when I think I'm like a white sheet, I do not really think, things come to me simply, I control nothing, it comes and it goes.
I will try to elaborate a bit about how I think, and I am so that people understand better who I am and why I act as I act. I do not do anything naughty but there are not many people who really understand me and I try to help you understand me.
Since I did my psychoses, as I said I'm like a blank sheet ... for example if I take a toaster, well I see the toaster in front of me and in my head at the same time. while I make the movement of lowering the bread in the toaster, I see the toaster in my head peeling off. pieces are removed to allow me to see each component of the toaster and its mechanism allowing me to use the toaster by understanding how it works.
it's a little similar with people. I understand the choice of people's words ... I understand ... their body language ... I know that such a movement connected to such chosen words ... makes me know what to say to the person. and I do not know what I'm going to say to the person either ... I have no idea I just have a blank sheet in my head ... but I know the answer will help the person ... give him hope ... or come ask the person a challenge to see another perception ... several possibilities to this ... but I know what the person means ... depends on the body language mixed with the choice of words .. I know the real message behind the sentence pronounced by the person .... the secret behind if you want. worse, people often do not expect me to give this answer and I am amazed that I give this answer the ... it's like messages coming to me ... I speak with my heart not with my head because my head is empty like a blank sheet most of the time. except when I'm in a trance ... trance in which I spend most of my time. I let my instinct tell me ... it's the right thing to say at this time the ... I lived in my head ... the reality is in my head ... but the real reality is secondary .. in metaphor ... it's as if I could enter another dimension ... on the visual side ... I can see everything in my head at the same time to see everything in reality. I think everyone can actually do it ... but what I see in my head I connect with information stored in my head. every thing that appears in my head like a thought, I see things zoom in this image the ... these particular features ... its symbols that I connect to information I know ... and then ... the whole picture becomes understandable ... why it appears in my head ... what does it mean ... like the toaster ... each component allows me to understand ... the function of the toaster ... how does it lower the bread ... then heat ... then toast the bread ... and blew the bread. but I can not explain it ... I can not say such component of the toaster is named ... I can not say the name of this component ...
I do not really speak much, I am introverted and I do not speak much. in events that are social. I can be really introverted in my corner on my laptop and I do not speak ... I hear nothing, I'm in my bubble, I'm in trance, and my brain goes there. I control nothing is like images that pass in my head and I analyze. it's raw information.
from the age of 9 to 25 I had the mission to listen to 6 documentaries a day, which I had to do arduously, I have not often missed my goal of 6 documentaries per day. but with psychosis I do not really remember any more information I've accumulated. There are not many people who know this part of my life, I have lived that alone in my world. it's like retaining the 2012 larousse par coeur, or the 2012 heart by heart botin or rewriting the complete harry potter 3 book on the computer, and I still have the floppy disk at home. it's a ton of information that I've accumulated, and that I've forgotten everything because of psychosis. and mental health medication, 25 pills a day now I have one injection a month that slowly decreases and halves the decrease. now I am a lecturer, I lecture on the hearing of voices, and by voice I speak of phenomena and not of hallucination but phenomena ... which touched my 5 senses .... which in my opinion came to me past traumas ... being sensitive ... even hyper sensitive ... I am very easy to traumatize .... because of that I began to feel emotions in the form of phenomena. to feel memories in the form of phenomena ... ... seeing watches and dead people in front of me it reflected a fear inside me ... to hear voices denigrate me it was more like a memory representing .... to smell different smells. .. it was more a reminder that I have a serious problem of food ... to feel a different texture than the real in my mouth ... a taste ... tactile trauma ... it's hard to to say ... I have yet to discover ... but on one side ...

I have to take the time to think to answer ... when someone asks me a question that I expect ... I answer without knowing what I'm going to say ... my heart speaks ... I a white sheet in the head ... the sentence is revealed to me as much as to the person who speaks to me ... and sometimes it puts me in the poop. because I say is not expected by the people ... sometimes it can be said in very direct words ... I could use vulgar words ... or say things that are unrelated but have report ... because in reality I speak as a symbol ... and I think you already see it in the way that I speak ... I illustrate things with metaphors to help you better understand the real meaning I mean because a picture is worth a thousand words. that's how i am how i work ... it's hard because everyone seems to think on the spot ... but i have so much information to accumulate ... that i have to sort the l information and analyze the moment to answer ... that's why sometimes when someone asks me a question that I remain silent and that I do not speak ... seeming to ignore you but not everything has been recorded ... I I leave or change my discussions .... then 6 months later when I speak with the same person I answer his question of 6 months ago because I could think of the right words to make him understand the true sense .... give him the right answer to his question ... and find the pictures that I will use to make him understand correctly. I think I can do very complex metaphors ...
What intrigues me the most is why I have no idea what I am going to say before I say it ... Is it the same for you? it worried me a lot before ... like a lot ... I felt misunderstood ... I still have the rarest type of personality with 1-2% of the world's population who ... feels very misunderstood because one is not much to have this type of personality ...
I also had a photographic memory, I can remember in detail things that happened at specific moments of my life ... all I saw were recording ... and all I heard was recording. .. that's what allowed me to remember the dictionary and the botin by heart among other things ... then in my high school exams ... when I bumped into a question ... in my head I could remember in the course where we had learned to solve this kind of question ... I remember ... who was digging in the nose ... who was searching in his pencil holder ... but especially what the teacher said and seeing this who was writing on the board at that exact moment ... allowing me to answer the question ... I had very good grades at school ... I was still making mistakes because I could not use this technique has all the questions lack of time ... now I have more concentration ... I have a hard time concentrating for some s hours but working a 40-hour week thought spontaneously ... I would not be able to ... I have a blank sheet in my head ... I can not think too much because thinking is taking away ... more I think the more I am exhausted ... because I analyze so many possibilities at the same time ... so many different ways of seeing things ... to perceive the chances ... to see things from different angles ... so much information that I can relate to so many components .... it's crazy ... I must take time to think before doing something ... and being a speaker allows me to train my brain ... and I train myself to become more spontaneous but the words come to me and I learn from myself ... sometimes it's not even what I expected to say ... neither the nobody ... but it's a possible answer to a situation ... it's a very possible answer ... totally close to being true and being the right solution ... because We can see a lot of possibilities ... but we find the answer to a given problem if we are given time to think by entering our trance to the solution to the problem. we are solver problems ... it is as if we were ancestral libraries ... collecting a lot of information through the ages and generations or even old lives ... and at the niceau of the writing I have a innate instinct to know how the word will be written ... even before I learn the dictionary by heart ... ... I knew that the word baptheme took a h even if it is silent ... because for me it was logical that there was an H at this place ... without even knowing why there is a h in this word ... I remember a lot of things ... I make mistakes it's on but it's rare and everyone asks me how it is written ... I know how to write n ' any word nearly all the time because I memorize the dictionary ... but I have no memory of what I remember it just comes to me instinctively ... it's more in the grammar that I make mistakes ... as for example in a dissertation ... place the question before the proof or the intro followed by paragraphs and ending with the conclusion ... I am not someone very very structured ... like not everything ... and I have no notion of time ... like really not ... like 1 month and 1 year for me it can be the same thing ... because all that I reminder it was a year ago followed by there is a month ... so it's hard for me to follow the time ... it's also for that when someone tells me he picks me up but it will take 30 minutes ... well I go down immediately I'm waiting 30 minutes outside ... a real waste of time ... but I do not have the notion of time ... and I lost my time ... there is no greater torture for me than to follow a clock ... I do not know how you do to follow a clock ...
I am totally disconnected from reality .. I live in my head ... I am not in the reality I am like a body with a conscience and I remain in my consciousness instead of being in the real world .. and I am able to be in the real world and in my consciousness at the same time ... be able to analyze a ton of information ... to develop a complex theory in my head ... then suddenly someone one asks me a question and I do not stop analyzing and then I answer but it's complicated because I have to concentrate on two things at the same time ... then I do not even look at the person I can not see the person all this that I see all this information in my head it blocks me like the view partially ... it is as if there was a showcase between my conscience and the reality .... my ideas are reflected in the showcase .. but through the image or the video I see through the window the reality