Farm Anon's tale

Boys, do I have a story for you all.

>be me, 19 year old dumbass
>family is poor as dirt, only thing worth any value is our farm
>got an East German SKS as my 18th birthday gift, family all threw in cash just to buy me it, treasured it for years, always kept it in near-perfect condition
>wasn't the best shot at first, but I think I got a pretty decent aim now
>here's when shit went down
>I was sitting in my room, cleaning my rifle when an SUV pulled up
>peeked through the window slats to see some dudes in suits, two orcs and an elf
>granddad, who owned the farm, hobbles his way out of the barn to meet them
>some snobby looking dwarf is waiting for him
>a few minutes go by, dwarf seems to be smug about something
>after what seemed like an eternity, the quartet of queers pack up into their black SUV and leave
>granddad comes back into the house visibly saddened
>he calls us all into the living room for an "emergency family meeting"
>Thiscan'tbegood.png
>he says we haven't been making regular payments, and that the (((bank))) wants our property
>oh fuck
>pops is already working three jobs, my mother has two, and granddad is too busy with the farm
>I usually helped granddad with pest clearing and animal stuff
>later that night, I'm sitting on the barn roof, which is the only way we can get any phone signal, talking to my dwarf friend
>"so, Ulysses, we might have to sell the farm."
>"WHAT?! why so!?"
>I explain to him what granddad told us, and how if we lose the farm, we basically lose everything
>there's a heavy sigh on the other end of the receiver, "alright, here's what you do. you're going to help me get rid of some 'pests'. You still got that rifle, don't you Anon?"
>"Uh, yeah. What kind of pests will we be getting rid of?"
>"You'll see" then Ulysses hangs up
>Kinda rude, but whatever
>Might as well see where this takes me

Pt 2: Wake up Call

>I'm lying in bed, sleeping soundly
>It's around 2 am-ish, no sounds other than the chirping of crickets and frogs from the nearby pond
>as I'm sleeping, dreaming of the perfect gun, there's a slap against my window
>Not like a bird hitting my window, like a full-on strike
>jolt awake hard, grab SKS under bed
>shaking at this point, I've never shot anybody, and this might be the time I do
>yank the curtains to see a short, stout, sort of bearded dwarf
>"Anon, get dressed and get out here! We've got work to do."
>Work? At this hour? What kind of sick joke is this?
>After a bit of quiet bickering, I manage to dress myself in some jeans and granddads old M65 field jacket he gave me
>I go to put the rifle back under the bed but Ulysses stops me, "Hey, what do you think you're doing? Grab that and whatever ammo you have and come on!"
>Oh yeah, I forgot we were clearing pests.
>Grab the three boxes of ammunition I had, as well as the two stripper clips in the night stand
>Slowly creep through the hallway, trying not to make a sound
>Thankfully everyone else was dead asleep, or didn't give a fuck enough to investigate
>Make my way out the door, don't bother locking because who the hell is gonna come down to a farm to steal shit?
>As I exit the house, Ulysses is standing by his jeep, "Hurry up Anon. You're my friend, which is why I'm doing this. The least you could do is pick up the pace!"
>Hurry my ass over to the old ass jeep, jump in the passenger side as the dwarf cranks the machine on.
>My head finally clears enough for me to ask a few questions, "What are we getting rid of?"
>Ulysses turns and gives me a shit-eating grin, "Goblins, Anon, goblins. The bastards are raiding the local chicken coops. They're paying one hundred per head."
>A hundred per head? Shit, that could really help with the payments.
>My gut is telling me this is a bad idea.Am I really about to go kill another sentient being?

Pt 3: First Blood

>After a bit of driving and awkward duets of 80's rock songs, we arrive at a neighboring farm.
>We hop out of the jeep, guns in hand.
>Ulysses walks up the rickety wooden stairs and knocks on the door
>Old as dirt negro opens the door, stares at me and Ulysses.
>He smacks his lips, "You boys gonna go clear out them goblins? I'll pay ya a hundred for each one ya bring."
>Shake hands with the melanin enriched individual and head off towards the wooded side of the property
>feelslikenam.png
>Me and Ulysses are walking through thick as shit briar and annoying shrubs.
>He's brought along his Police Magnum 870, lucky bastard.
>I'm fiddling with the bayonet of my SKS, truth be told, I'm fucking terrified.
>Heard stories that goblins would often kidnap children to kill and eat, even take down grown men
>Just as I'm about to take another step, I feel Uly's hand on my chest
>He slowly raises a finger upwards, pointing to a light a few meters away.
>Holy shit that's a lot of goblins
>There were about twelve, all armed with old farm tools and sharpened spears
>We squat down slowly, as to not attract their gaze
>Ulysses points to one half of the group, "I'll take out those six while you take out the other. Should be easy peasy."
>As I open my mouth to protest, he stands up and runs towards the camp, "Come get some you green faggots!"
>I'm frozen in fear as my friend runs towards certain death
>Watch as the Dwarf cranks off three rounds into the goblin group, splattering two of them across the ground.
>He turned to me, "Anon, hurry up!"
>Frantically run closer to the camp
>See the a goblin take a running leap at Ulysses
>Raise my rifle and fire
>Direct fucking hit
>The goblin cartwheels off to the side and right into the fire, the rest are scattered
>Holy fucking shit, I just killed someone
>I don't have time to think as three of those little shits start rushing me
>Brain goes into self-preservation mode
>Pop off four shots into the oncoming attackers
>HEADSHOT.MP3

Pt 4: Charge

>Watch as two of the goblins crumple to the ground
>The third is still charging me with his pitchfork
>Thankfully I had my bayonet extended from the fiddlin'
>I scream as I knock his pitchfork out of the way with my rifle
>Impale him through the chest
>He's screaming now, and so am I
>I manage to pin him to the ground
>There are tears welling in my eyes as I pin this poor fucker into the ground
>"God, I am so fucking sorry!" I say as I fire once.
>Goblin down
>I yanked my rifle out of his sucking chest wound and turn to see my buddy baseball-bat swing his shotgun into a goblin, knocking him into the sickle of his friend
>He rights his shotgun and manages to pop off two more shots, splattering a few more
>There are around 5 left
>Three are standing their ground, and the other two are nowhere to be seen
>Shoulder my rifle and fire a few rounds at the greenskins
>I shoot one through the knee and the other straight through the eye
>Last goblin throws down his weapon, begging for his life
>Ulysses is not having it.
>I watch in horror as my best friend of eighteen years picks up the little green man and slam his skull into the base of a tree
>I had to look away after the third hit
>I've never heard anything like those noises that goblin made
>After Ulysses finished up, he looked at our kill count. Ten total
>"Where are the other two?" he asked while scratching his chin
>As if on cue, a goblin fucking LAUNCHES himself off of a tree and slams into my back
>Little fucker starts digging a sharpened fork into my side
>I reach back and grab the fucker by the legs
>I manage to pry him off of my back, and with all the adrenaline I had, I whirl him around into a tree
>Captaincrunch.jpg
>My legs can barely hold me anymore, and I have to lean against a tree
>How the fuck do people do this for a living?

Pt 5: Paid

>I spent most of that night stacking bodies and taking breaks to hurl my guts up
>We tossed the bodies into garbage bags and began dragging them off to the farmer's house
>At least Ulysses didn't make fun of me for crying like a bitch
>I still think he heard though
>Ulysses put a hand on my shoulder, "Anon, you did good. Thanks for putting a hole in that jumping green faggot."
>I smile, "No problem..."
>Ulysses was a caring friend, well, in his own way.
>"I remember when I first killed a goblin. I cried like a bitch too. Mine was a lot more gory, however."
>Gee thanks for pointing it out.
>We approach the house, the farmer was out on his porch, cigar in mouth and beer in hand
>We dump the bags of goblin onto his porch, "We killed eleven. Not sure where the last one went."
>He laughed, "Oh the last one? Dat boy came up here and tried to take me and Marjory while we was sleepin'! He learned not to do that no more!"
>Small laughs were had as the farmer pointed to a goblin that had received the business end of 12 gauge slugs on his porch
>God bless the South
>The old farmer brings out his wallet and hands us 1100 cash
>"Now you boys come on back now, ya hear? We'll feed ya good when you come work!"
>I might never forget the things I've seen during today, but damn, that money is hard to beat.
>Me and Ulysses pile into the jeep, and he looks over at me
>He hands me the 1100, "Keep it. You need it more than I do."
>Before I can protest, he turns on the radio, and starts blaring more 80's music.
>As we ride back to my farm, I can't help but smile, this was a wild ass ride, but somehow, it made me excited. Scared, but excited.
>I extended my hand towards Ulysses, and in cheesy action movie style, we shared a high-five.
>I think I might like this new life.
>Let's see where it takes me.

Pt 6: Granddad

>Wake up the next morning with a sharp pain in the side
>Fucking goblins and their shitty weapons
>SKS got a bit bloody during the scuffle, first order of business is cleaning
>Bring out cleaning kit and begin my work
>After a few minutes I manage to remove the goblin from my bayonet
>Oil the rifle up and stick her back under the bed
>I walk out of my room, still in the clothes I had on the night before
>Probably still smell like goblin and blood
>Granddad is sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying his breakfast of eggs and a cold beer
>I open up the fridge and grab a water, gramps clears his throat "So, you went out last night, didn't ya?"
>ohfugg.png
>"Y-yeah." I reply. Fuck, I can't let granddad know I was out killing gobbos.
>Gramps points to the seat next to him, "Sit down, Anon. We need to talk."
>I sit down, expecting to hear a spiel of how it was wrong to sneak out, yadda yadda yadda
>Grampa leans in, "You've been out killing. I can smell the death on you."
>With a heavy sigh I explain all what happened last night, the death, the goblins, bayoneting a goblin
>He raises an eyebrow, "Ah, I knew I smelt goblin on you! You were out cleaning up, huh?"
>I simply nod my head. Probably gonna get the rifle confiscated
>Feel a hand fall on my shoulder, "Son, why didn't you say that in the first place? You know, your granddad was a bit of a goblin hunter in his time."
>Holy fuck, gramps did this shit too?
>He smiles and stands up, "Come with me."
>Walk out with him towards the barn, all the while talking about the stories of his goblin hunting
>He opens up the double-doors and leads me inside, "Look over yonder." He points to a sectioned off part of the barn
>We walk over and open up the doors
>Holyfuckingguns.png
>Rows of Mosins, 98Ks, AKMs, ARs, even an PKM on the table
>Granddad chuckles to himself, "Never did wanna sell them. If your mother found out, she'd probably sell them all behind my back."
>Like fucking hell I'd let that happen

Pt 7: Grandad Pt 2, Electric Boogaloo

>Gramps stands there, looking over his collection
>"Anon, you keep at it, and I'll give you something passed down through this family for generations."
>"S-sure granddad."
>Grandpa leads me out of the barn, "Now don't you tell your mother about my secret shed. For all she knows it's my skinnin' room. Same goes for you."
>All this time I thought it was but okie dokie
>We make our way back to the farmhouse
>Pops is on the porch, cooking sausage on the grill
>Give him a small wave as I walk into the house
>Grandpa goes back to sit in the kitchen, I have something to do though
>Run back to room, grab wad of cash
>Walk back to granddad, hand him bundle
>His eyes widen at the sight of the money
>Cackles like a jew in a bank vault
>He thumbs out two hundred dollars and puts the rest into his vest pocket
>"Anon, you keep doing what you're doin'. You're holdin' up the family name."
>He slides me the two hundred and points to his truck, "Take my truck into town, go visit Orion's shop. He'll probably have something you want in there."
>Holy shit, granddad never let anyone drive his truck
>He hands me the holy keys, there's a weird box on one of the rings.
>Neat.jpg
>walk past dad, who's got a whole fuckin heap of sausage
>can't eat now, there are guns to be had
>Walk towards the rusted maroon truck
>Hop in, start it up
>Pull out of the driveway and turn off onto the main road heading towards town
>Tune the radio to a local classic rock station, they're playing Megadeth
>It's 44 minutes. Not a bad tune for a trip to go buy guns

Pt 8: Orion

>Pull into gunshop parking lot
>"Orion's Gunshop." Plastered in yellow letters above door
>disembark from granddad's truck
>walk into the empty as fuck store
>a bit of fudd on one wall, tacticool on another, slavshit on the middle
>walk up to counter, mirin' the glocks and other handguns
>walk around the glass counters, check out the other handguns
>Lugers, Bergmanns, oddities and rarities are on the right case
>Maybewhenimrich.jpg
>been in there for around ten minutes, no orion
>spot a silver bell on the counter
>ringadingding.mp3
>wait for a bit, still no orion
>decide to call out, "Hello? Mister uh... Orion? My name is Anon, my granddad sent me here to get a... gun."
>still no answer
>must be on lunch break
>might as well come back later
>about to step out of the store when I hear music
>Loud as fuck music
>walk closer to the counter again
>It's coming through a door behind the counter
>go behind the counter and put my ear up to the door
>all I can make out are the words "gay bar"
>wut.jpg
>try the handle, unlocked
>Walk inside the spooky room
>assaulted by Electric Six's hit song Gay Bar at max volume
>holy fucking shit why is it so loud
>begin walking down a big ass flight of stairs
>reach the bottom
>HOLYFUCKINGSHITWHATDIDIWALKINTO
>Witness a dwarf choking out a orc tied to a chair with a sledgehammer
>orc is battered and bruised, must have been down here for a while
>dwarf spots me in the stairwell
>"Oh, you must be Anon!"
>why have you forsaken me granddad