Tomodachi Game Chapter 8 PR - amaranthine REVIEW

Tomodachi Game Chapter 8 (proofreading test / amaranthine)

[005]
Even her smile,
Her smile,

Even her trust,
her trust,

Even her friends,
and even her friends,

Because she... Stole the most important thing from me.
Because she...stole the most important thing from me.
[m] ellipses separating words should have a space after ellipses. This occurs throughout the PR.

[007]
If you say you will get in my way no matter what, then with all my strength, I will-
If you say that you will get in my way no matter what, then with all my strength, I will--

-Crush you!!
--crush you!!

[008]
Hey hey, Shibe, is it true that you "used to be a killer?"
Hey, hey, Shibe, is it true that you "used to be a killer"?
[m] original line is "killed someone in the past?". This is too big of a departure and implies different things. Punctuation correction good.

There's no way I have!!
There's no way I was!!
[m]see above.

That's...Probably true. There is a weird perception of reality that came out when we learned about his father...
That's...probably true. There is a weird perception of reality that came out when we learned about his father...

Also, the one who put in that gakeguchi is, without a doubt...Yuuichi!
Also, the one who started the gossip (kageguchi) is, without a doubt...Yuuichi!
[m] this is a really unnecessary change. it is not gossip, it is a kageguchi.

This is him we're talking about... Maybe he has some sort of "scheme" up his sleeve?
This is him we're talking about.... Maybe he has some sort of "scheme" up his sleeve?

What could it be...Think.
What could it be...think.
[m] "Think." here is used as an imperative, it is a complete and separate sentence.

[009]
If I can't figure it out...then does it mean he has a brain that is better than mine...!?
If I can't figure it out...then does it mean that he has a brain that is better than mine...!?
[m]ideally, solve awkward sentences by subtracting/changing words, not adding more ([..]mean his brain is better than mine...!?)

But wait...There's a big problem that comes with this "scheme"...
But, wait...there's a big problem that comes with this "scheme"...

If that gagekuchi is in fact a "lie" then, Yuuichi, who wrote that would receive "divine punishment."
If that kageguchi is, in fact, a "lie," then Yuuichi, who wrote that lie, would receive "divine punishment."

The "divine punishment" puts the person who wrote a lie in first place... Is it possible that is part of the plan?
The "divine punishment" puts the person who wrote a lie in first place.... Is it possible that it is part of the plan?

[010]
Manabu-sensi! That kageguchi is a lie!!/Hurry and give whoever wrote that "divine punishment"!!
Manabu-sensei! That kageguchi is a lie!! / Hurry and give "divine punishment" to the writer!!

Oh...Really?
Oh...really?

Right...That's the obvious reaction.
Right...that's the obvious reaction.

Well if you say it's a "lie," then/prove it YOURSELF.
Well, if you say it's a "lie," then / prove it YOURSELF.

-What?
--What?

[011]
Pr...Prove it... I myself am saying I didn't do it.
Pr...prove it.... I myself am saying I didn't do it.

Then you can just search and see if I have any prior convictions!?
Then, can't you just search and find out if I have any prior convictions!?

Eeh-, but Shibe could have had your father erase any records of crimes-/So having no prior convictions can't prove anything-
Eh-- but Shibe could have had your father erase any records of crimes-- / So having no prior convictions can't prove anything--
[m]Squiggles ~ here

...Th...Then just how can I...
...Th...then just how can I...

If "I believe" exceeds 50%, then we will consider it as proof!
If "I believe" exceeds 50% of total votes, then we will consider it as proof!

Now, it's your time to make appeals. You need to appeal to the Gods that you're innocent!!
Now, it's your time to make appeals. You need to appeal to God that you're innocent!!

Ye...Yeah I didn't do it! Please believe me, God!!
Ye...yeah, I didn't do it! Please believe me, God!!

Because I have no reason to kill anyone!!/Honestly, I haven't had any trouble in my life...
Because I have no reason to kill anyone!! / Honestly, until now, I haven't done any trouble in my life...
[m] here Shibe is saying he hasn't had any problems in his life, not that he's done any trouble (which is a nonsensical phrase by the way)

And whatever trouble I had, my dad would take care of it!!
And whatever trouble I did, my dad would take care of it!!
[m] as above

[012]
And now Shibe moves 5 spaces and pulls ahead to 1st place!
And now Shibe moves 5 spaces and pulls ahead to first place!

But well...It's really hard to "disprove a lie" to begin with...
But, well...it's really hard to "disprove a lie" to begin with...

[013]
Then there must be more to his "scheme"!?
Then, could there be more to his "scheme"!?

...It's okay Shibe.  There's no way you can kill someone./I believe in you.
...It's okay, Shibe. There's no way you can kill someone. / I believe in you.

But it's really unfortunate..because with that kageguchi, I now know something.
But it's really unfortunate...because with that kageguchi, I now know something.

[015]
After I heard the kageguchi that has such malevolent intentions, I knew we had a "traitor" among us.
After I had heard about the kageguchi that has such malevolent intentions, I knew that there was a "traitor" among us.
[m]he did not hear about it, he literally heard it.

D...Didn't you put that one in!?
D...didn't you put that one in!?

Additionally, that person had been putting in all the hostile kageguchi in by themselves (or oneself - trying to keep it gender neutral).
Additionally, that person has been putting in all the hostile kageguchi by themselves.

...This guy...Maybe.
...This guy...maybe.

So can't we all stop hurting each other?/Because it's all that one person's fault.
So, can we all stop hurting each other? / Because everything is the fault of that one person.
[m] "can't we" is more of the imploring tone the character uses

I see...Putting in a kageguchi which is extremely malevolent...
I see.... Putting in a kageguchi that is extremely malevolent...

Was so he can appeal that there is a "traitor."
...was so he can appeal that there is a "traitor."

And he's planning on making all the evil-doings that one traitor's fault and bring everyone back together...
Also, he's planning on making all the evildoings that one traitor's fault, and bring everyone back together...

[016]
Then is it a bluff when he says, "he knows who the traitor is"?
Then is it a bluff when he says that he "knows who is the traitor"?


But...Wait! We're talking about Yuuichi. He's different from that Shibe (idiot).
But...wait! We're talking about Yuuichi. He's different from that Shibe.

I need to think about this carefully...Did I make some sort of mistake? I feel like he's catching on...
I need to think about this carefully.... Did I make some sort of mistake? I feel like he's catching on...

Hey...So just who is this "traitor"?
Hey.... So who is this "traitor"?

What should I do...At this rate...They'll find out?
What should I do...at this rate...if they find out?
[m]the meaning here is more "What should I do? At this rate will they find out?

[017]
...Oh okay...So it really was just a bluff...?
...Oh, okay.... So it was really just a bluff...?

Th...That's gotta be it, I never made a mistake.
Th...that's got to be it; I never made a mistake.

No, I should rather say,/There's no longer any need to tell you.
No, rather, I should say, / there's no longer any need to tell you.

Figured out a "winning strategy" to this game...!!
figured out a "winning strategy" to this game...!!

[018]
Ever since we started this "Kakeguchi Sugoroku" game, there was something that's been bothering me.
Ever since we started this "Kageguchi Sugoroku" game, there was something that had been bothering me.

[019]
If you compare this "Kageguchi Sugoroku" game to the first game, it feels significantly unfairer./That's because of the rule that "no matter how much we believe in our friends, we get screwed."
If you compare this "Kageguchi Sugoroku" game to the first game, it feels significantly more unfair. / That's because of the rule stipulating that, "no matter how much we believe in our friends, we get screwed."

At first, we believed in each other and tried to stay in the same space...However, after just two turns, we incurred a debt of 3M yen.
At first, we believed in each other and tried to stay in the same space.... However, after just two turns, we incurred a debt of 3 million yen.

Even if we win this game, we would only get 2M yen; this is too "unfair."
Even if we win this game, we would only get 2 million yen; this is too "unfair."

Of course, the game masters are the ones who we owe money...A little unfairness can be forgiven./However, the problem is that extremely unfair games...
Of course, the game masters are the ones to whom we owe money...a little unfairness can be forgiven. / However, the problem is that extremely unfair games...

Are really "boring" to watch.
are really "boring" to watch.

[020]
It seems there is an audience in this "friend's game."/They said the friend's game is a business, meaning entertaining the audience is their business.
It seems that there is an audience in this "Friendship Game." / They said that the "Friendship Game" is a business, meaning that entertaining the audience is their business.
[m]as seen in previous chapters, this should be "Tomodachi Game"

Like in sports or gambling, games need to be fair to some degree to be entertaining.
Just like in sports or gambling, to some degree, games need to be fair to be entertaining.

There is an audience...And to entertain them,
There is an audience...and to entertain them,

If you think of these factors, there is one theory which can be worked out.
If you think of these factors, there is one theory that can be drawn.

And I become even more convinced of my theory at a certain point.
And I became even more convinced of my theory after a certain point.

Does everyone remember the 6th round?
Does everyone remember the sixth round?

[021]
At that time, there was a space which reduced the debt for the first time.
That time, for the first time, there was a reduction in debt in one space.

We almost didn't notice it because of the uproar caused by the special chance.../but Kokorogi's debt had decreased by 0.2M yen.
We almost didn't notice it because of the uproar caused by the special chance.../but Kokorogi's debt had decreased by 200,000 yen.

Manabu said that besides moving according to the kageguchi, this is a normal augoroku./If this is a normal
sugoroku, then just as there are minuses, there must be pluses.
Manabu said that apart from moving according to the kageguchi, this is a normal sugoroku. / If this is a normal sugoroku, then just as there are minuses, there must be pluses.

Then, if we had believed in each other and progressed through this "kageguchi sugoroku" one space every turn...
We would have ended the game with no increase or decrease in our debt...That is my theory.
If we had believed in each other and progressed through this "kageguchi sugoroku" one space every turn...we would have ended the game with no increase nor decrease in our debt.... That is my theory.

[022]
Correct-<3
Correct~<3

[m]the term "plus minus zero" would have been more readable changed to something else

But...So what? We said that in the beginning.
Bu...so what? We said that in the beginning.

There's no point in figuring that out now.  Once your spacing is messed up, it's impossible to put everyone back together.
There's no point in figuring that out now. Once your spacing is messed up, it's impossible to put everyone back together.

[023]
That's right...Even if everyone submits blanks and we all go forward one step at a time, we won't increase our debt.
That's right.... Even if everyone submits blanks and we all go forward one step at a time, we won't increase our debt.

The most difficult part of this game is the fact that "we don't know who writes what"/so the traitor was able to do whatever they wanted.
The most difficult part of this game is the fact that "we don't know who writes what"/so the traitor is able to do whatever they want.

Y...Yeah.
Y...yeah.

[024]
You're going to write the kageguchi about yourself.
You're going to write a kageguchi about yourself.

[025]
From now on, if we progress the game based on the promise "everyone except the person in first place puts in a kageguchi"...
From now on, if we proceed based on the promise that "everyone except the person in first place puts in a kageguchi"...

Then if the "traitor" breaks the promise and puts in a kageguchi against Shibe, who's in first.
Then, if the "traitor" breaks the promise and puts in a kageguchi against Shibe, who's in first place,

It becomes like this.
it becomes like this:

Only Yuuichi doesn't have a kageguchi...
Yuuichi will be the only one without a kageguchi...

Yup, and now everyone knows right away that I'm the "traitor."
This way, now everyone knows right away that I'm the "traitor."

[026]
I see...So that's why there's no need to name the traitor.
I see.... So that's why there's no need to name the traitor.

A chance...Huh.
A chance...huh.

Yeah that's right...It is by no means a perfect solution...
Yeah, that's right.... It is by no means a perfect solution...

The chances of us all entering the goal might not be high./Even if there really are more plus spaces in the latter half...There's no guarantee we break even.
The chances of everyone reaching the goal might not even be high. / Even if there are really more pluses in the latter half...there's no guarantee that we can break even.

But you know...At the very least-
But you know...at the very least--

[028]
Tenji...Why? Even though everyone else is for it...
Tenji...why? Even though everyone else is for it...

But him provoking me means that Yuuichi doesn't have much else to go on.
But provoking me means that he doesn't have much else to go on.

[029]
The game is already in it's last half.  If Yuuichi controls the pace from here, it could be bad...
The game is already in its last half. If Yuuichi controls the pace from here, it could be bad...

Yuuichi...Do you really know who the traitor is?
Yuuichi.... Do you really know who is the traitor?
[m]less awkward in the original wording.

O...Of course./Why so suddenly...?
O...of course. / Why so suddenly...?

It's easy for me to say who...But are you sure?/If I said it, then our relationship would never be the same.
It's easy for me to say who...but are you sure? / If I said it, then our relationship would never be the same.

Another provoke...
Another provocation...

[030]
But I won't back down-
But I won't back down--

And then we should concentrate our kageguchi to that "traitor" and put him in first place and finish the game.
And then we should concentrate our kageguchi on that "traitor," put him in first place, and finish the game.

B...But if we did that, then even though they're the traitor...that would be can too pitiful...
B...but if we did that, then even though they're the traitor...that would be too pitiful...

[031]
...Y...Yeah.
...Y...yeah.

And if you just give out a name without any evidence...
And, if you just reveal the name of the "traitor" without any evidence...

Then I will never listen to you, am I clear!?
Then I will never listen to you again, am I clear!?

[032]
Yeah...I don't mind.
Yeah.... I don't mind.

Hmph...Yuuichi won't back down either...
Hmph.... Yuuichi won't back down either...

Oh well...As long as I overcome this obstacle, it's my complete victory. I accept your challenge, Yuuichi.
Oh, well.... As long as I overcome this obstacle, it's my complete victory. I accept your challenge, Yuuichi.

Alright...Let's try this.
Alright...let's try this.

[033]
The number of kageguchi should be 4.  If there's any less, we would know who didn't put one in right away.
There should be 4 kageguchi. If it's fewer than that, we would know right away who didn't put one in.

Then I will be announcing the results.
Then, I will be announcing the results.

[034]
The total kageguchi of this round is 10.<3
The total number of kageguchi in this round is 10 <3

[035]
I'm sorry Yuuichi-
I'm sorry, Yuuichi--

Your plan had a big loop hole.
Your plan had a big loophole.

[036]
I said "you can write as many kageguchi as you want for whoever you want."
I said, "you can write as many kageguchi as you want for whomever you want."

Aw man, I thought that maybe you were really impressive in the first battle but...
Aw, man, I thought that maybe you were really impressive in the first battle, but...

[037]
What's up with that face...It's almost the same as Shibe. Did I overestimate you?
What's up with that face.... It's almost the same as Shibe. Did I overestimate you?

Now, let's go for our final battle, Yuuichi. Did you really figure out who the "traitor" is...
Now, let's go for our final battle, Yuuichi. If you really figured out who is the "traitor"...
[m]better wording with original

...That's.
...That's

[038]
S...Sorry.../That was a bluff...I don't even know if there really is a traitor among us...
S...sorry... / That was a bluff.... I don't even know if there really is a traitor among us...

[039]
Let's go, Shiho-chan.  We need to think of how we can save ourselves.
Let's go, Shiho-chan. We need to think of how we can save ourselves.

B...But Yuuichi was thinking of us and did all that.
B...but Yuuichi was thinking of us and did all that.

S...Sorr. (the last letter is missing on purpose)
S...sorr (the last letter is missing on purpose)

[040]
-I won!!
--I won!!

[041]
"From that day," it's been two years, Shiho-chan.
Since "that day," it's been 2 years, Shiho-chan.

For so long...!!
for so long...!!

[044]
Now what's left...is to prepare.
Now what's left...is to prepare

The perfect stage to expose everything about you!
the perfect stage to expose everything about you!

Senpai...Isn't C-group kind of no good now?
Senpai.... Isn't C-group kind of no good now?

The rest of the game was horrible.
The rest of that game was horrible.

[045]
Aww man, you became first place again.
Aw, man, you're first place again.

[046]
Plus, there's only one more spaces till the goal.
Plus, there's only one more space until the goal.

[047]
Yea right...This is perfect...This is the ideal situation I had hoped for!
Yeah, right...this is perfect.... This is the ideal situation I had hoped for!

Now, Shiho-chan, let me hear...Your true words when you're backed into a corner!!
Now, Shiho-chan, let me hear...your true words, when you're backed into a corner!!

Aww man, C-group is now done for.
Aw, man, C-group is now done for.

Yes...In this situation, no matter how you put in a kageguchi, no one will be able to catch up to Shiho.
Yes.... In this situation, no matter how you do it, no one will be able to catch up to Shiho.

Plus, Shiho will be in the goal if she moves just one space...Even if they're all blank, she will move at least one space...
Plus, Shiho will reach the goal if she moves just one more space.... Even if they're all blank, she will move at least one space...

[048]
Yes, it's over...It should be over...
Yes, it's over.... It should be over...

What? Just what is this feeling comes from this image...
What? Just what is this feeling that comes from this image...

This errie feeling...
This eerie feeling...

-!?
--!?

[049]
Wait, rewind the images for this kageguchi sugoroku to the very beginning!
Wait, rewind the images for this "Kageguchi Sugoroku" game to the very beginning!

Eh?...Yes.
Eh? ...Yes.

[050]
D...Do you mean there's still a way to flip this situation on its tail?
D...do you mean that there's still a way to flip this situation on its tail?

...If you relook the second game from the very beginning, you'll understand.
...If you look again at the second game from the very beginning, you'll understand.

There are three things which are obviously weird.
There are "three things" seen that are obviously weird.

[m]comments: a tendency to add "that"s or other connecting words which, while technically grammatical, are unnecessary for readability. Keep in mind there is a finite bubble space. Regarding my comment on ellipses, comic grammar is a bit looser. Using "...." after a sentence is not necessary, but is ultimately just a stylistic choice. If there are passages that sound weird/awkward and you need clarification, leave a [PR note: blah blah] under the line in your proof. Otherwise if you have an idea of what they are trying to say, rearrange/change words while keeping the connotations and implications as close to the original as feasible.