria, but this place is nice.
>The food is all free, as is the housing, so all the money you get from your job goes towards whatever luxury goods you decide you want.
>Things like imported oats.
>Soon enough, you reach the front gate of the palace, and the guards greet El Presidente, and move to stop you.
>"Sir, there is a pony following you into the Palace."
>El Presidente stops, and turns to speak to the guard.
>"Yes.  He is with me.  He is my new advisor and bodyguard."
>The guard salutes El Presidente, and allows you to follow behind, into the beautiful gardens of the Presidential Palace.

>"So, Double Diamond, was it?  You are the first pony to show me true loyalty by saving me from that rebel."
>El presidente continues strolling through the gardens, you following behind.
>"For that, you shall be given residence here at the palace, and you will be my personal assistant, advisor and guard."
Th-th-thank you, El Presidente!
>Wow!  You will get to live in the palace!
>AND advise El Presidente.

El Presidente...  What of my belongings in my old home?
>Your glorious leader waves his hand dismissivly.
>"Tomorrow, once you have proper identification, and a uniform befitting your new post. You can go collect your belongings."
>Oh man.
>You are gonna get a swanky uniform too!
Uhh...  What kind of uniform is befitting my post?
>"You shall wear the uniform of the top military officers of Tropico!  White, with gold trim..."
>El Presidente pauses for a moment.
>"It shall be glorious."
>You almost think you see a single tear falling down El Presidente's cheek.
>But, you can never be sure.
>Soon, you find yourself in a place very few creatures ever find themselves.
>Inside the Tropcian ruler's palace.
>Inside are many humans, working to keep the place secured, cleaned, and full of delicious food.
>They eye you strangely.
>After going up a few sets of stairs behind El Presidente, he stops in front of a large, ornate wooden door.
>"Pony.  These shall be your quarters here at the palace."
Thank you, El Presidente.
>"Take some time to get settled, and I will send my tailor to get your measurements for a uniform."
>You bow before El Presidente, and proceed push to open the door to your new residence as he continues down the hallway.

>Before you is a very large room, furnished with many variety of fine things.
>On the far wall, is a balcony, that overlooks the capital of Tropico.
>There are two doors on the left wall.
>Hot diggity, this is amazing compared to the unit you lived in in the tenement.
>A patio, and two whole doors leading to other spaces.
>Man, you best check those doors out.
>First, you move towards the closest door.
>Upon opening it, you find an impressively huge closet.
>You don't own much in the way of clothing, but it's still sweet to have.
>Moving to the second door, you open it as well.
>Inside, you find a bathroom.
>Your own, personal bathroom.
>Shit, it's twice as big as the one you shared in the tenement.
>And you wont have to share it with half a dozen other ponies.
>Here, in the palace, you will have the sweet life.

>After a time of checking out the rest of the details of your new home, and resting on a big kamphy chair, a knock at the door rousts you from your siesta.
>You move over to the door, and open it.
>Beyond is a human.
>A tall, thin human who greets you with a  slight lisp.
>"So,  you are the pony I am to fit for a uniform."
Yes, El Presidente wished for me to have a new uniform.  You need to take measurements?
>"Yes, sweetie, with a few measurements, I can get a fabulous uniform made for you real quick like."
>The man pulls out a measuring tape.
>"Stand with some good posture, and hold it, and then I can work my magic."
>You take a deep breath, and assume the most elegant pose you can.
>Then, the tailor moves to work, taking measurements all over your body.
>Some of them, you think can't be necessary for fitting a fancy uniform...
>But, he knows best.
>He IS El Presidente's personal tailor, afterall.
>"Alright.  I should have a wonderful jacket ready for you by tomorrow morning.  Ta Ta!"
>El Presidente's tailor heads back out into the main all, leaving you alone once again in your new home.

>A thought crosses your mind.
>Your new place does not include a kitchen.
>And, after  a long day of working the cigar factory, and saving El Presidente,  you are getting rather peckish.
>You peek out the door into the hallway, and look around.
>To the left, near the stairwell you came up, is a fellow dressed in green camoflauge, wielding a large, impressive rifle.
>Surely, he knows where to find the food.
>You move down the hallway towards  him.
Uh... Excuse me, sir...  Where is the kitchen here in the palace? I'm kind of hungry.
>The fellow looks down at you.
>"You are new assistant to El Presidente, yes?  Dining room is downstairs, second door on left."
>He then salutes you.
>"Hail, El Presidente!"

>Soon, you find what appears to be a dining room.
>It is... quite fancy.
>This looks like the kind of place Princess Celestia might have eaten dinner.
>Well, before...
>No.
>No need to think about that.
Hello?  Anyone here?  I'm wondering where I can find dinner?
>From a small door off to the side, a petite human woman sticks her head out.
>"Hello?"
Hey, I'm looking for where I can get some food.
>"Shoo, pony shoo!  You get food at the market.  No pony in palace!"
>The lady goes back into the other room after waving her hands at you.
But...  I'm El Presidente's new assistant...
>Humans can be wierd.
>And it seems this lady didn't get the memo.
>After your additional comment, she sticks her head back into the dining room.
>"Oh, you new assistant?  Me so sorry. What food you want?"
>Mmmm...
>It's been a long time since  you've had a good bowl of oats.

Ummm, do you have any oats?
>"Yes, oats.  We have oatmeal.  You want oatmeal?"
>That sounds like a good option.
Yes, please.  That sounds tasty.
>"You sit down at table.  Me bring you oatmeal quick."
>With that, the lady heads back into what you assume is the kitchen, and you grab a seat at the large, ornate table.
>A few minutes later, the lady returns, with a large steaming bowl of oatmeal, with an additional tray of fresh fruit, sugar, and syrup.
>The kind of fruit they don't grow on tropico.
>Blueberries, grapes, strawberries...
>Man, this might be even better than you thought it would be.
>You put some blueberries into your bowl of oatmeal, and proceed to dig in.
>A great way to finish the last day you had to work in the Cigar factory.
>As you are finishing, the lady from the kitchen comes back out.
>"You done pony?  Need do dishes."
Yes, thank you.  The oatmeal and fruit was delicious.
>"Good pony.  You go now.  Need clean table."
Alright.
>You step out of the chair, and head back towards your room.

>Upon arriving back at your chambers, you flop upon your large, human sized bed.
>It is as comfortable as you imagined the pegasus cloud beds felt.
>You never got to try anything like that.
>You couldn't afford one enchanted for an earth pony to sleep on, and in the village...
>Well, everyone slept on a simple hay stuffed mattress.
>You miss living there, simple though it was.
>But, Tropico was a great place too.
>Even working in the Cigar factory.
>It's much nicer than the Equestrian factories.
>Everypony in the Cigar Factory was happy.
>Especially considering the fate most of the ponies here in Tropico were facing when the humans opened the portal.
>You shudder at the thought of what might have happened.
>After laying for an indeterminate amount of time, a knock comes at the door.
>Outside, the orange glow of the sunset colors the edge of your room.
"Yes, I'll be right there."
>You stand up, and move towards the door.
>A human in fine dress stands before you.
>"Mister  Double Diamond, your presence is requested by El Presidente in the meeting chambers.

>The human who knocked upon your door has taken you to what is labeled as "The Cabinet Meeting Chamber"
>It appears to be two stories below the ground level of the presidential mansion.
>Within is a large table, surrounded by many chairs.
>Currently, they are filled with a number of humans, with El Presidente sitting at the far end, with an empty seat next to him.
>"Welcome, friend!"
>El Presidente warmly greets you as you step in, and motions towards the empty seat next to him.
>Some of the humans look at you strangely...
>Others, angrily.
>By Celestia, what kind of adders nest have you walked into?
>You move to the empty seat next to El Presidente, and sit down.
>"Welcome to my Cabinet.  Around you are the greatest minds and movers of Tropico."
>El Presidente moves his arms about the room, motioning to the humans sitting around this large table.
>"Ees gut to see one of zee ponies making such a...  nice impression on Herr Presidente."
>The man who spoke in a strange accent, wearing a long white coat, looked and sounded slightly familiar...
>Suddenly, it hits you.
>This is one of the human scientists who created the portal between Equestria and Earth.
>"Why do you bring one of these... creatures into your inner circle, El Presidente?"

>El Presidente shoots a dirty look at the advisor who questions your presence here.
>"He has proven his loyalty to myself and the state of Tropico more than many who sit in this very chamber."
>The advisor, wearing a fancy green uniform, seems taken slightly back.
>"He personally saved me from a filthy rebel who was trying to take me out."
>While dipping his head, the advisor apologizes to El Presidente.
>"I am sorry sir, it just seems so...  unconventional."
>"General, if you know me at all, I am not at all conventional."
>El Presidente then moves his gaze back across the other humans sitting in the meeting chamber.
>"Now, this is Double Diamond.  As I said, he saved my life today, and I have chosen to bring him here to the palace an advisor on pony business, and as a personal assistant to myself."
>El Presidente moves his powerful gaze to you, and gives a slight nod.
Uhh...  Hello everyone.
>El Presidente nods again, and continues.
>"We have many ponies living and working here in Tropico, and to keep them working hard and content, I feel having a pony here will bring useful insight to this council."
>The other advisors turn to each other and mumble quietly, many of them sounding amenable to El Presidente's idea.

>After your introduction, El Presidente moved the meeting into other business related to the running of Tropico.
>To you, it was mostly nonsense that you couldn't make heads or tails of.
>Sure, you could understand the words, but the way they went together was  simply beyond you.
>After an hour and a half, El Presidente called the meeting closed for the day, and all the advisors left the room and went their own ways.
>El Presidente then turned to you as you were preparign to get up out of the stranage human chair.
>"So, pony.  You seemed confused at the meeting."
Yes, El Presidente...  Matters of state in a place like Tropico are a bit beyond me.  Back before I came here, I was the right hoof stallion to a pony who ran a town...
>You sigh sadly, thinking back to how things went in Equestria.
>But, now is not the time for that.
That was just taking her orders, and making sure everypony stayed the course.
>El Presidente nods happily.
>"Excellent.  You will be a better assistant to myself than I might have imagined before."
Yes, sir.  I will carry out any order you ask of me to the best of my abilities.
>"Good.  I do infact have a specific task for you this evening."
>Yes!
>El Presidente already has something for you to take care of.
>Hopefully, it's something super important to the stability and future of the best nation on earth.
Anything, El Presidente!  What will you have me do?
>"I want you to go leave a flaming bag of poo on Juanito's doorstep."
>...
>wat?

You want me to...  prank the radio DJ?
>"Yes."
Uhh...  any particular reason why?
>"Because listening to him moan about the silly things that happen to him on the radio entertains me greatly."
>Huh.
>You suppose that makes a little more sense.
>"And you are the perfect agent of mine to mess with Juanito.  He doesn't know you.  Not yet, atleast."
>El Presidente then reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a small card.
>"This card will grant you access to the palace when you return from your assignment."
>El Presidente holds the card towards you, and you grasp it with your mouth.
>"The guards at the front gate are quite loyal, and may give you a hard time.  They only do their job, keeping me safe."
>You flip the card onto your back, and respond to El Presidente.
Thank you, El Presidente. But...  how do you want me to assemble this 'bag'.
>"Pony, I trust your judgement on how best to execute this assignment."
>With that, El Presidente moves to the door, leaving you to your own devices.