My Confession:
This is going to be hard to say, but this has been eating at me for a long time. At first, this started off as a joke back on the release day of the first L4D. I believe back in 2007 or 2008, so about 10 years now. And it's slowly killing me inside. It caught on, and I liked it since I could be someone else and keep my identity a secret. Plus I got more attention this way since people tend to love gamer girls. Everything I've said in the past to people has been true. But just flipped around for the most part. I'm actually a guy named Bill, and used a fake name of Sybilla.
It worked out since Bill was in the name. I have to make a change, I can't be doing this my whole life. I have to reveal who I really am. But at least the people who will stay still know me. It's the only thing I lied about really, is telling people I am female. I know some people judge me, and call me gay and all this bullshit. But I assure you, I am straight and I had my reasons for doing this. Which I explained for the most part in the start of this confession. It was just nice hiding my real indentity since you can't really trust people online.
I'm a very nice guy, and very laid back. Just remember everything I've ever said about myself and it's true for the most part, minus the female part obviously. I'm 29 years old now, and I need to move on and get serious. I will be using a cam/mic in future streams. I will be changing things, and starting off fresh for the most part. I just hope the people that I knew for quite a while, will stick with me still. But if you don't, I will understand. We all have our issues, and fucked up pasts.
I hope you guys understand where I am coming from. It was very hard for me to come out and say this. And I was pondering this for quite some time now. I will start streaming as the real me once my main account is unbanned. I'd like to pretend the alias "Sybilla" never existed and move on. I know it's not that easy since I've been doing this for such a long time. It takes major balls to come on and admit something like this. Since I had so many people convinced that I am female.
I felt really bad, and had to come clean eventually. I'm not some creepy fat guy, don't worry. Once you see me on cam and watch how I talk and interact with people. You will think differently I believe, please give me a chance. I will be kind of quiet at first since I never done the cam/mic thing over stream before. It will be a new experience for me. But I want to get serious and try to make a living off of YT. And the only way is using a cam/mic and talking to the audience.
Professional gaming skills only go so far, and most people don't care or understand. But hey, at least the skills will be a bonus and I'll have the best of both worlds. Since I'll be on cam/mic and interacting with people. I'd like to do YT full time, and make a job out of i. I apologize to the people that I've been lying to about my indentity. And I feel really awkward these days, keeping this whole act going still.
The whole thing about my past is true though, and I really do have a lot of deep emotional pain and scars. That part I never lied about. I am actually very nice though, and I do try my best to forget some of the past. But it's not easy, and it eats at me still. I know this is a lot to take in for the people who knew me for years. And I truly feel bad, you're all good people really. I had to come clean eventually, you all deserve the truth. I can't keep lying like this my whole life. Everyone has been so good to me, and I am so happy with all of you. Never stop being you, and follow your dreams.
I believe in all of you, no matter if you turn on me after this long confession. I won't be mad at all, I promise you. I will understand perfectly if you do since what I did was not right. I should only be mad at myself for doing this since it's wrong. At least I wasn't catfishing or using people. It could have been a lot worse to be honest. I did this mainly to hide my indentity and be someone else. That's pretty much it, and I promise you.
I know it's fucked up since some people told me personal things. But I assure you, I am a good listener and you can talk to me about anything. I do not judge people unless it's really extreme, and I mean extreme like pedophiles. I hope you all give me another chance, and we can start fresh. But at least you still know things about me since I didn't lie about everything. The only part I lied on mainly was being a female. I am sure some people caught on in the past already and had a vibe that I was a guy. And that's fine, more power to you then.
To close this all off, I am sorry again for lying to everyone like this. And I feel terrible, trust me. Or don't trust me since I'd understand if you didn't anymore. I expect to lose friends from this, and it's totally fine. It's time to start my new "internet life" and move on from this. The people who will stick by me still, I would really appreciate it. I'm a good person with a big heart, I promise you. It means the world to me that people actually care. You've all been great friends, and I wish the best for all of you.



One of the main reasons why I wanted to come clean. Apart from the obvious stuff of course. Talking to all these women, even some sexual things. It was getting me going, but I couldn't really make a move or say something that will blow my cover. But now I can since I really do love women. I know most guys say that, but it goes deeper than that with me. How they think, how they act and so on. Not just their bodies. When I was faking a girl, I really put myself in the mindset of one. I talked to many and got their perspect from a woman to woman talk. I really learned some things about them. I actually quite enjoyed it. I feel like I know women quite well, and understand them. I am extremely confident in myself and around women. More than ever before, well I was in the past but even more so now. I thoroughly enjoyed this journey, and don't regret one bit of it.