amanda but no dbd

There wasn't as much pain, here. Not for her, at least. If there's a distinction between predator and prey, Amanda must have been placed in the former category. In a way, it made sense. She had to be resilient if she wanted to find the people that she needed. If she had someone and they stunned her long enough to run- those undergoing her Game would escape without *truly* being tested. Most of those like her only felt what they were supposed to feel, and that was a blessing.

It didn't mean that there was a complete lack of it, at least. Amanda, at whatever God's benevolence, was allowed some pain at her own discretion. She wasn't bending over and stabbing herself in the gut at every given moment, so there was no harm in allowing the knife to burn when it touched her own flesh when she needed it to. There was guilt there, still, but she couldn't help it. She knew when she needed to atone.

Deep cuts reduce stress and awaken the senses. John didn't understand, but she didn't expect him to. These cuts were of a different life, so it wasn't becoming of her to continue. She contemplated it that night as she watched the blood spill down her arm. John thought that she deserved a second chance. He didn't want her to be cruel. If somebody earned mercy then they truly earned it. But, some people didn't deserve second chances. Most days, Amanda didn't know if she even deserved her. But, John picked her for a reason. She was here, in this place. She was being tested. She repeated this to herself as the blade dug a little deeper. If she continued to fail- where would she be?

She had to resolve herself. Amanda took a breath and set the blade aside, feeling invigorated. She was worth a second chance. If anybody was fit to carry on John's legacy, wouldn't it be her? She almost smiled as she reached towards the bandages she kept in the same box as her knife.

She wouldn't fail again.