Red & Anon (Anon & Red) CYOA 7

>days came and went with a whole bunch of nothing happening
>such is life on the sea
>you did get some reading done on pirated though
>even read out loud to Red since she doesn't into the English written language

>after stopping Tyren from wasting ammo on seagulls for the third time you noticed an island in the distance
>Red warned against it, so naturally you had to take a quick peak
>what you found was a small, local tribe of friendly ponies that pretty quickly turned hostile when you snatched one of their wooden idols for use as a nightstand
>Tyren was very insisting he shoot some of them but since the worst they did was chucking dull sticks at you, you decided against it

>Red caved in and promised to clean up and to use the bathroom when sodomizing herself

>Charles suffered a case of depression during your travels and announced his dislike for not being able to walk around and talk to other people/ponies

>Rodgers had a Religious experience and announced himself the Pony Messiah for a while until Red damn near concaved his chest with a buck

>all in all a cozy trip, considering your company
>and you got new night stand, that's always nice
>a big ugly chest, decorated with the picture of a pony with shark teeth, looking menacing
>it was currently decked with a plate and some leftovers as you lay in your bed reading
"ANON! YOU MIGHT WANT TO SEE THIS!"

>what is that bitch yelling at now?
>did you do something wrong?
>no, it's your boat, you don't do mistakes
>somewhat resistant, you put your laptop away and walked up deck
>Red was glued to a spy glass, looking over the sea
>she was focusing on something you couldn't even make out
"What?"
"Here, look."

>you took the spy glass from Red's hoof and looked in the general direction she pointed
>there
>two ships, big ones
"Are those the-"
"Yes, Anon, The Twins."

"I see, we strike tonight, can they see us from this distance?"
"Not likely, that's an enchanted spy glass, griffins are not too keen on such things so they probably don't have one, even if they did, we're a way smaller target with no sails."

"Good, then the element of surprise is in our hands. We strike tonight. Also, were did you get a spy glass?"
"Hmm…? Back in Neighssau."

"I don't remember you bringing it though."
"You really don't want to know, Anon."

>Red answered with a cocky grin
>a whiff confirmed your worst fears
>one of these days you'll kill Red, you swear on it
>better mix some body-paint
>this is gonna be a rough night



>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




>the sun bid farewell as the night dominated the sky
>you sailed in slowly, making sure the engine ran as silent as possible
>no sign of detection yet
"Hey, Red. The charge ready?"
"Yes, but…"

"But what?"
"There's a problem, "

"A little late in the stages for a problem here."
"These kinds of ships hold slaves lower than the cargo, blowing up a charge there would only drown slaves."

"Damn, what are our options then?"
"We climb onboard and begin on the deck instead of in the food storage."

"Well that's not too bad."
"I'm not really that good at climbing though."

>Red wiggled her flat hooves to demonstrate
"We'll think of something. Oh, on the good side though, we'll have another bargaining chip to take out the other ship if they refuse to accept our offer."
"You mean placing the charge on the other ship and threaten to blow it up if they won't surrender when we've got their captain?"

"If we get their captain."
"We can't afford to be all dramatically pissy bitches now, Anon. And that's a great idea!"

"Shh, keep your fucking voice down."
"Oh, he he, sorry."

>some weird magical balloon things that felt like playdough attached the explosives to the hull of the ship with ease
>the device itself was a perfect black disk the size of your torso with what you could only assume were runes of some sort engraved into it

>moving away from the ship you slid towards the more decorated one
>you kill the soft murr of the engines and get down to business
>you undress
"Anon, what are you doing!?"

"This is the way of my people, Red. It's something I have to do."
>you start splashing yourself in body paint until you had a nice, even layer of white covering you from head to toe
>using the black paint, you deck your face out with some sick corpse paint
>Charles and Rodgers pretended you didn't exist
"How do I look, Red?"

>Red was wearing her gitup consisting of her harness modified to pump the shotgun via a piece of rope attached to Red's hind leg to one side
>and a saddlebag filled with ammo and some magazines for your pistol on the other
"Absolutely fucking horrifying. I didn't know you humans could look so ugly."




>you sacrificed some of your nudity for a belt that held your cutlass, your pistol and the little dagger Amber made you
"That's the point. Now, everyone ready?"
>"How are we supposed to get on the boat?"
>oh fuck
"Ehm,… Damn, I guess you'll just have to wait here, we'll signal when the coast is clear.'"
>you and Red crawled on the hull, making your way up to the deck
>or, you did at lest
"Anon, I can't climb this shit"

"Oh for fuck's sake"
>you did a quick look to see if there's anything-
>bingo
>not all of the canons were in place
>probably not their due to maintenance
>if your books were anything to go by
>you grab Red by her harness
"He- Hey! Quit it!"

>damn she heavy
>you stuff her fat ass inside one of the holes and pushed
"What are you doing?"

"Shut up, just meet me half way."
>damn Red
>what had she been eating?
>you finally managed to push her but through
"I'm getting you back for this"

>you ignored her grievances and kept climbing


>it didn't take you long to reach the top
>wow, did this plan go to shit fast
>focus, anon, this is no time to be a negative Nancy about it
>the deck looked clear aside from a single griffin stationed at the top of the mast
>he looked to be sleeping on his post
>you need to get under a roof, and fast
>you stuck down bellow deck
>dumb ass griffins
>for a botched plan, this was going great
>wonder were Red is?
"ALLAHU AKBAR!!!"

>a large explosion rippled through the boat
"Fucking hell, Red!"
>you heard shotgun shells being fired a couple of levels bellow you
>there goes your element of surprise
>a three griffins stormed out of a door next to you and locked eyes
>this is your time to shine
>you did a weird MJ zombie walk while hissing at them
>one of the griffins backed off
>that left you with two of them
>you pulled out your gun and fired
>200 years of industrial revolution made short work of a griffin's template as the metal shred through his skull
>stunlocked by his friend's new venting holes you struck the other one
>you widely started shopping at him with your cutlass
>he tried holding his talons out to defend himself but you managed to get a strike in, slicing his throat
>brutal
>while you stood over the two griffin corpses you realized you've never taken a sentient life before
>eh, it's not like they're people anyway




>you made your way to the captain's cabin but a flock of griffins stood in your way
>you shot into the pike, killing off most of them but a few were still hot on your ass
>you charged, screaming as you raised your sword, having no time to reload
>the first one went down easily as you drove your cutlass through his chest
>these griffins couldn't be that compact, they were made for flying,a after all
>as you struggled to pull your sword out of the carcass another griffin took swipes at you
>he was able to rip his razor-like talons across your left shoulder
>panicking, you dropped your sword, that was still lodged inside a griffin and punched the motherfucker's beak with your right
>you grabbed his throat and instinctively kept hammering away at his feathered fucking face
"Die you motherfucking, cock-sucking, piece of shit!"
"Hey, Anon!"

>Red interrupted your bashing fest as she climbed up from a hatch in the floor
"I need some help with reloading this thi- woah, Jaysus, Anon i thin that guy's had enough."

>you dropped the whimpering griffin
>his beak was busted to high hell and your hand was covered with a mixture of his and your blood
>you must have damaged your fingers by hitting the reminders of his beak in a frenzy
"Oh hi, Red. Yeah, this asshole got my shoulder."
"Let me see!"

>Red inspected your wounds
"It doesn't look like he hit anything important, I can't tell by your strange anatomy but you're not bleeding THAT much. Does it hurt?"

"Of course it fucking hurts, now, what did you want?"
"You need to reload the shotgun for me, Anon."

"Why don't you-"
"No fingers, remember? And its strapped to my side, I can't reach."

"Fucking hell…"
>you got some spare ammo from her saddlebag and started loading the weapon for her
"Thanks, anon."

>you slipped a magazine of out of her saddlebag for yourself and replaced it with your empty one
"Captain's cabin?"
"Captain's cabin!"


>Red kicked down the door to the cabin with a powerful buck
>she had no need for choke tubes
"Keep yer filthy talons in the air less I roast them, you flying fuck!"

>the griffin sitting at his desk had a flintlock aimed in your general direction
>it was an older one, if his feathers were anything to go by
"Two versus one, faggot, and your chamber only holds one ball, make your move, creep."
>"How dare you address moi, you pale skinned freak?"
>his voice was firm and… french?
>he put his pistol down and locked eyed with Red
>"…You. I know you, wanted in the Griffin Kinfgdom for taking two merchant ships et sexual harassment towards a Royal guard!"
"You… know how I am?"

>Red blinked, looking surprised
"I've never been recognized by captains before! This is so awesome"

"Red, shut the fuck up."
"Oh. Right."



>Red snapped out of it
>"Now, what do you dogs want?"
"We want your slaves."
>"And if I refuse?"
"I'll put your head on a stick and roast your crew."
>the griffin sat down in thought
"C'mon, man. is your life, and the lives of your crew really worth someone else's cargo? Don't you want to die for something greater than being a glorified courier?"
>"You have a point."
"Just, talk to the captain of the other ship and tell him what's up."
>"I can not do that, my brother would never agree to-"
"Oh just as a 'by the way'. We've also planted explosives on the other ship so that'll go off unless he agrees."
>"Sacrebleu! You're deranged!"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm a pirate, what do you expect?"
>you slammed your cutlass into his desk
"Now, are we gonna move this along or do I have to get Medieval on your ass?"

>the captain ordered his men to disarm and walked on deck to address the other ship
>the ship had a pack of griffins, armed with muskets, all aiming at you as you walked with the captain, using him as a huma- griffin shield

>the griffin captain on the other ship was against the idea until he was told about the explosive charges currently on his hull
>it didn't take long to load all the griffins onto lifeboats and for the un-cooperative griffin captain to swear vengeance and curse the 'pale demon of the sea'

>the slave pens were just waiting to be sprung but you also had wounds to attend to
>you should also check on the ship's integrity after Red went full Jihad down on the lower levels




"Red!"
"Aye!"

"Look around the ship for bandages, i'm assuming you know the layouts of these sorts of ships?"
"There should be some… Oh! I know, be right back, anon!"

>you clench your wounds
>damn that shit hurts

>Charles and Rodgers climb onboard the deck of the newly acquired ships
>ho ho holy shit you can't believe that actually worked
"Guys."
>"Duude! You're bleeding, man!"
"It's alright, I need you to check if the griffins didn't place any nasty surprises behind when they left. Take Tyren with you just in case."

>you rested against some railing
>if Red doesn't hurry up soon you'll bleed out
>wouldn't that be an anticlimactic end to your adventures?
>the adrenaline from the fight was starting to wear down and you could feel it
as if the gross sensation of missing skin were skin should be wasn't enough your headaches returned with a vengeance
>your vision was getting soggy and you started to hear whispers in a foreign tongue at the sides of your audible hearing range
>like a ringing in your ears that wouldn't go away
>without notice, your body forced you to vomit over the railing
>you felt like shit


"Baack~! Oh Anon. you really look like shit…"

>no shit
>stupid horse
>you grb the bandages and roughly patch yourself up
>the bandages burned like a bitch but at least they stopped the bleeding
>you casously climb down to your Yacht and wash off your corpse paint and get dressed
>you weren't in the mood anymore

>getting back up you brought a couple of extra magazines
>you walked alongside Red down to the slave pins
>what greeted you was a slightly more cheerful sight than first anticipated
>the zebras were all hurdled together and shivering but their living cells at least looked nice
>stools, tables, food, musical instruments
>what got your attention was the biggest cell containing the biggest grouping of zebras
>did they keep different prisoners in different cells?
"Alright ye sand grazing bastards, make way for the notorious pirate, Captain Red!"

>you lightly kicked her in the side
"Will you fuckers relax? The Griffins are all dead or running with their feathers between their legs."
>an older zebra mare walked up to you and reached a hoof out through the bars
>like, not old, old, her mane was getting a little gray and stuff
>fuck, you shouldn't comment on how old ponies are, you can't really distinguish their age too well
>"What do you want with us?"
"I'm letting you go?"
>the mare looked surprised
>as you scan the rooms further you can see that not all of the equines here were zebras
"Yeah, letting you go. I don't trade lives, Red here doesn't either."
>you shot the lock to the cell door
>the crowd inside recoiled in fear and surprise
"Jeez, will you fuckers relax?"

>the door, being freed from its lock, opened by it's own accord
>you raised your voice
"Alright, everyone, meet me at the deck ASAP!"
>you shot another lock as a tremble of stampeding, cheering ponies could be heard in the distance
"What does ASAP mean?"

"It's an acronym, you say it when you want folks to move their ass."
"Wow, how rude, why would they want to move their donkeys?"

"Really'' not in the mood for your shit, Red."

>it didn't take you long to shoot off all the locks
>you proceeded topside
>damn this ship big
>you ran into Charles and the others on your way up
>"Clear."
"Thanks, Tyren, We'll make this quick so we can release the prisoners on the other ships as well."
>the gang moved along as you took a slower pace with Red
>you're probably infected with magic griffin rabies or some shit
>just your luck
"Hey, Anon. You should totally recruit them."

"Isn't one of you four-legged assholes enough?"
"Anon I'm serious! I don't thin you realize what you're sitting on here, who beautiful ships, 19 cannons each, a crew and, well, uhh… A- Hmm me?"

>you'd count your blessings but you sucked at math

>Blackbeak did promise you an offer you "wouldn't regret" if you destroyed the ships after docking
>having two ships and a crew did sound pretty sweet though



>you decide to shovel the question away for later
>at least until you've spoken with Red and the ponies/zebras
"We'll see what they have to say about it first, Red."
>you untangled the shotgun from her harnes
>much to her dismay
>with the shotgun in hand you got a hold of your harpoon shells down in the yacht
>time to test these motherfuckers out
>you loaded one almost like you would a musket and inspected the device
>the sharp spear end of the harpoon stood out of the barrel
>the powder wouldn't be strong enough to move such mass
>or so you thought
>upon firing it on the other ship an extra, purple lined explosion could be seen radiating from behind the racing harpoon
>hmm Amber must have fucked with the powder charge or something
>you held onto the rope as you inspected the barrel for any damages
>whatever she used it didn't seem to damage your weapon

>with a heave and a ho, you, Red and a handful of zebras dragged the ship towards you, reuniting the twins at last
>wood grinded wood as the two behemoths lay in parallel with each other
>a bunch of zebras and some ponies rushed the deck and made their way through the lower levels, freeing their friends in the process
>there was no point trying to tell them the ship might have been a trap of some sort as they nearly threw themselves over the bow
"They're grown up's, Anon, they can handle it."

"If you say so."
"Why don't you heck out the captain's cabin as I ease these guys into believing you're not some sort of horribly malnourished Minotaur?"

"Geez, thanks, Red."
"Don't mention it. Oh, hey, I'll call on you when I got them all sorted out."


>you walked down the empty corridors towards the captain's cabin as the feathered corpses of your previous opponents lay dead on the floor
>you didn't feel much in the sense or regret
>not because of delusions of fighting for the greater good
>no, your mind simply refused to see these mythological creatures as something approaching human-like value
>was it their faces?
>you hunched over one of them
>two bullet wounds had rippled through this griffin's chest
>a lot of blood was pooled beneath her
>unknown to you was their heart placement but you're pretty sure you must have hit it with one of these shots, considering the mess she made
>you reach out a hand and turn her face to you
>large beak, medium sized gas colored eyes, bird like facial structure
>you laid her head on the floor and continued walking
>the ponies had large eyes and colorful facial expressions, Tyren had a very human-like bipedal form
>was it due to the lack of human features on a griffin that made fighting them, killing them such a brush off for your psyche?
>you chuckled a bit to yourself
>you just realized that you were racist

>when you were at the door to the captain's cabin you could hear a jagged moan at your feet
>you look down and see the griffin that clawed your shoulder up
>she was still breathing
>you assumed her male due to the likeness in build but down here, on the floor you could clearly tell
>her face was busted up real good, beak shattered in places, her right eye was bludgeoned shut and her chest was filled with faint blood splatter from coughing
>you wave your hand in front of her good eye but no response
>must have slipped unconscious



>you check her pulse
>seems regular enough
>you didn't know the usual heart-rate on birds or felines so it was anyone's guess if she's dying or not
>part of you wanted to crush her windpipe for ripping the flesh on your arm, causing you all this pain
>the bandages' sneering pain was a constant reminder and motivator to do so
>but you were a level headed guy and decided against it
>after all, the fighting was over, you won
"The other casualties was a result of a struggle, this would be murder."
>you contemplated going to Red about it and ask for some help from the zebras
>but you knew you sure as shit wouldn't want her to live if you were the one behind bars
>nope, she would just have to wait until after you've introduced yourself to the now freed slaves
"Brought this on your self, asshole."
>you got no response
>dumb bitch
>if she died gurgling on her own blood before you are able to request the freed slaves' aid it was entirely her fault

>Red hadn't called for you yet so you decide to check out the cabin
>moving the griffins dead crew-mate aside you head inside
>what a beautiful office
>you guessed some high quality Equestrian wooding on the furniture
>two bookcases to each side of the office
>a massively comfy chair, covered in black lathering stood at the end of the room, overlooking the large ass desk
>too bad you chipped it with your cutlass
>still looks nice though
>next to the left bookcase sat an antique globe of Equesrtria
>or, at least, it looked antique
>either way, this might prove useful
>to the right was another door
>locked
>typical
>breaking it down was your first thought but…
>your physical endurance was limited due to the lacerations brought on you by that fucking griffin bitch
>yes, you still mad
"ANON! GIT YOUR BIPEDAL ASS OVER HERE!"

>fuuck
>yes, mom
>you leave the locked door and head upstairs, making sure to not step on the griffin bitch while doing so
>damn, she'd make a killer floor decoration now that you think about it

>the sight that unfolded itself to you once you got on deck was that of a mass of striped ponies standing in crowds talking with eachother
>with the odd colorful pony here and there
>the crowd was significantly bigger than when you last saw it, obviously there were more ponies onboard the other ship
>you feel a perfectly non-magically induced headache
>if all sea fairing ponies are anything like Red you might as well kill yourself now and be done with it

>as more and more equines noticed your presence they hushed their talking and looked at you
>it didn't take long until all eyes were fixated on you
>it's alright, Anon, just imagine the crowd nude
>they're already nude
>fuck




>you scratch the back of your head
"I'm not good at speeches."
>your face remains stoic
"You're free to leave when we leave for the next port, I won't stop you from running back to your lives with nothing to show for it but the shame of being shackled like animals fit for trade."
>the crowd seemed intensely focused, all attention still on you
"But give me your hooves, sweat, blood and tears and I'll make you into something better, something to be respected, something that won't have to rely on others goodwill. I will give you independence, I will give you a chance to take back your smothered pride, iron it out and raise it like the black sails. Here, on my ships there will be no one to chain you down like a bunch of spineless little shits. Out here, we make the rules, we exist to do as we please instead of existing to please others."
>a rumble of stomping hooves roared among most of the zebras
>you amused that's their way of applauding
>that or you made them very angry
>the crowd of Equines all murmured in active discussion and talked among themselves about your proposition as you raised your voice once more
"Choose a quartermaster and come back to me, I'll be in the captain's cabin."
>as you left the crowd you pulled Red and Tyren to your side
"Tyren, can you make sure everyone finds out what to do to make these ships able to sail by dividing them into tasks?"
>Tyren readied your rifle
>"Yes."
"Don't point that thing at them! Just ask them, you know? Be nice."
>"No promises."
>with a huff the Minotaur left in favor of the crowd
>Red walked along side you
"You sure about that, Anon? That bull isn't exactly a social butterfly."

"He'll be fine."
"As long as you know what you're doing."

"Of course I do. Oh, by the way, there's a griff still alive by the captains cabin, I was thinking and I want her taken care off."
>Red smiled
>she got on two legs and yanked the dagger out from your belt
"Yoof hfhish iff mii hommand, kommkin!"

"No, not like that."
>Red spat out the dagger
"You want the crew to keelhaul her or something? That's pretty sick"

"Not exactly, I want her back on her feet, well, paws, talons, whatever."
"I don't understand, you wanna get your fuck on with a griffin? "

"What?! What the fuck gave you that idea?"
"What other reason would you have? The crew is gonna hate her."

"I don't care, the fighting is over, there's no need for more violence."
"How do you know she won't just slice you up the second she's able to?"

"How do I know the crew won't just pull a mutiny and toss us overboard?"
"Hmm, whatever, I'm not stitching you up if she lashes at you."

"She'll be my responsibility."
>Red giggled
"Griffins are pretty exclusive pets, hard to train though, trust me. Good luck with that. I'll inform the crew about your wishes, see if they have any doctors in their circles. They owe you that much, after all."

"Thanks, Red, really."
"Hey, don't mention it, Anon! The captains cabin should have some info on routes, see if you can't find us a good location to dock in?"

"Alright, meet me here in a while though, there's a locked door I want you to help me with."





>you walked back into the cabin and looked over the pieces of paper sprawled out on the desk
>the written griffin-language was way closer to yee olden English than the Equestrian's weird ass symbol-squiggles
>after a bit of confusion and some looking, you saw that the previous captain had marked out several docks and a short description of each
>there was a lot of fluff but you managed to squeeze out the important bits
>with that info you grabbed a quill and scribbled your own notes regarding each place, you'll be it way more crude than the previous captain did

>you made a rundown of the most interesting locations that you could sail to without taking you all year


-Southern Equestria
>medium distance away
>cool with zebras
>not cool with pirates
>not too far away
>civilized
>tolerant to all kinds
>5/10 hospitals
>fat merchant ships roaming the seas
>well protected
>Into Celestianism
>colonized to all hell and back
>no cool ancient shit to explore/loot

-Northern Equestria
>far away
>mainly colonials living there
>lots of native relic shit to find
>woodlands
>not cool with zebras
>not cool with pirates
>poor hospitals
>cold
>lots of merchant ships carrying mainly building materials instead of shit that'll turn a lot of profit compared to its weight
>not a lot of defenses put up

-Zeveres
>medium distance away
>zebra homeland (you think)
>warm
>jungle lands
>questionable hospitals
>lots of divided tribes (friendliness may vary)
>cool with pirates
>few merchant ships
>little to no defense due to no central government
>medium amount of native idols and other stuff of value

-Griffin Empire
>irrelevant since you're sailing a stolen griffin ship


-Germaneia
>NOT cool with zebras
>indifferent to pirates (if they're willing to sign some papers)
>lucrative trade
>far away
>amazing hospitals (specialized for ponies)
>impossibly well defended
>sells a lot of cool and advanced shit
>chilly
>industrialized as fuck
>Fascists
>best fighters in Equestria (according to the previous captain's notes)
>some scribbles about a 'white death' (disease or pony?)


-Horseshoe bay (Equestria)
>medium distance away
>lucrative trade
>cool with pirates if they sign papers
>cool with zebras
>good hospitals (you need this)
>possibility for great loot further inside the mainland
>something about "Bat ponies" (possible vampires?)
>spoopy shit




>Horseshoe bay sounds alright
>perhaps you should sell your goods first though?
>you rise from your seat just as you hear trotting coming from out the door
"That one, no, that one's dead. Pick up the other one, yes, captain's orders."

>the door opened and Red walked in as a pair of zebras dragged the live griffin away
"They had a surprising amount of shamans among them, though hocus pocus can only do so much, you fucked her up real good."

"What happens happens I guess. Hey, you know anything about Horseshoe Bay?"
"I've heard tales, but I've never been there."

>you sat back down
"Oh do tell."
>Red cleared her throat
"Nice enough harbor, has all the commodities any seafaring pony would need. We could drop off whatever zebras that want to leave there as well, it's part of Equestria and all roads lead to Equestria. There's some native superstition about a vampiric, blood drinking kind of pegasi mutation living further in on the mainland though."

"Go on."
"They're said to roam Hollow Shades, cursed grounds, if you believe the stories. I do believe in 'bat ponies' because I've met a worthwhile Germaneian deserter that mentioned them."

"And what did he say?"
"They're monsters, they hunt in packs in the middle of the night, usually feast on the fallen in the war in the east. He said they're quicker and stronger than normal pegasi, insane as well, if I understood it correctly."

"War in the east?"
"I keep forgetting you're new here. Germaneia is a… Interesting country. they've fought this neighboring land, fifty times their size for about 70 years now. Different ideologies, mostly. I couldn't tell you about exactly what ideologies entail because I have better things to do but there you go."

"So you guys have Nazi ponies?"
"Nazi-? Oh! Yeah, the Germaneians were Nazis! I remember now. Yes, they're an odd bunch, everypony aside from the unicorns hate themselves for not being a unicorn. Some sort of 'master race' kinda deal, hehe, I don't know, they're kinda crazy."

"And the country 50 times their size?"
"Hoffiet union I think? I don't know anything about, them never met one of those before, I don't think they're too keen on leaving their country, or something."

"You're not that interested in politics, I can tell."
"Damn straight! All a bunch of preachy assholes if you ask me. I let ponies smarter than me handle such matters. Oh! But we're going off topic, you said you wanted to go to Horseshoe Bay?"

"Yes, but first I want to drop off the merchandise in Neighssau."
>Red looked at you questionably
"Why in the world don't we just drop them off at Horseshoe Bay?"

"We can do that?"
Course! Every bay that allow pirates, even slightly does so because they want to buy merchandise.

"That's great and all but, I kinda wanted to buy some armor from Amber."
>you pointed at the bandages on your shoulder
"Eh, Amber? Really? No offense, Anon but I don't think you should let a single armorer make you a custom."

"You're kidding, did you see all that crap she had in her store?"
"I did, and I know Amber. When she gets going she gets going good, but, eh, with the provisions it would take and all the extra days of travel, not sure the crew will be too exited about that."


>Red had a point
>but meeting Amber again would be nice



"Hmm, you're right, Red. Give the orders."
"You're captain, Anon, do it yourself."

"You don't need to be difficult about it."
"Me?! Difficult?"

>Red faked shock
"All i'm saying is that you're a big boy, you can handle it, besides, I got work to do."

"I find that hard to believe."
"That griffin wine isn't going to drink itself~!"


>you check a compass laying at the desk and align it with the map as red walked out
>taking the compass with you, you walk back on deck
>the crew started to take sailing positions as they saw you coming
"Alright everyone. Raise anchor and set sail to Horseshoe bay! I want full sail, port side!"
>you heard a barrage of AYE's coming from the crew
>as you took the wheel one of the captured ponies came up to you
>it was a skinny male pegasus
>cobalt toned coat with a lighter mane
>"Scuse' me, Captn' The crew is eager to know ya name."
"Anonymous. Call me Anon."
>"Well alright' zebras 'ere pointed me quartermaster, so I'll be on'e case of checking up on 'em."
"I see."
>"Aye, Captn', a miserable crew ain't worth jack at sea, Innit? be sure to take their 'pinions into consideration, yes?"
"Umm, sure?"
>"Great! Now, it's also my job to keep the ships in good condition, well, yours as well I' figure. But I'll take care of stuff like provisions, armaments 'an makin' sure the crew get their fair share. Am amusing ya know what happens to captains that keep more than they've earned?"
>thoughts of the books you read about piracy came back to you
"The last thing I want is a mutiny, I'll make sure your time under me will be fair and rich."
>"Oit, sounds proppa. So. What business you got in Horseshoe Bay?"
"Selling our cargo, letting the ponies that doesn't want to join us go, visiting the hospital, maybe get some armor."
>the pegasus looked at the bandages on your shoulder
>"Banga' ah thing you an' I are gonna be proppa' lads."
"We will if you tone down that fucking accent of yours."
>the stallion took a step back
>"You fucking wot mate? Accent? Are you pullin' ma pisser? Shut your mug."
>the guy walked back down to deck to continue his work
>you didn't even get his name
>damn shame
>not really
>fucking cockneys are everywhere these days

>you looked back to see the other ship was following your lead
>you didn't have a clue who sailed it
>but you're sure your quartermaster had it all figured out
>one must place faith in their crew after all
>you chacked your compass again
>yep, still on course
>just then, Red broke through the doors to the deck
"Anon! This is really good! I'm not joking this time."

>she walked on over to you
>oozing of wine
"Here, have a drink."

>you reach down and grab the bottle from out her mouth
>you'll never get used to pony saliva
>you pop the cork and take a swing
"Mmm, not bad, Red. This is pretty good. How much wine is there?"
>Red grinned
"Enough."

"Don't drink the entire cargo before we dock, and we'll be fine."
"Yaha, Gotcha."

"Say, how much cargo do you think we have?"
"Couldn't tell you, the quartermaster does the counting when we get to shore."

"Alright. Hey, Red. I wanted to ask you something, is Blackbeak reliable?"
"No, he always finished before I did."

"NOT what I was asking. Can we trust him regarding his offer, you know, about sinking the Twins?"
"Oh? Oh! Yeah, he's good. He might seem like a grumpy showoff but I've never heard of Blackbeard ever breaking any promises."

"Well that's good."
"Honor among thieves sorta thing. Why? You planning to cash out to Blackbeak?"

"The thought did cross my mind, I haven't fully decided yet, I wanted your opinion."
"Well that's sweet of you, Anon. Just let me know when you decide on what to do."

"Do you have any idea what he'd give me for destroying these ships?"
"No idea, He's always so secretive about things."

"How's the Griffin doing?"
"I met one of the shamans tending here when I walked by, she's pretty messed up. They don't know if she'll make it, you didn't exactly give her a non-lethal treatment. Why do you care so much anyways?"

"I have my reasons."
"Gosh, now you sound like Blackbeak."

>Red started imitating Blackbeak's rusty voice
"Calm down, missy, The winds takes us places little ponies ain't supposed to know about, yahar ha ha."

"…Lovely."
"Hey, I know you man-folk need their privacy, I'll go check on the shamans, see if they need a drink."

"Don't get them too drunk now."
"Heh, no promises!"



>a couple of weeks worth of sailing later and port was near
>thankfully nothing of importance happened
>corpses were cleared out and floors were cleaned
>the griffin had stabilized but the shamans feared some sort of concussion
>according to them, comas lasting this long did not necessarily mean any permanent brain damage
>you and your quartermaster were still on bad terms
>you were still taking day shift at the wheel
>shit was soothing as fuck
>up and down
>down and up
>thank God you don't get seasick
>the Yacht had some stabilizing stuff, this wooden ship didn't
>you still slept in the yacht as it was being hauled by rope from the ship furthest behind
>you enjoyed the privacy, besides, all these equines around made the ships smell like a farm
"You feeling alright, Anon?"

"What do you mean?"
"Your headaches."

"It's fine, I feel much better now."
"Well, i'm still taking you to the hospital."

"Red, I feel much better."
"Doesn't matter, I don't want you to curl over and die on me."

"Do you not understand the definition of fine?"
"Anon, I'll drag you kicking and screaming, don't test me on this one."

>you sighed
>women

>you could see the port now,
>the ships' crews cheered as you readied to dock
>there was probably a lot to do over here
>work
>blacksmith
>armorer
>bar
>food?
>you hadn't eaten anything but sea provisions for two weeks


>you turned your attention away from Red
"Quartermaster! Count our wares and get someone to sell them. I'll contact the harbormaster and tell them what's what."
>"Aye."
>the stallion mumbled
>you didn't give a shit if he liked you or not
>fuck that guy
>the crew lowered anchor and started tossing out rope to secure the ships
>some jumped into the water to go tie them
>others took a more direct route to the bars and whorehouses
>eh, you could probably bill them on it or something
"So are you ready?"

"I need to talk to the harbormaster first, Red."
>"Hey dude! Heard you talking and I wanna go to the doctor as well."
"What? Why Rodgers?"

>"Duh, to see how well the show recreated your medical centers."
>you facepalmed
"Ffffffinnne. But I'm coming with Anon as well so you guys don't wander off."

"Jesus, alright, alright. But after this you need to stop momming me so much, it's pissing me off."
"I'm not momming you. Now hurry up so we can go to the doctors and maybe you'll get a lollipop before bed."

>you were 'this' close to kick a soon-to-be dead horse

>you climbed down the rope ladder and stepped on the pier
>god, it felt so good to get your feet on solid ground
>a puffed up unicorn mare came trotting over to you with a clipboard in her magic and a quill
>"Mr?"
>no courtesy hello?
>you look again
>the pony was wearing a pair of 'problem' glasses
>oh boy
"Anonymous."
>"Your ships?"
"Yes."
>she looked you down
>you didn't understand how she managed to do so, due to her size
>"Business?"
"We're only here to sell some cargo and perhaps do some sightseeing, madam."
>"Aha."
>the mare scribbled on her clipboard
>"Nationality?"
"Umm."
"He doesn't need to answer that, buddy."

>"Excuse me?"
>mare looked surprised
"Privateers have no obligation to state their affiliation with any nation. Any REAL harbormaster would know so."

>"Well I never, I-"
"Were's the real deal?! You're a fraud! Speak up, you landlubbing harpy!"

>"Well, you know- I'm her secretary and it is my duty to-"
>Red stomped angrily
"Well then you better go find the real harbormaster or else."

>the mare regained her composure
>"Or what? I call the guards?"
"Or I'll break that horn off your head, and stick it so far up your pooper you'll crap doughnut shaped shit for a week!"

>the mare squeaked
>"I-i'll get her r-right away."
>the unicorn ran off with tears building up in her eyes
"Never, EVER take shit from Equestrians, Anon. They'll try to fuck you over as soon as talk to you."

"That was pretty rude, Red."
"Nuh-uh. She'd a called the guards on us right away if we continued talking with her, secretaries have no financial gain in ill-gotten cargo, harbormasters do."

"I see your point. Guess I owe you one."
"See? You do need to be mommied around."

>you couldn't help but let out a small laugh



>as the three of you walked up the pier the unicorn with the 'problem' glasses could be seen talking with an older mare
>the unicorn fled the scene as she saw Red come along
>the older mare approached you with a smile
>"Unusual for travelers with clean flour in their saddlebags to stir up such a fuzz in our community. What brings you here?"
"We're here to sell some cargo, our quartermaster is counting the wares over one more time now."
>the mare picked up the conversation with a motherly smile
>"Ahh, I see, and you didn't want to give out your nationality becaus- I'm being nosey, my apologies, please. Horseshoe Bay has a lot to offer weary travelers of the sea, if there's anything on your mind, don't hesitate to ask."
"I kinda want to go to a bar to be honest."
>Red kicked you in the shins
"I mean, the hospital."
>"Great! Just walk past that blue building for about a block and you're there, can't miss it."
"Thank you."
>"You're very welcome."

>you really didn't want to go to the hospital
>especially not with Red
>Red knocked on the door
>she kept up with the sporadi knocking until a white mare with a pink mane in a cute little nurses hat opened
>"Shh! Unless you're short of missing a limb there better be a reason for all this noise."
"My pal here is sick and you need to fix him."

>the mare at the door rolled her eyes
>"Come in."
>you walked inside and saw a relatively nice doctor's office
>there were flowers in the windows and a couple of white draws around a sterilized blue medical chair
>"Sit, take your shirt off."
>the mare said nonchalantly
>"My name is Nurse Redheart, I'll be your doctor for today."
"Nice to meet you, Nurse, I'm Anon."
>"Okay, Anon."
>Redheart scribbled your name down on a piece of paper
>"What seems to be the problem?"
"I don't really know, doc. It seems like I've been getting these reoccurring headaches and hallucinations ever since I came here."
"They're real bad, I saw him vomit once."

>"Mhhm, and what are you, if I may ask."
"Human."
>"No, no, what ARE you, what species?"
"I told you."
>"We're, like. Not from around here, dude."
>"And were are you from?"
>"Earth, some weird alternate, cross dimensional pane of assistance."
>Nurse Redaheart turned to Red
>"Are you sure it's not this guy you want me to have a look at?"
>Redheart pointed to Rodgers
"Afraid not, they really are from another dimension… thingy. I've been there. They're tall and stuff, also they don't have magic."

>Redheart groaned
>"So, non-magical users?"
"Close, they don't have magic, at all! Nothing. No creatures there can use it either, it's missing in their world."

>Nurse Redheart was getting frustrated
>she walked on over to a cupboard and produced a pill bottle
"Is that for me-"
>the nurse downed half the content of the bottle down her own throat
>now that can't be good for you
>"Knew I shouldn't have gotten up today"
>you heard Redheart curse under her breath before taking a deep breath
>"Alright, Okay. Let's start with a blood sample and we can go from there."
>as the nurse got out a comically big needle she raised her voice once more
>"So, how did these headaches start? Was it after that gash in your shoulder?"
"They begun when I first arrived here, about a month ago, it was at its worst when I got this wound but, after that I've been doing fine."
>Redheart jabbed the needle in your arm
"Oww! What the fuck! You bitch!"
>"Calm down, Anon."
>Redheart was still totally relaxed in her voice
"You can squeeze my hoof it it makes you feel better, Anon."

"Fuck off, Red. God. I think you hit muscle tissue."
>"I did? Oops, sorry."
>Redheart pulled the needle out and jabbed again
"FUUUCK!"


>her eyes were getting noticeably redder
>probably shouldn't have taken all those pills
>dumb horses
>if you never saw another stupid, dumb fucking horse in your life again you'd die a happy man
>"Got it."
"What?"
"Got what I need, hold on."
>Christ, you could hear the needle being withdrawn out of your acing arm
>Redheart sat the contents of the needle inside some raggity old wooden box that was glowing with that you could only amuse was magic
>"Now we run a physical."
>Redheart's smile was getting dopey
"What do I do?"
>"Come here."
>all three followed the drugged horse upstairs
>"And you, other hyuman, any sympthoms?"
>"Naah brah, we have a third human that did have some headaches in the beginning but he's been good ever since."
>"He he, straaange."
>you saw a primitive treadmill as you walked upstairs
>the thing looked like a hunk of junk
>in front of it were odd amplifiers, antennas and discs all aimed at the pony/person who ere supposed to run on it
>"Just go for a walk on the walky bit and I'll run some diagnostics."
>you obliged and started walking
>Redheart slowly increased the speed on the thing using a panel of some sort on the side
>this thing seemed to run on magic as well
>it didn't take long until you were in a jogging tempo when Redheart stopped increasing the speed
"Now what?"
>"Now we wait."

>you did a light jog for about 30 minutes before Nurse Redheart turned the machine off
>"Interesting."
>you dried sweat from your brow
"What?"
>"Hmm. You're in good shape, Mr. Anon. Well, healthier than your averadge pony."
"How do you know that?"
>"Just a guess. Could you run for longer?"
"Yes?"
>"…Interesting."
>the Nurse wrote some more scribbles on some other papers her magic machine spat out after you walked back downstairs
>"Now for my favorite part."
>Ms Redheart got a hold of a rubber glove/sock and dressed her hoof in it
>she tightened it with her teeth and let go with a reassuring *SMACK!* Of rubber hitting hoof
>with a doped out grin on her face she approached you
>"Bend over."
"Nurse, what are you-"
>"Don't worry, Anon. I'm a licensed physician. Now. Bend. Over."
>There's no way in hell that fist sized hoof is going up your ass
"Oh he he, would you look at the time? I'm sorry, Doc, I need to be on my way, right now."
>"Really?"
>Redheart's smile faded
>"Aw, alright. Come back tomorrow with payment and I'll give you your diagnose once these blood samples are finished. Don't up up and leave town before that."
"Gotcha. Later Nurse!"
>"Later little dude."
"I'm so sorry Anon is being childish about this I'll make sure to."

>you yanked Red by the tail
"We're. Fucking. leaving."
"Bye!"

>Nurse Redheart waved you all goodbye as you left
>dodged a bullet there
"So you want to pick up that armor now, or go buy me a few drinks first?"



"Let's just get the armor so we're done with it."
>Red frowned
"Okay, see you at the… Ah, 'Crazy Horse'"

>Red pointed to a neon sign
"You're not coming with me? Don't you need some protection as well?"
"Bleh, No thanks, Anon. I'm fine without some uncomfortable fabrics slowing me down."

>Red did a barrel roll to one side, then barrel rolled back to you in the middle of the street
>some ponies were looking
"Advantage of having a lower point of gravity, you can dodge easier. See ya, Anon."

"But I- see you later, Red."

>damn
>you had no idea were to start looking
>this place was way bigger than Neighssau
>you decide to stop a pony in the street and ask
>he looked frightened of you at first but pointed you in the right direction
>there was a shitload of ponies walking around here
>three times the amount in Neighssau for sure
>needless to say the place was much louder and more active as a result
>weird seeing how your last visit to land was already filled with buzzling life in the streets
>it took you about an hour of searching until you found the store you were looking for
>'Anvil & Iron's Armour Emporium'

>you walked inside and to your surprise, two Minotaurs worked the store
>"You've come the wrong way, brother. The gym is at the beach!"
>the other Minotaur laughed
>maybe they thought you were one of them?
"This is how I'm supposed to look like, though."
>the beast of muscle smacked you on your back with a spine-breaking loving tap
>"Hey, I'm just joking, squirt. What do you want?"
"I was looking for some armor and this seemed to be the right place."
>"Damn right it is, right, brother?"
>"Damn right it is, brother!"
>the two looked identical
>only difference you could notice was the slightly lighter color of one of the brothers horns
"What do you got for me?"
>"Hmm."
>one of the minotaurs rubbed his chin
>"You're too tall for a baby model."
>"And he's not ripped enough for a regular model."
"You do customs? I'm willing to pay extra, naturally."
>the two of them grinned
>"That's what I like to hear, solider! Lets take your measurements and we'll have one hammered out for you tomorrow night."
>"It might not even be that expensive since we can cut material costs in half!"
>"Shush it, brother! Our customer did not need to know that!"
>the two talked like thy were pumped up on the mother of all steroids
>"We'll make it easy for you! Light, Medium or Heavy armour, choice is yours! If you're not happy with the product purchased from Anvil & Iron's Armour Emporium, YOU will get a full monetary refund GUARANTEED!"
"Sounds good."
>"So what will it be? A slim, sleek agile leather?"
>"A set of chain?"
>"Or a full fledged plate armor?"



"I'm usually on a boat so leather armor would be best. And if you could maybe work some reinforcements in there without it getting too heavy that would be perfect."
>"What?! Do you take us for some marshmallow ponies? There's no 'maybe' with our business!"
>"Right on, brother!"
>the two of them chest-bumped
>"Give us your measurements, your money and you'll have an armor rocking enough for ponies to ignore your noodly chest and womanly arms, but light enough for YOU not to sink!"
>"God! I am so hyped to make this armor!"
>"You better believe it brother!"
>"Yeah!"
>"YEAH!"
"O…K. Say, do you Equestrians have something along the lines of mithril? Some super light, super tough metal?"
>"Mithril?! Brother do you have any idea what this guy is talking about?!"
>"No idea brother. HOLD ON! Super light super tou- You'll have to travel north to get cosmic steel!"
>"Cosmic Steel?"
>"Cosmic Steel! I know the Germaneians have some, but the metal is native to their northern brethren! You won't find any in Equestria!"
"I'll keep that in mind."
>the minotaurs took your measurements and a chunk of bits from your pouch before sending you on your way

>crazy horse, crazy horse…
>oh, there it is
>you walk inside to see a tavern quite different from the one in Neighssau
>lights were flashing, ponies were talking,dancing, drinking
>you saw Red in the middle of the act of punching/kicking a slezy stallion off his bar stool
>you grabbed the stool as the stallion made a hasty retreat away from Red
"What was that about?"
>the music was so fucking loud in here
>it reminded you of clubs from back on earth
"Asshole tried to 'buy' me for the night after I asked him for a drink."

"Well, you can always buy your own drinks."
>Red laughed while relaxing in her seat
"You don't know how to treat a woman, Anon. But anyways, how did the search for armor turn out?"

"Good, met a brotherly pair of minotaurs willing to hammer one out for me, it'll be done sometime tomorrow."
"Now I'm assuming you had the smarts to not go for the biggest and bulkiest one you could find?"

"Of course not, don't you remember when we watched those movies back at my place, when I said how dumb the royal guard was for using armor that's heavy enough to drown them?"
"Good. Knew a Griffin that had like, twelve flintlocks on her and when push came to shove she landed in the sea, disoriented as she was, she managed to drown herself."

"I'm sorry, Red."
"Sorry for what? I didn't drown hehehe."

"Urgh, so, you found any jobs for us yet?"
"Why would I? Can't this be our little vacation?"

"The only thing, like, only two fucking activities you do when we travel is drink and yell at ponies."
"Bullshit, I also sleep and eat."

>Red had that shiteating grin on her face
"Whatever, now that we'll have to tend for a crew as well more money on the side would do us well."
"Eh, guess you're right, Anon, we'll look for something in the morning. But for now …Wanna dance?"

"Wat?"
"Dance? C'mon, Anon. I hardly ever dance anymore, don't make a poor mare feel old. Please?"




"Even if I wanted to dance, how can I dance with a horse?"
"What do you mean?"

"You're so…"
"Tiny?"

"And quadrupedal."
"Well, there's only one way to find out~! C'mon, Anon! My lead."

>Red pushed you out of your stool and kept bumping you with her head until you were out on the dance floor
>standing here, you already wished to be back in the comfort of your seat
>why the fuck do women like this shit?
>the music kept booming and Red started dancing
>the rhythmic beat sent Red's body into a trance as she started shaking her body from side to side in tune with the music
"Come on, Anon. Dance!"

>[uncomfortableness intensifies]
>you busted out some moves but you didn't hold a candle compared with Red who moved like possessed by the music
>you didn't know much of anything when it came to pony dancing rituals but ponies around the bar were taking notice of Red's moves
"Were did you learn to dance like this?"
>Red opened her eyes
"Hmm? Oh this? Picked it up back in Saddle Arabia. Yeah, it always turn these Equestrians slack-jawed"

>you felt incredibly sucky, dancing next to her
>to your credit you kept dancing until the song was over
"I need a drink if we're gonna dance more, this is too embarrassing to do sober."
>you and Red sat down in a booth and picked up the drinking menu
>what the fuck
>squigles
>oh, you totally forgot that Equestria uses shitty gibberish instead of actual letters to form words
"Red, what does this say?"
"That's a beer."

"And this?"
"Graze on the fields"

"This is stupid, just order me something good."
>you threw the menu on the table in frustration
>Red enjoyed your distress
"Don't worry about it, WAITER! OVER HERE!"

"Tshhh! You rude bitch."
"Anon, yelling at ponies in the service industry is one of life's few pleasures."

"Aside from drinking and freeloading?"
"Among other things."


>the waiter, looking somewhat annoyed walked up to you
>"You wanted to order?"
"Two-hoof mug of ale and a… barebacked stallion for my company. His treat."

>the waiter looked Red over with suspicion before replying
>"Of course."
"What's a barebacked stallion?"
"You'll see."

>it didn't take long for two waiters to enter your booth
>one of them had a giant tankard that had handles designed to fit into two hooves
>the other, somewhat blushing served you your drink
>your beverage was rainbow colored in nature, served in a coedicly lardge cocktail glass and had a squash fruit shaped like that of a-
"Are you fucking serious, Red?"
>shaped like that of a horse cock, complementary wiped cream was running down it's side from a large chunk at the top, looking like jizz
"God fucking dammit, I hate you so fucking much."
>Red nearly spat ale in her laughter towards you.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh Anon you should see the look on your face!"

"Fuck you, insufferable, stupid cunt horse! I'm not drinking this shit,"
"Fine with me, Anon- pffft. Ha ha, Your treat, remember?"

>this was the second closest you've been to punching Red in her stupid horse face
"At least try it."


>you carefully lick the tip
>why are you enabling her?
>and swallow some of the wiped cream
>you wash away some of the shame by tasting the drink through one of the many straws in the bowl served to you
>huge gulps, get drunk fast
>god, you hoped someone drugged your drink
>nothing but sugar and alcohol
>classic faggot drink

>you went to stage two and started lightly sucking on the tip and worked yourself down flimsily trying to get all of it in your mouth
>shit was so girthy, it made it hard to breathe and you had to pull it out in fear of coughing
>the last thing you wanted was to draw attention
>Red burst out laughing
"Why Anon. If I didn't know any better I'd say you've never sucked a dick before."

"Guilty as charged."
>you drank some more of the sugary excuse of a drink
"Here! Let me show you."

>Red presented her snout to the squash horse dick
"You go from the bottom and work yourself up."

>the mare gave the squash a thick, wet lick at its base and continued all the way to the top
>she used her mouth that, to be fair, roomed a lot more than yours and took the tip without as much as blinking
>Red closed her eyes and rolled her tongue in a clockwise motion, visibly around the vegetable, taking it all the way until her muzzle was touching the liquid of the bowl
"Hmmf~"

>you could see from her throat that she was swallowing, perpetually while sucking on it all the way back up to the top until her lips parted with a smack as she released the squash from her hot, wet embrace
>Red looked at you with bedroom eyes
>before dipping a hoof in your drink and flicking liquid in your face while giggling like a school girl
"Don't mess with the best, Anon!"


"Woptiee do, you're a better cocksucker than I am. Congrats"
>Red wiped some cream of her face
"Was that a hint of… jealousy I heard? Or something else?"

"Pah, don't think you're hot shit because you can suck dick, Red. You're so mouthy it doesn't come as any surprise."
"Don't turn this on me, Anon, you're the one who started sucking."

"Fine, fine. You win."
"I'm not convinced yet."

"Too bad."
"No!"

>Red whinnied
"Now you say, 'what can I do to convince you?' then I'll say 'I want to go dancing!'"

"We just danced."
"You're almost as bad at dancing as you are at sucking dick. That didn't count."

"Fffffff-ine, have it your way."
>you desperately chug all you can bear of the vile sugary drink and stand up

A ragitty, fat stallion in sunglasses behind a podium was on stage ready for a live performance
>"Everypony doing alright?"
>the crowd murmured yeses
>"Alright, all mares drag your colts out on the dancefloor."
"Is this what I think it is?"
"Yes!"

>pls no

>pony couples gathered and assumed a slow dance position
>Red got up on her hind legs and rested her fore-hooves on your chest
"This is how you dance with a pony, Anon."

>Christ this is going to be so cheesy
>the music started
>the clunky guitar pings begun playing and very soon you realized the joke was on Red
>her confident smile soon turned somber, aiming her anger at the fat stallion at the podium as he started singing


>"Dadada, dada, dadadadada da, dadadadadada!"
>you flung Red to your side while holding on to her hoof, reiling her back in your arms
>"The Brotherman Bill, Brotherman Bill, Brotherman Bill, Rradada dadadada!"
>you stomped your legs in tune with the music, still holding Red firmly
>you enjoyed yourself too much
>maybe it was the alcohol
>maybe it was the Nicholas Cage of music
>either way, the music was in you and you had to shake it out
>in between your headbanging you saw the other ponies had left the dancefloor, leaving you and Red as the sole dancing partners
>"The Brotherman Bill production get you higher than an alcohol spill!"
>this was your jam
>Red eventually caved and smiled as she started singing with the music
"The Brotherman Bill, Brotherman Bill, Brotherman Bill, Rradada dadadada!"

"Dadada, dada, dadadadada da, dadadadadada!"
>Red lifted her hooves off the ground and held on around your neck
>you started swinging her around, making her hind legs suspend in the air as you spun to the music, making Red laugh
>the song ended far to quickly as the two of you were having fun
"Woo! Well what do you know, you DO know how to dance!"

"Thanks, Red, it's not hard when it's fun, y'know?"
"Hehe, let's get outta here, I don't think anything can top that song."

"Agreed."

>the two of you causally strolled down the street
>little to the mare's knowledge you had dropped the squash into one of her saddlebags while she wasn't looking
>you were out for revenge
>Red had worked up a sweat
>you felt the effects of alcohol and all that dancing
>a sneaking headache came creeping in
>no, fuck you headache
>you were enjoying yourself
"Wanna go binge eating?"

"Sure."
"Great!"

>Red sniffed her way to a bakery and purchased a tray of cupcakes
>not your first pick but it'll do
"Oh, by the way, did you pay for our drinks back there at the bar?"
"Pfft, what do you think we are, Anon?"

"Oh, pirates, forgot."
>Red giggled to herself
"You're so dumb sometimes."

"Look who's talking."
"Wanna eat these at the yacht?"

"Sure."

>it took you guys a couple of minutes to reach the yacht
>Red didn't even wait before eating two cupcakes
>no self control

>you entered the yacht via one of the ships and the two of you hid underneath a blanket, reading stuff on your laptop while eating cupcakes
>you had all the lights turned off so the only source of luminescence was your computer screen
>this continued for some time until Red fell asleep with you reading for her
>you eventually turned off the laptop and went to bed as well
>as weird as it sounds, you were growing used to having her here by your side

>tomorrow you could pick up your armor, and get a diagnosis for your headaches
>but other than that, your day was off


>you woke up and rubbed sleep out of your eyes
>this bed is so fucking comfy, why did you ever bother existing without it?
"Red?"
>you didn't see her i bed
"Out here, Anon!"

>you got up and walked outside to the deck of the boat
"One sec."

>Red was spring a leak by the bow of the yacht
"Good morni- Oh for fuck's sake, we HAVE a toilet, you know."
"I don't get how you get so comfortable with that thing, peeing in a hole is weird."

"No, fuck you, you don't get to piss out the side of my yacht, Christ, there are ponies looking!"
>Red stuck out her tongue at you
"Don't care."

>you pushed Red off the yacht as you walked back on land
>the sound of annoying pony hitting water made your morning all the more sweet
"Hey! Anon! I'm covered in my own piddle water!"

>she mad
"I'm taking Charles and Rodgers with me to the doc, I'll see you later, Red."
>a string of what you could only assume were foreign profanities coupled with angry horse noises came from Red as she attempted but failed to drag herself up out of the water
>only to splash down into her own piss water once again

>it didn't take long to gather your human friends
>Rodgers was all over a female zebra crew member
>you had to drag him out of what you could only guess was some sort of opium bar
>Charles was found easily enough, sitting at a bench near the nearest Celestian monastery, chatting horse politics with the locals

>you knocked at the door to Nurse Readheart's ER only for the door to creek open by itself
"Hello?"
>"Horsefeathers Down here!"
>you saw an open hatch, previously hidden from view under a rug
>blue light was emanating from it
>you climbed down the ladder and saw Redheart eating lunch on a pre-autopsy pony laying on a steel gurney
>Nurse Readheart was eating a sandwich, using the late pony's belly as a makeshift tray
>her mane was a mess and it seemed like she had just woken up
>your eyes trail to an unkept sleeping-bag in the corner
"Sorry to disturb your lunch."
>the mare swallowed the last bit of sandwich before wiping her hooves off on the towel covering the dead horse she was eating on top of
>"It's fine."
"you sleep here?"
>Redheart looked around
>"Yep."
"Why?"
>"It is free."
"Well then. Anyways, I'm here for the results."
>"Ah, one second."
>the mare looked around on a desk cluttered with papers
"What did this guy die from?"
>you were referring to the dead body
>"Why don't you lift that sheet and see for yourself?"
>you lifted up the towel as Redheart wasn't looking
>the pone's corpse was swollen and it looked like his face had been run over
"someone went postal on his face with an axe?"
>"I wish, it's those damned bat ponies, they've been getting uppity. They pick up hikers, travelers and adventures around Foal Mountain, some of the bodies float all the way down the river and end up in Horseshoe Bay. And no the cranial trauma was post mortem and it was from a fall, or a drop. the bark inbeded in his face implies he cleaved it whilst landing on a stump. His actual cause of death seems to be a dusin or so bitemarks, infecting him with… something that eventually killed him."
"Mhhm. And why do you have one here, why not bury him or whatever the fuck you ponies do?"
>"We don't get many murders in Equestria, I like to open them up and find out the cause of death. Helps keep my skills sharp by practicing."
>that's kinda morbid
>"Aha! Here it is."
>Nurse Redheart looked over her papers
>"Your physical health seems to be in top shape, Anon. Come with me upstairs, there is something you should know."
>you, Redheart, Charles and Rodgers walked back up the stairs

>"It was confusing at first, with the symptoms you described at first, added with the fact that you're from a place without magic made me suspect some sort of magical tumor in your brain. Since your body isn't native, or used to magic I figured your natural immune system was trying to kill it off, since magic can't be 'killed' it would trap it in large boils, eventually putting too much pressure on your brain, causing your eyeballs to pop out your skull."
"Sounds absolutely horrible, if that's not the reason, what is? And why isn't Charles or Rodgers getting it?"
>"Puzzling, right? Charles, are you spiritual in any way?"
>Charles grabbed his Jesus piece
>"You could say that"
>"What about you, Rodgers?"
>"I am one with nature, little mare."
>"Interesting. Anon, are you heavily religious or spiritual?"
"No?"
>"Bingo."
"What do you mean, 'bingo'? You haven't told me anything."
>"It's telling itself. Magic is a force your homeland would consider 'super natural' as in, not part of the natural world. Your brain, not being open to such ideas reject magic and it's effects, this is a practice that very few ponies can manage to do with intense concentration and meditation, it is an extremely taxing and stressful ordeal. One you have been doing subconsciously for quite some time."
"Really?"
>"Yes."
>this might explain why your worst headaches came from after you did physical/stressful tasks
>like almost getting eaten by squids
>or taking those slave ships
"Is there a cure?"
>"Yes, easiest in the world. You need to accept the magic of friendship."
"Nigga what?"
>"There are many magics in Equestria, you just need to embrace them, that way, your subconscious mind will un-knot itself to magic. Or give you an aneurysm."
"Can't you just give me some pills or something?"
>Redheart smiled
>first time you've seen her mile, you think
>"That's not how it works. You either accept magic or your headaches are just going to get worse. On the plus side, you might have gained a few permanent benefits from denying magic for so long How did you treat that wound on your shoulder?"
"I bandaged it up."
>"Have you changed the bandages? Clenched the wound?"
"No, now that you mentioned it I haven't."
>"Let me take a look."
>you unwrap your bandages and to your surprise, instead of disgusting infection puss, three lines of clean scarring ran down your shoulder's ball-joint
>"Your blood and body seem to be immune from common magical infections at least. Interesting."
"That'll come in handy in my line of work."
>"What is your line of work, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Pir- Privateer."
>Redheart didn't seen convinced
>"Alright, Mr 'privateer'. Say, are you available for a little something something?"
"That depends."
>"I need an escort to Foal Mountains up the river and protection from the bat ponies should they try to pull a stunt similar to what happened to our friend in the basement here."
"Why would you want to go to Foal Mountains?"
>"I want to study Bat ponies, see what makes them tick, very little public information is known about those creatures."
"I don't really take civilians into dangerous places like, that's not how I make my living."
>"I won't be complete dead weight, I'll bring papa's rifle from the war."
"Military grade?"
>"You betcha."
"I'll think about it, how much do I owe you?"
>"30 bits, and please do, I might not seem like a rich mare, and i'm not. But my Grandaunt is, she'll be happy to compensate you for helping me discover for some new info on such a rare species."
>you hand over the 30 bits
"Thanks, Nurse Redheart, I'll take your offer into consideration."
>"I'll be here if you do."


>you walked back out and parted ways with Rodgers
>he was eager to get back to his opium
>that left you with Charles
"So, how is Horseshoe Bay treating you?"
>"Me? Oh, its fine enough, honest ponies here, way more honest than the crooks back in Neighssau. A man could really make a honest living here."
"Charles, have I done anything immoral yet?"
>"According to the Bible, ponies are soulless, they are made to serve man along with all other animals. So, no. You haven't done anything immoral."
"Do you really believe that, soulless, I mean? This is coming from the one of us that's most annoyed by those big-eyed little fuckers the most"
>"I don't know what to believe anymore. I need to stick to my faith more than ever before."
"Just look at this like a test or something. Speaking of trials, how do you feel towards helping Redheart studying bat ponies?"
>"Shouldn't you ask Ms. Red about such matters?"
"Fuck Red, I want someone who's not retarded's opinion."
>"What did she do this time?"
"She pissed from out the side of the yacht."
>yes, you still mad
>"You know, it seems she's doing such things to provoke a reaction out of you."
"It works and she knows it, I just want to punch her in her smug, horse face."
>"Maybe you should."
"You're the last person I'd think would promote violence."
>"You've seen her build, she's not exactly a frail maiden I take it. These earth ponies seem stronger than you or I"
"I don't know, not to keen on the idea of punching women."
>"Aha, so you do think of them as women?"
"Kinda, yeah. I know they're animals, annoying fucking animals."
>Red's outburst protest about being called an animal came back to you
>fuck, why did you feel bad about calling them animals?
>"I'm starting to doubt them being animals myself, but then again, this whole situation is confusing. But we're going off track, I think you should help Nurse Redheart."
"And why is that?"
>"She seems honest enough, didn't seem like she had anything to hide and I want to take a mountain walk, it's soothing for both body and mind. I don't think anyone in your crew would mind, either. Do you know how far away Foal Mountain is?"
"No, but it can't be that far if she wants someone to act as sell-swords, defending her the way up, that shit would be pretty expensive after a while."
>"Good point, you should still ask Red about it though, she knows more of this place than all of us humans put together."
"Fine, I just don't want to be too dependent on her, you know? I'm already knees deep in her, I need her help when it comes to paying for shit, travelling, stuff like that. I want to be more independent."
>"Being independent?" That's a high order around here, we are in a different dimension after all, different culture, species, natural laws… You really feel that you're ready to mare decisions without hand holding so soon?
>you sighed
"You're right. I'm at that horse's mercy for now. I'll talk to her."
>"I hope you do, and Anon."
"What?"
>"You seem troubled, in general, if you don't know which path to take you can always talk to me about any such matters. That's the least I can do. A little man to man. Always helps clear my mind."
"Sure Charles, I'll keep that in mind thanks."


>you figure the minotaur bros should't have to rush your armor
>you might as well talk to Red first
>walking back to the yacht she was nowhere to be seen
>typical
>you walked around the sea line looking for her
>didn't take long to find her snoozing on the beach with one of your zebra crew members
"Red."
>no response
>the zebra laughed
>"She's really lazy, captain."
"Wait, don't you guys rhyme all the time?"
>the zebra spoke up
>"That is reserved for courtesy and formalities, since you are our captain I assume we can forget these technicalities."


>he continued
>"A captain is valued as much as is crew, you don't see us rhyme among ourselves, do you?"
"I'm sorry guy, kinda new to the whole zebra rhyme thing."
>"Lack of such knowledge is no crime, it does us nothing to rhyme."
"Will you assholes shut up? I'm trying to get a tan here."

>how would a pony, covered in hair even get a tan?
>even if she got one, what would be the point?
"Red. We got a new job offer."
>the mare was still grumpy
"What?"

"You know Nurse Redheart? She wants us to escort her to Foal Mountains, says she wants to study bat ponies."
"Urgh, what's the payout?"

"She has a rich Grandaunt or something."
>Red wiped her eyes ad shook the sand off her back
"How far away is Foal Mountains."

"Does it look like I know your maps? They all look like they belong on the back of cereal boxes to me."
"We can have a look at one over dinner-"

>Red paused
"Wouldn't that mean we'd have to leave the ships here until we return?"

"Yeah, suppose so, Redheart said something about a river, I don't think we'll be able to get those two huge ass ships up river."
>you looked at the zebra to get his opinion
>"you're asking me?"
"Yes, I want the crew's opinion."
>the zebra looked pleasantly surprised
>"Keep on captaining the way you do, and I have no doubt the crew will wait for you."
"Sweet, we'll talk logistics over dinner, that sound good to you, mister…?"
>"Marcus."
"Marcus! So, you in?"
>"Wait, before we move any faster, shouldn't you take this up with your quartermaster?"
"He's kind of a dick."
>Marcus laughed
>"He's rough around the edges, this is true, all things considered, he's not that unlike you."
>what-ev-er

>the three of you found a nice restaurant to eat while discussing whether or not you should take the job
"If we're going I want Tyren with us, I've yet to seen him fight but if what they say about minotaurs is true, he'll be invaluable should the shit hit the fan."

"That might be a problem, I payed him, but we never specified for how long."
"Marcus, does Tyren still hang around the ships?"

>the zebra nodded
"There's your answer, Tyren doesn't seem like the type to dabble in kisses and hug goodbyes, if he felt his contract was done he would have left."

"I don't know, Red. He did say I payed him pretty little compared to what he felt he had to offer"
"Then money isn't his motivation."

"If not money, what is?"
"I don't think you'll get a straight answer out of him, but you're more than welcome to try."

"And you, Marcus, can you talk the crew into staying here for a while?"
>"How long are you planing to stay?"
"Red, map?"
"WAITER! MAP! NOW!"

>the poor stallion serving you brought a map
"Thanks!"

"Well?"
"Shouldn't take more than five days by foot, ten days back and forth, give Redheard a week to fuck around and it'll take us roughly 3 weeks."

"How about we take the Yacht?"
"If your engine is up to it."

"That'll probably cost me some gas."
"Up to you."


>but first you needed to decide if you wanted to go on that particular quest in the first place



>you tapped your fingers on the map
"We'll do it. Marcus, can you get some shamans to help me on this one?"
>"I am a shaman."
"No way,you're nowhere near old enough."

>Marcus grinned sheepishly
>"Shaman in training to be correct."
"So, what do you guys do?"
>"After training we live a life highly nomadic, until we find a village to share our magic."
"You don't have to rhyme, Marcus."
>the stallion blushed embarrassingly
>"We usually settle down in a community and help whoever requires our aid."
"Elaborate."
>"Healing potions, mending wounds, lifting curses, gathering knowledge about Equestria and creating a general feeling of safety. Most communities enjoy knowing they have a local shaman to help them."
"That's admirable but how do you feed yourself?"
>"Shamans are respected individuals, what we can not gather on our own, we trade to us or receive in acts of charitable kindness from ponies or zebras we've helped in the past."
"Know how to fight?"

>"Yes, should the need arise I am trained in hoof-to-hoof combat."
"How about some wicked voodoo spells or something?"
>Marcus sighed
>"I see how this would be beneficial in your line of work, captain. I can hypnotize, curse and create toxins that take physical form."
>you patted the zebra's back
"Sounds awesome. Tell me more about your toxins."
>your patting seemed to help Marcus's mood
>"It is a mixture that will pop out of a bottle and stalk it's pray. Not fast, but persistent. We're not supposed to brew such contortions because to the unprepared mind, it incites fear, usually fear of our kind."
"Well you'll have none of these problems with us, Red doesn't give a shit, Charles probably will but I'll talk to him and I just wanna see you pull some cool magic mumbo jumbo, especially since I'm immune to it.."
"Hold the fuck up, you're immune… To magic?"

"Yes, if what Nurse Redheart said is right."
"Really now? Our air is magic, are you immune to air?"

"Well, I-"
"WAITER!"

>"What is it this time, madam?"
"I'll triple your tips if you blast my friend over here with an offensive spell."

>the unicorn waiter looked over to you
>"Would this be alright with you, sir?"
"Go ahead."

>the unicorn charged up a spell
>blue lightning sparks were fizzling out of his horn
>you were starting to think this was a bad idea
>just as you were going to pussy out the unicorn released the spell
>a powerful blue lighting bolt hit your chest
>you felt like warm water was pouring over your chest, being absorbed into your skin
>after the spell was cast you hears some ringing in your ears
>"That was a level two standard lightning bolt. Not enough to seriously hurt, but great at scaring wildlife away."
"Well, Anon. How do you feel?"

"I don't know, is the effect instantaneous?"
>"It should be."
>just then you felt your bladder violently protest
>it didn't take more than a minute before you fell to the floor, gripping your dick in the process
"Anon!"

"Toilet! NOW!"
>the waiter hurriedly guided you to the bathroom
>not one in your life had you experienced having to take a piss with such short notice
>finally behind closed doors you let out a yellow stream, soothing your bowels once more
>only, it wasn't yellow
>your piss was fucking sparkly rainbow colored
>what
>the
>fuck?
>you had no idea what was going on
>maybe you caught the gay?
"Red? Red!"
>you scared
"What is it, Anon. If you're trying to plow me, this isn't exactly the most sanitary place."

>Red said in jest
"It's my piss, Red. It's rainbow colored."
>Red walked in the stall you unlocked ant peeked
"What do you know, It is."

"What does it mean?"
"That you're a faggot."

>you scowled
"Red, this isn't funny."
"Its a little funny. Anyway, that there is magic."

"What?"
"Are you deaf? Magic, you're pissing refined magic right there."

>your mind races back to what Nurse Redheart said
>>"your brain, not being open to such ideas reject magic and it's effects–"
>well, you're semi resistant to magic, at least
>you shutter to think what would happen if you were to get too much in your system at once though
"Anon, you're having an internal monologue, fill me in."

"Oh? Oh! Yeah, something the Nurse said. My body rejects magic, but from after that blast I'm assuming only in tiny amounts before I need to… Release it."
"Cool, kinda makes me with I was a unicorn so I'd see to it that you'd be pissing rainbows from now on."

>Red sighed and looked down on her hooves
"Fate can be such a cruel mistress."

>Anon 1 Red 0
>after you shooed Red out of the bathroom and finished up pissing you were washing your hands
>what should you do next?
>you could always check in on the armor but it was still early in the day
>going over to Redheart to tell her that you're willing to help and maybe catch some more info wouldn't be a dumb thing either

>you decide it's time to break the news to Nurse Redheart
>sitting down you pulled Marcus to you
"Listen, how about you find Tyren and tell him to meet me at the clinic."
>"You w-want me to come along, captain?"
"Do you have anything better to do?"
>the stallion blushed
>"Not really."
"Then you can come along."
>you pay the bill for your meal, much to Red's dismay
>she wanted to dine and dash again
"What is up with that zebra?"
"He likes you, Anon. Not a lot of captains care about their crew, and you saved his tail from a life of servitude on top of that. He adores you."

"Well that's good to know. Damn, kinda want that guy as quartermaster instead of that chav-asshole we have now."
"Tell you what. After we come down the mountain I'll scare that prick off before we sail off."

"You'd do that?"
"What? I'm a melting pot of friendship, Anon. I'd do anything for you."

>Red and you made it to Redheart's humble clinic in no time
"Redheart."
>you knocked on the door
>"Come in."
"Hey."
>"Welcome. Have you decided yet?"
>Redheart was fiddling away with a couple of needles
"Yes we have. We're going to escort you to the Mountains."
>the mare smiled
>"Thanks, Anon, Red, I already packed for the mountain. Who will be going with us, is it just you two?"
"Charles and Marcus, a zebra shaman and hopefully Tyren, a Minotaur."
>"I see I get the A-team treatment."
"More like the rag-tag piece of shit experience. But we'll get you up there safely."
>"Well at least you're honest."
"Yeah, I am. Speaking of, I pissed magic rainbows when some unicorn zapped me an hour ago. Is that normal?"
>Nurse Redheart groaned
>"If I told you that you were resistant to malaria, would you actively seek out mosquito bites?"
"Maybe? Why?"
>Redheart popped a couple of pills and sighed
>"Give me a urine sample and we'll have a quick look."

>you pee in a cup as instructed and watch as Nurse Redheart took a look at the sample under a microscope
>"Hmm. This is some pretty high grade stuff you got here, Anon."
"Is it worth anything?"
>"I wouldn't bet on it."
>bummer
>"Magic is all around us, there's no need for highly concentrated doses. This is the equivalent of having a tank of water out at sea. Your bladder is a glorified magical compressor."
"Is it dangerous?"
>"not unless you're zapped at a faster rate your body can discard it. If you fail to do so there could be serious consequences, blather rupture, your bowels giving out on you, lungs catching fire, magic is somewhat flammable, you're basically turning magic into a fossil like fuel."
"That's… unsettling."
>"You're still better off than being affected by the spells themselves, count your blessings, I guess."
"Say."

>Red spoke up
"What makes you trust a bunch of pirates to take you up to a mountain all alone away from anypony able to help you? Not a threat by the way, I am legitimately curious as to why you trust us to not just rape, shoot and rob you."

>Red you cunt!
>don't ruin this gig
>Redheart looked away from her microscope
>"Oh? Well. Mutual trust I believe, I could have taken out Anon by injecting him with a nerve agent or some cyanide. Even oxygen inside his blood stream would do the trick. Yet he trusted his health onto me. And the rape and robbing part? I'm not a rich mare, and there are ponies out there far more pretty than a bad little nurse pony in horseshoe bay. Surly you could do better."
>Nurse redheart looked a little downtrodden after uttering those words
>maybe you should cheer her up?


>you slap red across the ear
"Oh you didn't!"

>Red replied by kicking her fore hoof at you
>you tried countering but her hoof kicks are just so fucking strong
>your hand is left in pain from tryin to deflect the hit
>you use your free hand to shove Red's face into your lap, silencing her
>Red's face was forced into your knees as you were sitting
"Hmmf! MMmmMM!"

"I'm sorry about that, Redheart. I'm sure some young, handsome stallion will snatch you up one of these days."
>you let Red go
"A little closer and I'd have bitten your dick off!"

"Calm down, Red. We don't act like snarky little shits in front of customers. At least wait until she's on the trail with us."
"I don't have to take this from a pea-dicked ape! I'm going out and you're not invited."

>Red triumphantly lifted her snout in the air and huffed
"Asshole."

"Cunt."
"Snake handed freak."

>Red walked out, leaving you and Redheart alone
>"What was that all about."
"She's just on the rag or something, doesn't like being told what to do."
>"The… rag?"
"On her period."
>"Mares do not get periods."
>oh right
>"Are you having some relationship issues, Anon?"
"Who, me? No, me and Red? Pfft, no way, she's just some dumb horse that tags along with me."
>"Well, whatever personal relations you have with her it's none of my business, but thanks for trying to make me feel better."
"You said something about being a bad nurse? I think you're pretty good."
>Redheart sighed and and trailed the rim of a pill bottle sitting next to her
>"Used to be the best nurse in a small town called Ponyville, after a couple of years they started hiring more unicorns from Canterlot to practice medicine. I'll tell you right now that using a scalpel is a lot easier when you don't have to use your hooves. I was slagging compared to what the new doctors could do, and after some hospital medication went 'missing' once too often I was laid off. Moved to Horseshoe bay and i'm still trying to settle in. I'm not having much luck, unfortunately."
"Well I'm sad to hear that, maybe a month in the outdoors will do you some good?"
>"Hopefully. I want to get my things in order, and Anon?"
"Wha-"
>Nurse Redheart reached a hoof around your shoulder and hugged you
>she turned to look at you and smiled
>"You're a good listener, Anon. Have you ever considered psychiatry? I can ensure you the mortality rates are way lower in that sort of occupation."



"I think I'm good, Redheart, but thanks for the advice."
>"Speaking of, how did an interdimensional being such as yourself end up in such a trade as buccaneering? You honestly don't seem like bad people."
"Oh, you know how it goes, I didn't start doing piracy until very recently, and to be fair, it was for a good cause. As for the latter, I think we're just victims of bad press, it's all exaggerated."
>"We'll see, and no rape while you're working for my Grandaunt's coin, you got that?"
"Cross my heart."
>"Good. So, when can we leave?"
"Tomorrow, after I've made sure we have supplies for our trip."
>"Is food included in the price?"
"It is if I bump it up a notch."
>"He, pirate, not a charity case, got it."

>you both turned around as the door knocked
>"Come in."
>the huge budging mass of Tyren entered the door
>behind him was little Marcus who paled in comparison
>hell, everything paled in comparison to that monster
"Sup, Tyren."
>"*Snort.*"
"I was wondering for how long you wished to stay in my company. I figured since we're done capturing the ship you might have other things to do."
>"Are you kicking me out?"
"No! Of course not. I'm just wondering if you plan to stay any longer."
>"*Snort.*"
"Is that a no?"
>"No."
"No, as in no, or no as in no, I'd like to stay."
>"Yes."
>Red was right, this was difficult
"Well, I'm glad to have you still on board with us. We leave for Foal Mountains tomorrow if nothing else shows up."
>"*Snort.*"
>that's probably a 'yes'
"Marcus, Tyren. I want you both to meet the lovely lady we're going to escort, why don't you introduce yourself, Redheart?"
>"Hi! My name is Nurse Redheart and i'm the pony you'll get to escort to Foal Mountains."
>Marcus shook hooves
>"Pink hair under nurse's cap, why would you visit a dangerous place like that?"
>"He rhymes? Charming."
>Redheart said, unimpressed
>Marcus quickly recoiled, dropping his sphagetti and shrunk down behind you
>"Well, Marcus. I'm going to study bat ponies."
>"I–i need to go to the bathroom…"
>"Up the stairs, to your left."
>Marcus raced up the stairs
>Redheart gave you a look
>you shrugged
"Don't look at me, I specifically said 'the rag-tag piece of shit experience'."
>Redheart popped another pill and facepalmed
>do ponies even have palms?
>face'hoofed'?
>no, that sounds stupid
>"I need to get my will in order before leaving."

>Redheart waved you goodbye as the night was falling
>you headed back to the ships along with your gang
>Red was nowhere to be seen
>probably getting pissy drunk
>trowing up in a urinal
>should you just say fuck it and go to bed
>or perhaps look for her?




>fuck, do don't want Red to go to bed annoyed
>she'll be grumpy in the morning
>you decide to hit up the local nightlife to see if you couldn't find Red
>neon lights flashing
>ponies singing and dancing in the streets
>in contrast to the human world the music filling the streets was played live
>it created an entirely different mood
>more cheery

>you looked inside the bars and clubs that were open enough to look through
>you didn't see Red
>damn, maybe she's in some of the ally ways?
>you looked through a few
>all you found was some shady looking ponies retreating as you entered
>still no Red

>you stumbled into a motel, looking for the mare
"Hi."
>"Welcome, uhh.. welcome!"
>the pony looked a bit surprised to see you but got it's shit together soon enough
"I'm looking for a pony named Red. Tall mare, cream colored coat, two part red mane."
>"Oh, i'm sorry, I saw a mare like that but she told me to mate with inanimate objects when she heard I didn't allow narcotics in my establishment."
"That's Red alright, any clue were she went?"
>"The only place I know of that allows that kind of stuff is down there by the left, two blocks away."
"Thanks."

>you head down to the motel as described by the pony
"Hey, have you seen a pony named Red? She's a tall mare with a cream colored coat and-"
>"Is she high?"
"And drunk?"
>"Up the stairs, to your right, the room with all the noises coming from it."
"Alright, thank you."
>"Was this information worth anything to you?"
"Yes, why?"
>the mare behind the desk smiled as she pointed t her tip jar
>you tossed in 10 bits
>"Thanks, your marefriend just ignored it, though, she seemed pretty wasted."
>typical
>you gave the mare another 4 bits for her troubles
>ramblings and laughter could be heard from the room you entered
>you opened the door to see Red laughing her ass off to some radio show
>she was smoking on a Hookah with two other mares
>a unicorn and a pegasus pony
>you remember the color pallets from your crew
>never got to know their names though
>Red turned over to you as you opened the door
"Oh, it's you."

"What's got you so bothered? I was worried about you."
"Oh?"

"I've been looking around the city, trying to find you for about two hours now. "
"Really? Didn't think you cared about me after hitting me."

"C'mon, Red. It was just a little ear flick."
>Red looked mad
"You two, leave. We'll talk tomorrow."

>the two other ponies looked at each-other before deciding it was best to avoid such a big mare when she's mad
>the other ponies left, leaving you and Red alone in the room

"No it wasn't just a little ear flick, you hit me, in front of somepony I didn't know. Do you know how embarrassing that is?"

"Well, I-"
"I'm not your property, Anon! What exactly made you think you could hit me like some disobedient animal!? I'm so mad right now, you best choose your next words carefully if you value chewing food with your teeth."


"I'm sorry if it pissed you off that much but you were being an uppity cunt, don't even try to deny it."
"So? That was between me and her, you didn't have to get involved."

"Nurse Redheart lost her job and makes her bed next to corpses when she's not popping pills to keep herself from falling out. I'm not taking sideline while you imply to that mare that we're dragging her to the mountains to rape and kill her. I've had it up to here with your shit, Red. I will slap you like I would any other Sapient creature for saying something so utterly stupid!"
…

"Do you even fucking consider the shit that comes out of your mouth, Red?"
"I guess I don't, most of the time…"

"What happened, Red? We used to be so cool, now all you do is shit on me and others around you, I wouldn't be bothered by it if it didn't happen all the fucking time."
"I have attachment issues, okay? I don't know what's going on! I just get these impulses that say like, 'Oh that mare is an asshole, you should treat her like shit' or, 'Gee, Red. Have you ever realized Anon thinks of you like you're a dumb four legged beast?' Whenever I get close to somepony I just assume the worst about them, but you! You refuse to tell me to just fuck off and die in a ditch and it's pissing me off. Just leave."

"No, fuck you, you don't get to be my friend for so long only to break it up because you don't feel like it."
"Don't patronize me. I know damn well you're treating me like some sort of idiot! I'll have you know thatyou'retheidiotandstupidyeswiththefriendsisthqtitiblahblahblah– "

>Red started ranting incoherently
>her cheeks were puffed out and you couldn't understand the words she was trying to convey
>fuck, what would James Bond do?

>you walk on over in the middle of her rant and bitch slap her
>while dazed you grab a hold around her head and press your lips against hers
>Red's face was a mixture of seething hatred, surprise, panic and embarrassment
"Shut up. Alright?"
>Red nodded
"Now, I'm fucking tired of chasing you around town, I'm going to bed. Do you want me to sleep here at the motel or go back to the Yacht?"
>silent as a mouse, Red pointed her hoof at the side of the bed she wasn't sitting in
>you got undressed and pulled the covers over your half-naked body
>before closing your eyes you peaked over at Red
>she had laid down next to you with her back facing you
>you take a deep breath and exhale
>calm down, Anon, we'll deal with this in the morning
>for now you needed some rest
>all this fighting couldn't be good for your head
>you closed your eyes and focused as much on sleeping as you could


>tomorrow was the big day, after all
>you needed to manage camping supplies, who bring along with you, buy a map of the mountain, perhaps?


>you awoke to find Red sleeping with half her body out of the bed
>she never was one to settle down
>you chuckle at your terribad dry joke
>using your hands you sneak them out of the comfort of your blanket
>you grab a hold or Red's barrel and drag her back to bed
>she was none the wiser
>remembering the events of yesterday you felt compelled to give her unconsensual hugs
>you coil your arms around her chest and squeeze like a child would a teddy bear
>not hard enough to wake her, but enough for you to feel her chest slowly rising and lowering
>you let your fingers explore and feel the texture of her fur
>it was rough and dusty
>probably had a rough night
>were's the tits on this thing?
>you're quickly reminded that what you're currently holding is, in fact not a primate
>yeah, still kinda weird

>her mane was still the mess it always was
>aside from the smell, you could never tell if it was washed or not
>Red started stirring
>you held onto her like before
>she moved her head, inspecting the arms currently holding her tight
>without commenting she lay her head down on the pillow again and sighed
"Morning, Anon."

>Red spoke with a raspy, but relaxed voice
"Good morning."
"Sorry for acting out last night."

"We're done with that shit, you don't have to apologize for anything."
>you heard a small chuckle coming from the mare
"Could you let me go?"

>Red said, sounding comfortable
"Why?"
"I smoked a ton of that Hookah last night, my throat feels like sandpaper."

>oh
"Alright."
>you let go of Red and she eased out of bed, making her way to the bathroom
>the sink could be heard along with some unflattering gargle and spitting noises
>Red returned with no shame and slumped back into bed with her back with you
>you took the hint and brought her into another embrace
>once more, your chest was greeted by her warmth as she snuggled her back into you
"You ever gone camping in the woods, Anonymous?"

"Sometimes."
"Did you like it? Cause we are going to do so on our way to Foal Mountain."

"Yes."
"What's you favorite thing about it?"

"I don't know, the view?"
"My favorite thing is the earth, it's so rich and vibrant. Do you get that feeling or is that an earth pony thing?"

"Not really, and I didn't know earth ponies had connections with the ground."
"Why did you figure we're called 'earth' ponies?"

"Never really thought of it, I just thought since you guys look most like the ponies we have back home on earth it made sense to me."
"I understand."

>Red yawned
"You wanna get the supplies for the trip or should I do it? Oh, and did you remember to pick up your armor last night? It's probably finished by now."



>you let go of Red to be able to sit up in bed
>still, you rested an arm on her side
"Let's get some breakfast first before worrying about work stuff."
"Agreed, gosh, I'm starving."

>you looked over at the hookah that sat on the night table
"Is that hash?"
"No, it's some flein shrooms they grow them up in colder climates."

"You smoke mushrooms?"
"Yes, you can also chew them."

"What are the effects?"
"It's psychedelics and gives you a feeling of clarity and insight, it can also give you angst and send you into a state of extreme anger and ferocity, Germaneians used these shrooms on their soldiers a couple of centuries ago, I believe."

"You believe?"
"Equestria isn't big on history, very little actually gets recorded and the stuff that does isn't exactly common knowledge. I met a mare once that thought 'Celestia' was a big tree in Equestria's Capitol instead of a pony."

"Huh, interesting."
"Not really, never saw her again, said she was on a quest to find her fellow rabbits a new burrow. You think you know crazy until you talk to Equestrians, jeez."

>Red rolled on over on her back, forcing your hand to meet her tummy
>you could see she tried her hardest looking cute and succeeded in doing so with flying colors
"So, wanna buy me breakfast?"