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- A cardboard box.
- A pair of pants
- A telephone.
- >Day Raw Deal
- >You hear a knock at the door.
- >Its afternoon, so it can’t be Fluttershy. She already performed her daily harrasement.
- >You walk up and answer it.
- >Its Ditzy Doo.
- >”I have a package for you Anon.”
- >You take the box from her. It feels really light.
- >She leaves and you open up the box.
- >It’s the pair of pants you ordered. You pull them out.
- >Wait a second. These are shorts.
- >You try them on. They wont fit.
- >You pull out the invoice and call customer service. They tell you they will have a technician out between 3-6.
- >Great, now your whole day is ruined.
- >Its 7 oclock. You call the customer service line again.
- >After waiting 20 minutes, they finally get a technician out to you.
- >It’s a yellow pony with a mustache.
- >”What seems to be the problem,” The pony looks at a sheet of paper, “Anen?”
- “It’s Anon.” You shake your head. “I ordered pants, and these are shorts. I want new ones.”
- >”Oh Anon. I can fix that right up for you.”
- >The pony pulls out a tape measure and starts taking measurements. He gets a bit close for comfort.
- “Are you… smelling me?”
- >”Uh, no Anon. I just need to…” The pony fumbles around and the mustache falls off.”
- “Fluttershy! I should have known.”
- >”I can explain Anon.”
- >You grab her and cunt punt her to the moon.
- >You sit down and look at your shorts.
- >At least this will give you motivation to lose weight.
- fin
- ---
- >start off with something flutter related
- birds
- bees
- >fuck anon with the whole left-field
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
- >
- >Be Arnold Schwarzenegger Anon.
- >Well, you kind of look like a sickly version of him. If you flex.
- >You enjoy taking odd jobs for the mane six. A little of this and a little of that.
- >What you really enjoy doing is teaching. Like your hero, Arnold – the Kindergarten Cop.
- >It took five weeks to study for and finally pass the substitute teacher exam. Another two weeks later and you have a certificate in your hands.
- >You hear a knock at the door, and answer it. It’s Cherrilee. She doesn’t look so good.
- >”Anon, I feel like I’m sick. I want to take tomorrow off to rest. Can you watch over the class for me?”
- >This is the moment you have been waiting for.
- Of course.
- >
- >It’s the next day. You have your best sport coat on. A suit would be too formal.
- >You wonder what you will be teaching today. You look at the syllabus Cherilee left for you.
- >Sex Ed? What the fuck.
- >The bell rings and fillies and colts pile in.
- >A one with a bow raises her hoof.
- “yes?”
- >”Where is Ms. Cherilee?”
- >She’s sick, so she had to take the day off.
- >You perform the pledge of allegiance to the princesses.
- >”Alright class. First thing is first.” You turn to the chalk board. “The birds and the bees.”
- >”Oh ah know all about that.” Applebloom yells.
- >”What is it?” Scootaloo asks.
- >”When ponies love each other very much they –“
- ”Whoa hold on. I’m the one teaching this.”
- >They look at you expectantly. Applebloom holds up a picture of you and her holding hands and hooves.
- >WTF
- 1/2
- “The daddy pony is like a bee.”
- >One of them raises a hoof.
- ”Yes?”
- >“My dad can’t fly.”
- “Can I finish?” You take a deep breath. “And the mommy pony is like a bird.”
- >”So all parents are pegasi?”
- >”That’s not true my mom’s a unicorn!” One pony yells from the rear.
- >You sit down and cup your head.
- >”Are you alright?” Silver Spoon asks.
- “I’m fine… I’m just getting a headache.”
- >”It might be a tumor.” Silver says.
- “It’s not a tumor!”
- >”Can you show us how its done? Mr Anon?” Applebloom asks.
- “What?”
- >”That might be easier than explaining.”
- >She might be right.
- ”I’ll be back.”
- >You go to the locker with toys and grab two ponies.
- >You start showing the fillies how a stallion gets it on.
- >They are scribbling furiously.
- >”Anon what are you doing?”
- >”oooooooooooooooo” The class says in unison.
- “Cherilee! I thought you were sick?”
- >”I feel a lot better. What are you teaching these fillies?”
- “The birds and the bees like you asked.
- >”I meant bird and bee types! Did you even look at the pictures?”
- >You look down, sure enough. There are diagrams of birds and bees.
- >
- >After class Applebloom trots up to you.
- >”Hey Anon. I was wondering if you give private lessons. I want to learn more about… you know.” She winks at you, from the wrong side.
- “I need a new job.”
- fin
- ----
- >Chocolate sauce
- >An anus accident
- >A crazy german human with a beam-healing dispositive.
- hue
- >Be Doctor Anon. Well, technically you don’t have a medical license anymore, so you are Medic Anon, but that’s beside the point.
- >You majored in invasive surgery at the prestigious Munich University.
- >It was a teaching hospital, so you often got your hands dirty.
- >You love Swiss Chocolate. Those filty Amerifats don’t know what a good cacao percentage is.
- >But that was a long time ago. Now (since you don’t have proper papers) you are a medic at P0nyville ER. A little filly by the name of Applebloom has taken a liking to you.
- >Your shift has just started.
- >The cases are normal. Ponies bring in their sick foals, and expect miracles. If they have good medical insurance, then you blast them with your healing gun.
- >They leave fit as a fiddle.
- >
- >Time passes. A siren goes off.
- >Nurse Heart rushes a patient in.
- >Applebloom is moaning on the table. Two other fillies chase follow close behind.
- “Vat is wrong vith viz one?”
- >”Mr. Anon. We were trying to get our cutie marks, when Applebloom had an accident.”
- “Medic Anon, or just Anon iz fine.” You correct her.
- >Applebloom is grunting loudly. “It hurts. It hurts so bad, Anon.”
- >She is holding her barrel.
- “Alright, quit vhining. Lets take a loo-“
- >Jesus Christ. She has something lodged in her anus.
- 1/2
- “Vat ver you ponies doing?”
- >”Like I said, Anon. Trying to get our cutie marks.”
- “That doesn’t explain… what is that? A rock?”
- >”No It’s a chocolate bar.” Sweetie Bell says. “We took it from Rarity.”
- “Chocolate? That is for eating Dummkopfs. It vill come out by itself. NEXT!”
- >Nurse Redheart trots up concerned. “You cant just leave her like this.”
- “Ugh,” you complain. “Fine.” You get up and grab the healing beam.
- >You turn to the fillies.
- “Does she have medical insurance?”
- >”What’s that?” Sweetie Bell asks.
- “I don’t verk charity cases.”
- >”Please Anon.”
- >How can you say no to that face?
- “Alright. I’ll do it, but vithout medical insurance I vill have to do eet zee hard vay.”
- >You pull out a bonesaw and some pliers.
- >”OH NO” Applebloom yells.
- “Don’t vorry pony. Ze healing leaves little time for ze hurting”
- >
- >Half an hour later
- “Ha, Ha, another successful procedure!”
- >Applebloom looks at you. Shes in complete bliss.
- >”Oh, Anon. You are so good with your hands. I knew you were the one for me.”
- “You did this, so I could heal you?”
- >”It was worth it,” she nods.
- My skill is VASTED on zis pony!
- fin
- 2/2
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