FL Requests 1-3

Feb 15th, 2013
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  1. A cardboard box.
  2. A pair of pants
  3. A telephone.
  5. >Day Raw Deal
  6. >You hear a knock at the door.
  7. >Its afternoon, so it can’t be Fluttershy. She already performed her daily harrasement.
  8. >You walk up and answer it.
  9. >Its Ditzy Doo.
  10. >”I have a package for you Anon.”
  11. >You take the box from her. It feels really light.
  12. >She leaves and you open up the box.
  13. >It’s the pair of pants you ordered. You pull them out.
  14. >Wait a second. These are shorts.
  15. >You try them on. They wont fit.
  16. >You pull out the invoice and call customer service. They tell you they will have a technician out between 3-6.
  17. >Great, now your whole day is ruined.
  18. >Its 7 oclock. You call the customer service line again.
  19. >After waiting 20 minutes, they finally get a technician out to you.
  20. >It’s a yellow pony with a mustache.
  21. >”What seems to be the problem,” The pony looks at a sheet of paper, “Anen?”
  22. “It’s Anon.” You shake your head. “I ordered pants, and these are shorts. I want new ones.”
  23. >”Oh Anon. I can fix that right up for you.”
  24. >The pony pulls out a tape measure and starts taking measurements. He gets a bit close for comfort.
  25. “Are you… smelling me?”
  26. >”Uh, no Anon. I just need to…” The pony fumbles around and the mustache falls off.”
  27. “Fluttershy! I should have known.”
  28. >”I can explain Anon.”
  29. >You grab her and cunt punt her to the moon.
  30. >You sit down and look at your shorts.
  31. >At least this will give you motivation to lose weight.
  32. fin
  34. ---
  36. >start off with something flutter related
  37. birds
  38. bees
  39. >fuck anon with the whole left-field
  40. Arnold Schwarzenegger
  41. >
  42. >Be Arnold Schwarzenegger Anon.
  43. >Well, you kind of look like a sickly version of him. If you flex.
  44. >You enjoy taking odd jobs for the mane six. A little of this and a little of that.
  45. >What you really enjoy doing is teaching. Like your hero, Arnold – the Kindergarten Cop.
  46. >It took five weeks to study for and finally pass the substitute teacher exam. Another two weeks later and you have a certificate in your hands.
  47. >You hear a knock at the door, and answer it. It’s Cherrilee. She doesn’t look so good.
  48. >”Anon, I feel like I’m sick. I want to take tomorrow off to rest. Can you watch over the class for me?”
  49. >This is the moment you have been waiting for.
  50. Of course.
  51. >
  52. >It’s the next day. You have your best sport coat on. A suit would be too formal.
  53. >You wonder what you will be teaching today. You look at the syllabus Cherilee left for you.
  54. >Sex Ed? What the fuck.
  55. >The bell rings and fillies and colts pile in.
  56. >A one with a bow raises her hoof.
  57. “yes?”
  58. >”Where is Ms. Cherilee?”
  59. >She’s sick, so she had to take the day off.
  60. >You perform the pledge of allegiance to the princesses.
  61. >”Alright class. First thing is first.” You turn to the chalk board. “The birds and the bees.”
  62. >”Oh ah know all about that.” Applebloom yells.
  63. >”What is it?” Scootaloo asks.
  64. >”When ponies love each other very much they –“
  65. ”Whoa hold on. I’m the one teaching this.”
  66. >They look at you expectantly. Applebloom holds up a picture of you and her holding hands and hooves.
  67. >WTF
  68. 1/2
  70. “The daddy pony is like a bee.”
  71. >One of them raises a hoof.
  72. ”Yes?”
  73. >“My dad can’t fly.”
  74. “Can I finish?” You take a deep breath. “And the mommy pony is like a bird.”
  75. >”So all parents are pegasi?”
  76. >”That’s not true my mom’s a unicorn!” One pony yells from the rear.
  77. >You sit down and cup your head.
  78. >”Are you alright?” Silver Spoon asks.
  79. “I’m fine… I’m just getting a headache.”
  80. >”It might be a tumor.” Silver says.
  81. “It’s not a tumor!”
  82. >”Can you show us how its done? Mr Anon?” Applebloom asks.
  83. “What?”
  84. >”That might be easier than explaining.”
  85. >She might be right.
  86. ”I’ll be back.”
  87. >You go to the locker with toys and grab two ponies.
  88. >You start showing the fillies how a stallion gets it on.
  89. >They are scribbling furiously.
  90. >”Anon what are you doing?”
  91. >”oooooooooooooooo” The class says in unison.
  92. “Cherilee! I thought you were sick?”
  93. >”I feel a lot better. What are you teaching these fillies?”
  94. “The birds and the bees like you asked.
  95. >”I meant bird and bee types! Did you even look at the pictures?”
  96. >You look down, sure enough. There are diagrams of birds and bees.
  97. >
  98. >After class Applebloom trots up to you.
  99. >”Hey Anon. I was wondering if you give private lessons. I want to learn more about… you know.” She winks at you, from the wrong side.
  100. “I need a new job.”
  101. fin
  102. ----
  104. >Chocolate sauce
  105. >An anus accident
  106. >A crazy german human with a beam-healing dispositive.
  108. hue
  110. >Be Doctor Anon. Well, technically you don’t have a medical license anymore, so you are Medic Anon, but that’s beside the point.
  111. >You majored in invasive surgery at the prestigious Munich University.
  112. >It was a teaching hospital, so you often got your hands dirty.
  113. >You love Swiss Chocolate. Those filty Amerifats don’t know what a good cacao percentage is.
  114. >But that was a long time ago. Now (since you don’t have proper papers) you are a medic at P0nyville ER. A little filly by the name of Applebloom has taken a liking to you.
  115. >Your shift has just started.
  116. >The cases are normal. Ponies bring in their sick foals, and expect miracles. If they have good medical insurance, then you blast them with your healing gun.
  117. >They leave fit as a fiddle.
  118. >
  119. >Time passes. A siren goes off.
  120. >Nurse Heart rushes a patient in.
  121. >Applebloom is moaning on the table. Two other fillies chase follow close behind.
  122. “Vat is wrong vith viz one?”
  123. >”Mr. Anon. We were trying to get our cutie marks, when Applebloom had an accident.”
  124. “Medic Anon, or just Anon iz fine.” You correct her.
  125. >Applebloom is grunting loudly. “It hurts. It hurts so bad, Anon.”
  126. >She is holding her barrel.
  127. “Alright, quit vhining. Lets take a loo-“
  128. >Jesus Christ. She has something lodged in her anus.
  129. 1/2
  131. “Vat ver you ponies doing?”
  132. >”Like I said, Anon. Trying to get our cutie marks.”
  133. “That doesn’t explain… what is that? A rock?”
  134. >”No It’s a chocolate bar.” Sweetie Bell says. “We took it from Rarity.”
  135. “Chocolate? That is for eating Dummkopfs. It vill come out by itself. NEXT!”
  136. >Nurse Redheart trots up concerned. “You cant just leave her like this.”
  137. “Ugh,” you complain. “Fine.” You get up and grab the healing beam.
  138. >You turn to the fillies.
  139. “Does she have medical insurance?”
  140. >”What’s that?” Sweetie Bell asks.
  141. “I don’t verk charity cases.”
  142. >”Please Anon.”
  143. >How can you say no to that face?
  144. “Alright. I’ll do it, but vithout medical insurance I vill have to do eet zee hard vay.”
  145. >You pull out a bonesaw and some pliers.
  146. >”OH NO” Applebloom yells.
  147. “Don’t vorry pony. Ze healing leaves little time for ze hurting”
  148. >
  149. >Half an hour later
  150. “Ha, Ha, another successful procedure!”
  151. >Applebloom looks at you. Shes in complete bliss.
  152. >”Oh, Anon. You are so good with your hands. I knew you were the one for me.”
  153. “You did this, so I could heal you?”
  154. >”It was worth it,” she nods.
  155. My skill is VASTED on zis pony!
  156. fin
  157. 2/2
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