A Simple Test

A Simple Test

>be Anon, as per usual
>sitting on your patio on a beautiful summer day, glass of lemonade held high
>chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
>no b-ball, though
>oh yes, nothing could ruin this fine day
>”Smawty fine wand faw dummeh hewd!”
>a dull shout of “way” is heard from a short distance away
>you open your eyes and remove your shades
>standing in front of you is a twelve-fluffy herd, smarty included
>who, as it stands to be, is currently sneering at you
>”Dis smawty wand, dummeh hoomin! Weave-“
>you cut him off
>”…now, or get big ouchies?”
>the smarty looks startled for a split second
>”How dummeh know wha’ smawty wan’ say?!”
>”Please, like you’re the first smarty to show up in my yard.”
>”Dewe…uddah smawties?! Bes’ smawty gon’ gif bigges’ owwies!”
>while he’s rambling to himself about his plots for mass destruction, you decide to take a look at the herd
>all of them are completely rigid, staring off into space
>“…and den smawty gon’ use hown ting ta-“
>”Say, what’s wrong with your herd?”
>he looks at you like you just asked the most idiotic question in the world
>”Dey dummehs.”
>”What do you mean by dummies?”
>at that, one of the fluffies speaks up
>”Fbwend.”
>”Oh. Oh. That’s what’s wrong with them.”
>the smarty grins and nods his head
>”Smawty haf hewd fuww of dummeh fwuffies!”
>he comes in close and puts a hoof beside his face, as if to muffle his voice to the other fluffies
>”Dey easy faw hafin’ spechaw huggies wif.”
>”Thanks for letting me know.”
>”Buh dis smawty wand now! Weave.”
>you put down your glass
>”You want this land? Fine. You can have it.”
>the smarty turns to his “dummeh hewd” and starts to tell them the good news
>”On one condition, that is.”
>he stops and turns around with a glare
>”Wha’ condishun?!”
>”Well, you are a smarty in a dummy herd, no?”
>the smarty nods, keeping his rigid, angry glare
>”Then you should be able to answer a question for me.”
>”Dummeh hoomin! Smawty nu haf time faw quesshun!”
>”Well, a REAL smarty would never turn down a chance to prove how smart he really is. Guess you’re hardly a smarty.”
>the other eleven fluffies let out a simultaneous “ooooooooh”
>”Smawty am bestest smawty! Wha’ dummeh quesshun?!”
>”Is a set of all sets a set of itself?”
>the smarty freezes in place instantly
>you see his eyes drift off in two different directions
>his posture becomes slouched and lazy
>his mouth hangs agape and he begins to drool
>”Wha’ happen…ta…smawty…”
>”Relax, it’ll wear off in about an hour. Now, you should be in the hypnotic state by now, so listen clearly: there’s a shelter about a block from here. Walk past the big tree, and it’ll be on the left. You can’t miss it.”
>”Wha’ weft?”
>”You know, why don’t you just sit in front of the tree? I’m sure they’ll spot you and your herd there.”
>the smarty ever so slowly nods and leads his herd out of the yard
>one fluffy remains sitting there, staring up at you
>”Go on, now. Your smarty might leave without you.”
>the fluffy opens its mouth to speak
>”Profuse thanks, dearest person. You have brought concord to this astonishing flock following quite a lengthy period.”
>with that, the fluffy walks back to the smarty
>you lean back in your deck chair and snatch the lemonade glass
>goddamn is it ever fun to drop logic bombs on a fluffy pony