Anon and the CMC's Adventures (ONGOING)

Mar 31st, 2020
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  1. PROMPT: God damn it, Sweetie Belle keeps hugging your leg and won't leg go. What do you do?
  2. -------------------
  3. >Be Anon
  4. >You were minding your business in the market buying some groceries when you feel something latch onto your leg
  5. >What the hell!?
  6. >Looking down you-
  7. >Oh, it's Sweetie
  8. >"Hi Mister Anon! How are you!"
  9. >Maybe if you ignore her, she'll fall off instead of you having to pry her off like last time
  10. >Walking to the next stall, you buy some cherries and chocolate for a dessert you're baking
  11. >"-nd we went to the treehouse and we-"
  12. >This goes on for the entire time in the market square, and soon you forget she's even there
  13. >Opening the door to your humble abode, you set aside the basket and start putting everything away
  14. >"Mister Anon?"
  15. "EEEEK!"
  16. >Falling on your ass and spilling everything on the floor, you flail your leg wildly when you realize who it is
  17. >Ceasing your erratic thrashing, she falls off your leg, her eyes rolling around as her head actually starts to spin
  18. "Dammit Sweetie, why do you have to always be two inches away from me?"
  19. >You really hope you can salvage what dropped
  20. >They were very delicate too
  21. >Picking up the mess, and throwing some of it away, you notice Sweetie inches away from your leg again
  22. >"I'm sorry Anon, I just really like you! You're a good friend!"
  24. >Sighing, you bend down and pat her head
  25. "I appreciate that, but you don't have to be so close to me, ok?"
  26. >"Ok..." her ears start to droop
  27. >Great, now you have a depressed filly on your hands...
  28. "You know what, I've been meaning to make a special surprise for Rainbow, wanna help me?"
  29. >"Really?" she looks up at you with hope gleaming in her eyes
  30. "Really."
  31. >Sweetie starts hopping in place, twirling around all while you get everything you need together
  32. >"I'm so excited! What's first?"
  33. "First," you bring a bowl and whisk over to her, "we need to make the batter. I'll get you the ingredients, and you mix them together, ok?"
  34. >"Aye aye, sir!" she gives you a mock salute in response
  35. >You section off the ingredients and tell her to mix it all together, giving her flour, butter, mashed bananas, cocoa, milk and cherries
  36. >Watching her mix it all together is a joy to behold, even though your counter is getting a little bit dirty
  37. >"Done!"
  38. "Great, now just take that..." pulling out a baking dish, you nudge it towards her, "and pour it in there."
  39. >Sweetie does as she's told and starts to put it in the oven
  40. "Wait just a second there Turbo."
  41. >"Why?" she asks as she sets the dish on the counter
  42. "Because we need to top it off!"
  43. >Grabbing a handful of cherries, you dollop them on top of the prepared batter
  44. "Now put it in."
  45. >Sweetie opens up the oven places the dish inside, closing it up
  46. >"Now what?"
  47. "Now we wait."
  48. >Picking her up, you walk to the living room and sit in your comfy chair
  49. >As you turn to grab the book you've been meaning to start on the table, Sweetie notices the comics you have on there too
  50. >"You have the latest issue of The Mysterious Mare Do Well!?"
  51. >Knowing what you're going to be reading now, you sigh and pick up the comic
  53. >Picking up Sweetie from your side and setting her on your lap, you hold the comic in front of both of you
  54. "The Mysterious Mare Do Well, issue #48, The Dastardly Criminals of Canterlot!"
  55. >Turning the page, you begin the story as you run your fingers through her mane
  56. "Resting atop the walls and high rise buildings of the sleeping city of Canterlot sits no ordinary hero..."
  57. >Closing the comic, you set it aside and check the time
  58. >You still have a good twenty minutes to go
  59. >Grabbing your new book, you start reading it while a sleeping Sweetie lays on your lap softly snoring
  60. >Checking the time again, you see that there's only a minute left
  61. >Smiling, you carefully pick up the sleeping filly and set her down in your spot so you can tend to the dessert without waking her
  62. >Shutting off the alarm, you pull out the baking dish and put it near your open window to help it cool off
  63. >Looking outside, you notice it's starting to get dark out
  64. >Rarity must be wondering where she ran off too
  65. >Can't have her worrying too much now
  66. >Moving back to your chair, you hesitate taking her home
  67. >She's just too damn cute curled up on your chair...
  68. >But alas, she needs to get home
  69. >Picking her up, you cradle her in your arms and walk to the boutique
  71. >Upon reaching the boutique, the sun has almost completely set down below the horizon
  72. >Knocking on the door, you look down in your arms and see a barely awake Sweetie
  73. >She smiles and closes her eyes again, nuzzling into your arm
  74. >The door opens, revealing a semi-worried Rarity
  75. >"So that's where she is! Oh, thank you darling! Please, come in."
  76. >Hunching over, you step inside with your head mere inches from the ceiling
  77. >Carefully going up the stairs, you take Sweetie to her room and tuck her in bed
  78. >As you turn to leave, you hear a soft noise
  79. >"Mister Anon?"
  80. "Yes Sweetie?" you say as you turn back to her
  81. >"C-Can you tell me a story?"
  82. >How can you say no to a face like that?
  83. >Sitting down on the floor with your face near hers, you improvise a tale like a true storyteller would
  84. "Back in the day, there were no buildings dotting the lands. No carts being pulled by anypony, and worst of all, no delicious sweet treats!"
  85. >You open your mouth to exaggerate the horror, which earns you a cute laugh
  86. "And in this land, there were no stories to be shared, tales to be told."
  87. >Waving your hand in front of you, you put on a look of confusion
  88. "That is until one day, a mare was born, and with it, a thought too. She had a burning heart full of love, and she wanted to share it with all the ponies across the land."
  89. >Putting a hand on your heart, you give her a sad smile
  90. "But how could she share what was in her heart? It was not berries picked from a bush, nor was it a watchful eye in the night! Well, the answer is simple."
  91. >Standing up, you nuzzle her neck
  92. "All she had to do was say 'I love you,' and that's how everything around us came to be."
  93. >"I love you Anon."
  94. "I love you too, Sweetie."
  95. >Walking out of her room, you can already hear her softly snoring
  96. >"You're a really sweet stallion, Anon."
  97. >Turning to your left, you see Rarity by the door
  98. >You're sure she heard, and saw, everything
  99. "Thank you Rarity, it means a lot."
  100. >"You can stay here... if you'd like, darling."
  101. "I'm sorry, but I need to get home now. Have a wonderful night."
  102. >And with that, you have a nice evening stroll back to your house
  103. >Hopping in bed, you're finally able to relax for the day and sleep
  105. >Waking up, you get out of your bed and stretch out your arms and legs as the sun glimmers through the cracks of your curtains
  106. >A waft of air blows through the gap of the window you left open
  107. >Fresh air never felt better
  108. >Moving over to the windowsill, you inspect the chocolatey gift to be
  109. >You’re no Pinkie, but you’re certain that what you and Sweetie made will satisfy any sweet tooth
  110. >Moving the dish to your counter, you walk to the living room to continue reading
  111. >Having left off the chapter where Detective Tracks was about to confront the Prancing Pilferer, you-
  112. >*knock knock*
  113. >You wonder who could be at the door this morning
  114. >”Anoooooon, let’s go!”
  115. >*knock knock knock*
  116. >”Just give ‘em a minute, Scoots!”
  117. >Is it really Saturday already?
  118. >Heading back to the kitchen, you look at your calendar and confirm that is, indeed, Saturday
  119. >Huh, time flies when you’re having a blast
  120. >*knock knock*
  121. >”Scootaloo!”
  122. >Might as well have some fun
  123. >Quietly, you slink up to the door and press yourself against the wall, waiting for them to knock again
  124. >”Maybe he’s asleep?”
  125. >”You maybe right, Sweetie but-”
  126. >*knock knock*
  127. >”Scoot!”
  128. “Who’s there?” you say in a gravelly voice which sounds nothing like you
  129. >”Finally, it’s us Anon! Open up!”
  130. “Finally it’s us Anon open up who?”
  131. >Hearing all three of them collectively groan brings a smile to your face
  132. >”Wait a second girls, that doesn’t sound like-”
  133. >Opening the door still pressed against the wall, you wait for them to come inside
  134. >”Anon?”
  135. >...
  136. >And so, you wait
  137. >...
  138. >”I-I think we should leave Apple Bloom.”
  139. >”But what if he’s in trouble?”
  140. >”Then you go!”
  141. >”What are you, a chicken?”
  142. >”I’m not a chicken!”
  143. >”Are too!”
  144. >”Bloom, Scoots, knock it off, I’ll go!”
  145. >Oh, this is gonna be good
  147. >As Sweetie steps into the room, you lunge at her with open arms
  149. >”AHHHH!”
  150. >Flipping her over, you begin to tickle her tummy viciously
  151. >”HAHAHA ANOOON!”
  152. >Laughter will be spilled in bountiful waves by the day’s end
  153. >”STOOOOOP!”
  154. >There will be no quarter, no mercy given
  155. >”HAHAHA! Y-YOU’RE G-GONNA MA-MAKE ME P-PEE!” she cries out, tears starting to stream down her muzzle
  156. >Okay, maybe there will be a little mercy…
  157. >Letting her go from your relentless torment, you look up to see two other soon-to-be gigglers staring at you wide eyed, mouths agape
  158. >”Mister Anon?”
  159. “Yes Apple Bloom?”
  160. >”You wouldn-HAHAHA!”
  161. “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”
  162. >Apple Bloom and Scootaloo roll around on the ground, trying to escape to no avail
  163. >”NOOOOO!”
  164. >Scootaloo flaps her wings and manages to slip out of your grasp, rushing into your house
  165. >But you knew this would happen
  166. >Releasing Apple Bloom, you now focus both of your hands on the wily fugitive, catching her just a few steps into your home
  168. “All is fair in the tickle wars!”
  169. >”We bet you can’t catch us, Mister Anon!”
  170. >Glancing back, you see two foolish fillies bolting out your door
  171. >You can’t let this transgression go unpunished
  172. “Hold onto your flank, Scoots!”
  173. >Locking her underneath your arm, you dash after the poor, naive fillies
  175. >Running through the streets of Ponyville, you hold Scootaloo above your head, leaning from side-to-side, making her swoop and dive as you give chase
  176. >Everypony around looks at this display; stallions ‘ahhhh’ while mares give a warm smile
  177. >Up ahead, you see them turn in an alleyway
  178. >Bingo
  179. >When you reach the opening, you feel something bump into your shins
  180. >Looking down, you follow them slowly backing away from you, stopped by a wall
  181. >”Hehe, y-you caught us Mister Anon! Let’s play another game now, huh?”
  182. >”Y-Yeah, what Apple Bloom said!”
  183. >Setting down Scootaloo, you crack your knuckles and pop your neck
  184. >Apple Bloom winces from that while Sweetie Belle folds her ears against her head
  185. >”Is that a yes, Mister-”
  186. “Sure!”
  187. >Relief floods their faces, washing away any worry they once had
  188. >”Great! So-”
  189. “But-” you pause, watching as they quickly realize the grim reality they must face, “-you must first pay the tickle tax!”
  190. >”Just get it over with already!”
  191. >All you do is continue to stand in their only exit
  192. “Oh no, no, no, you must come to me to pay the tickle tax! Me and my assistant have a booth the run! Right Scoots?”
  193. >She looks to her friends briefly, then back to you
  194. >”Yeah!”
  195. >”You traitor!”
  196. “C’mon Sweetie, it won’t tickle… much.”
  197. >”No!”
  198. >Both of the fillies sit on the ground in the back, eyes closed and heads turned up
  199. “Then I guess we’ll stay here until you change your minds.”
  200. >...
  201. >A couple minutes pass by without a word
  202. >...
  203. >You’re going to have to break out the big guns, aren’t you?
  204. “I guess we won’t be able to bake my Ma’s Special Apple Pie since we’re burning daylight…”
  205. >Looking in the corner, you see two pairs of ears raised
  206. >Mhmmm, you knew that would work
  207. >Sighing, they both crawl towards you, eyes downcast all the while
  209. >Before they trudge halfway to you, you close the distance and unleash your tickling powers
  210. >”AHAHAHA!”
  211. >After being satiated with the tax they’ve paid, you swing Apple Bloom on your shoulders and carry Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo in your arms and walk to the market square
  212. >The only thing you need to get for the pie is apples
  213. >”Howdy y’all! Whatcha need?”
  214. “I don’t know, how many pies do you wanna make?” you ask, glancing at the trio
  215. >”4, no-5!”
  216. >”Yer making yer special apple pie? Well add a ‘nother on there for me then!”
  217. >Running the math through your head, you figure out what you’ll need
  218. “Hmmmm… make it three dozen apples.”
  219. >”You got it sugarcube!”
  220. >Applejack gathers all the apples together and places them in two large bags
  221. >”That’ll be eight bits!”
  222. >Setting down Sweetie and Scootaloo, you pull out your pouch and place eight bits on the wooden stall
  223. >”Thankya kindly.”
  224. “Have a good one AJ.”
  225. >”You too!”
  226. >Grabbing the bags, you and your entourage journey home to make some delicious apple pies
  227. >Returning home, you set down a bag to grab your keys
  228. >”I got it Mister Anon!”
  229. >Before you can unlock the door, Apple Bloom jumps off your shoulders and clings onto the door handle, barely holding on
  230. >Setting her down, you unlock and open the door while she gives you a sheepish grin
  231. >Stepping inside, you set the bags on the counter and turn towards the trio
  232. “Alright, you’ve all been in my kitchen enough to know where everything is. The recipe book is in the far right drawer. I’ll slice the apples, so have at it!”
  233. >Scootaloo grabs the dishes, Apple Bloom gets the ingredients and Sweetie nabs your book of recipes
  234. >”Ok girls! First, we need to make the dough! Sweete, Scootaloo, you girls…”
  235. >Tuning out the contents of their planning, you focus on cutting the apples without chopping off your fingers the way your mom and grandpappy used to, near paper-thin
  236. >After getting about half of the apples sliced, you now cut them up into cubes
  237. >Thankfully, this doesn’t take as much concentration, so you can see what the three rascals are up to
  238. >Looking up, you view a wondrous sight that you will hold close to you for a very long time
  240. >Goops of batter drip off their manes as they finish the final crust, laughing
  241. >Turning towards you, they notice you smiling and give a quick wave before they get started on the filling
  242. >Daaaaaw…
  243. >With the apples chopped, you hand them off to the three cuties and watch them finish the pies
  244. >You’re proud of how good they’ve gotten at making the lattices
  245. >Throwing the pies in the oven, you close the door and clap your hands
  246. “Who wants to help me clean-”
  247. >Bolting from the kitchen, they run into your bedroom
  248. >Funnily enough, that’s where you wanted them anyway
  249. >Walking to your bedroom, your ears are met with a resounding *CLICK*
  250. >Did they just..?
  251. >Yep, the giggles confirm your assumption
  252. >The little shits locked themselves in
  253. >But little do they know of your crafty tricks…
  254. >Going back to the kitchen, you grab a butter knife and return to the door
  255. >Might as well give them a chance to repent
  256. “Oh giiiiiiirls… would you be so kind and let me in?”
  257. >That’s it, no Mister Nice Anon
  258. “That’s a shame, I guess I’ll have to work my magic!”
  259. >”But Anon, you don’t have-”
  260. >Sliding the butter knife in the crack, you barge into the room, cackling maniacally
  261. >”-maGIC!”
  263. >Scooping them up, you struggle to keep them in your arms as you open the bathroom door
  264. >After managing to do the impossible, you gently toss them away from you on the plush mat as you lock them in with you
  265. >”We’re not stuck in here with you, you’re stuck in here with us!”
  266. >Jumping onto a separate limb each, the trio try in vain to pin you down to the ground
  267. >Ignoring their futile attempts, you turn on the water in the tub and make sure it’s lukewarm with your free hand
  268. >Satisfied with the temperature, you fill up the tub
  269. >”We almost got ‘em!”
  270. “That’s cute, but who wants to go first?”
  271. >...
  272. >”Crabapples…”
  273. >Since no one is brave enough to volunteer, you shake each of them off into the watery depths
  274. >”Anon, wait-”
  275. *SPLOOSH*
  276. >Down goes Scoots
  277. >”Not like this!”
  278. *SPLASH*
  279. >There went Sweetie
  280. >”I’ll do it Anon!”
  281. “Really now?”
  282. >The remaining filly gives you a nod
  283. >Carefully prying her from your arm, you set her down in the water softly and remove her big red bow
  284. >Removing your dirty blazer, you roll up your sleeves, tuck your tie into your shirt, and grab your soap and massage each of their coats, cleaning them of all the batter as they coo
  285. >After having dried Scoots and Sweetie, you finish drying Apple Bloom
  286. *BEEP* *BEEP*
  287. “Sounds like it’s done, c’mon.”
  288. >Fastening the bow on her head, the other two are prancing by the door
  289. >”We’re gonna get some pi-ie! We’re gonna get some pi-ie!”
  290. >Unlocking and opening the door, the four of you go to the kitchen and take the pies out from the oven
  291. >Setting them all on the windowsill, you begin to clean your kitchen, bathroom and bedroom
  292. >After having cleaned everything up and changed your clothes, you hear a couple bangs on the front door
  293. >Approaching the door, you slowly open it
  294. >Wonder who it could-
  295. >The door slams into you, throwing your ass to the ground as a blue blur sits themselves on top of you
  296. >”There’s my favorite stallion!”
  298. >When the world finally stops spinning, you do a quick once over
  299. >Wiggling your fingers and toes, you determine that you are not paralyzed
  300. >Relieved, you run your fingers through the brutess’ mane
  301. “Always great to see my best pal!”
  302. >Roughly grabbing her coat, you toss Rainbow on your comfy chair, her face colliding with the back of the seat in a *POOMPF*
  303. “Distract Dash!” you shout while pointing at the flailing ball of fury
  304. >Your little minions of DOOM follow your orders to a T, jumping, crawling and wrestling her down, keeping her trapped in her cushy prison as you retreat
  305. >Rushing to the kitchen, you snatch the chocolately tribute to appease the angry overlord
  306. >Returning back to the living room, you believe your eyes to be deceiving you
  307. >You’re dismayed and heartbroken as you notice the CMC and your tormentor staring you down, smiling
  308. >...
  309. >You need to get better minions, servants that won’t turncoat at a seconds notice
  310. >Kneeling down and bowing your head, you hold your last chance of salvation above you
  311. “Friends, have mercy…”
  312. >”I don’t know…” Rainbow ponders, “if you baked another one, then maybe we’ll let you go…”
  313. >...
  314. “Shit-”
  315. >Sweetie levitates the brownies out of your hands as the others pounce onto your helpless form
  317. >Ignoring your cries of agony, they continue their cuddle onslaught
  318. >So, this is how you die?
  319. >Suffocated… with love?
  320. >And fur…
  321. >Now that you think about it, you can hardly breathe-
  323. >Gently sliding the back of your hand along your face, you deftly lift up your near deadly assailant away from you
  325. >Of course it’s Rainbow
  326. “I swear, one of these days you’re gonna kill me.”
  327. >”You’re not still mad about me picking you up that one day, are you?”
  328. “You lifted me fifty feet up in the air!”
  329. >”Quit being a colt, Anon.”
  330. “I’m being a colt? I’m being a colt! Says the mare who’s scared of baths!”
  331. >”I’m not scared of-”
  332. “I have to hold you while Applejack scrubs you down!”
  333. >The both of you finally hear the three little hellions giggling at your bickering
  334. >Composing yourselves, you get up off the ground
  335. “Ummm, anyways… you want a slice of those brownies?”
  336. >”Yeah, that’d be awesome.”
  337. >The rest of the day is spent munching on brownies and pie, playing games and having a blast
  338. >It isn’t long before it starts getting dark out
  339. >Sending them all out with a pie each, and Apple Bloom two, you watch as Rainbow walks them down the road
  340. >Another tiring day has passed you by, and so you take a shower and collapse into your chair, quickly drifting off to sleep
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