Sup. This got long and I’m not sorry.

So this week has been Aromantic Awareness week, and I’ve been considering writing this for about as long. I’ve decided to go for it, mostly because I wanted to take some time to sit down and talk about my experiences being aromantic and to bring awareness to this identity in general. Especially since this is the one label I’ve been gatekept about.

Let me begin by saying that this is my experience. As I’m sure you know, every person experiences things differently, and being aromantic is no different. I am not an expert. I have no idea what I’m doing. But this is the label that makes sense to me, and so I’m going to talk about it to the best of my ability.

My name is Silas and I'm bi aro ace.Yes, I call myself all three of them. Let’s talk about why.

The ace part is easy. I haven’t had an experience with sex (male, female, or otherwise) that didn’t end with me in tears, having a breakdown immediately afterwards. I’m a sex-repulsed asexual.

The bi and aro parts aren’t as easy.

Let’s start with some definitions, shall we?
Aromantic - a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others.
Gray-Romantic - a person who experiences romantic attraction but not very often

For me, the differences are pretty minute. I’ve get pseudo-crushes, every now and then. They’ve lasted, cumulative, maybe two months total in the past ten years. Does that count as “little” or “not very often”? For that matter, what's even the difference between platonic and romantic love? Asking for a friend.

So, why do I call myself aromantic? Because romance gives me anxiety.

For me, romance and dating comes with unsaid expectations. Things like kissing after the first date, or holding hands during a movie, or having sex on valentines day, and so on and so forth. And those are expectations that just don’t make sense to me, and so going on “dates” gives me more anxiety than excitement, because I’m obsessing over the right responses I’m supposed to have to certain things.

Then suddenly my relationships end up feeling more like a business transaction than something enjoyable. Because I’m forcing myself to act like someone I’m not, because now I have to be someone who can give more than I actually have in me, because everyone knows these things and I don’t. Then relationships become something I want to avoid talking about or thinking about, because it’s just All Too Much To Deal With.

And that is the biggest and main reason why I call myself aromantic.

Now, that doesn’t mean I don’t want A Person to hold hands with, or to cuddle on the couch while watching movies or play video games, or to give kisses on the cheek, to spend time with in ways that are actually enjoyable and fun and don’t give me anxiety and make me obsess over my every move. And there’s a term for that, actually. It’s called a Queerplatonic Relationship. That, is what I want.

And that’s where the bi part comes in. Because I don’t care if that other person is male, female, nonbinary, trans, agender or any other gender.

So, while we’re on the subject, what is even the difference between bi and pan? Because I’ve finally found a single definition that makes sense to me, and this is it:
Bi - attraction to multiple genders where gender is a factor within the attraction, where attraction feels different when it’s directed at a specific gender.
Pan - attraction to people regardless of gender. Gender is not a factor, you’d expect a blanket sensation of attraction of which gender it is attached to.

So, yes. My name is Silas and I am ace, I am aro, and I am bi, looking for someone to be My Person, with no romance and no sex but with most everything else.

And I’m doing this just so say that we're out here and we're exist and we deserve as much love and representation and anyone else in the lgbtqia+ community.

Thank you for your time.