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Jan 5th, 2014
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  1. Almost everyone on Earth has heard of the television show South Park, but do we know the town's history? My theory is that since the character's appearances never change as they age, that they are all Ghosts.
  2. South Park, Colorado was colonized in the early 1870's. The houses were all made out of wood, like log cabins. Soon, in 1879, Dogpoo was born. Dogpoo's favorite activity was rolling around in the dirt with his family's pigs. He died in 1892. While lying in the mud, one of the pigs sat on him and suffocated him. He still continues to roll around in the dirt in his afterlife.
  4. Kenny and his family moved to South Park in 1914, when World War I was about to hit full swing. Kenny almost always wore was a parka, which ended up being the result of his death. In 1917, Kenny was crossing the street and got struck by Model T, full-body impact. His parka was too tight, so he drowned in the blood he was coughing up. In his afterlife, he continued to get killed, but since ghosts cannot technically "die", he is always revived.
  6. In 1925, Clyde was born. A year later, Tweek was born. The two boys were very close friends, if not, brothers. Their friendship was put to the ultimate test in 1933, when the boys were playing in the woods and Clyde got bitten by a fox with Rabies. Tweek tried to carry him to the hospital, the sound of Clyde's agonizing screams in the air. His leg got stuck in a root and he collapsed on the way. Clyde died a painful death by his buddy's side. Afterwards, Tweek became more nervous as he saw the ghosts of the deceased kids in town beckoning him. All of this was too much, until one day in 1936, he hung himself by the ceiling fan.
  8. Craig was a very quiet boy born in 1934. He liked to wander around town searching for Ghosts, since he was quite fond of urban legends of the hauntings. He soon found them, and Tweek's Ghost lured him into a deep lake, where he ultimately drowned in 1940. In the afterlife, he became enraged by his short existence on the earth plane and soon became hostile to others.
  10. Cartman and his mom moved to the town in 1941. Cartman had by far the worst death of all the kids in South Park. While he was sleeping, a cannibal broke out of the insane asylum in the next town. He stabbed Cartman to death and ate his flesh, bones, and internal organs. In the afterlife, Cartman turned to insulting everyone in order to take his anger out.
  12. Wendy and Bebe moved to the Town in 1947 after Cartman died. A few weeks later, a terrible snowstorm came and the two were whisked away. Their current whereabouts are unknown, but their ghosts have been seen lurking.
  14. In 1953, Stan and his sister Shelly moved to South Park. Shelly was haunted by all of the town's tragedy tied to it, and like Tweek, became progressively nervous . It was only a short while before her and her brother's demise that she reached the brink of insanity. Stan became increasingly worried about her. His efforts to help failed, and in 1959, they both died in a car accident when their mom was driving them to school. In afterlife, Shelly's insane behavior made her an angry spirit and she now torments Stan to the extent.
  16. In 1968, Butters' family moved into Stan's old house. Butters, being an obedient child, always followed the orders of his often controlling parents. This would eventually lead to cause of his death. In 1974, Butters heard his dad's voice telling him to get the drill from the garage. He did but tripped on his laces and, turning the tool on, drilled through his eye socket. Butters died of blood loss on the way to Hell's Pass Hospital. Despite being in afterlife, his spirit still obeys his non-existent parents' orders.
  18. The day Butters died, Kyle and Ike moved to the town. Kyle soon caught a rare yet deadly form of the plague after helping a rat escape. He died in 1976. In 1977, Ike died after his dad accidentally dropped him down the stairs. Ike's skull split in half, killing him instantly.
  20. In the summer of 1977, Jimmy moved to South Park. Despite his mental disabilities, he was probably one of the most cheerful people whom lived in the town. Nevertheless, in 1979, Jimmy was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. This made him lose his ability to walk and from that point on use crutches. Later in 1985, he died after the terminal illness ate his respiratory muscles.
  22. Due to all of the tragedy tied to the town, it was quarantined by the U.S. Military to prevent the future deaths of innocent adults and children.
  24. But who knows? With some occasional new people in the town, maybe more deaths are occurring....
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